"Hey, Sirius."
Sirius looked up from where he was trying (and failing) to balance a bowling ball on top of a piece of raw spaghetti. "Yes, Remus?"
Remus looked around suspiciously then took out his wand to cast a dangerous amount of silencing and disillusioning charms around the room. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small silver-wrapped package.
Sirius stared at the silver package and whispered in awe, "Your Rainbow Chocolate…" He looked up at Remus. "You haven't brought that out since Death Eaters tried interrupt James and Lily's wedding! But… what's wrong now?"
"Nothing's exactly wrong. But I think that this war is dragging everyone down too much. We need to be cheered up. And you remember everyone's faces when they came out of the church to a bunch of unconscious Death Eaters."
"Heh. Yeah. It was hilarious. But I thought you said that Moony had retired."
Moony nodded. "I did. But Gred and Forge are losing themselves to the angstyness of being pranksters in a war and I think the Marauders need to do something. Moony is coming out of retirement"
Sirius grinned giddily. "I'll go find our supplies"
Fred and George were actually working, for once. They were seated in Grimmauld Place's library with Hermione, Harry, and Ron, researching possible uses for basilisk venom as medicine.
Fred put his quill to a blank piece of parchment to take down a note when writing started appearing.
Messr Padfoot is appalled by the state of these days' pranksters.
His head whipped up and he looked around the room. His eyes met George's. The two quickly swapped their parchments.
George's read: Messr Moony misses Gred and Forge's pranks.
The two stared at the pieces of parchment.
Messr Padfoot agrees with Messir Moony.
Messr Moony wonders if Messrs Gred and Forge will do him a favor?
Almost immediately George wrote a response.
What do you want us to do?
Messr Padfoot lectures Messr Gred (or is it Forge) for forgetting to properly title himself.
Messr Forge(?) apologizes and restates his previous question.
Messr Moony wishes that Messrs Forge and Gred would take the packet of hot sauce from under the welcome mat and owl it to the following location:
Tommy Boy's Teepee
Fred got up and told Hermione that he had to get a drink. As soon as he left some more writing appeared on the parchment.
Messr Padfoot would like to point out that there is something in Messrs Gred and Forge's hair.
George reached up to feel his hair. "What the…?"
The other three looked up.
"Um, George? Your hair is nachos," Ron pointed out.
At that moment Fred burst back in, waving the hot sauce packet. "How did they know?!"
"Fred, your hair is nachos, too."
"What?" Fred reached up and pulled off a nacho. He shrugged and put it in his mouth.
Hermione shook her head and turned back to her books. Harry returned to pretending to do research and Ron went back to sleep.
Fred and George left to find an owl.
Voldemort cackled gleefully. He had another meeting planned to schedule an attack on a muggle city.
Suddenly a tiny owl crashed through the window…
Swooped around the room…
Bounced off Voldemort's head…
Backflipped through the air…
Ricocheted off the wall…
And finally skidded to a stop on the floor in front of Voldemort.
Voldemort picked up the package it was carrying.
It was a packet of hot sauce.
Snape shuffled forward, grumbling under his breath about how he still felt the after effects from the crucios he received at the last Death Eater meeting.
He pushed open the doors to the meeting room.
"Snivellus! You made it!"
Sirius Black waved at him from inside the hot tub.
Snape looked around in shock and horror.
The room had been changed to look like a nighttime barbeque at the beach.
Lily and James Potter's ghosts were throwing ghost coconuts at each other.
Alice and Frank Longbottom were burning Peter Pettigrew at the stake.
Gideon and Fabian Prewett's' ghosts were making hamburgers.
Dorklores Dumbridge was being eaten alive by fire ants.
Bellatrix Lestrange was being attacked by Nargles.
Several other Death Eaters were being mauled by puffskeins.
A small blonde-haired slytherin student was running around taking pictures.
Snape was about to turn around for a quick retreat from the Marauders' insanity when a portal opened up. Remus Lupin was thrown out, followed by Lord Voldemort himself.
He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was sobbing. "Please, no more! I can't take it!"
Remus was grinning insanely. "But Voldie! You still need to go to the Soapy Dimension!"
"ME? NO! DON'T MAKE ME GO ALONE!"
Remus ignored him and threw him through another portal.
Snape turned to leave again but something stopped him.
"Severus!"
Lily.
"Let's take a picture!" Lily waved to the blonde witch. "Atlas! C'mere!"
Fred and George sat in the library, munching on nachos and no longer pretending to be working.
