-
A Lecture by Washu on OVA III
-
Standard disclaimer: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS! (I wish I did though)
-
The dimly lit auditorium was packed with eager fans of "Tenchi Muyo" wanting to learn more about their favorite anime. The suspense continued to build as the minutes passed until the lights went out completely. More anxious minutes passed when suddenly there was an explosion of fireworks and confetti followed by blaring trumpets which made many in the audience scream with fright.. The lights came back on and there on the stage stood Washu Hakubi, in her professor's garb, smiling cheekily at the audience.
"Welcome," she began. "I'm pleased that such a large group of people has come to hear a lecture by me, THE GREATEST SCIENTIFIC GENIUS IN THE UNIVERSE (not to mention the cutest). Now let's get started. It has come to my attention, that many of you are confused about some of the events that occurred in the newest episodes of 'Tenchi Muyo.' I am here tonight to clarify certain points and answer some of the many questions you have. Many of you were disappointed that there wasn't much fighting shown, especially between Tenchi and Z. So, let's take a look at what my instruments were able to record, shall we?"
Washu's holographic computer materialized before her and she began typing. A huge screen appeared above Washu showing Ryoko and Galaxy Police, special ops agent, Sonunaru, facing off against each other. "You know," Washu started, "I feel rather insulted that this bozo actually thought he could beat my greatest creation with such shabby robots." The scene began to move and without so much as a flicker of movement on her part, Ryoko caused two of the cyber marionettes to explode, and the image froze. "As you saw," she went on, "It took almost no effort for my Little Ryoko to destroy those gizmos. I'll give Sonunaru credit for one thing though. It took guts for him to continue. Most guys would have fled after that. Now, let's see the rest, alright?"
The action continued and Sonunaru told Ryoko that a wedding had been planned for Tenchi and Mihoshi. Ryoko flew towards him in a rage, and a new , larger cyber marionette appeared and slashed her face. The screen froze again and Washu sighed heavily. "I gave Ryoko a good brain," she said shaking her head, "But sometimes she just doesn't use it. If she had used the abilities I had given her to detect threats, she wouldn't have been hurt at all. Now I'll jump ahead to the point just before Ryoko destroyed these new robots and slow down the action so you can see what happened. I'm glad that I was using cameras capable of recording 8050 frames a second," Washu said gleefully.
The action restarted, showing Ryoko's wrist with it's gem glowing. Then she was flying fists first through ten cyber marionettes and grabbing Sonunaru by the neck before he had a chance to react to the first explosion. When he found himself face to face with an extremely angry, former space pirate, he did the only intelligent thing he could. He fainted.
"As you could see," Washu continued, "Despite his Galaxy Police enhancements, Sonunaru just couldn't follow Ryoko's movements. If the action had been shown in the anime slowed down as it was just now, you wouldn't have understood how incredibly fast my daughter was moving."
"Now let's move on to Aeka's little tea party with Fujimasa," Washu said as the screen changed to show Aeka and Ryo-oki walking up the shrine steps. Suddenly Aeka detected an energy distortion and a blast directed at them, grabbed Ryo-oki, and jumped back to avoid it. An arrogant Fujumasa began to boast about how easy it would be for him to defeat Aeka when Washu froze the action again..
Washu shook her head sadly and began to speak. "You'd think that guy would have known better than to try to take on a member of Jurai's royal family with such cheap toys." The action continued and Aeka sent an energy pulse at Fujumasa's bioborgs which scrambled their logic circuits while simultaneously trapping her shocked assailant in a forcefield. Then Ryo-oki changed to her quadruped form and began playing with the terrified bioborgs. "You'd think," Washu continued, "that Seniwan and GP intellgence would have been able to provide their operatives with specific information regarding the abilities of their targets. Or, maybe, Airi thought it would be a good joke if they found out the hard way."
