So, what are you supposed to say when the eyes of the world slide shut? They found me, well…Cid did. I was knocked unconscious laying on the steps of Traverse Town with my eyes closed tightly. That was how it started, just like every other beginning this universe seemed to possess. Traverse Town was for people that had nowhere else to go…so when I heard Sora closed the door to Kingdom Hearts, I knew I couldn't go home anymore. I knew I couldn't go back after everything…couldn't face my sins. Traverse Town was a place to run away too, and hiding was something I had become accustomed to. I hid from Sephiroth, from myself…reality was over-rated.

The truth is, there is no light, the shadows are just reflecting on themselves so that the shadows with the most reflections are the darkest. I'm the darkest. Everyone reflects on me until I can't see anymore… All those shadows, all that darkness… There doesn't need to be a light for a shadow to exist.

It's that thinking that lead me to decide to stay in Traverse Town. That look that Aeris gave me when I asked to be alone didn't even touch me. I'm becoming a heartless bastard too, I suppose. I'm untouchable… However…with that door sealed, I'm not so sure that it matters what I lost anymore.

"Come with me…please Cloud," she had begged as she pulled at my wrist.

Aeris…was not one to judge me. I knew now that she had traded places with Tifa. She was just as much of a coward as I was. Tifa…was my insanity your fault? Of course it was… Letting my believe those lies my fears created… No wonder Aeris wanted you dead instead of her.

I still see that darkness clouding the night when I close my eyes, ruining the harmony of my life. We had revived Aeris after one death…but as we watched it consumed some bright light…some weakly shadowed being blinded me as I was taken through the door…and Aeris ran with Yuffie and Tifa, following behind Yuffie. A rock fell and trapped Tifa after Yuffie ran through. As she reached her hand out, begging for Aeris to heal her, Aeris just smiled in that innocent manner and ran through the door…leaving Tifa for dead.

I can't hate Aeris though… I killed Vincent. I killed him as I felt that wing grow from my back and raise itself into the air with blood dripping from the feathers. I knew then that Sephiroth was alive…somewhere…that one-winged angel whom I was the imperfect clone. That demon whose lips kissed along my neck and arms around my waist as we meet. That holy being that made me blank…like a marionette, hanging from knotted strings. I could still feel his blood dripping from my fingers as I came back into consciousness. I remembered staring at my blood-stained hands and then noticing my whole body was covered…and naked. I…think that was the first time I had cried for years.

"What have I done? Sephiroth…of all things don't make me a rapist too…" I had begged into the chilled night air.

Vincent…was my lover at that time. Sephiroth made me kill him to hurt me…but it only brought me back to that cold darkness, that uncaring hatefulness that only I could honestly possess. I was a bitter doll with strings tied around my neck as well. I…can't even hate Sephiroth, knowing I am less of a person than he is. In this sense, he will always be my master.

Another reason I don't want to go back… There's too much I don't want to let happen again. Sephiroth may very well kill Aeris again…and this time I won't be able to bring her back. But…I can not tempt fate's bony fingers any further.

As I sat in the alley, I closed my eyes as I let a soft laugh exit my lips. I leaned against my sword and remembered something else I hadn't expected. That coward whom was almost as bad as I was had done something I knew Aeris never could. He stepped out of the Gummi Ship when I announced my will to stay and stood beside me, turning to face the others as though it was our joint decision.

"There's someone here I must protect," he had muttered and placed his hand over his face.

Leon…Squall Leonheart… That coward that changed his name because he wanted to forget. If he couldn't accept who he had always been, then he'd never be able to protect anyone. As if I'm one to talk… I lied to myself to years.

"Who is it?" I had asked on the way back to that small house that used to hold four people…five when I came.

"A childhood friend," he had returned with a small smirk on his face as he remembered.

Since that day, I had taken to hiding in that damp alley where the water dripped from the ceiling and I was surrounded by that comforting green-tinted darkness. I liked to listen to the drops of water fall from the ceiling as my as fell closed and I had nightmares that taunted me through the night. I would wake up, sweating with my heart beating rapidly in panic. I didn't want Sephiroth to have so much power over my empty shell…my body… How it hurt…that blinding pain of exhaustion that made my chest heavy and caused it to be hard to breathe.

I hated fear. I hated how it controlled me. I hated Sephiroth. I hated how he controlled me.

I breathed deeply one afternoon, wondering if the world above had a setting sun. I leaned closed my eyes and enjoyed the cold air, wondering who it was Leon would be protecting. I shrugged to myself and looked up. If I had time…maybe all the pain could drift away. If I had time…maybe I could realize all that had happened. There was nothing to do anymore but attempt to understand.

I chuckled to myself, wondering how it was I could ever understand. I felt that wing escape my back, that black cursed wing that marked me as a fallen angel. I dropped the sword on the ground, knowing there was no one around to pick it up and use it against me. It was just there because I couldn't seem to forget the violence.

I lifted my hands towards my wings and started to pull at the feathers, feeling the pain, feeling the blood. If they were whiter…maybe I'd still be pure. Maybe if it was the wing of a dragonfly instead of the wing of a fallen angel then I could be released from my master. Hopes don't lead to results, so hoping is a pathetic waste of time.

I watched in morbid fascination as the blood dripped down my fingers, moving over the stains I could still see from Vincent. Does it hurt? Of course it hurt…but that's what made me remember. I was still alive… I was still in control. I would never fail… I would never die until I could be free.

I closed my eyes and laid down against the ground, pressing against my wing as the pain flew throughout me. I was bleeding…I hurt… I was still alive. It was pathetic how many times I had to say that over in my head to promise myself it was true. I didn't always believe it at times…I just had to keep those words flowing through my mind in a continuous dance.

It's a promise to myself… I promise I'm alive. I promise I won't die until I can identify my light…the light…that less shadowed one. I won't find the one without reflections person here, but that's what I want when it comes down to it. I don't want to reflect on them and make them darker. I…still don't understand why they didn't just leave me. That person…if I could just identify that person then the curiosity would cease.