Original Prompt: 1) Devious Lucius seduces Feisty Hermione away from Dim-witted Ronald, if possible in a humorous way. Can be any rating Author is comfortable with.

Bonus points if Snape gets involved in a helpful way.

A/N: Many thanks to Kyria and Juno.

"Miss Granger!"

"Shhh!"

"Did you just shush me? In my own office?"

"Shhh!" repeated Hermione as she hid under Severus's desk.

"For Merlin's sake, girl, what could be the matter?" Severus didn't get an answer from the girl under the desk, but he did hear what sounded like a herd of Hippogriffs coming up his staircase.

"Oi, Snape! Have you seen 'Mione? She disappeared when Harry and Ginny started planning their wedding. I was hoping to propose to her, ya see?"

"Headmaster. I am the Headmaster. I believe Miss Granger not only told you she wasn't interested in you, she hexed you quite badly for something you said."

"Eh, it was probably just time for her monthlies. I know she loves me and wants to marry me. When did you get a cat?"

Severus stared at the rather dim-witted youngest Weasley in awe. The boy's last nonsequitur was remarkable, even for him...Then he realized Hermione was growling under his desk.

"Yesterday. A rather lovely one with lots of curly fur." He wasn't lying, Hermione's teaching contract had been signed the day before.

"That's nice, I guess," Ron said. "Tell 'Mione I was looking for her, yeah?"

Severus sat back and laughed when Ron was out of earshot. "Well, 'Mione, the youngest Weasely is looking for you. Apparently dumping him for shagging Miss Brown was a result of your monthlies."

"Thank you for not telling him I am here, Severus."

"I owe you, girl, you know that."

"You don't owe me anything, idiot. As much as you've done for all of us, how can you think that?"

"My magic recognizes a debt, so I owe you."

His only response was a raspberry.

"Can't you think of anything better to do with that tongue, girl?"

Severus was stunned into silence when the witch under his desk reached out and undid his trousers. Just as he was about to say something, the fireplace burned with green fire, and Lucius Malfoy stepped through.

"I'm bored, Severus."

"Umhuh." It was rather hard to speak when Hermione was definitely putting her tongue to good use.

"No, really. Narcissa is off with her newest husband, Draco married that lovely but boring little Greengrass girl, and I'm completely out of things to entertain myself with. One can only bribe so many politicians before becoming jaded about the whole thing."

"Mmmmm." The girl was quite good with her hands as well.

"I need a new challenge. Something to fire the blood."

Severus let out a huge sigh, he had just come hard down Hermione's throat.

"Bloody hell, man! I know my life is not your favorite thing, but can't you even pretend to be interested?"

Just then Hermione popped out from under the desk and licking her lips, smiled saucily at Lucius, kissed a stunned Severus on the cheek and headed out the door. "Thanks again!" she called back over her shoulder.

"Severus?"

"Yes?"

"How did you bloody merit having your newest professor sucking you off under your desk? I thought she was dating the youngest Weasley?"

"The youngest Weasley has gotten progressively more delusional. I wonder if it isn't some spell. She dumped him last month after catching him shagging a shop girl in the back room at WWW."

"That didn't explain the desk," stated Lucius.

"My natural charm?"

"Please. Pull the other one."

"She likes me for some reason."

"Do you think she might like me?"

"She no longer hates you, if that is what you are asking. But I doubt she likes you well enough to suck you off anywhere."

"You must help me change that."

"Why?"

"I'm suddenly not bored."

Severus just rolled his eyes. Then he noticed Lucius was more than 'not bored'. "Lucius, point that somewhere else or go take care of it. I hate talking to you when you are in that state. You start sounding like a Hufflepuff."

"Pish. I must go home now and start planning."

"You do that, Lucius. I'm going to see if I can get her to do that again... often."

"See if she's willing to include me, will you? If you manage, I will consider that life debt you owe me paid in full."

Severus shook his head. I really need to stop feeling I owe everyone when they help me. These life debts are getting harder to keep track of. He strode out the door, heading deliberately for Hermione's quarters.

Hermione grinned as she heard the knock on her door. "Yes?" She was wearing her favorite plaid flannel boxers with Oxford embossed on the leg and a thin camisole.

"For Merlin's sake, girl! Do you think that is appropriate attire?"

"I'm in my own room, on my own time. Why isn't it?"

"There is far less of you covered than uncovered!"

"I like the way your voice breaks when you're aroused."