"Now we'll take a look at what happened when Baguma tried to take me on." The image changed yet again, showing Baguma with a strained look on his face. Then Washu grabbed a large, toy mallet from a subspace pocket, hit him on the head, and he collapsed unconscious. "That guy may have been an S-class esper," Washu continued, "But he was no match for me! She then began to laugh madly.
After she calmed down, Washu continued, "I don't think we need to go over Sasami's encounter with Mashisu..." This last statement was met with loud cries of protest from many in the audience. "Okay,"Washu responded, "I'll show the fight, and afterwards I'll provide you drooling Sasami fanboys and fangirls with the names of some reputable psychiatrists. You need professional help." The screen changed to show Sasami's confrontation with Mashisu. "You saw how easily Sasami defeated Mashisu. Actually she could have beaten her without the weapon, but Sasami's a nice kid who didn't want to totally humiliate her opponent."
"Now, let's move on to the fight between Tenchi and Z," Washu said as the screen changed yet again to show Tenchi in Earth orbit, looking down upon the devastated planet. "You know, even I was surprised when Tenchi wound up in Earth orbit when he dodged Z's first attack and then wound up traveling all the way to Saturn in under 5 seconds. He's really something, isn't he?" Washu said with a huge grin on her face. "Frankly they both moved so fast that even my cameras couldn't keep up. I got little more than flashes, streaks of light and massive explosions. That's why so little of the fight was shown in the anime."
"I spent many sleepless nights trying to discover how it was that Tenchi could generate lighthawk wings without being bonded to a royal tree and perform material conversion. No aspect of Tenchi's life was too insignificant to be overlooked." The screen showed images of Tenchi engaged in various activities: practicing with his grandfather, sweeping, helping Sasami in the kitchen, working in the fields, bathing, getting dressed (which was met with exclamations of appreciation from the audience).
Suddenly an angry voice from offstage shouted, "WASHU!" and Tenchi stormed onto the stage. He glowered at Washu and said, "I've told you time after time to stop taking pictures of me without my permission. Stop spying on me!"
"I wouldn't have to spy on you if you would agree to come to my lab and pose for me," Washu responded. As Tenchi's glare intensified, Washu smiled seductively and said, "You know, you look real sexy when your nostrils flare in anger like that. It really turns me on."
"I don't want to go to your lab and participate in any more of your 'tests' because the last time I did, you freaked me out by wearing that skimpy leather and chains outfit and threatening me with a whip while laughing like a maniac." was Tenchi's response. "You're always wearing harem outfits, short school girl outfits, nurse outfits and other skimpy outfits and trying to get 'samples' from me. Why?"
"Research!" was Washu's answer. "How you respond to various stimuli is a very important part of your psychological profile. But if being in my lab makes you nervous, after I'm through here, we can go someplace else private and I'll show you what I look like without the skimpy outfits," Washu said in her adult form. "How about it? It's for science!"
Tenchi took a deep breath, held it for a few moments and slowly exhaled. Then Washu's computer and the large screen erupted with sparks and disappeared. "I'm going to your lab now, he said softly, "and I'm going to destroy every picture you've taken of me without my permission that I can find." Then he teleported away.
"Well," said Washu, back in her child form as she tried to suppress a giggle, "it's a good thing I have copies of everything stored in the hyper-dimension. Tenchi can't get there yet. I really don't understand why he's so embarrassed. He's got a great body thanks to all the hard work he does and practicing martial arts with his grandfather. He's all lean, hard muscle and no fat!"
"It will take a little time for my computer to be restored," Washu continued, "so, let's move on to the question and answer part. Anyone who has a question should raise his hand and when I call on you, stand up and speak."
Dozens of people raised their hands and Washu chose a young man with light brown hair and glasses. He stood up and asked, "Is Tenchi the being you and your sisters have been searching for?"
