Nine Lives Katniss Everdeen Never Had
(and one she did)
By Jewel
.
Disclaimer: The Hunger Games series and its characters were created by Suzanne Collins and are copyrighted to their rightful owners; no copyright infringement is intended.
Rated: T for themes and language in later chapters
Summary:When her nightmares make it impossible to sleep, and Peeta's arms are not an option, Katniss retraces the steps that led them to here. What if, what if, what if?
Set before and during Catching Fire, but contains spoilers for the whole series. Author's notes are at the end.
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.
- "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" by T.S. Eliot
(…)
At the train station Prim's arms are wrapped tightly around her waist and she can feel her sister's tears soaking into the thin material of her summer dress. Her hair is loose and the wind is tugging at it, making her wish it was in a braid. But they're home now; soon enough she'll be out of her Capitol clothes and that's the first step to getting back to normal. Even as the thought occurs to her, she feels flutters of anxiety in her stomach, wondering exactly how she's going to navigate this new life. Then Prim reaches her, and Katniss is overwhelmed with happiness at the sight of her sister.
"I was so scared for you," Prim whispers, wrapping her arms around Katniss.
She squeezes Prim closer, tears caught on the corner of her eyes, mascara keeping it trapped. She thinks for a second about Rue, recalls the little girl's lifeless body and knows that she would volunteer again in a heartbeat to save Prim's life.
Katniss allows Prim out of her arms long enough to hug her mother. It's almost painful to feel how fragile both Everdeens feel in Katniss's embrace, but fierce pride sweeps through her as she recalls they'll never starve again. All of them – even Gale and his family – could live to ripe old age and never burn through the money the Capitol has deposited into accounts for her.
Her cheek is pressed against her sister's blonde head again when she catches Peeta's eyes on her. He's standing a few feet away, his brothers and father keep clapping his back as if to reassure themselves that he's real and not a hologram. He looks away before she does and the knot in her stomach twists at the familiar routine, reminding her that where ever they go from here, it's not going to be as easy as pretending she has no ties to the boy with the bread. She feels the weight of his lost innocence as heavily as she feels the other twenty-two tributes. But he's alive, and she's alive, and surely the Capitol won't hold them to some reckless teenage romance in a few years when they're older, and Peeta has found someone who deserves him.
Outside the station all of District 12 has come out to greet their victors. Men are unloading heavy crates from the train, some of which have already been opened. Her eyes track a bag of hard candy as it passes through the crowd. Kids, town and Seam alike, are smiling at her, with the braver ones waving, and Katniss smiles back at them.
She doesn't let herself think that the future is wide open to her. She knows there are reasons Haymitch soaks himself in alcohol all day. She knows there are obligations she'll have to fulfill in the Capitol for the rest of her life, even if she doesn't know as yet what precisely those duties might be beyond watching kids from her district die year after year. But standing in 12, with her family pressed close, and Gale and his family striding towards her, with the sun shining bright against a clear blue sky, and with a full stomach, Katniss allows herself to revel in the feeling of being a Victor.
(to be continued...)
Author's Notes:
1) This story is based on the simple premise that Katniss and Peeta were always going end up together, one way or the other.
2) Chapters will be structured in two parts: one part set in the present, after Katniss and Peeta have returned home as Victors, and the second part describing an AU/canon divergent timeline of how Katniss and Peeta were always destined to cross paths.
3) Please stay tuned! I have one and a half chapters already written, with ideas for seven other "lives." The first one is what if Katniss's mother had married the baker? And the second is what if Peeta had gone into the first arena with a different partner?