Author's Notes: Well, this is the story of what happens when the Jedi Council is essentially crippled by a simple mistake, and then when I make a suggestion. Lots more to it than that, but oh well. Oh and me DJ
Note: I can't remember who was on the Jedi Masters Council so we shall assume that I remember correctly in it being:
Mace Windu
Obi Wan
Anakin Skywalker (this takes place during the time he was on the Council, but sort of in an AU where the Jedi are less serious and he's not so… emotional)
Aayla Secura
Ki Adi Mundi
Yoda
Meeeeee!
One time disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, Oprah (There's too much of that lady to own), or any of the games mentioned.
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No POV
As the seven members of the Jedi Council sat around their desk, discussing their plans for the clone wars and the tactics that they would use to fight their next battle, suddenly the entire power flipped off. The com link they had been using to communicate with the other planets simply shut off, the lights vanished, and even the other buildings in the Jedi Complex could be seen out the windows with the power gone in them too.
"Just great, this is. Foiled, our plans are. Stop talking like this, I cannot." Yoda said, shaking his head and waiting for one of the others to speak up with an idea.
"Wait a minute, how could you people lose power? Aren't you supposed to be a futuristic high-tech society, one that can't lose power just because lightning struck somewhere in Texas?!" DJ yelled, sighing in sheer frustration.
"Know why we put him on this council, I do not." Yoda said privately to Mace, who nodded immediately. DJ pulled the green lightsaber from the sash on his belt and, with it still turned off, pointed it accusingly at the two.
"I heard that."
Ignoring him for the moment, they all realized what DJ had just said.
"He IS right you know, the only reason our power would go out is if someone didn't pay the bill this month." Mace Windu said, and all heads immediately turned to Anakin.
"What? So you just accuse me immediately? Its not my fault… it looked like junk mail, alright? I threw it out with Master Yoda's strange midget magazines…" On cue the entire Council had a simultaneous shiver of disgust.
"Well, what are we supposed to do since the boy has thrown out the power bill? At the earliest we can have it back on tomorrow, the blasted company isn't open until eight." Aayla said, looking around for anyone with an idea.
"I know what we could do! I just have to find where I might have lost it." DJ proclaimed, standing up and smashing his fist into his palm. He immediately, before anyone could stop him, dove into each of the Jedi's personal closets to find where he lost the thing he was looking for. The Jedi rushed to stop him, but before anyone could do anything, one of Master Yoda's strange midget porn magazines flew out and landed, open I might add, on top of Anakin's face. "Ahhhh, Master, it burns! Its horrible!" Obi Wan immediately attempted to extract the magazine, but something… sticky was keeping the magazine from cleanly coming off the boys face.
A moment later, one of Mace Windu's belongings, a light blue baby blanket, quickly flew out of the closet and almost landed on top of the magazine's open pages, which had finally been pried off of Anakin's face and was laying open on the floor. "NO, BLANKIE!!" Mace screamed, diving and catching the blanket before it hit the magazines, but in the process getting his face caught in the magazine much like Anakin, and the blood from when the poor apprentice had it so violently ripped off from his face only caused it to stick harder, and now all the Jedi except for DJ were attempting to pry the magazine off of his face.
"FOUND IT!" DJ yelled, pulling a large brown cardboard box from Aayla Secura's closet, and placing it where the hologram for the comlink usually appeared in the middle of the meeting room's table. The other Jedi got up from their tangled mess and finally threw the magazine once more to the floor, where it was quickly dove upon by mace who wielded his lightsaber quickly and efficiently to begin slicing through the pages, destroying the hideous images and the… sticky substance… once and for all. "NO! Destroy my magazines you will not!" Yoda yelled, tackling Mace.
Eventually the council members separated the two and compromised that Yoda would not be allowed to buy any more of the magazines, before they all resumed glaring at DJ.
"Kick him off the council, we should."
"I say we hang him by his toes outside the highest floor and let him go"
"Lets make him watch Oprah!" Anakin said, and all the others gasped at the young Jedi. "Whats the problem?"
