Final Foreplay.

OK, so we (me and my friend Imogen the Emo) were sat in my front room and she goes 'final foreplay?' (Looking at my copy of final fantasy 10-2.) and so this fic was born of random + probably unfinishedness. And also of Dr Pepper. All praise the powers that be.

Chapter one: Is Tidus gay? (I say no but he likes Yuna so you never know)

One fine day in the middle of the night, tidus was getting restless.

"The directors will have the solution." So he called the Directors. (AKA Bracken and Emogen) and they appeared in his bedroom in a poofter of pink and green polka-dotted smoke.

"now what?" Asked Emogen in a husky and mysterious voice, at which Tidus shied away from the sexy apparitions before him.

"yeah I'm getting my hair done at sephiroths salon in about 10 mins chop chop. " Bracken twizzled her drab locks around her goddess-like fingers.

"Do you know how hard it is to get an appointment there!" Emogen side parted her fringe effortlessly.

"oh…well..umm…no…i..um dont" Tidus stammered overawed by their beauty and nails

"no well you wouldn't would you, yuna attacks you hair with rusty scissors doesn't she?" Bracken says with a look that would have you slashed into bits and placed in a basket if only they could maim (looks that is not baskets, though that's a scary thought eh?) The two Directors decided this was getting boring and suddenly they appeared outside a club. Not just any club though. They dragged Tidus inside, still non-clothed (he sleeps in the nude… ew…) and they saw with wonder that it was in fact a gay bar. The bar belonged to none other than Tidus' special friend Kimari… (A/N ew beastophile. Does that even work?)

"Hey, I've been here before!" Tidus exclaimed with happiness.

"good I'm sure you'll fit right in" Emogen exclaimed stifling a giggle

"yeah, FIT in" Bracken laughed

"what the Hell does that even mean?" the Emo child asked, raising an eyebrow.

"it means your mum! ohhh" Bracken retorted

"WHAT! that doesn't mean anything either!" Emogen re-retorted (okay so I'm running out of words, sue me!)

"sure it does"

"Oh yeah well prove it!" and with that they vanished in a cloud of grey smoke still arguing over the fact that Bracken cant use sexual innuendo.

Tidus stood there looking nonplussed for a while with a large red question mark over his head just like the one over his sexuality. Just as he was about to have a seizure from all the thoughts, his good ol' furry friend turned up, looking… friendly.

"Hey Kimari, I really love your crib, all the men are really friendly to me, and there are some really hot women. Score!" Kimari nods knowingly, and winks at a passer by jovially. "Are you wearing lipstick?"

"No! What do you take me for? It's gloss Blondie!" and with that he took off after the 'man' he had just winked at. Tidus ogled the young ahem women outside the club then decided to get himself a drink whilst spying at the bar a man who looked suspiciously like lulu. (you know, the one with the tits)

"you know you look like my friend Lulu but she had huge boobs and yours are kinda small"

"you clutz! I am Lulu. The boobs didn't work so I decided to dress up as a man to get laid. You'd think it would work here but they seem to see straight through me." Lulu complained whilst holding a bottle of jack daniels.

"No they can see through your dress, your standing in the spotlight" Tidus said bending down to waist height

"Shit! And stop perving on me jackass! You're with Yuna. So why are you here?"

"She dumped me for a cauliflower. Said it had a bigger I. erm… O? Y? I dunno. Why shouldn't I be here?" Lulu shook her head and returned to drowning her sorrows.

So… random and defying all laws of good fanfictions but hey. Review!

Mwahahahahahahahahahaha! Dance Monkey Dance! (I always wanted to say that)