Kiss Me, I'm Irish

By Kitsune Yarisha

A/N: A contest challenge from a guild I frequent on Gaia. The rules were to involve: Draco and Harry getting really drunk, naughty things ensuing, Seamus, and the lines "Kiss me, I'm Irish" and "No, you're not."

Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter characters, potions, spells, or any other facet of the series mentioned in this fan work nor do I make a profit from it. The entire franchise belongs, with respect, to one Mrs. J.K. Rowling along with several toy, film, and etcetera companies that are noted and dully mentioned. I do not own the Saint Patrick's Day and any franchises connected to the day or what they market.

One Shot: Saint Patrick's Day

"There are only two kinds of people in the world: the Irish and those who wish they were." - Irish Saying

"St. Patrick -- one of the few saints whose feast day presents the opportunity to get determinedly whacked and make a fool of oneself all under the guise of acting Irish." - Charles M. Madigan

"Oy! Seamus... Where did my... my beer go?" Zabini slurred, stumbling over Malfoy to get to Seamus, who was sitting on the counter in Malfoy's kitchen.

"You drank it!" Seamus said, a flush already across his cheeks for all the alcohol he had been drinking. Despite that, he was the soberest of everyone in the room especially compared to Harry and Malfoy who were both nearly piss drunk.

Zabini's brow knitted together in confusion and he pointed at a spot roughly five feet from where Seamus was and said, "No, that can't be it! You...you crazy Irishman, you drank it!"

Harry tittered wildly from next to Seamus. "Cra...crazy Irishman, yeah?"

Seamus scowled at the trio of drunken boys gathered in the kitchen. Malfoy was just watching the entire show from his chair at the kitchen table, oddly silent for being completely drunk, Zabini with still being a twat and mumbling about his disappearing beer by the sink, and Harry was giggling and clinging, like a bloody woman, to Seamus. "Next time, Malfoy might as well invite a bunch of the old Hufflepuffs over. You guys are mental, really." He grabbed at Harry, pulling his fingers away from his shirt and pushing him with his foot over to Malfoy. "Here, golden boy, go play with Malfoy."

Harry slid on his socks, landing on his knees beside Malfoy's chair, giggling ever harder. "You hear that, Malfoy? Do you want to play with me?" He said, stressing the word play and giggled. He tugged himself up into Draco's lap, wrapping his arms loosely around his neck.

"Hey! I don't remember you being that chummy with me, Harry. Come back," Seamus joked.

Malfoy glanced at Seamus and stuck his tongue out. "I'm much more handsome than you, Finnigan. Who wouldn't want to be sprawled in my lap?"

Seamus scowled. "You know what, I rule that anyone who can still talk that well of himself and not slur or giggle isn't drunk enough!"

"I rule that if you've fallen asleep in Drake-poo's sink, you're obviously too drunk," Harry said, pointing at where Zabini was doing just that. He chuckled and snuggled into Malfoy. "Now, as for you, you can be as handsome as you want but I'm rather cute and irresistible myself, aren't I?"

Malfoy shrugged, reaching around Harry for his beer and taking a nice long gulp of it. "You must be. I have the odd urge to do naughty things to you, what with you being in my lap and such."

"Exactly how many quests' rooms are in your manor and what's the farthest one from where you'll be?" Seamus interjected cheerfully. "I'm not quite as pissed as Blaise and I think my hearing still works rather well."

"Shove it, Finnigan."

"All's fair, Malfoy. I'm trying to preserve your privacy."

"Well then sleep in the kitchen with the house elves for all I care while I'm seducing your golden boy."

"Right, then, maybe I will!"

"You do that." Malfoy stood, taking Harry's hand. "Come on, I'm making good on my promise. You look very much like a pretty girl when I'm pissed."

Harry giggled and waved goodbye to Seamus, who for some reason had his wand out and was murmuring something as he pointed it at Harry before Malfoy had him completely out of the kitchen. Light-headed from the alcohol, he didn't think about it more and just followed Malfoy quietly.

"Nothing to say or giggle over now, Potter?" Malfoy snickered, pulling him into a room and pushing him against a wall and pressing against him with the length of his body.

"Kiss me, I'm Irish!" Harry laughed, his hands plucking at Malfoy's clothes.

"No you're not." Malfoy snorted before quickly setting to ravish Harry's body.

Morning:

"Harry? Harry, come on, mate. You're going to have to get up eventually. Mr. Malfoy is starting to wonder who the hell is in this room."

Harry shot up in his bed, groaning and clutching his head as the movement caused his head to pound hard. "What... What are you talking about, Seamus?"

Seamus handed him a flask with potion in it. "Don't remember? I won't expect to you, being piss drunk and all last night and not to mention the buggering."

Harry nearly spat the potion out and not because it tasted bad. "What! With you?" He asked loudly, finally noticing he wasn't wearing clothing beneath the overstuffed green comforter covering his body from the midsection down.

"Please, give me credit. My room isn't nearly this fancy. Rather, Malfoy got to eyeing you and you got to being flirty and well, one thing led to another as it were."

"With Malfoy? Draco Malfoy? You didn't stop me?" Harry asked god smacked.

"Oh, of course not. I figured you wanted to be snogged and buggered by him. You were acting like a schoolgirl."

"Why are you taking this so well? I can't believe I... ugh!"

"Well, darling, as it happens. I managed to cast a spell on you that allowed me to have what is basically a sex tape between the two of you."

"...What?" Harry asked, staring hard at Seamus, hands clutched in the comforter tightly.

"I was bored and you two left me out of the fun. What was a man to do? Wait till Ginny gets a load of you squirming under Malfoy moaning how good it all was."

Harry flushed a brilliant shade of red right, burying his head in his hands to hide it. "I could care less about her! Where's Malfoy?"

Seamus stood up, patting the top of Harry's head. "'Oh, dear god, Draco!' is just next door, humming something about... taking your virginity?" Seamus barely dodged the pillow that zoomed at him as he high-tailed it from the room.

The End.

A/N: I hate the document editing system. It took out my transition symbols. Gr.