Warning for profanity, mentions of near-abuse, and alcohol.
Modern Muggle!AU
They're strictly friends. Roommates. But James fell in love with her anyway, with her radiant smile, her kindness, the way she can always keep him on his toes. She makes him breakfast in the mornings, leaves notes on the mirror, gives him a hug when he's leaving for work.
He was madly and irrevocably in love with her, and she had a boyfriend.
Every time he walked into their flat and caught them snogging, it was a fiery, red-hot fist to the gut. Every single time, he wished it was him, pinned under her and kissing her senseless. Him, holding her hand and whispering sweet nothing into her ear, hearing her cheerful, bubbly laughter that filled him from head to toe.
But as of right now, he was the bloke watching from the sidelines with a broken heart and a bitter conscience, witnessing as the girl he loved was pried away from him.
"You have to get over her, mate," Sirius advised from the other end of the line. James groaned.
"It's not that easy," he replied shakily. "I've tried. Just when I think I'm over her, she does something that makes me fall in love with her all over again. And then, five minutes later, she's talking with her boyfriend on the phone, calling him sickeningly-sweet nicknames like "sugar muffin" and shit."
"Sounds rough." There was a sharp pop on the end. "Want a beer?"
James massaged his forehead, sorely tempted to say yes. But Lily hated having alcohol in their flat, especially since she'd grown up with a drunkard for a dad.
"Sorry, mate, but you know how Lily feels," James sighed. "No alcohol."
"You are so whipped, Prongs." He heard slurping. "Your loss."
James set down his phone and fell backward onto his bed, shutting his eyes and wishing for a better reality than this.
"Yo, mate, how's it going?" Bobby clapped him on the back and James ground his teeth, forcing a friendly smile on his face.
"I'm fine," he lied. "You?"
"Swell. Y'know, I was thinking — maybe I could set you up with someone? I mean, I don't want to be rude, but you seem kinda lonely —?"
It was becoming increasingly harder to restrain himself from physically attacking the guy. He was just becoming more punchable by the minute.
"Think about all the double dates we could go on!" Bobby plowed on enthusiastically. "Maybe we —"
— can not have this discussion right now —
"— go to the movies —"
The door opened and Bobby ceased his blabbering as the door opened and Lily walked in, looking absolutely ravishing in a white sundress and her auburn hair pinned up in a messy bun. James's heart skipped a beat and his breath hitched. His knees suddenly felt weak.
Bobby whistled appreciatively and Lily grinned. "Ready for our date, sweetheart?"
"Of course." Lily did a dramatic spin, her dress flaring out around her calves. "I've been looking forward to today for a while." Then she caught sight of James and beamed at him.
She was waiting for his approval.
James, though it cost him every last nerve, smiled back.
"You look be— great." He'd had to stop himself before he called her beautiful. They weren't there yet, and her boyfriend was standing less than five feet away.
"Thank you." She blushed and James wanted to whoop. Bobby had never made her blush that way.
But Bobby didn't seem to care. "C'mon, pumpkin, let's go." He wound an arm around her waist, threw a spirited grin at James, and together, they left the flat.
James sank to his knees, reached for his phone, and dialed a number.
"Hey, Sirius? Get your lazy arse over here and bring that beer you promised me."
"James. " Someone shook him and he moaned.
"James."
"James closed," he mumbled. Oh hell, his head was pounding.
"I'm sure you can make an exception. Now, wake up before I make you."
The voice sounded familiar, but with his mind foggy and pained, he couldn't think.
"No," he insisted. "Go away."
The voice sighed. "James, your mother is here."
James felt a bolt of panic surge through him and he shot up.
Only to meet the amused smile on his roommate's face.
"Bloody hell, Lily," he groaned. "That was dirty."
"Yeah, well, you were being a stubborn dolt," Lily replied, rolling her eyes. "And you brought alcohol to the flat again, even after I told you-you can't."
"Yeah, well," James muttered, unconsciously imitating her, "it was a rough night."
He immediately wished he hadn't admitted that. Lily's delicate features arranged themselves into a worried expression, her eyebrows knitting together and a frown tugging at the corners of her pink lips.
"What happened?" she asked, resting her hand on his shoulder and getting on her knees so that she was at his eye level.
I love you, but you love someone else...that's what happened.