Suddenly Pigwidgeon burst through the window carrying an overstuffed envelope.
The twins opened it to find a thick pile of postcards and a piece of parchment. Fred grabbed the postcards and George started reading the letters.
The postcards had pictures of a nighttime beach barbeque. There were pictures of both of Harry's parents' ghosts, their potions professor, Neville's parents, Peter Pettigrew, their uncles Gideon and Fabian's ghosts, Professor Umbridge, Bellatrix, and a lot of other Death Eaters.
George read the letter aloud.
Messrs Moony and Padfoot would like to invite Messrs Gred, Forge, Prongslet, Hermione, and Ron to the Epic Marauders' Beach Party of Awesomeness. The Party Guest Delivery-er will arrive at 12 Grimmauld Place in precisely 30… 29… 28… 27… seconds.
All five piled out of the library (for even Hermione was getting bored of doing research) and rushed outside, where they found a large cardboard box sitting on the sidewalk. Scribbled on the box, in sharpie, was The Party Guest Delivery-er.
When they approached the box, a voice called out from inside. "What's the password?"
In unison the party guests raised their wants and chanted, "We solemnly swear that we are up to no good."
A hidden door in the side of the box slid open, revealing a tunnel that led into the ground. One by one, Fred, George, Harry, Ron, and Hermione slid down into the pipe. (Without telling any adults. Because that was totally a good idea.)
They came shooting out of the pipe and splashed into the hot tub, which was now full of hot chocolate.
After a moment of looking around at the chaos that surrounded them, Harry voiced the one thought that was on everyone's mind. "What?"
"Harry! You made it!" Lily and James floated over and gave him an air hug.
Fabian and Gideon started discussing pranks and twin mind-reading powers with Fred and George.
A small crowd of Death Eaters begged Hermione to save them.
A swarm of fire ants gave Ron Umbridge's unconscious body as an offering of friendship and a request for him to become their leader.
Suddenly Padfoot's voice came through a speaker that most certainly wasn't there a moment ago. "Attention all party guests! The main event of the Epic Marauder's Beach Party of Awesomeness will now begin. Please head to the campfire immediately if you want to see."
Neville Longbottom had been rather confused when he found a muggle telly box in his room. But the way it showed a whole story through pictures was really interesting.
Cornelius Fudge was also fascinated by the TV. Whoever the wizard was that had made this magic story-box thing was a genius.
Lucius Malfoy hated that stupid muggle box. He tried to burn it, but someone had charmed it so it reflected the fire and made it blow up the wall. After several more failed attempts at destroying it, the Malfoys sat down to watch it, just so they could laugh at how silly these muggle inventions were.
Albus Dumbledore was pleased when someone had gotten a TV set for every single teacher at Hogwarts. He was glad that someone was trying to improve the wizarding world's view of muggles.
All over the world, wizards and witches found themselves sitting in front of a TV.
And all over the world, a voice interrupted the shows they were watching.
"We interrupt this program to bring you breaking news. An Epic Marauder's Beach Party of Awesomeness has been spotted in England. We will now go to our reporter on the scene."
Everyone watched as the TV changed to a view of the escaped mass-murderer Sirius Black. (gasp!) "Good evening, wizarding world. I'm Sirius Black and I'm reporting live from the Epic Marauder's Beach Party of Awesomeness. It seems as if the party guests are all gathering for some big event!"
Moony stood on a stage behind a roaring campfire. "First off, I'd like to thank you all for coming, and second, I'd like to announce our main event."
Dramatic music started playing and rainbow lights flashed. A cloud of fog and a swarm of bubbles filled the air. When the fog and bubbles cleared and the lights and music died down, the Dark Lord Voldemort himself was standing, tied up, next to Remus on the stage.
Several viewers screamed and/or fainted.
"I would also like to welcome Harry Potter to the stage!"
Soon Harry was standing next to Remus and Voldie.
Everyone sat on the edge of their seats, petrified with fear for those who were seeing this live.
Remus turned Voldemort into an Every-Flavor Bean.
Harry ate it.
And promptly threw up.
"EWWWWW! DEAR MERLIN, VOLDEMORT FLAVORED JELLY BEAN IS DISGUSTING!"
Sirius' face appeared again. "This has been a special report from reporter Sirius Black. Now back to your normal news."
With that rather anticlimactic ending to Voldemort's reign of terror, all the TVs turned back to normal.
"In other news, it is rumored that Peter Pettigrew was spotted alive at the Epic Marauder's Beach Party of Awesomeness…"