HOW TO WIN ZE HUNGER GAMES - By Fatniss Everbean

by Whirlpool833

Fatniss Everbean, having won the Hunter Games, now has a job of mentoring the Female District 12 tribute! So, because she wanted an efficient way of telling each one, and because she had nothing better to do, she decided to write a book about how to survive! A companion to the hilarious Hunter Games. RECOMMENDED: Read The Hunter Games first

Praise for HOW TO WIN ZE HUNTER GAMES:

"I thought Fatniss couldn't write, but she definitely wrote this." Puffy Tinkle

"This is the most hilarious non-fiction I have ever read in my life!" Heybich

"Fatniss clearly knew what she was writing about." Dinna

"My client was taking forever, so I gave this a read. Wow." President Bow

"My sister volunteered for me, so she said in return I had to read this and praise it. It was good." Dim

HOW TO WIN ZE HUNGER GAMES!

BY FATNISS EVERBEAN

Why should you read this?

Yo everyone reading this. Everyone is always so worried about the Hunter Games, they lie in their bed and cry and cry, until they have no tears left. And then they don't get picked, but then their friend gets picked and then they have no tears left so they can't mourn their death. Tragic, I know. I mean, I didn't really have any friends, so it was a different story for me! Nevermind about that, though. But after you read this, and if you get picked, you'll be ready! And you'll also get a chance to meet me and get taught by me, so always consider volunteering!

How to NOT get picked for The Hunter Games!

1. Make sure you have good luck that day! Worked for me! Only that time, my sister was picked...

2. Don't enter your name more than once for freeeeee resources. They're not free. Don't fall for it. I had to learn that one the hard way.

3. Don't volunteer for family! You may be shaking your heads right now, but isn't it obvious? Better them dead than you!

4. Pretend that you're rubbish at everything. Then people will pity you and try not to get you picked. If you're good, everyone will hope that it's you!

5. Don't cry. Dunno how that helps you not get picked, but still don't cry.

What to do IF you do get picked

1. Enjoy the luxury while you can, you're about to get thrown into an arena to die. No pressure!

2. Make sure your entrance is dramatic, people must remember you for years and years.

3. It's okay to be scared. Just don't be from now on.

For the reaping...

1. Pray you get a good stylist. If you're from District 12, you'll get Dinna, so good luck!

2. March slowly so everyone sees you! Believe me, mine was a flop because of how fast I was! Seriously though, I am so so fast!

3. Look proud, like you totally don't mind being thrown into an arena to die

For getting the training score...

1. DO NOT SHOOT THE CREME BRÛLÉE! TERRIBLE IDEA! LEARNED IT THE HARD WAY!

2. Get noticed, show off!

3. Don't enter in hungry. Also learned that the hard way.

For the interview...

1. Avoid awkward topics, or else you want to wet your pants in fury while in there

2. Make sure your stylist puts you in something nice, if not, MAKE THEM! Don't, literally, just suck up to them and you'll get what you want.

3. Be yourself. Don't listen to Heybich, he doesn't know what he's doing, (sorry Heybich, but I have to help my fellow tributes!).

Starting the Games

1. Don't enter needing to pee, they are evil, they will film you peeing!

2. Don't ally immediately, wait til later in the games. If a career tries to make you, (which probably won't happen), kick them in the private parts and run! Don't worry about blood, if it spills out of them, it's probably grape juice.

3. Grab as many things as possible! Don't fall for the creme brûlée! Make a weapon the first priority!

Middle of the games

1. Make an ally who will probably not kill you, (if you did kick the career in the private parts, approaching them now is a death wish).

2. If someone finds you, either run or kill them. If you think they run fast, kill them! If you think they kill good, run! If they're good at both, you're dead.

3. Stay in hiding! Don't light a fire, the careers will find you! If you're hungry, eat berries, and then pray that they weren't poisonous.

End of the games (if you even make it this far)

1. The Capeetol will try to get you to fight. Don't fight against this, or else your family will be put at risk. If you have no family, go ahead!

2. Don't keep your ally still at the end. You'll have to kill them, or wait till they are killed by someone else.

3. Make it dramatic. The more dramatic, the more memorable, and the more you'll become an actress when you get back, (if you do)

The End

Well done! You'll now win the Hunter Games! LOL. Don't recommend it to anyone your age, then you won't have the advantage! LOL. Just kidding, do! I really need more money, I gotta pay bills. You'd think victors wouldn't have to pay bills, but they do!