* I've lied to you
The same way that I always do
This is the last smile
That I'll fake for the sake of being with you*
I felt the world tip, spin, and a dizzying ride down to an endless abyss. I wish he saw me. I wish he didn't look through me to look at her. Why does he not see me? He looks at me as thought I am but a mirror of what he wants to see. Does he not realize wheat he does?
He sees her. . .
The eyes I love so much cloud over they look through me to the past. Looking through me as if I was a transparent ghost nothing more than a shadow. Why can't he see? He looks at me. I see a man ravaged by the world and barley standing. He sees a tool, a thing to use at his discretion.
The past of pain will forever taint his heart. . .
He looks at me and I smile, lie with the barricade of anger. He makes this wall higher. The stones are piling up, the mortar placed. The walls are being reinforced. This fortress around my heart, so similar to the one that he wrapped around himself is soon to be impregnable.
He will never let me in. . .
The rivers tide overflows silent tears are bled from a silent heart that once beat with the rhythm of love. It slows and beats and irregular rhythm of pain and betrayal. The beat slowing, almost ceasing, with the death of hope. Does he not see the pain? Does he have no regard for those that seek his comfort?
He sees no one but her. . .
"Bitch hurry up! We have shards to find!"
"Do you know what I see?" the whispered words if they were heard by the hanyou were not commented on.
For maybe seconds the sadness and grief were a tangible thing, before anyone could comment on it the atmosphere around the group returned to normal.
"You know I would say that you had something on your mind Kagome-sama, it is said that only the most powerful of Miko's can make others feel what they themselves feel, but an even stronger one can hide them when they are harboring deep emotions." Said Miroku as if musing.
i Fake smiles and Dry eyes are enough to keep them away. . .i
"As flattering as that sounds, you contradict yourself Miroku-sama."
"How so?"
"You only need ask my protector how weak I am."
The emotions in my voice were muted as if speaking from memory.
"You are much stronger then any of us have ever given you credit for."
"That is why I am afraid of myself Priest."
Everyone turned to look at me.
"Kagome may I ask you something personal and serious?"
"Fine Miroku."
"May I test you?"
"NO!"
Taken aback they all looked at me as if to wonder what was so significant about such a normal thing.
"What is your reason as to why not Kagome?"
"Even one as strong as you can not possibly survive."
"How are you so certain?"
Memories crowded, they crowed me and choked me returning me to the past, to when my father was alive.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FlashBack
A four-year-old Kagome ran into the living room. She stopped when she saw a young woman with black hair wearing the robes of a Miko.
A tradition in the Higurashi family is always have at the age of four a miko must come and test the child to see if the gift was once again granted to the generations of Higurashi's.
The woman smiled at the young girl her Miko senses already telling her that this child would be a miko.
"Kagome is that your name?" asked the young Miko.
"Yes, my mommy said that you are going to give me a test, will it hurt?"
"No child I must only test to see the magic inside of you."
"Okay!" said the enthusiastic child.
The miko watched as the child did as she told her sitting on the floor perfectly still and counting in rhythm. The magic around the girl swirled and flared, becoming a living entity that raised the hairs on the back of her neck. Counting in the same rhythm as the child the miko aloud her energy to flare briefly before settling. This proved to be a fatal mistake.
The energy around Kagome churned and lashed out locking onto the other miko's energy and draining it fighting it. Purifying it of the impurities that all humans harbor. Meanwhile destroying all that made the miko human.
On the floor in the room ashes were left on the floor when Mrs. Higurashi came in the room. The Child crying terrified of what was done ran to her mother and sobbed. Though from that time on the child did not say a word on what happened.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End FlashBack
*(Everything falls apart Even the people who never frown Eventually break down) The sacrifice of hiding in a lie (Everything has to end You'll soon find we're out of time left To watch it all unwind) The sacrifice is never knowing*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FlashBack
The moon shown on to the little girls bed highlighting the fresh cuts and bruises that made residence on her body. The bedding under her stained red with fresh blood and lingering brown of that which dried already. A cut on the little girls forehead leaked making her tears turn red.
The screaming down the stairs was echoed as if in symphony with the cries of a baby. Shouts and cries and silence came together in a song of hatred.
Malice.
Pain.
The little girl got up from the bed; she swayed with the pain that was caused by trying to stand, trying to just breathe. When the girl reached the top of the stairs she hid in shadows trying to fight the cloudy black that seemed to take over her vision.
Down the stairs she saw her father lash out once again his hand already red from the hitting her and her mother numerous times.
Heat.
