After hours of standing in my closet, trying to find the perfect outfit for tonight, our double date with my older sister, Sam, and her boyfriend, James; I'm finally here and ringing the door bell to pick Spencer up.
Mr. C answered the door, enveloping me in a warm hug, greeting me with a smile.
"Ashley! How are you?"
"I'm good, Mr. C, and you?
"I'm doing good."
Paula walked into the foyer, greeting me with a stiff "hello" and then retreated to the kitchen. I watched intently as Spencer walked down the stairs in an outfit I'm sure she wore on purpose; my favorite pair of her jeans accompanied by my favorite shirt of hers.
When she reached the foyer, Mr. Carlin spoke again.
"You girls have fun tonight."
"We will." I said, smiling, a little too forced for my own good.
Once we got into my car, Spencer spoke, "What's wrong, Ash?"
"Nothing."
The ride there was silent, the usually comfortable sound, all of a sudden becoming overbearing.
We arrived at my sister's apartment and dinner was going somewhat well, Spencer every now and then looking over at me, staring intently, trying to figure out what was bothering me. Finally, she spoke, asking me, yet again, "Ashley, What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Bullshit."
"Just wondering what lie you told this time." I stated sharply, the bitter tone of my voice not hidden very well.
"I thought we talked about this…"
"Obviously not, Spencer."
"No, we did, and you're the one that said you were fine with my parents not knowing."
"And I thought I was, but what do you know?" I asked, faking enthusiasm, "It's harder than it seems." I said, my words turning into ice.
Sam and James just sat there silently, witnessing this tragic car crash.
"You think it's not hard for me?"
"That's not what I said…you don't have to lie, but me? I have to sit here and take it."
"Actually, no you don't."
"Did you really just tell me to…to…break up with you?"
Spencer just sat there silently; watching as kept my hard resolve, knowing fully just how broken up I was inside.
"Congratulations, you got your wish..."
I quickly said goodbye to Sam and James, ushering Spencer out into my car, praying that by some act of god, I would make it to her house without crying.
As we pulled up, I saw the lost look she had on her face, I would've forced it away if I wasn't so completely shattered.
"Bye Ash"
"Goodbye Spencer…"
I pulled out of her driveway, the second I got onto the main road, I started speeding and turned on the radio.
And now we're broken on the floor, It hasn't been this way before, The phone rings, and she screams: I can't get past it; falling faster, it's true:
She just wants me to share her.
She just wants me to dare her.
"Stab my back; it's better when I bleed for you;
Walk on me; it never was enough to do."
It hasn't done a lot for you.
After hearing those words, the floodgates opened up, the tears pouring down my face as if I hadn't shed a tear my entire life, all of the unshed droplets falling all at once.
~*~*~*~
The next morning, Spencer Carlin picked up the newspaper from the kitchen table, repeating the same ritual she had repeated every Saturday morning since she could read, or understand any of the comics. She would have done the same, but a headline on the front page caught her eye. The headline read 'Young girl survives crash, but dies' as she read on, one sentence ended any regularity she had that morning.
Ashley Davies, 16, arrived at Los Angeles County Hospital last night, suffering minor injuries from the crash only to be found dead the next morning, the letters 'ILYSC' carved into her left arm.
As she read those five fatal letters, she stumbled back into the wall in the dining room, sliding down onto the floor, retreating into herself, wrapping her arms desperately around her knees, rocking back and forth. None of it comforted her, though. The only thing that would have done so is if it were Ashley's arms wrapped around her weak, shuddering body.
One single sound echoed throughout the entire Carlin household, no one daring to move or even speak; her cries; muffled as she buried her head into her knees and the same phrase repeated over and over again; "I'm so sorry Ashley, I love you."