X-Files meets Jerry Springer
Author: Skulz (Dangly Chicken Inc)
Rating: R
Genre: Humor
Summary: Scully comes on the show to tell Mulder something important . . .
Spoilers: I don't think there are any.
Disclaimer: Mulder, Scully, Doggett, and Reyes belong to Chris Carter, Ten- Thirteen Productions, and FOX. The Jerry Springer Show belongs to Jerry Springer (I think)
Author's note: This came to me while listening to Weird Al's "Jerry Springer", he, he. This is Dangly Chicken's first story.
Dedication: To all the shippers who would kill Doggett and Reyes to get what they want.
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Jerry Springer walked across the stage toward the centre. The whole crowd was yelling their favourite chant, "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"
Mr. Springer smiled, and tried to calm the crowd down. "Everybody, welcome to the show. Today, our topic is 'Cheating Agents'. Here we have agent Dana Scully," Jerry introduced. "Now, Dana, you've come here to tell your partner something, right?"
"Yeah. For the past few weeks, I've been going with my new partner, John. And I just came to say that he's not mine anymore, and I'm pregnant with his baby," Scully said.
"Well, Dana! That's quite the story," Jerry muttered, "Now let's bring out Dana's partner, Fox Mulder!"
Dana sat in the chair with a big goofy smile on her face. Mulder came from backstage, looking like a very angry bastard. "SCULLY! WHAT THE FUCK!" he cried.
"Well, you couldn't perform, so I got myself John," Scully said.
"Jesus Christ, Scully! I gave you everything! I thought you loved me."
"No, not really."
"Well, I'm leaving you then!"
"Good! You'll be paying child support!"
"What?"
"Yeah, that's right! I'm pregnant with YOUR child!"
"FUCK YOU SCULLY!"
"Oh, fuck you." Scully ripped off her shirt.
"Okay, then . . . Let's bring out John Doggett!" Jerry exclaimed.
The crowd yelled, "Boo!"
John Doggett came out from behind the stage, looking somewhat crazy and drunk. He walked slowly toward Scully, and kissed her passionately. Mulder ripped off his shirt and punched Doggett. "You wanna go, punk?" Doggett shouted. The crowd screamed.
"Yeah, ya pussy!" Mulder yelled. Doggett ripped off his shirt and socked Mulder one in the cheekbone. Then, up came the big bodyguards trying to break away Fox and John. The bodyguards pushed them into the seats, leaving only one empty seat (hint, hint).
"So, John. You've come to tell Dana something today, as well, right?" Jerry asked.
"Yeah. See, Dana, I've been going with Monica," John said.
"WHAT!" Dana cried.
"Yep."
"YOU BASTARD!"
"That's me."
"Okay . . . Let's bring out Monica Reyes!" Jerry yelled to the crowd.
"Boo!" the crowd booed, as Monica came out from backstage.
She walked in front of the audience and began to strip.
"So, Monica. You've been going with John how long now?" Jerry asked.
"Um, let's see . . . About three months now," Monica explained.
"And you're a stripper?"
"Well, I prefer the term prostitute, but, yeah."
Suddenly, an audience member shot Monica and John. "SHIPPERS UNITE!" they cried. And everybody began to chant 'Jerry' again.
"More 'Cheating Agents' when we get back!" Jerry exclaimed.
END
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Rating: R
Genre: Humor
Summary: Scully comes on the show to tell Mulder something important . . .
Spoilers: I don't think there are any.
Disclaimer: Mulder, Scully, Doggett, and Reyes belong to Chris Carter, Ten- Thirteen Productions, and FOX. The Jerry Springer Show belongs to Jerry Springer (I think)
Author's note: This came to me while listening to Weird Al's "Jerry Springer", he, he. This is Dangly Chicken's first story.
Dedication: To all the shippers who would kill Doggett and Reyes to get what they want.
__
Jerry Springer walked across the stage toward the centre. The whole crowd was yelling their favourite chant, "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"
Mr. Springer smiled, and tried to calm the crowd down. "Everybody, welcome to the show. Today, our topic is 'Cheating Agents'. Here we have agent Dana Scully," Jerry introduced. "Now, Dana, you've come here to tell your partner something, right?"
"Yeah. For the past few weeks, I've been going with my new partner, John. And I just came to say that he's not mine anymore, and I'm pregnant with his baby," Scully said.
"Well, Dana! That's quite the story," Jerry muttered, "Now let's bring out Dana's partner, Fox Mulder!"
Dana sat in the chair with a big goofy smile on her face. Mulder came from backstage, looking like a very angry bastard. "SCULLY! WHAT THE FUCK!" he cried.
"Well, you couldn't perform, so I got myself John," Scully said.
"Jesus Christ, Scully! I gave you everything! I thought you loved me."
"No, not really."
"Well, I'm leaving you then!"
"Good! You'll be paying child support!"
"What?"
"Yeah, that's right! I'm pregnant with YOUR child!"
"FUCK YOU SCULLY!"
"Oh, fuck you." Scully ripped off her shirt.
"Okay, then . . . Let's bring out John Doggett!" Jerry exclaimed.
The crowd yelled, "Boo!"
John Doggett came out from behind the stage, looking somewhat crazy and drunk. He walked slowly toward Scully, and kissed her passionately. Mulder ripped off his shirt and punched Doggett. "You wanna go, punk?" Doggett shouted. The crowd screamed.
"Yeah, ya pussy!" Mulder yelled. Doggett ripped off his shirt and socked Mulder one in the cheekbone. Then, up came the big bodyguards trying to break away Fox and John. The bodyguards pushed them into the seats, leaving only one empty seat (hint, hint).
"So, John. You've come to tell Dana something today, as well, right?" Jerry asked.
"Yeah. See, Dana, I've been going with Monica," John said.
"WHAT!" Dana cried.
"Yep."
"YOU BASTARD!"
"That's me."
"Okay . . . Let's bring out Monica Reyes!" Jerry yelled to the crowd.
"Boo!" the crowd booed, as Monica came out from backstage.
She walked in front of the audience and began to strip.
"So, Monica. You've been going with John how long now?" Jerry asked.
"Um, let's see . . . About three months now," Monica explained.
"And you're a stripper?"
"Well, I prefer the term prostitute, but, yeah."
Suddenly, an audience member shot Monica and John. "SHIPPERS UNITE!" they cried. And everybody began to chant 'Jerry' again.
"More 'Cheating Agents' when we get back!" Jerry exclaimed.
END
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