Anger.
Rage.
Emotions welled up inside the girl and with a moment of clarity she reached inside herself, feeling the holy powers and youki not knowing what it was she took them and spun them into a tangled web around her father. The holy powers purified him, burned him. The youki used the rage and anger that was discarded to attack the innocent soul left by the holy powers.
It all happened n a few seconds but it felt like eternity to the little girl. There just like the priestess two years ago was a pile of dust where the body of a man, her father, once stood and hurt her mother.
At the top of the stairs the girl fainted recalling all the power spent, and hiding what was a part of her once more.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End FlashBack
Those around Kagome looked at her the glazed eyes filled with unshed tears slowly came back to them, to the present.
"Miroku-sama. Is a miko able to take the youki of many demons and use it to destroy the wicked."
"That is how a miko destroys its evil brethren. Generally a Miko can only take youki form a youkai that is within two miles and only use one demon at a time when doing so. It is difficult to do such but it is possible."
"What about drawing holy powers from other miko's and priests?"
"That is a bit easier but a miko or houshi can only use one or two peoples energy at a time."
"Do you know how many demons there were in Japan when I was six years old in my time? How many holy energies?"
"How would you know?"
"Because I know someone who drew on everyone of them when they were six to destroy the wicked that was her father."
"But that is not possible!"
"Not possible for a miko to draw that much energy or that a child did so with out thought, only out of need and desperation to save the one person in the world that was left to love her?"
"Both that any human can hold that much power means that the miko was, a goddess or close to it!"
"When I was two I . . . I destroyed a miko that was as powerful, maybe a little less, as Miroku. . . she was nothing but a pile of ash on the floor when I was done."
"Why Kagome? How?"
"She was testing me and she strayed to close to the energy that was still not under control, she pulled it out of dormancy. I took her human flaws and I purified her."
*Why I never walked away Why I played myself this way Now I see your testing me pushes me away Why I never walked away Why I played myself this way Now I see your testing me pushes me away*
Later that day we all continued Inuyasha would not even look at me. Did he despise me because I killed? What was the matter if I could not be seen at least let me be his friend. We camped in a clearing by a hot spring.
I got up and grabbed my backpack not bothering to speak to anyone they were not speaking to me. The trek was short, or maybe it was because my attention was elsewhere I did not realize that this was a spring farther then the one that I had intended to go to.
I undressed what was the point of being modest there was no one there. Slipping into the spring relaxed me and I stared out, emotionless, at the night sky filled with stars and a moon that was never lonely.
"Why?"
I whirled around to come face to face with Inuyasha at the bank of the hot spring. I only noticed that he wore nothing as he jumped in the spring, preventing me from using the rosary to subdue him.
"Why what Inuyasha?"
"Why did you kill the man who gave you life?"
"He gave me nothing."
"He was your father!"
"He was a monster! He did give me something now that I think about it. . . He gave me pain."
"What?!"
"He beat my mother and I!"
I gasped in horror as I let the secret, kept so carefully between my mother and I for so long, out.
"Why did you not tell me?"
"What was I supposed to say at the age of six I destroyed my father using the holy energies and youki of Japan to destroy him because he was hitting my mother?!"
*I've tried like you To do everything you wanted too This is the last time I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you*
"Good Morning."
"Feh."
"Good morning Kagome-sama, Lady Sango."
"Good morning Kagome-chan."
"I have to get back to the well today Inuyasha and you have to get back to her, her call went out last night." My voice was neutral as if I was only relaying a message to a friend instead of giving my blessing for the man I loved to see the woman that I would always be compared to.
"Fine Bitch."
"Inuyasha would you please refrain from calling me a Bitch!"
"Why you are one?"
"I do not smell like dog thank you very much!"
"But you do Kagome."
My eyes went wide, no it couldn't be. My mother would not do this to me!
"I must get home Inuyasha if I don't the next time I go home I will stay!"
"Fine Bitch!"
*(Everything falls apart Even the people who never frown Eventually break down) The sacrifice of hiding in a lie (Everything has to end You'll soon find we're out of time left To watch it all unwind) The sacrifice is never knowing*
*Why I never walked away Why I played myself this way Now I see your testing me pushes me away Why I never walked away Why I played myself this way Now I see your testing me pushes me away (We're all out of time This is how we find how it all unwinds) The sacrifice of hiding in a lie (We're all out of time This is how we find how it all unwinds) The sacrifice is never knowing Why I never walked away Why I played myself this way Now I see your testing me pushes me away Why I never walked away Why I played myself this way Now I see your testing me pushes me away Pushes me away*
I felt the world tip, spin, and a dizzying ride down to an endless abyss. I wish he saw me. I wish he didn't look through me to look at her. Why does he not see me? He looks at me as thought I am but a mirror of what he wants to see. Does he not realize wheat he does?