"Anakin, that is far too cruel a punishment even for his offences." Obi-Wan said, and Anakin bowed his head to his master.
"You are right, and I am sorry."
"Well, now that we're all sorry," DJ said, ignoring yet more glares from the other council members, "lets start using this." He finished, pointing to the brown box.
"What is this thing anyway?" Mace asked, poking the box out of curiosity.
"Unlike you morons im not going to let a lack of power spoil my fun, so I prepared this!" DJ said, flipping open the cardboard box and revealing a large number of boxes with colorful covers and with names such as "Scrabble" "Yahtzee" "Monopoly" and many others inside. "The emergency power-out kit, filled with many fun board and non-board games!"
A series of oohs and aahs followed this announcement.
"Well, anyway, I believe that it is time to begin. What is first? Uh oh…" DJ said, realizing he should've just decided himself as immediately after asking it several suggestions were made and of course that ended in a lightsaber duel between most of the people in the room to decide what to play, wherein Obi Wan chased Anakin around the room, Aayla hit Ki Adi Mundi in a rather painful place, Yoda hid under a table reading what remained of his magazine, and Mace was knocked out by the unlit end of a lightsaber smashing into the back of his skull.
"OKAY THAT'S IT EVERYBODY STOP!" DJ yelled, as all Jedi activity ceased, which was good as Aayla was very close to neutering Ki Adi Mundi. "We are playing Twister, and THAT IS ALL THERE IS TO IT!"
… about five minutes later …
All the Jedi had, thanks to using their extreme flexibility, lack of a sense of pain, and even ability to use the force to bend their limbs in very unnatural positions, tangled themselves in what must have been the worlds largest human knot.
"Bad idea, playing this game was." Yoda said before he was once again dragged back to the center of the ball, only managing to come out of the knot once in awhile for air before getting sucked back in by the pressure of the other humans.
"You're telling me… left foot green." DJ said as all the Jedi shifted to yet new positions, so new in fact that Yoda, who had been technically breaking the rules anyway as he had been inside the ball of humans not even touching the ground, fell out of his chamber and onto the floor mat. "Finally one of us loses!" Aayla said, and they all laughed except for Yoda who just walked over to the Council table and watched the rest unfold.
Eventually Mace somehow used his wits to untangle himself from the rest of them one move at a time, and managed to be right beneath the others who were towering overhead still as one great mass. Just as they all began shifting to their new positions, DJ quickly sent a force push out to Mace's form beneath them and he was sent flat to the ground. All of them laughed at the poor Jedi as he flipped himself over, still underneath them laying flat on his back.
"You think that's funny? Take this!" Mace yelled as he used a force pull to send the others crashing down… oh they fell alright, but straight towards him.
"Maybe this wasn't such a good ide-" Mace was cut off as the weight of all five of the other Jedi's came down upon him, muffling his voice and the ensuing screams. He fell unconscious yet again, this time due to lack of oxygen underneath all the other bodies.
Soon after the Jedi were able to decide that playing Twister was not a good idea for any of them and definitely not for Mace's Health Insurance rates. So they began playing, even though Mace was still unconscious, and by the time he woke up they had just finished setting up Star Wars Risk. "I will join the Seperatists!" DJ yelled, and Mace sat bolt upright from the floor and drew his lightsaber in an instant. "YOU'LL WHAT?!"
Drawing his yellow lightsaber in self defense DJ parried the fatal blow coming at him. "IT'S A GAME MACE AND SOMEONE HAS TO BE ON THEIR TEAM!" DJ screamed even as Mace assaulted him further, though when he finished the sentence Mace finally stopped clashing sabers.
"Oh. I'll be Republic!"
Within the first turn, somehow DJ had taken over half the territories and his allies had defected over to the Republic side simply to give them a fighting chance. "You fools! You will never defeat me! The Sith shall rule the Republic for a thousand years!" DJ yelled, as lightning special effects appeared behind him and he laughed manically. The six lightsabers that were drawn and pointed at him quickly shut him up though. "Uh… (kaff kaff) Sorry, I got a little too in character there. What say we play something else?"