"Girl problems," he said instead.
Her eyes sparkled mischievously. "You aren't having PMS or anything, right? Last time I checked, you were a bloke, but it's never too late…"
James chuckled. God, he loved this woman.
"You have discovered my deepest, darkest secret!" He melodramatically draped a hand over his forehead. "How ever will I live with myself now? You will ruin me!"
"Oh, don't be such a drama queen." Lily stood and shoved him back onto the bed. In an impulsive move, he swiftly grabbed her arm and pulled him down with her.
A bad decision.
Her blazing eyes gazed into his, flames licking the emerald gems. Her slightly parted lips were centimeters from his own, so close that he only had to lift his head a little to kiss her. Her breath smelled like the lavender tea she liked to drink. Her hair was brushing the sides of his face.
Oh sweet Jesus, she was an angel, and she was driving him mad.
Lily was blissfully unaware of their compromising position, pushing back her hair and smiling deviously. "You're going down, Potter."
He couldn't help himself. He kissed her.
"You what?!" There was the sound of choking on the other end as Sirius expressed his shock. "Are you fucking mad?! You do realize she has a boyfriend, right?"
"I know, I know." James was a wreck. He knew he looked like a pitiful sight, his hands tangled in his hair, breathless, his heart banging against his cage. "I know I fucked up. Shit, she's never going to talk to me again, is she?"
"Probably." There was a heavy sigh. "This is only the calm before the storm, mate. It's only gonna get worse from here."
"Shit," James repeated. "I'm such a fucking twat. I just blew any chance I had with her. She's going to run to Bobby, he's going to murder me, I'm a dead man, fucking hell — "
"All right, I'm not as good as Moony at damage control, but I'll be his stand-in," Sirius decided. "First of all, calm the fuck down. Hyperventilating is not becoming of you."
"I can't calm down, you prick, I just kissed Lily fucking Evans and she's run off and her boyfriend is probably gathering his knife collection — "
There was another sigh. "All right, I'm calling Moony," Sirius said flatly. "It's too early for this bullshit, anyway."
"Sirius, it's twelve thirty."
Silence. "I'm still calling Moony."
"Moony's at work."
More silence. "Well then, what flowers should I bring to your funeral?" he asked weakly.
James shut his eyes. "Not lilies."
Today, 12:33
james: im so sorry, lily
james: pls come back
He was expecting an angry text message in return. Something lashing him for his inappropriate behavior. Or for her boyfriend to knock down their door and scream bloody murder at him.
Nothing.
Today, 15:28
prongs: shes still not back yet
moony: Have you tried calling her?
prongs: thats the first thing i tried, dumbass
prongs: it went to voicemail
moony: Did you try Bobby?
prongs: dont want to risk it
She stood in the midst of a storm, her arms upraised, her hair whirling around her head. Overhead, sinister, menacing clouds thundered and flashed. The air reeked of ozone and the ground was charred from the irregular intervals of lightning interacting with it.
"James!" she cried.
"Lily!" He broke into a sprint, but an invisible wall blocked his path, preventing him from reaching her.
"Lily, please let me in!" he pleaded desperately.
Lightning lit up the sky. "You hurt me," Lily said stoically, her face blank.
James reeled back. "I swear I didn't mean to!" he shouted over the gale.
"You hurt me," she repeated.
James banged his fists against the wall, but they bounced off harmlessly. "I'm sorry!" he cried. "Please let me in!"
He saw the split second of hesitation, the storm faltered, and James hoped. And then, Lily's face twisted into a cold expression and his heart plummeted.
"Too late, Potter," she said icily, and a bolt of lightning struck him in the chest —
— and James bolted upright, his breathing labored and sweat beading on his temple. He clenched his fists and tried to get himself back under control.
He struggled to come to terms with the alarming scene he'd witnessed in his unwieldy nightmare. In spite of it being entirely fictional, it had felt utterly heart-wrenching and reflected his deepest fear — the possibility of Lily not forgiving him.
Call it him blowing this out of proportion, but frankly, James had too much on his mind and not enough sleep to bear it. Lily's absence was taking a toll on him and James had never wished more to turn back time and reverse everything that had happened in the last week.
But such technology did not exist yet and alas, James was stuck in waist-deep trouble with no escape in sight.