"Bloody hell!"

"So, what brings you down to my quarters, Severus?"

Severus hesitated, then decided to give in to his newly found Gryffindor tendencies. "Two things. First, I'd like to make certain what happened under my desk wasn't a one-off. Secondly, Lucius has decided to pursue you... I need to facilitate that as well."

Hermione cocked her head and stared at him. "Lucius, truly? Is he really interested or just bored, do you think? And will he be annoyed if I stay involved with you? I rather like you, but the thought having the two of you is intoxicating."

"He may be bored. But he may be interested, too. And he's perfectly happy to share, especially with me."

"You won't think less of me for allowing this?"

"Hermione, you explained to me that you feel you lost your childhood to the war. I agree. You said you used to feel you are boring, and that you feel forever pigeonholed. Unlike Miss Weasley and many of your classmates, having sexual relations with everyone of the opposing gender was not for you. But now you want to practice your flirtations. You are still young and never got a chance to play. If you wish to use me for that game for a while, I'm willing."

"I'd ask what you think you're getting out of it, but I know."

"I like the sparkle in your eye, girl."

Hermione threw her arms around Severus. "I love you, you know, even if you persist in calling me 'girl'. So, how long do we let Lucius think he's chasing me?"

"For a while, dear. Once he believes he has you well and truly hooked, we can give in gracefully."

"Good evening, Professor Granger," said Lucius. He had spent the entire week trying to decide how to begin his pursuit. Severus had invited him over for a nice Hogwarts dinner Saturday night.

"Good evening, Mr. Malfoy; hello again, Severus."

Severus smirked in response.

"May I ask why I was called up here, sir?"

"As much as I enjoyed it, dear girl, hexing the youngest Mr. Weasley and making him think he's an owl only makes things messy. And Molly said he's still molting. You need to let her know the counter-spell. I've received no less than thirty letters from parents terrified for their childrens' safety."

"Oh, fine." Hermione stalked over to the Floo, grabbed a pinch of powder, threw it in and called out: "The Burrow!"

As the flames turned green and she began to walk through, she flipped up the back of her robes, showing both men her Slytherin green lace bikini underpants.

"She's coming back, isn't she, Severus?"

"Oh, I'm certain she is, Lucius; why?"

Severus worried a bit at Lucius's rather devilish grin.

A few seconds later, Hermione returned through the Floo. Lucius took her hand and then cast a small charm to clean her off.

"Thank you, Mr. Malfoy."

"Call me Lucius, dear."

Hermione nodded.

"Hermione, if I may call you that?" Seeing no impediment to calling her by name, Lucius continued. "I am in need of an escort for the Ministry Samhain Ball. Would you do me the honor?"

"You aren't afraid that I'm going to hex you into thinking you're an owl?"

"Nothing mundane like that. I rather hope you would hex me into something more exotic."

"A peacock?"

A muffled snort from Severus was the only response to Hermione's cheeky comment.

"Your answer, my dear?"

Hermione looked at Severus, who nodded slightly. "Seeing as Severus is going to escort Minerva, then yes, I will attend the Ball with you, Lucius."

"I'm not your first choice?"

"You haven't given me a reason to be my first choice yet."

"I accept, Hermione."

"Accept?"

"You've thrown down a gauntlet, my dear. I shall endeavor to become your first choice."

"Definitely a peacock." She walked over to Severus and gave him a kiss on the lips. "I better head off to bed. I have a tutoring session tomorrow morning."

As she walked by Lucius, she paused then leaned over quickly and kissed him on the cheek. "Good night the both of you."

"I'd sleep better if I could see that lovely arse again," muttered Lucius to Severus.

Severus just cocked his eyebrow in response. He knew Hermione had rather good hearing and that she had paused at the door. He turned deliberately toward the door. Lucius followed Severus's gaze and saw Hermione wink, then turn and flip her skirt up again on her way out. This time, her arse was bare.

"Guh."

"Eloquent as always, Lucius."

Severus ducked the hex his friend sent his way.

"Ginny!" Hermione exclaimed over a mountain of ball gowns in the dress shop.

"Hermione!"

One very enthusiastic hug later, they were chattering excitedly.

"Who are you going to the Ball with, Hermione?"

"Lucius Malfoy."

"Really? He was really something when he came by the Burrow to apologize for any damage he had done to me and the rest of the family. He did a whole formal magical apology and knelt on the floor and everything."

