Even though it had been ten years since my family had seen her, I invited her over to a family dinner. It was the obligatory 'meet the parents' dinner, being as we were dating again, though this dinner was more of an 'I really hope her parents don't kill me' dinner for her.
That's why now my parents, Chelsea, Glen, Ashley and I are eating dinner awkwardly.
"So, Ashley, what have you been up to?"
That was Dad.
"Not much, one of my Dad's old buddies hired me at his record label, so I've been working there."
"That's good."
She smiled at him; she always loved it when he would praise her, like, for a moment, her dad was back.
We continued eating, my mother focusing on Chelsea and Glen while Ashley and I would look at each other, our silent conversation.
While my mother wasn't paying attention, I placed a pea on my fork, catapulting it across the table.
She kicked me in the shin after it had hit her square in the forehead.
We went back and forth like that for a good five minutes, me, like the mature person I am, occasionally sticking my tongue out at her.
"Girls." Arthur said sternly.
"What? We weren't doing anything."
"Really, Spencer, then why is there a pea stuck to the wall behind Ashley?" He said with a wry grin.
"Oh, that was all Glen...I mean, come on, he needs to grow up at some point."
"Come on, Spencer, I haven't done that since- "
I cut him off.
"Five minutes ago."
"Spencer..."
He whined.
My thirty-year-old brother whined.
Oh, how mature of him.
Well, I shouldn't be talking, but come on, at least I wasn't whining.
"Like I said, you need to grow up."
"Spencer, leave your brother alone."
That was my Mom.
Leave it up to her for her first words all night to me besides 'Hello' to be in his defense.
"Fine."
After another five minutes of silence except for the scraping of forks against plates, my mother spoke.
It does happen occasionally.
"Could you pass the potatoes, please?"
That was all it took.
One look at Ashley after she said that and I was in hysterics.
"Oh - my - god." I laughed out.
Besides Ashley, the only other person laughing was Chelsea. She too recalled that day in class, as my girlfriend prepared me for an ultimately unnecessary verbal coming out. Though, she did do a decent impression of my mother's You're gonna burn in hell phase.
"Girls, what are you laughing at? I just asked for the potatoes. The potatoes. It's really not funny."
Of course, that only made it worse.
Chelsea calmed herself down first, muttering an apology.
"Ashley, Spencer, can you please fill us in?"
My mother, so innocently, asked.
After calming ourselves down, I looked towards Ashley, silently asking for her to tell.
Her eyes bugged out, adamantly shaking her head.
I guess I'm on my own.
After I explained what happened, Chelsea saved face, and by 'face' I mean ass.
And by 'ass' I mean Ashley's ass.
Well, anyway, Chelsea saved us, is the point.
"I think it was funnier if you were actually there."
Saved or not, Ashley and I both muttered our apologies as we looked down, only looking up again to see each other.
When we saw each other, our silent conversation consisted of one phrase.
We are so dead.