Bobby, it appeared, was similarly mystified by Lily's abrupt disappearance. It had seemed she had not run straight into his arms, instead gone somewhere else.
He'd tried her parents, but they also had no clue of their daughter's whereabouts. James had then phoned the police station and they'd promised to search for her, but James knew that their word was as good as rubbish. Her case would probably be placed at the bottom of their list of priorities.
As a desperate last resort, he'd called Petunia. All he received was an affronted sniff and a curt response of "She's not here."
He wanted to retort, but he didn't want another problem on his hands.
James almost caved into the temptation of drinking his sorrows away, but the only bottle left in the cabinet was the one he'd drank the night before he'd kissed Lily, and he lost all heart.
Despairing, hopeless, and lost, James curled up in his bed and cried.
Ironically, it was storming the night she came back. Call it poetic — James's besotted heart had infected his mind with visions of all kinds of romantic scenarios in the rain.
Lily did not smile at him, but stared at him, her eyes wide. She looked like a drowned rat — her hair soggy and limp, her eyes bloodshot and ringed with bags, shivering in a thin, hoodless jacket and clutching only a small purse — anyone sane would've thought she looked pitiful, but James, smitten, lovesick James, thought she was beautiful.
For a moment they stood, simply staring at each other — what would one say after so much time spent apart? — and then Lily whispered, her low voice barely carrying over the storm, "I'm sorry."
And that's when James broke his end of the trance and realized how ungentlemanly he was behaving. Letting a woman stand out in the cold and rain in such a state, risking her health — his mother would've given him solid verbal lashing for that one. He ushered her inside wordlessly and shut the door behind her.
"Sit," he ordered emotionlessly and Lily complied, sinking onto the sofa. James went to his bedroom, grabbed his thick blanket from his bed, and hauled it back into the room. He threw it over her and wrapped it around her tightly, avoiding her eyes during the whole process. It was like a cavity had opened in his chest and he'd let his heart slide into it.
Gradually, her shivers subsided and she managed to croak out a "Thank you."
James didn't feel like sitting, even though his legs threatened to buckle beneath him. He desperately wished for something to break the ice.
"James," Lily tried, gazing up at him with tear-filled eyes. Somehow, tears made her eyes look kaleidoscopic. "James, I'm sorry. Please talk to me."
He was thrown back into the past as his nightmare came crashing over him. His own pleas and the way Lily had looked at him, like he was a stranger.
The dam broke and the tide spilled over. He'd been beating himself up internally for God knows how long and he hated himself. He fell on his knees, not caring how stupid he probably looked right now. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice wavering. "It was my fault, I was such a dick, I kissed you against your will —"
"Shut up." Lily slipped a cold finger under his chin and lifted his head up so that his eyes met hers. "You know it's not your fault, it's mine, so stop blaming yourself and hear me out."
James, for once, didn't fall head over heels to obey her request. "But it is my fault," he protested. "I shouldn't have kissed you."
"I shouldn't have ran."
"And I shouldn't have —" James faltered, at a loss.
"I shouldn't have left you like that," Lily continued. "I shouldn't have left you to pick up the pieces by yourself and deal with the aftermath."
"Lily —"
"I shouldn't have pushed you away," she said, her voice cracking. "I shouldn't have denied that I have feelings for you —"
She broke down, tears streaming out of her eyes and he instinctively reached out to comfort her while weighing numbly what she had just confessed.
Feelings? For him? Had he misheard her?
Centimeter by centimeter, his heart began to claw its way out of its cavity.
"Shh," he murmured, feeling a new, wholesome warmth engulf him. "I think you need some rest —"
"I'm fine," she insisted stubbornly, wiping her eyes furiously with her hands. "I just — need—"
James carefully slid his arms around her and lifted her into the air. "You need sleep," he said.
She stopped fighting and stared up at him with those captivating eyes of hers. A little voice nagged at him. Don't you want to find out more about her feelings for you?
She's not in the right state, James argued. When she's feeling better, we'll talk.
He carried her into her old room. It was mostly untouched, because James hadn't had the nerve to set foot into her room after what he'd done to her.
He gently set her on her bed. Her damp hair fanned out around her head, but she didn't seem to care. Her eyelids fluttered shut and she sighed deeply.