"He's interested in me, I guess."

"What did you do, Hermione?" Ginny's grin was predatory. "There must be something."

"He caught me sucking Severus off under his desk. And then I showed him my arse as I left the office."

"It's about time. I was starting to worry about you. It isn't healthy to be so repressed. You are way too much witch for Ron. You need someone mature and secure enough to play, someone who doesn't want to turn you into Mum."

"Don't worry, Ginny. Ron and I know we aren't meant for each other."

"So what is the whole torment Hermione thing, then?"

"His idea of getting me a wizard. He figures someone is going to want to rescue me."

"What's in it for you?"

"I get to practice my new hexes."

"What else?"

"I get to flirt with Severus and Lucius, and no one is going to notice what is going on right under their noses."

"I like it! I didn't know Ron had it in him."

"He's a great guy, Gin, just not for me." Hermione decided the conversation had turned too serious. "So, how's Oliver?"

Both the girls got dresses that suited them well. Hermione's was a pale, silvery color and Ginny's was golden. They found some shoes to match and went home, pleased that life was turning out well for the other.

"Ron, why the bloody hell didn't you tell me?"

Ron ducked Ginny's Bat-Bogey Hex and realized his sister was grinning.

"Ah, talked to Hermione, did you?"

"Yes. Why didn't you let me in on it?"

"Didn't know what you would think of Hermione practicing on Snape and Malfoy."

"Practicing what?" Harry asked as he walked in from the kitchen.

"Sex."

"Flirting."

"Both!" Ron and Ginny grinned at each other.

"I am never going to comprehend the sexual oddity that is the wizarding world. Ever. And I don't ever want to hear about Hermione having sex with anyone, understand?"

"Harry!" Ginny was surprised.

"It's all right by me, mate. I'm quite happy with my delusion that my little sister will die a virgin. I completely understand." Ron put in, realizing that the situation could deteriorate rapidly.

Ginny just shook her head and walked toward the kitchen.

The boys grinned at each other in perfect understanding.

"Lucius, stop fluttering."

"I'm not fluttering. Malfoys don't flutter."

"Then stop mincing."

"Severus, you'd better find more fitting verbs to describe what I am doing or I will forget I am on probation."

"She will be here. She will be dressed. And you two will have a good time."

As Severus finished speaking the mirror above his door showed Minerva and Hermione coming up the staircase together. He opened the door to his office, revealing the two women, dressed to the nines.

Minerva was in a sparkly black dress that made her look every bit the grand dame. Hermione was wearing a silvery dress that hugged every curve. It had a high, draped neckline, but the back dipped dangerously low.

Both men bowed to their respective dates, then held their arms out to them to help the ladies through the Floo to the Ministry.

"You look ravishing, Hermione."

"Thank you, Lucius. But why do you keep looking at my back so closely?"

Lucius raised an eyebrow mischievously. "I'm trying to determine how you manage to wear underthings with that dress."

Hermione grinned at him, then shook her head.

"What does that mean, my dear?"

"It means for all your Slytherin cunning, you haven't figured out the obvious."

"I'm not certain what you mean, Hermione, but I will most certainly have an answer by the end of the evening."

"Only if you can answer your own question by the end of the evening, Lucius. Otherwise, I'm afraid it shall have to stay a mystery."

Hermione was quite delighted by the brief look of consternation that crossed Lucius's face. "Why don't you get us some drinks, Lucius? I will wait over there with Minerva."

Lucius nodded and walked off, glad to have something to do. He saw Severus at the bar. "Severus, if I interpret my conversation with Hermione properly, she just informed me that if I figure out how she manages to hid underwear under that dress, I can check for myself this evening."

"Sounds like you might be having an enjoyable evening, then."

"But I have no clue. Narcissa was never a flirt. I don't know what to make of what the girl said!"

"What did she say?"

"She just shook her head and said I was missing the obvious."

"And what would be obvious, Lucius?"

"That she couldn't possibly be wearing underthings." His eyes lit up. "You don't think?"

"It is entirely possible. You will find out at the end of the evening, won't you?"

"Yes, yes, I will. If she wants to play, then we shall play!"

Lucius strode off with his drinks, determined to make the best of the evening with his rather delightful date.

"What did you say to Lucius, my dear?"

"I basically told him if he could figure out I wasn't wearing underthings he could see for himself at the end of the evening, Minerva. Do you think I was too forward?"