"Well," Washu answered, "He can produce light hawk wings without being bonded to a royal tree. He can perform material conversion. He dissipated a black hole and caused the gravity constant to change. He can move many times faster than the speed of light. He recovered from a direct hit with the power of a light hawk wing. His astral form traveled through time and space. He caused quakes in other dimensions. He used SIX light hawk wings when he stopped the Chobi Maru from blowing up the earth. He even caused the hyper-dimension to shudder. He did all that in less than a year. WHAT DO YOU THINK?" Washu shouted. "Next question."
A skinny boy with short brown hair stood and said, "I was really disappointed that there wasn't a real battle between Tenchi and Z. Why weren't they shown duking it out?"
"Really," Washu replied, "If someone with a huge cannon was trying to kill you, would you run up and try to punch him? NO! Unless you were really stupid or had a death wish, you'd either duck for cover or, if you had your own cannon, try to shoot back. Next question!"
A slender young woman with long, dark brown hair was called on. She stood up and asked, "If the power of Ryoko's gems is hyper-dimensional in nature, how is it that Yosho was able to defeat her when she had all three of them?"
"There were a number of factors involved," responded Washu. "First, Yosho was able to draw power from a first generation royal tree, which also has hyper-dimensional power from Tsunami, to enhance his speed and other abilities. Second, he's a very skilled swordsman. In fact he was Jurai's champion in both armed and unarmed fighting. Third, he's a very smart fighter. Fourth, Ryoko had never been up against an opponent who could come close to matching her before and had never developed any defensive techniques. Fifth, Ryoko isn't yet able to utilize the full power of the gems. But, since she's been playing with Aeka, she's gotten a lot better at defense and strategy. If she had all three of her gems now, I think she would stand a good chance of winning. Anyone want to make a small wager on the outcome? I could use some help with a number of my experiments." Oddly enough nobody wanted to take the bet.
"Well," Washu continued, "since there are no takers, I'll answer another question. You in the green shirt that clashes with your hair, what's your question?"
The embarrassed, young man stood and asked, "How was it that Airi was able to slap Ryoko silly? According to my sources, she isn't bonded to a royal tree and shouldn't be anywhere near powerful enough to beat Ryoko."
"That's an excellent question!" Washu responded with a smile. "Although Airi doesn't have her own tree, she does have the same enhancements that members of the royal family have, plus Yosho gave her a ring that allows her to draw power from his tree. She's also a master of The Galaxy Academy's martial arts debating. One of it's most formidable techniques is intimidation, and since my computer has come back on, I'll demonstrate how effective it is."
Washu's computer reappeared and after she typed a few commands, the screen reappeared showing a huge image of Airi's glowering face. Instantly, there was panic. There were screams of fright, many soiled themselves, some cried and others fainted. A stampede for the exits was prevented when Washu nullified the gravity in the auditorium. The screen disappeared and after several minutes and with the aid of liberal doses of a tranquilizing aerosol, the jumble of flailing limbs slowly calmed down. Once order was restored, Washu turned the gravity back on gradually and the whimpering crowd returned to their seats.
"As you observed," Washu said happily, "the technique is quite effective. It would have been even more intimidating if Airi were here in person. Of course, I've had a lot more practice. Does anyone want to see how intimidating I can be?" Washu asked eagerly.
After several tense moments a single voice squeaked out, "N-n-no."
"Well then," Washu replied, "I think this would be a good time to have a brief intermission. Some of you need to get cleaned up! I have twenty washing machines set up in the lobby which will clean your clothes and you in them. We'll resume in exactly forty minutes."
Author's note: I wanted Washu to be wacky without making her too crazy. She's NOT crazy, just very eccentric. It's easy to go overboard with her when you consider images like these:
www.washuDOTorg/pics/ova/tenchiova-7-0643.jpg and
www.washuDOTorg/pics/sho/tm09.jpg
Of course, I don't have any official statistics for exactly how strong and fast the TM characters are, so I did a lot of guessing based on what I learned watching TM and TMGXP, especially the episode in which Seina gets his body enhancements, and reading the summaries of the "True Tenchi Novels." Anyway, I had a lot of fun writing this first chapter and I hope you enjoyed reading it.