"Are you hungry? Thirsty? Do you need to change?" he asked, the thought just now occurring to him.
Oh, he was an awful, awful person.
Lily curled up, still cocooned in the blanket, and the sight made James's heart swell. "'M fine," she mumbled. "What about — we have to talk —"
"In the morning," James promised.
He waited for a few minutes, and when her breathing slowed and deepened, he backed out the room, watching her sleeping figure with a small smile on his face.
By the time morning came, James hadn't slept a wink. Plagued by thoughts of Lily, he had laid awake all night and contemplated what had happened and what she said, turning it over and over in his head.
When the sun's first rays poked through his window, he forced himself out of bed, brushed, and hustled into the kitchen to put the kettle on the stove. By default, he pulled out the lavender tea bags.
At half past seven, Lily wandered in, looking considerably better. She had washed all the makeup off of her face and was clad a fluffy pink robe. Her eyes looked clearer and sharper.
James turned, grinning. "You look better."
Lily rolled her eyes. "Thank you, Captain Obvious," she said. "But in all honesty, I feel loads better than last night. Last night was shite."
"Okay, that's good to know, because we need to talk about what happened." James poured her a cuppa and sat. Lily bit her lip as she sat across from him.
"About last night, or…?"
James wasn't sure. On one hand, he wanted to hear what had transpired after she'd ran away: where she'd gone, how she'd dealt with it, her feelings on the matter. But his other, guilitier, enamored side wanted long-overdue gratification. It wanted confirmation of her words last night.
Lily seemed to take his hesitation as a decision. "I know you're eager to know about last night," she said. "And I'm inclined to give you that knowledge."
"No, you really don't have to…" His ears burned.
"I want to," Lily said firmly. "I've been postponing it for too long."
She took a deep breath.
"Bobby and I…it took about three months to realize that we didn't mesh as well together as I had originally thought. He's very loud, a little too upbeat sometimes — whatever he lacks in attractiveness, he makes up with his ego. And as of late, he's been making some… questionable remarks. Misogynistic remarks. Saying that women aren't up to the caliber of men. He's rude. Arrogant. Everything I hate in a person. It just took a while for the true colors to come out."
Oh. So James did a valid reason to loathe him.
She clenched her cup and looked James in the eyes. James's heart flip-flopped. The sun's dappled rays shone on her hair, turning it copper-gold. "I think had I not ended it, it would have turned into something more…violent. Dark. He's like a loose cannon, and I was afraid. I ended it right before I came here. He didn't hit me, but he came close."
Oh. James's knuckles were white; he was gripping his cup so tightly with tension.
"And then, there was you. I didn't like you much at first. I thought that you didn't take life seriously, that you were conceited and too laidback."
"But you opened another door for me, showed me that there was another way. That Bobby wasn't the only kind of man in the world. That there are some good men left."
"Lily, I —" He licked his lips.
"You're a good person, James. You're funny and sweet and a genuinely brilliant human being— that's why I fell for you. I don't think you'll ever hurt me. I trust you."
"But you ran away when I kissed you. I'm not blaming you, but — why?"
"Because I was scared." Her eyes were blazing in the light of the sun. "I knew I had feelings for you, but I wasn't ready to accept them. I saw you every day, but every day was busy and I wouldn't find the time or the courage to say anything. But the time I spent away from you provided some much needed clarity. And a little outside help. You can thank Marlene for that."
So that's where she had gone. James cursed himself for not calling any of her friends. That had been a rookie mistake.
"I —" His heart was being compressed like an accordion. "I'll send her a gift basket," he joked lamely. "But are you sure about how you feel? I mean, it's not too late to back out."
Lily was staring intently at him, her tongue swiping across her lips. "I know what I want. What do you want?"
James felt like he was aflame. Heat pooled in his cheeks, his stomach was knotted, his tongue was tied — and Sirius's voice, harsh and unforgiving, saying snap out of it, you arse! was what shoved him back into reality.
If this had been any other woman, he would have deflected her question with some ill-timed quip about her forwardness or created a distraction out of thin air.
But this was Lily. He knew her more than any other woman he was acquainted with and even more than Sirius. She liked being blunt, she hated beating around the bush, she felt it was better to get it over with rather than spend more time trying to avoid it.
James admired that in her. As someone who did the opposite, he wished he could have that quality.
