Cowbell Guys
By Joe
Summary: Lynn Loud, Sr. and Peter Griffin start a cowbell band and drive their families crazy.
Author Notes: I do not own the Family Guy or The Loud House series, characters, or any other copyrighted material. I wrote this solely for entertainment purposes and not to make a profit.
Also, for the purposes of this story, Lynn Sr.'s cowbell band, The Clang, doesn't exist, and Kotaro, the other band member, has no interest in the cowbell.
Chapter 1: Lynn Sr. Meets Peter
One evening, the Loud family was traveling home on Interstate 95 from a rock concert in Boston, Massachusetts. Luna, the fifteen-year-old daughter of the eleven Loud kids, had really wanted to go since her favorite rocker, Mick Swagger, was performing there as part of a final tour in America before moving to England for a while. Although Mick Swagger had performed in big cities closer to the Louds' home in Royal Woods, Michigan over the past few weeks, the Loud parents didn't have enough time or money then. By the time the Loud parents had the time and money, Mick Swagger's concert in Boston was Luna's last chance to attend Mick Swagger's tour, and she pleaded with her parents to go. Although it was a long drive, her parents knew that Mick Swagger meant a lot to Luna, and this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, so they agreed to take her – as well as the whole family – on a road trip to Boston for the concert. Luna was thrilled, and needless to say, it was the best concert that she had ever attended – especially since she got to meet and have her picture taken with Mick Swagger himself! Afterwards, she was grinning from ear to ear – even more than an hour after her family and she had started the long drive back to Michigan.
"That…was the greatest…concert…EVER!" Luna said – grinning widely.
"Yeah, Luna, we know…" sighed Lori, the seventeen-year-old daughter, in annoyance. "That's literally the thousandth time you've said that."
"Actually, Luna has made such statements two hundred and forty-seven times," Lisa, the genius, bespectacled four-year-old, corrected.
"Whatever – you know what I mean," the oldest daughter replied.
"Sorry, dudes, but I can't help myself. I just love Mick Swagger so much," Luna said. "I just had to go to this concert – especially since he won't be coming back to America for a while." Luna's eyes then started watering at the realization that Mick Swagger wouldn't perform again in America for many years – and then started sobbing into her hands.
"It's okay, Luna," Rita, the Loud mother, said from the front of Vanzilla – the family van. "You had a really great concert – and even got a picture and signed record from Mick Swagger. Those should make you very happy."
Luna looked up toward the front of Vanzilla – some of her mascara now running down her face. "I know, Mom. It's still sad to think about Mick leaving, though."
"I know, honey," Rita said. "But he may very well come back eventually. And if not, at least you had a wonderful experience at his concert here." Luna smiled and nodded.
"I just wish that people in the crowd didn't heckle me when I was ringing my cowbell…" Lynn Sr., the Loud father, said from behind the steering wheel. He almost looked like he was about to cry himself.
"Dad, no offense, but cowbells aren't cool – especially at rock concerts," Luna said.
Almost immediately, Lynn Sr. bowed his head and started sobbing. After a few seconds of crying, Vanzilla started drifting into the left lane – causing a car to honk. Rita grabbed the steering wheel and turned it to position Vanzilla straight again – while Lynn Sr. bent his head back up and wiped his eyes.
"I'm sorry, Dad," Luna said sadly. "I know you have a passion for cowbells like I have a passion for rock music, but I'm just saying that it's not most people's thing." Luna then smiled a little and said, "I'm sure there are others out there that like it, though."
"Yeah, there are – but they live really far away," Lynn Sr. said. "I've never actually met someone in person who's liked cowbells as much as I do. Chatting online with people just isn't the same as actually playing cowbells in person." Lynn Sr. stared out at the road, and a single tear streamed down his face. "I just wish I could meet one person who could regularly play cowbells with me."
"Don't worry, Dad, I'm sure you'll find that person someday," Luna said – still smiling.
Lynn Sr. nodded – and then glanced at Vanzilla's fuel gauge – noticing that the van was low on gas. "Hey, gang, Vanzilla's low on gas. How's about we get some gas and have a restroom break?" Lynn Sr. asked the other Louds. They all mumbled in agreement. "Alright, I guess we'll take this next exit here."
