Disclaimer: I don't own Waterloo Road, it's affiliates or anything like that. I just like messing around with the characters.
A/N: I've been working on this on paper since… well, for a long time. Probably since the third or fourth episode of Series 4 and it's probably the longest piece I've ever written, but it was completely worth it. I've never felt so easy spending time in another character's head before, if that makes sense to anyone but me. I really enjoyed writing this one, and I hope you enjoy reading it. It's set a week or so after Mel asks Eddie to move in with her and Philip, I know, dark days we would all rather forget but I had to do it. I also opted for him moving in with them since it worked for this fic and we never did know either way. Whichever they did choose in the series, disregard any episodes after that event which I suppose makes this slightly AU now. And please, please do leave a comment, they make all the trouble I get into for spending my time ignoring my actual work worth it!
Summary: Can an accidental slip on Eddie's part finally realign the course of destiny we all know should have run so much smoother? Reddie.
Mistaken Fortune
Chapter One
Rachel Mason sighed and gently towel-dried her wet hair as she took the first few steps out of her bathroom, the door she'd opened to get out allowing the billowing, perfumed air from her shower onto her landing. It was Sunday, the one day a week she allowed herself to just be, without thinking about the various obligations on her time and her mind, and she was enjoying every minute. She'd gotten up very late for her, 11:00am she'd slept in until, and had proceeded to take a very leisurely shower, using her favourite and as it happened, most wonderfully scented shower gel and shampoo, and was just thinking about which movie she could watch and whether she could put off doing her weekly shop for another day when she heard a thump outside her front door.
She froze. That was not a good sign. Her peaceful morning abruptly derailed, she waited by her banister, watching the blurred shape of whoever was on her doorstep moving something around their feet and then straighten, through the frosted window pane. Disappointedly lowering the towel from her hair, she spread it gently over the railing in front of her and combed her fingers lightly through her hair, admittedly an easier task now than it had been a few months ago because half the length she had possessed was now no longer there, though part of her missed the wave of caramel hair she'd had. Eyes still trained on the smoky glass set in her front door, she padded silently down the stairs, one hand grazing the banister as she pulled her robe tighter around her with the other.
Then came the sound she'd been dreading, the noise that meant she would not be getting to watch her favourite film or avoid thinking about the outside world for another couple of hours. Whoever was on the other side of her front door had knocked, not timidly but there was definitely a certain reticence to the sound, as if the unknown person was not sure they should be there. Flicking a glance in her hall mirror, checking her scar was well covered and she at least looked semi-presentable, she gathered her robe around her neck out of habit and slid back the lock, pulling the door open cautiously.
On her doorstep, looking distinctly uncomfortable and ruffled, was Eddie Lawson. Frowning, she peered around her door and wished she'd answered his knock in more than her admittedly thick but not particularly sensible robe. Eddie, for his part, did not seem any happier upon seeing her open the door, just resigned, which once she might have reacted to but could not work up the energy to banter while stood in this predicament. Thankfully, she did not catch the way his eyes lingered over the hand at her throat or on the curve of her hips, which was made evident by the tie at her waist.
"Eddie?" She questioned instead, moving slightly further around her door and for the first time taking in the suitcase and assorted plastic bags littered around his feet. She tried not to react but felt both her eyebrows rise a little anyway, before shifting her gaze back to her Deputy.
"Melissa chucked me out." He offered as an explanation, motioning towards the bags and looking, Rachel couldn't help thinking, a little bit forlorn. She pressed her lips together, knowing what he had not asked was more important than what he had voiced. Her current thoughts regarding Eddie and her sister's relationship were not favourable, to say the least, but her warmth towards Eddie could not be overcome by her bitterness at his decision. She took a swift breath and stepped back, opening the door slightly.
"You'd better come then." She vouchsafed, letting him into her house despite the warning in her own mind that it was not a good idea. Determined to get a handle on the various emotions now at play inside of her, she held the door open and waited as he lugged his assorted baggage inside her home, a stubborn silence surrounding him that told her she would have to open conversation again once he'd finished. As the last bag made it over her doorstep and was deposited at the bottom of her stairs, Rachel was eventually forced to ask the pressing question. The awkward silence was not like them at all. "Why did Melissa…?" She drifted off as his eyes darted away from hers, telling her without words that she most likely did not want to know the answer to that question. Despite her not finishing, he seemed to want to answer and almost forced himself around to face her.
"I was trying to tell her that I loved her and… I… said someone else's name." His voice was very quiet, trying to soften the blow perhaps, and yet Rachel still flinched. Desperately, she tried to think of her sister, the little girl she'd taken care of since she could remember, how hard this had to have been for her, how devastating. This way, Rachel did not have to fathom how much this was going to hurt herself. Folding her arms around her rapidly cooling body, she pushed the door closed to give her face a second to become unreadable and banish her thoughts from her irises, before turning back to her friend, though she did not meet his steady gaze. She didn't trust herself enough to look him straight in his eyes.
"What did Mel say?" She managed to speak around the sizeable lump in her throat, though her voice shook audibly. Again, she winced, this time at the show of weakness on her part.