He sees her. . .
The eyes I love so much cloud over they look through me to the past. Looking through me as if I was a transparent ghost nothing more than a shadow. Why can't he see? He looks at me. I see a man ravaged by the world and barley standing. He sees a tool, a thing to use at his discretion.
The past of pain will forever taint his heart. . .
He looks at me and I smile, lie with the barricade of anger. He makes this wall higher. The stones are piling up, the mortar placed. The walls are being reinforced. This fortress around my heart, so similar to the one that he wrapped around himself is soon to be impregnable.
He will never let me in. . .
The rivers tide overflows silent tears are bled from a silent heart that once beat with the rhythm of love. It slows and beats and irregular rhythm of pain and betrayal. The beat slowing, almost ceasing, with the death of hope. Does he not see the pain? Does he have no regard for those that seek his comfort?
He sees no one but her. . .
"Bitch hurry up! We have shards to find!"
"Do you know what I see?" the whispered words if they were heard by the hanyou were not commented on.
For maybe seconds the sadness and grief were a tangible thing, before anyone could comment on it the atmosphere around the group returned to normal.
"You know I would say that you had something on your mind Kagome-sama, it is said that only the most powerful of Miko's can make others feel what they themselves feel, but an even stronger one can hide them when they are harboring deep emotions." Said Miroku as if musing.
i Fake smiles and Dry eyes are enough to keep them away. . .i
"As flattering as that sounds, you contradict yourself Miroku-sama."
"How so?"
"You only need ask my protector how weak I am."
The emotions in my voice were muted as if speaking from memory.
"You are much stronger then any of us have ever given you credit for."
"That is why I am afraid of myself Priest."
Everyone turned to look at me.
"Kagome may I ask you something personal and serious?"
"Fine Miroku."
"May I test you?"
"NO!"
Taken aback they all looked at me as if to wonder what was so significant about such a normal thing.
"What is your reason as to why not Kagome?"
"Even one as strong as you can not possibly survive."
"How are you so certain?"
Memories crowded, they crowed me and choked me returning me to the past, to when my father was alive.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FlashBack
A four-year-old Kagome ran into the living room. She stopped when she saw a young woman with black hair wearing the robes of a Miko.
A tradition in the Higurashi family is always have at the age of four a miko must come and test the child to see if the gift was once again granted to the generations of Higurashi's.
The woman smiled at the young girl her Miko senses already telling her that this child would be a miko.
"Kagome is that your name?" asked the young Miko.
"Yes, my mommy said that you are going to give me a test, will it hurt?"
"No child I must only test to see the magic inside of you."
"Okay!" said the enthusiastic child.
The miko watched as the child did as she told her sitting on the floor perfectly still and counting in rhythm. The magic around the girl swirled and flared, becoming a living entity that raised the hairs on the back of her neck. Counting in the same rhythm as the child the miko aloud her energy to flare briefly before settling. This proved to be a fatal mistake.
The energy around Kagome churned and lashed out locking onto the other miko's energy and draining it fighting it. Purifying it of the impurities that all humans harbor. Meanwhile destroying all that made the miko human.
On the floor in the room ashes were left on the floor when Mrs. Higurashi came in the room. The Child crying terrified of what was done ran to her mother and sobbed. Though from that time on the child did not say a word on what happened.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End FlashBack
*(Everything falls apart Even the people who never frown Eventually break down) The sacrifice of hiding in a lie (Everything has to end You'll soon find we're out of time left To watch it all unwind) The sacrifice is never knowing*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FlashBack
The moon shown on to the little girls bed highlighting the fresh cuts and bruises that made residence on her body. The bedding under her stained red with fresh blood and lingering brown of that which dried already. A cut on the little girls forehead leaked making her tears turn red.
The screaming down the stairs was echoed as if in symphony with the cries of a baby. Shouts and cries and silence came together in a song of hatred.
Malice.
Pain.
The little girl got up from the bed; she swayed with the pain that was caused by trying to stand, trying to just breathe. When the girl reached the top of the stairs she hid in shadows trying to fight the cloudy black that seemed to take over her vision.
Down the stairs she saw her father lash out once again his hand already red from the hitting her and her mother numerous times.
Heat.
Anger.
Rage.