After another nearly fatal argument over what to play next, they finally settled on doing Rock Paper Scissors. By the time they got down to two people it was Mace and DJ going up against each other in the finals of their Rock Paper Scissors tournament, but DJ had other plans than to lose. "You are going to pick Rock!" DJ said, waving his fingers mysteriously as a white haze came over Mace's eyes. "I am going to pick Rock."
"Rock Paper Scissors!" Anakin yelled as they slammed their fists into their palm, DJ picking paper and Mace obviously picking Rock. As soon as he did though the haze disappeared from his eyes.
"You cheated!" Mace yelled and almost drew his saber, but DJ beat him to it, but instead of a saber, he used his fingers again."
"I did not cheat."
"You did not cheat."
"You are going to make me a ham sandwich."
"I am going to make you a ham sandwich."
As Mace walked out of the door, the other Jedi Council Members shook their heads as DJ set up the next game for them.
By the time Mace finally returned and his eyes un-hazed once more, he simply chose not to argue with DJ again and sat down, starting to play the game of Monopoly that was already prepared.
"I call the Horse!" Mace shouted, but Ki Adi Mundi quickly stood up as well. "No way, I want it!"
Aayla Secura stood up to the other two even as they were arguing. "No, I will get the horse!" Both men immediately stood down and Aayla claimed her prize.
DJ ended up being the dog, Yoda was the Hat, Mace chose the car, Obi Wan the shoe, Anakin the battleship, and Ki was the bag of money. (I think that's a real piece, but I don't know and I don't have a Monopoly game handy so don't sue me about it)
"Ha, nobody can ever get to the purple places on the first turn." DJ and Mace both said simultaneously, looking at each other in amazement before turning back to the game.
Anakin quickly rolled a three and claimed one of the prizes, causing the other two Jedi to sigh and place their heads in their hands. Mace was becoming more and more angry as the day went on, and in fact it turned out he was wearing mood robes. Robes that were a bright red and becoming even brighter red if that was at all possible.
"Uh… mace… would you like to watch one of your videos to calm down? Can you go get your PSP so you can watch a movie and calm down?" Obi Wan said calmly, but Mace Windu finally had enough.
"NO! NO I CANNOT! FIRST I SPEND ALL DAY LISTENING TO JEDI APPRENTICES BABBLE ON ABOUT THINGS THEY WANT ME TO DO, THEN I GET CHEATED ON BY THIS… THING!" Mace said, pointing to DJ.
"This THING has feelings you know!" DJ said, standing up but the look that Mace shot him made even DJ sit back down quietly.
"AND THEN HE MAKES ME GET HIM A HAM SANDWICH, AND NOW YOU ASK ME TO DO SOMETHING? NO MORE I SAY, THE NEXT PERSON WHO ASKS ME TO DO SOMETHING WILL DIE A HORRIBLE, SCREAMING DEATH, FOLLOWED BY EVERYONE IN THIS COMPLEX!" Mace yelled, and all of the Council Members quickly exited the room.
An Apprentice quickly came down the halls to the six masters who were standing outside the council doors. "Where is Master Windu? I have to inform him that the power company says that they won't be able to process our request to get the power back until at least next month, so I have to ask him to go down there and talk to them." The apprentice said, and all of the Council members quickly pointed him into the chambers and then slowly backed away from the doors as the apprentice shut behind them, listening to the voices within.
"Sir, we need you to travel for a few weeks. You have to go to the power company in the Solar System Forence because the Power Company can't process our request, and we need you to talk to them. We may have to do everything we've been doing for the past hours for a long time even if you do go!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Was the other voice they heard, along with screams of 'oh god why' and 'that isn't supposed to go there' as blood began seeping out from the council doors.
"Run, we should." Yoda said, even as mace began yelling again.
"I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE, AND IM COMING FOR YOU NEXT!"
"I second that motion!" DJ yelled as they all began running away even as a certain Jedi Master's purple lightsaber burst through the door and he began a rampage through the Jedi Headquarters, all because of a few people cheating and a ham sandwich…
END.
Thank you for reading, R&R!