But this time, he wasn't going to beat around the bush, because he knew exactly what he wanted.
"I want…I want an adventure." His voice was steady, unwavering. "I don't want to sit around all the time, have a step-by-step plan for a relationship. I want spontaneity. I want the ups and downs, the thrills and the pitfalls. I want to fall in love with you over and over again. Love isn't a smooth road, it's a bumpy one with splits and crossroads, and I want to be with you during the entire journey, from beginning to end, that is, if you want me to."
The ball was back in her court, but not for long. "I want you to," she whispered. "Everything you just said… I want that too."
"Good," he said, grinning. "For a second, I thought I was being too picky."
Lily stared at him and James grew uncomfortable. And then she laughed. "You are such an idiot," she giggled and then, she stood up and marched the short distance around the table to him. She tugged him up and when he yielded, stood on her tiptoes and kissed him.
James shut his eyes as wave-upon-wave of bliss washed over him. Lily's mouth was hands-down the most heavenly thing he had ever tasted. It tasted like lavender tea and toothpaste, which ordinarily was a strange combination, but James honestly couldn't find it in himself to care.
This wasn't their first kiss, but by all rights it should've been. And if he were frank, he would've stayed there all day, letting Lily's lips caress his own, and relishing in the fact that he was now the happiest man alive, but a ding from his phone was what caused them to disengage.
Today, 7:35
padfoot: how r u today mate
Lily stood on her tiptoes, resting her head on his shoulder as she peered at his phone's screen. "What're you going to say?"
He didn't answer. Instead, he set a timer on his camera, turned around, and kissed her. Lily squeaked with surprise but was quickly sucked in, throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him back fervently.
The camera flashed and Lily squeaked again. James, once again, reluctantly separated himself from her to look at the picture.
The moment the camera had captured was perfect; he and Lily were front and center, in the middle of a not-so-chaste kiss. Lily's hair cascaded down her back in tumbling waves and their top halves of their bodies were fitted together. It was raw, transparent, and spoke volumes.
James sent that picture to Sirius.
Today, 7:38
prongs: image
prongs: a picture speaks a thousand words 3
padfoot: …
padfoot: WTF PRONGS
padfoot: WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN
padfoot: ANSWER ME U LIL SHIT
prongs: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Snowflakes decorated her eyelashes and her hair. Her skin was tinged pink and she was wearing a gray peacoat and a white scarf. Gloved hands cupped his cheeks as she bestowed kiss after kiss on his face.
"I think these lovebirds need to cool off!"
Lily yelped as she was unceremoniously pushed into a pile of snow and James felt cold air hit his lips. And then, he felt a pair of hands shove him and he toppled into the snow next to his girlfriend.
He shook the snow off of his glasses and rolled over to glare at his two best friends, both of whom had identical wicked smiles.
"That's payback for snogging on my bed," Sirius said.
"Have you noticed that we are surrounded by snow and you are not?" Lily pointed. "Which gives us a lot more ammo…" A positively mischievous grin surfaced on her face.
Realization dawned on their friends' faces too late. James had grabbed a handful of snow and flung it in their general direction. This allowed Lily more time to build a better, more deadly snowball and launch it at Sirius.
"Hey!" Sirius sputtered, streaks of white in his hair. "This means war!"
James and Lily shared a look, joined hands, and ran for their lives.
(But this time, not from their feelings.)
4154 words
Idk how people write 10k in a day. This took me an entire week. Idk, man.
I'll think of the clarification stuff tomorrow. Thank you for reading, and please review, because I worked hard on this.
Assignment 10 - Muggle Music, Task 1 - Write about someone pining.
Eastern Funfair: Paper Snowflakes, 21. [Action] Running away from something or someone
Southern Funfair: Present Wrapping, Step 1, 8. (word) snowflakes
Northern Funfair: Building a Snowman, Mittens: (word) heat, (plot point) confessing true feelings, (genre) angst
Winter Bucket List - Kiss under the mistletoe. Prompt: (genre) romance
Disney Challenge: Angelique - write about someone pining.
Showtime: 19. I'll Cover You: (genre) romance
Amber's Attic - FF 1
CYB: O2 & W1
Liza's Loves: 4. Write about being in love with someone who is in a relationship.