Title: Not A Perfect World
Author: Finn-Turner
Rating: M for death of a major character, a bit of self-loathing, and general angst.
Pairing: Draco/Harry
Summary: The ending sequel to "We Could Have Been Happy" and "Heaven Knows How Much I Wish." In a perfect world, things could have been different. Rated M. Unbeta'd. Harry's POV, sort of talking to Draco.
Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Don't ask. Don't tell. Ever.
Author's Notes: I'm really sorry to everyone who wanted a happy ending. But this is the way things are in my diseased little mind. What is with killing major characters and me lately? This one made me very sad.
In a perfect world, Draco, they would have found you in time.
They would have found you before his anger expelled and he had to run away, but he could not leave any evidence. They would have found you alive and scared, left alone to cry and shudder and scream nonsense. They would not have found you, cold as the stone prison around you, with a pink tongue and blue around the lips and eyes; they would not have found you dead and alone, with nothing but a blanket and the sounds of your old friends.
In a perfect world, Draco, I could have saved you.
I could have tried harder and I could have cared more, but what did I do instead? I sat and worried, stared and tried to change things. Thought about how things could have been different if I hadn't… if you hadn't… if we hadn't… I could have gotten up and looked for you – you were only fifteen yards from me, Draco. How stupid am I? How stupid can one person be? I was fifteen yards from you, Draco! I could have gotten to you, but no, I'm too daft and worthless to even fucking realize that. I'm sorry.
In a perfect world, Draco, I would not have had to go to your funeral.
I would have not had to touch your coffin. I would not have had to stand still and try not to cry, try not to let my shoulders shake with each tear that fell down my face. I would not have had to stifle in my emotion because people, who were my friends but hated you with all their being, surrounded me.
In a perfect world, Draco, I could still look at you everyday.
I could see your smirk and your gray eyes that are slanted a little bit, and your skin that's white as snow. I could see all the things that I love about you and also, all the things that I hate.
Sometimes I wake up, forgetting that you are gone, and thinking that you will be in potions class with me that afternoon. But then, I arrive and you are gone and I remember that you met your destiny in the dungeon just to the right of me, where you had sat for hours and carved my name into the stone.
In a perfect world, Draco, none of this would have happened.
You would not have been taken, you would not have been tortured, you would not have been killed, and I would not feel so guilty. We would still be happy together, Draco, lying on the Quidditch pitch and laughing, talking, like we were that night. We would still be huddled up, warm, on your cloak and you would smell expensive.
In a perfect world, Draco…
But this is not a perfect world, Draco. And you are gone and I am alone again in my life. I feel truly alone now, like I did before this school. It is empty without you, Draco. I thought this school was a perfect world, Draco, but I suppose I was wrong.
The evil lurked within the walls. There is nothing perfect about it.
I'm wishing for a perfect world, Draco. And one day, maybe I will see you again. Please don't forget me.