Emotions welled up inside the girl and with a moment of clarity she reached inside herself, feeling the holy powers and youki not knowing what it was she took them and spun them into a tangled web around her father. The holy powers purified him, burned him. The youki used the rage and anger that was discarded to attack the innocent soul left by the holy powers.
It all happened n a few seconds but it felt like eternity to the little girl. There just like the priestess two years ago was a pile of dust where the body of a man, her father, once stood and hurt her mother.
At the top of the stairs the girl fainted recalling all the power spent, and hiding what was a part of her once more.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End FlashBack
Those around Kagome looked at her the glazed eyes filled with unshed tears slowly came back to them, to the present.
"Miroku-sama. Is a miko able to take the youki of many demons and use it to destroy the wicked."
"That is how a miko destroys its evil brethren. Generally a Miko can only take youki form a youkai that is within two miles and only use one demon at a time when doing so. It is difficult to do such but it is possible."
"What about drawing holy powers from other miko's and priests?"
"That is a bit easier but a miko or houshi can only use one or two peoples energy at a time."
"Do you know how many demons there were in Japan when I was six years old in my time? How many holy energies?"
"How would you know?"
"Because I know someone who drew on everyone of them when they were six to destroy the wicked that was her father."
"But that is not possible!"
"Not possible for a miko to draw that much energy or that a child did so with out thought, only out of need and desperation to save the one person in the world that was left to love her?"
"Both that any human can hold that much power means that the miko was, a goddess or close to it!"
"When I was two I . . . I destroyed a miko that was as powerful, maybe a little less, as Miroku. . . she was nothing but a pile of ash on the floor when I was done."
"Why Kagome? How?"
"She was testing me and she strayed to close to the energy that was still not under control, she pulled it out of dormancy. I took her human flaws and I purified her."
*Why I never walked away Why I played myself this way Now I see your testing me pushes me away Why I never walked away Why I played myself this way Now I see your testing me pushes me away*
Later that day we all continued Inuyasha would not even look at me. Did he despise me because I killed? What was the matter if I could not be seen at least let me be his friend. We camped in a clearing by a hot spring.
I got up and grabbed my backpack not bothering to speak to anyone they were not speaking to me. The trek was short, or maybe it was because my attention was elsewhere I did not realize that this was a spring farther then the one that I had intended to go to.
I undressed what was the point of being modest there was no one there. Slipping into the spring relaxed me and I stared out, emotionless, at the night sky filled with stars and a moon that was never lonely.
"Why?"
I whirled around to come face to face with Inuyasha at the bank of the hot spring. I only noticed that he wore nothing as he jumped in the spring, preventing me from using the rosary to subdue him.
"Why what Inuyasha?"
"Why did you kill the man who gave you life?"
"He gave me nothing."
"He was your father!"
"He was a monster! He did give me something now that I think about it. . . He gave me pain."
"What?!"
"He beat my mother and I!"
I gasped in horror as I let the secret, kept so carefully between my mother and I for so long, out.
"Why did you not tell me?"
"What was I supposed to say at the age of six I destroyed my father using the holy energies and youki of Japan to destroy him because he was hitting my mother?!"
*I've tried like you To do everything you wanted too This is the last time I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you*
"Good Morning."
"Feh."
"Good morning Kagome-sama, Lady Sango."
"Good morning Kagome-chan."
"I have to get back to the well today Inuyasha and you have to get back to her, her call went out last night." My voice was neutral as if I was only relaying a message to a friend instead of giving my blessing for the man I loved to see the woman that I would always be compared to.
"Fine Bitch."
"Inuyasha would you please refrain from calling me a Bitch!"
"Why you are one?"
"I do not smell like dog thank you very much!"
"But you do Kagome."
My eyes went wide, no it couldn't be. My mother would not do this to me!
"I must get home Inuyasha if I don't the next time I go home I will stay!"
"Fine Bitch!"
*(Everything falls apart Even the people who never frown Eventually break down) The sacrifice of hiding in a lie (Everything has to end You'll soon find we're out of time left To watch it all unwind) The sacrifice is never knowing*
*Why I never walked away Why I played myself this way Now I see your testing me pushes me away Why I never walked away Why I played myself this way Now I see your testing me pushes me away (We're all out of time This is how we find how it all unwinds) The sacrifice of hiding in a lie (We're all out of time This is how we find how it all unwinds) The sacrifice is never knowing Why I never walked away Why I played myself this way Now I see your testing me pushes me away Why I never walked away Why I played myself this way Now I see your testing me pushes me away Pushes me away*