About a minute later, Luna said, "Dad, I checked my phone, and there's a music store near this next exit. Can we stop and get some guitar strings? One of mine broke, and I'd like to do some jamming on the way back home."
"Sure, honey," Lynn Sr. said – driving Vanzilla down the exit ramp – and then stopping briefly at the traffic light. "Where exactly is this music store?"
"It's called 'Kwahog Music Gear' – I think, and there's actually a gas station right next to it," Luna said. She passed her phone up to the front of the car so that Lynn Sr. could follow the GPS.
Once the traffic light turned green, Lynn Sr. turned right and drove about a mile before reaching the music store and the gas station next to it. After parking Vanzilla and shutting off its engine at the gas station, Lynn Sr. passed Luna's phone back to her. The Louds unbuckled their seat belts and got out of Vanzilla.
"Okay, gang, we'll have a restroom break while we fill up with gas, and then, we'll stop at the music store before getting back on the road," Lynn Sr. said. The other Louds mumbled in agreement. Some headed into the gas station convenience store, while a few, including Lynn Sr. and Luna, stayed by Vanzilla as it was filling up with gas. The Louds stood silently by Vanzilla – casually looking around as they pumped gas. After a few minutes, the other Louds had returned from the bathroom, and Lynn Sr. had finished pumping gas. "You guys need anything else before we go? Any snacks? Last minute bathroom break for the rest of you?" Lynn Sr. asked. The other Louds shook their heads. Some of them were holding sodas and bags of chips. "Alright, let's go to the music store," Lynn Sr. said. With that, the Louds got back into Vanzilla – and then drove next door to the music store. Luna and her family got out of Vanzilla and walked inside the store.
The inside of the store had a modest ceiling height – but otherwise had a sprawling layout. Dozens of guitars, amplifiers, keyboards, drums, and accessories were spread throughout the blue-carpeted store. A cashier's counter was near the front entrance, while doorways to the rest of the store were to the left and right.
"Hello, welcome to Quahog Music Gear," the twentysomething cashier greeted in his New England accent.
"Oh, so that's how you pronounce that word," Luna said quietly to herself. "Co-hog." Luna cleared her throat and said, "Hi, I'm looking for some guitar strings."
"They'll be on the right – next to the guitars and guitar straps," the cashier said – pointing toward the right side of the store.
"Okay, thanks, dude," Luna said. She then walked into the right section of the store and eventually found some guitar strings. There were a few different types available, so she looked them over to decide which to buy. Meanwhile, the rest of her family wandered aimlessly around the store – checking out the different instruments and accessories.
About a minute later, Luna picked out the guitar strings that she wanted – and started heading back toward the entrance of the store – when she suddenly heard a loud ringing sound. Luna looked around and realized that Lynn Sr. had found a section with cowbells and was happily ringing one. He took off his green sweater – revealing a yellow, windowpane-striped shirt. He even started shaking his butt and sang an unintelligible tune as he rang the cowbell. Several other customers nearby were staring agape at him. The other Louds had also joined Luna in staring at Lynn Sr. in embarrassment. A few of the Louds facepalmed as Lynn Sr. happily danced while ringing the cowbell.
"Ugh…this is literally embarrassing," Lori groaned.
Luna stepped up toward her father. "Dad…Dad…DAD!" Luna yelled. Lynn Sr. finally stopped ringing the cowbell and shaking his butt – and looked in surprise at Luna. "Please stop! You're embarrassing us!" Luna sighed in frustration.
Lynn Sr. looked around and noticed that most of the customers looked bewildered at his behavior. Lynn Sr. then put his green sweater back on and stared at the floor. "I'm sorry, honey," Lynn Sr. said.
Just then, a fat man in a white shirt, green pants, and glasses walked up to Lynn Sr. "Wow…! What kind of instrument was that you were playing?" he asked – sounding intrigued.
"It's a cowbell," Lynn Sr. said – looking up at the fat, brown-haired man. "I've been playing it ever since my college days."
"That is so cool!" the fat man said. Lynn Sr. cracked a smile. "Know what? I'm gonna buy me one of those. I've always wanted to play a musical instrument."
"Cool! Nothing better than the cowbell in my opinion!" Lynn Sr. grinned.
