A/N: I hope everyone enjoys this story. I am still working on Shepherd Christmas, but this one came to me. I just had to put it out.
The headlights of Derek's Range Rover illuminated the clearing where their trailer was located. He pulled his SUV next to Addison's car and turned off the ignition. He didn't immediately get out of the vehicle to go inside. Instead, his mind drifted to the day's events.
This wasn't the first time one of his case's had touched him and truly meant something. But, this time, Mr. and Mrs. Booker weren't just a married couple; they were himself and Addison. Mrs. Booker was willing to give up a chance at life just to spend a few happy moments with her husband, and sometime in a 15-year marriage Mr. Booker had lost sight of the woman he had fallen in love with.
Derek wished he could pinpoint the exact moment he had stopped seeing the beautiful and spunky woman from nearly 13 years before, but he couldn't. And it had happened.
He sighed. It had been more than a year since he'd walked in on Addison in bed with his best friend. And in all those months, Derek had been blaming Addison for the end of their relationship. He had been playing the part of the victim when he was really a part of the crime.
Mr. Booker had waited till it was nearly too late to begin appreciating his wife; he was lucky to even have a chance. But, maybe, Derek thought, he was luckier. He had a chance to amend his wrongs before it had to come down to life or death.
He ran a hand through his hair and sighed before getting out of the vehicle and heading toward the front door of the trailer. He could see a light from the bedroom window and knew Addison would still awake. He just hoped she would listen.
"Hey," he called out to her.
"Hey," she responded, never taking her eyes from the magazine.
Derek slipped from his shoes and started back for the bed. He took his time as he lay down across the foot of it, looking at his wife. Now, he couldn't seem to remember what he was going to say. He just watched as her eyes scanned the text on the magazine in her lap.
Noticing that he was watching her, Addison wondered, "What?"
It was now or never. Derek sighed and allowed it all to pour out, "I was indifferent. You know, in New York, before Mark, I was just… indifferent toward you."
He could tell that she wasn't sure how to take what he was saying so she warily agreed, "Yes."
But that wasn't all, "And I was absent."
Still confused, she repeated her previous answer, "Yes."
"I'm part of the blame for what's happened to our marriage," He finally admitted, softly.
Addison's response was less confused and much more tender, "Yeah."
It was time to apologize, "I'm sorry. I'm working on it."
The cautious smile she tried to hide made it all worth it, "Okay."
Derek nodded and turned around to begin his ritual for getting ready for bed. He could feel Addison watching him, and he turned so he could see her out of the corner of his eye. She nervously fiddled with her glasses for a moment before placing both them and the magazine on the nightstand.
Addison watched him as he crawled underneath the covers next to her and gave her a soft kiss on the cheek, "Night, Addie."
"Night Derek," Addison scooted so she was lying down and turned off the bedside light.
Derek didn't move. A soft light illuminated the trailer, and he gazed at her silhouetted features. Earlier, Addison had mentioned something about Catherine Deneuve; he had blown her off and ignored the question. But Addison did bear a striking resemblance to the blonde beauty. Why hadn't he ever seen it before?
"You do, you know," He softly mused.
Addison opened one eye and used it to glare at him, "I do what?"
"Look like her," Derek clarified.
Addison opened her other eye and pushed herself into a sitting position, "Is this one of those strange conversations where I need to turn on the light and give up all hope of sleep? Because I certainly have no idea what you are talking about."
"Catherine Deneuve," He smiled and shrugged.
"I thought she was a blonde," Addison countered, a trace of bitterness in her voice
"I was busy earlier," He sighed, "I wasn't thinking. You do look like her in her younger days, though."
A smile crossed her lips, "Thank you."
His only response was a smirk and a nod. His eyes still focused on her face, Derek laid his head on the pillow and watched her. Addison rolled onto her side and smiled at him.
"Good night," Derek reached across and brushed a lock of hair out of her face.
"Night, Derek," Addison closed her eyes.
Derek couldn't sleep, although Addison didn't seem to have the same problem. After only a few moments her breath slowed into the slow and steady pattern that signaled deep sleep. She was gorgeous, Derek realized. It had been years since he had lay wake watching Addison sleep.
She was gorgeous and breathtaking when she was awake. With her makeup perfectly applied, her hair styled without error and her clothing business-like and immaculate, Addison could turn heads and make any man stare. There was no doubt that the public Addison Shepherd, with her strong personality and no frills style, was a knockout. Derek found that Addison fascinating, fun and sexy albeit slightly uptight.
But there was another Addison that was much easier to miss. The quiet brooding Addison that enjoyed afternoons curled up in Derek's flannel shirts with a book. This Addison wasn't bothered by her lack of makeup and spent no time fussing with her hair. She wanted to be reassured and to be held in strong arms. She was beautiful, and she was the Addison that had captured Derek's heart.
Derek placed a kiss on his wife's forehead and allowed his lips to linger there as he savored her presence. He finally pulled away and laid his head back on the pillow. As he closed his eyes and drifted to sleep he knew it was time to remember why he loved Addison. There was no way he could ever fathom forgiving her if he didn't know why he was with her in the first place.