Minerva laughed. "Not at all, my dear. You've thrown him off kilter, which is good for him. I remember the first time I told Alastor he had better uses for that eye than seeing through walls."

Hermione went bug-eyed for a moment and then burst out laughing. She gave Minerva an impulsive hug and kiss on the cheek.

"You're laughing at me again, aren't you? I'm never good enough! What can I do to make you love me again?" wailed Ron, as he stormed up to Hermione and Minerva.

Just as both Lucius and Severus drew their wands to stop him, Hermione waved her wand and changed his outfit into something better suited to Carmen Miranda, with ruffles, very high heels and a bowl of fruit on his head. Ron tripped on the heels and went careening into the buffet table. Hermione stalked over to him and after casting a Silencing-Bubble Charm around herself and Ron, appeared set to berate him.

"Are you all right?"

"Just fine, Hermione. This pudding is delish!"

"Idiot!"

"Tart!"

"What flavor?"

"Chocolate!"

Hermione shook her head at Ron's antics, removed the Charm and walked back to her date, who was hovering by Minerva.

"Good of you to give him what for, dear. No one should ever call you a tart," said Lucius.

"Of course they shouldn't. Would you please look and see if that idiot got any food on me?"

Severus smirked as Hermione used the excuse to have Lucius peruse her clothing closely. "May I have the next dance, Hermione?"

Hermione nodded as Severus led her onto the floor. She grinned as she felt a bit of his magic wash over her. "What was that, Severus?"

"A bit of a distraction spell. I didn't want anyone to see me do this," he said as he ran his hand down the revealing back of her dress and slipped his fingers into the barely covered crack of her arse.

"Find what you were looking for?"

"Absolutely. Now, shall we see if Lucius is as aware?"

"Of course."

Severus led her over to her date when the dance ended.

"Are you all right, dear? You look a bit flushed."

"I'm fine, Lucius, but a turn on the balcony would be nice."

Lucius's smile was predatory as he led her outside, his hand on the small of her back.

The air on the balcony was cool, making Hermione shiver. Lucius leaned against her back and wrapped his arms around her before summoning an elf to bring his cloak, so he could throw it around the two of them. "Better?"

"Yes, this feels nice."

Pulling Hemrione close, he could feel some slight movements and realized she was trying to stifle laughter.

"What is so funny, my dear?"

"The way you just threw your cloak over your shoulders looked like a move a bull-fighter would make."

"Cheeky. Maybe I just like dancing the Paso-Doble."

"I am the cape!"

"Excuse me?"

"My ballroom dance teacher would make all of the girls repeat that when we danced the Paso. He was very traditional."

"Hmmm."

"Now, whatever could I have said to get you aroused, Lucius?"

"I'm imagining you draped around me like a cape. It's a lovely vision. And I've determined there is no way you are wearing a brassiere."

"Very well, if you are certain, then you can check for yourself."

"Here?"

"Will anyone see what happens under the cloak?"

Lucius's response was to run his hands up her side and under her dress, moving upward until he could cup her breasts. He pinched her nipples then bent his head to whisper in her ear. "Is that because of the cold or because of me?"

Hermione chuckled throatily in response.

As much as Lucius would have liked to continue, he was well aware of his surroundings. "Let us return to the ballroom. I do believe a Paso is too much to ask for from these musicians, but we can enjoy the rest of the evening."

Hermione looked up at him and nodded. Then slipped her hand into his, pleasing him no end.

Lucius held Hermione close for most of the dances, only relinquishing her to Severus and Harry with any sort of politeness. Anyone else who even thought of approaching her was stared down ferociously. He even attempted to glare Ginny into submission.

"Severus does the evil glare better."

"So you believe, Miss Weasley, so you believe."

"You're far too pretty to do the evil glare as well as he does."

"I am not pretty, Miss Weasley. Men are not pretty."

"Maybe. Your hair is still one of the prettiest things I've ever seen." Ginny was having quite a bit of fun baiting the once frightening man while Hermione danced with Harry.

"Bah."

"Bah? All you can say is 'bah'?"

"I don't believe saying Avada Kevadra would endear me either to my barrister or further my endeavors with Miss Granger."

Ginny looked up at Lucius then burst out laughing, catching the attention of quite a few guests, who smiled benignly at the two of them.

"My thanks, Miss Weasley. Your youthful exuberance and graciousness has certainly aided my quest to redeem my name."

