Prolouge
I took a deep breath, and lifted my hand to open the door that led to the unthinkable.
"Arella."
I whirled around, for once taken completely by surprise. How did he get here?! He was never supposed to be here. Never supposed to see me like this. Never supposed to be a part of this. They promised.
"Wh-what are you doing here?" I asked him, trying to think of a plausible explanation for MY being here, at the same time slowly getting into cover, transforming myself into the angel that everyone expected of me.
"Arella," He said again, moving towards me and completely ignoring my question,"....why?'
"Why what?" I questioned, backing myself up against the door, and praying that I didn't look like a deer in headlights. That would be the last thing I needed at the moment.
He seemed to debate with himself for a moment before answering my question. "Why....everything. Why hide it all? Why hide yourself? Why pretend to be this whole other person, just to please other people?" He visibly paled and swallowed. "Why make me fall in love with you?"
I wanted to tell him everything. I really did. He was right in front of me now, and I was gazing into his uncharacteristically deep blue eyes, and I knew I couldn't do that to him. Knew I couldn't hurt him that way. And also because, I knew that, by hurting him, I would also hurt myself. He didn't really love me; he only loved the person he thought me to be. The person I had become; for him. I knew he didn't love me for who I really was. And, in that moment, I knew he never would; never could. So, I spared myself the pain, and, instead of telling him everything he wanted to know, everything that he would push me away for, I saved us both the trouble.
I pushed him away, both mentally and physically, and said "I don't know what you're talking about."
My eyes were downcast, for even though I knew that this was for the best, I selfishly spared myself the pain in his. I chanted it over and over again in my head, This is for the best, this is what's right, he'll thank you for this eventually, and told myself that I shouldn't care, didn't care about him, he was just a job, a mission, an expendable; but I couldn't get away from the truth in those eyes.
I heard, rather than saw, him take a step back, and only looked up when I knew that his eyes were too far away to hurt me anymore. I quickly put my head back down when I saw his expression of hurt and pain and.....disbelief. Was I really that see-through?
He was about to reply, and I could only deduce what he would say from his expression earlier. So, telling myself I was doing this for him, and knowing that I was really doing it because I couldn't stand to hear his voice again while I was this jumbled heap of confused thoughts and emotions, I did what I did best: I dissapeared.
And, as I vanished, I spared him one last thought, and wished with all my heart that he would get it, understand, and forget about me.
Goodbye.