The fat man grabbed a cowbell and started ringing it loudly. Lynn Sr., feeling encouraged, started ringing his cowbell, too. All the cowbell ringing echoed in the store, and the other customers in the store groaned in annoyance. The fat man grabbed a second cowbell and started ringing it rapidly. "YEEHAW!" he shouted.
"Excuse me!" snapped the cashier, who had walked from the store entrance. "Look, guys, you can't be noisy in here. You need to buy something and take it outside!"
"You can't tell me what to do!" the fat man yelled. "I'm going to buy a cowbell and take it outside – whether you like it or not!"
"Uh…okay…" the cashier said in confusion.
The fat man put down his second cowbell and went back to the front of the store – where he paid for one cowbell – and immediately started giggling and ringing the cowbell as he danced out of the store. The Louds, except Lynn Sr., groaned and rolled their eyes.
"That guy was weird," Luna said. "At least now I can get my guitar strings, and we can head home."
Lynn Sr. looked through the glass entrance doors and saw the fat man singing and dancing while ringing his cowbell. "Say, guys, you can meet me by the van outside when you're ready to go. I want to talk with that man real quick." Lynn Sr. grinned widely as he headed out the entrance doors – leaving his family members staring at each other in concern.
Outside, Lynn Sr. found the fat man singing an unintelligible tune while dancing and ringing his cowbell. He was smiling and bouncing around, so he was clearly having a good time. Lynn Sr. approached the man, cleared his throat, and said, "Uh, hey, I've never met anyone in person with as big a love for the cowbell as me. Just about everyone that I've personally met hates it. Even my own family." Lynn Sr. stared at the ground sadly.
The fat man stopped ringing his cowbell and gave a concerned look to Lynn Sr. "No way! You've gotta be kiddin' me! The cowbell is awesome! How could anyone hate such a simple, yet melodious instrument?"
"I know, right?" Lynn Sr. said – looking back up at the fat man. "I'm glad that I finally met someone like you."
"Back atcha, buddy," the fat man said with a smile.
"My name is Lynn Loud," Lynn Sr. said.
"I'm Peter Griffin," the fat man said.
"Nice to meet you, Peter," Lynn Sr. said – shaking Peter's hand.
"Nice meeting you, too, Lynn," Peter said. "So, do you live anywhere around here? 'Cause it'd be so awesome if we could form a cowbell band!"
"Are you serious? A Cowbell band? That is so awesome! I never thought this day would come!" Lynn Sr. exclaimed. He then looked sadly at the ground again. "It's too bad that I live in Michigan."
"MICHIGAN?" Peter gasped in shock. "Aw man, that sucks." Peter looked at the ground briefly before perking up. "No, wait, I've got it – you can come stay with me while we're getting our band started!"
"I don't know…" Lynn Sr. started. "I'd like to, Peter, but my wife and I need to get back home and go back to work."
"Don't you have any vacation days?" Peter asked.
"Well, we took a week off just now so that we could take our daughter to see a rock concert," Lynn Sr. started. He then looked up, smiled, and said, "But we both each have another week's worth of vacation time. I'll talk with my wife about it and see what she thinks." Lynn Sr. then frowned and said, "Still, I don't think a week is enough time for us to establish a popular band."
"I wouldn't say that," Peter said. "There's an open mike night at The Drunken Clam – our local pub. We can perform there. People know me and my other friends pretty well at the Clam, so I'm sure they'll remember our band and want us to play in the future."
"Yeah, but it all still sounds like an awful big commitment for me just for a hobby. I mean, we live hundreds of miles apart, and my wife and I have careers, a house, and a family to think about," Lynn Sr. said.
"Even if we don't a long-lasting band, we can at least perform a gig together – and keep in touch afterwards. And you'll have the satisfaction of knowing that you finally met someone personally who loves the cowbell just as much as you," Peter said.
Lynn Sr. rubbed his chin in thought. "Well…okay," he said with a smile. "I still need to talk about it with my wife."
"Not a problem," Peter said.
Just then, Lynn Sr. noticed his family members walking out of Quahog Music Gear, and they all stared at him with uncertainty.
"Dad, what's up?" Luna asked.
"Family, I've got a really interesting proposition for you…" Lynn Sr. said – grinning widely. Once again, the other Louds stared at each other with uncertainty – not knowing what Lynn Sr. possibly had in mind.