"Good. So, have you decided to shag Hermione?"

Only the manners Lucius had been taught as a child kept him from spitting his drink out at Ginny's quiet question.

He looked at the girl who was smiling up at him and just nodded. He couldn't bring himself to speak. He was grateful when Harry and Hermione returned after their dance, keeping the irrepressible girl from asking another impertinent question.

Shortly after that, it was evident that enough people had left the party, opening the way for the better known guests to depart as well.

Severus, Minerva, Hermione and Lucius all returned to Hogwarts via Floo to the Headmaster's office.

"I shall see Minerva to her quarters. If the two of you wish to wait for me here, you may," Severus said, before he left to walk his date back to her rooms.

Hermione and Lucius both nodded.

"So, Severus, how about a bet?" asked Minerva on the way.

"On what, Minerva?"

"How much of Hermione's clothing will be missing when you get back."

"Considering all she is wearing is that slip of a dress, that isn't much of a bet, Minerva."

"Fine. Then I say only her upper half will be uncovered when you return."

"And what do you wish to bet?"

"A Galleon."

"Done. If more than her upper half is bared, I get the Galleon."

Their usual repartee exchanged, Severus left Minerva at her door, bowed, kissed her hand, then turned swiftly and made his way back to his office.

Hermione and Lucius had made themselves comfortable on the large sofa in Severus's office.

He had removed his cloak and jacket and was leaning back against the plush cushions in his trousers and loose silk shirt.

She had kicked off her shoes and was sitting at the other end of the couch, reminding Lucius of a cat curled up in her favorite spot.

"So, my dear, if I understood your challenge correctly, I will be allowed to check for your underwear or lack thereof if I guess correctly." Lucius' smile was predatory.

Hermione smiled back at him and nodded.

"I know you are not wearing a brassiere. Considering the dip of your dress in the back, I would have to say you are not wearing knickers, either."

Hermione's grin widened. The look she gave him ran straight through Lucius, causing his trousers to strain a bit against the pressure.

"So may I check for myself?"

Hermione spread her legs a bit in response.

Lucius took a deep breath then leaned toward Hermione, running his right hand up her left leg, inching closer to her. His hand crept past her knee, up her thigh. Then he paused.

The young woman had thrown her head back against the cushions with her eyes closed.

He continued to move his hand upward. Not the slightest scrap of fabric stopped his advance. When he lightly touched her mons, he smiled at her intake of breath.

He moved swiftly then, pulling her into his lap, her back against his chest, his left hand caressing her left breast under her dress, while his right pulled up her dress, exposing her center to his ministrations. His fingers delved into her depths, making her wriggle against him.

Neither one of them noticed when Severus walked back into his office and stood, transfixed by the sight before him.

"Damn it. That Galleon is going to be floating between us forever."

Hermione responded to his muttered statement. "What could you and Minerva have bet on?"

Lucius stopped his ministrations to hear the answer to that rather incongruous question.

"Your state of deshabille, my dear."

"Ah–hhhh."

Lucius was quite pleased that he was able to bring her to climax, even with the interruption.

"Shall we continue this in your quarters, my dear?"

"No, too far to go," grumbled Hermione.

"Shall I just bend you over Severus's desk?"

"No, Severus should get to do that first."

Lucius wanted to growl with frustration when he realized that Hermione was freeing him from his trousers. When she squirmed against him he glanced at the girl in his lap and realized she was in the process of wriggling out of her dress. He helped her pull it over her head, then grinned at her when she pushed him back against the cushions.

She turned to face him and bracing herself on the back of the sofa, lowered herself onto him.

The intimate contact made them both groan.

Hermione began to move up and down on his shaft, held firmly in place and aided by Lucius's hands on her hips.

Unable to resist the sight, Severus had come closer to them. Now Lucius raised an eyebrow at him.

Hoping he was correctly interpreting the gesture, Severus stepped between Lucius's outstretched legs and cupped Hermione's breasts.

Hermione's movements became more frantic and she suddenly climaxed again, her shuddering orgasm bringing Lucius to completion as well.

He cradled her in his arms, enjoying the closeness of the soft body next to his.

When he looked up at Severus, he nodded, releasing his friend from his life debt.

"So, my dear, are your quarters still too far?"

"Yes. Severus has a big bed, though. I bet he lets us share."

"I do believe I will. But before we go there, you mentioned my desk as a location for shagging?"

Lucius laughed.