"That she knew all along. That we were kidding ourselves." His tone was low, flat, but she could still detect a faint trace of the bitterness she knew so well from her own experience.
"Oh." She answered, though there was more confusion than understanding in the sound. Rachel couldn't work out what the undertone was here, something serious was just under the surface and she couldn't figure out what she was missing. Eddie didn't seem ready to give her an answer yet either, despite Rachel being aware he had to know she'd figured out there was something he wasn't saying.
"She didn't want me in the house anymore, which was fair enough, but I don't have anywhere else I can go. Don't make me ask Rachel." It took a moment of concentration, but she managed not to betray the tug his words caused within her. Conflicting emotions began to storm inside her as she finally risked a tiny glance up into his eyes and saw desperation mixed with something much warmer, which confused her even more. Darting her gaze away, she slipped past his imposing presence into her living room; it was strange, she hadn't felt so aware of him in quite a while, now the once-familiar sense of him was rapidly overcoming her mind. She heard him follow her through the doorway, wishing almost that he hadn't. It was harder to think clearly when he was close.
"Look, Eddie," she managed to say after a few moments, putting a lot of effort into finding her sensible side again, "you can stay for a few days but-" She didn't want to refuse, but what choice did she have? Her control of late had been tenuous at best, she could not be constantly around him, it would be unbearable.
"But?" He cut in sharply. "Oh don't worry Rachel, I'll stay out of your way." If his voice had been any harsher, she would have said he'd spat that at her, but even when he was angry, and she acknowledged he had a right to be, he still somehow made it sound better, like it was his fault as well, not just hers. She heard his feet scuff her carpet, turning to head for the stairs probably, his expression likely every bit as bitter as his voice, and Rachel felt the familiar wave of guilt she always felt for treating him differently because of what he had with her sister. Hurriedly, she called after him, turning to face him at last. She owed him an explanation, one she knew she could not give, for being so reluctant. It wasn't his fault; it was hers, as always.
"Eddie, it's not like that. I just – I don't do the entertaining thing much." It was a limp apology and a worse explanation, but the best she could do for the moment. Despite that, it seemed to restore some of his humanity and his voice softened slightly as he turned back to her.
"Like I said, I'll stay out of your way." That was a slight improvement but she could tell he was still angry with her – she knew he held that right, was entitled to it, but wasn't sure that was the reason he was glaring a little. Letting out an inaudible sigh, she let him go with a nod and padded out of sight of the door, to her landline's handset, which was lying on the sofa.
"Bedroom's upstairs, first door on the left." She lifted her voice so he could hear her then listened for him picking up his bags and starting up her stairs, no doubt with a dark expression her feeble words had done nothing to lift. Taking a slow breath, she bent slightly to pick up the handset and dialled a number she knew so well by now, then slipped the earpiece under her still damp hair so she could listen. After a lot of waiting, far too much for it not to mean something, her sister picked up.
"Melissa Ryan speaking." That voice, which was usually so bubbly and alive, sounded incredibly irritated and Rachel practically recoiled from it before answering, in a much more cheerful voice than she had previously thought she was capable of faking.
"Melissa, it's Rachel." There was a beat as she waited for a reply, probably Mel deciding what reaction to choose.
"Oh hi. Rachel. Great to hear from you." The rancour that dripped from her sister's voice sent a shiver down Rachel's spine, it wasn't like Mel at all and did a good job preparing her for what would likely turn out to be a very unpleasant conversation, though she'd yet to understand exactly why she was on the receiving end.
"Mel, what's going on?" Rachel questioned, hunching her shoulders, making sure she could not be seen from the door.
"I'm sure Eddy will explain it when he gets there, if he's not arrived already." Thinking quickly, Rachel decided not to tell Mel that her Deputy was already there, feeling sure that it would do more harm than good. Instead, Rachel played as innocent as possible in the hopes she would draw more answers from her sister than she had from Eddie. If indeed she wanted to hear the answers.
"Why, what's happened?" Rachel bluffed, her concern real but better conveyed than it might have ordinarily been.
"Like I said, he can explain." There was something going on here; something that was making her sister not just hostile to Eddie, but her as well, and she was determined to find out what it was.
"No, come on Mel, what's wrong?" The question hung in the air around her, both desperate to be answered and ignored at the same time.
"We're finished Rach. Over. He's not coming back here again." There was a disturbing finality to her sister's tone that she fought against half of her rejoicing over while the other half of her was shot through with worry.
"Why?" She let the concern show through in her voice as she gripped the phone a little tighter.
"He doesn't love me, Rach. He never did." Rachel felt a twist of guilt choke her for a second, as she wondered who could have captivated Eddie so completely that he'd even given his feelings away to her sister.
"What are you talking about? I've never seen someone more smitten than Eddie was with you!" Rachel tried to keep her voice low, but she was also trying to swallow the emotion rising in her own throat.
"Why did he say someone else's name, then? He was saying 'I love you' and it wasn't to me!" Rachel was so confused about how she was feeling, she was trying to take into account her sister's feelings without letting her own cloud the issue, she nimbly avoided asking the one question that would probably solve her burning throat and concentrated on Mel's slightly shaking voice.
"Mel, did you talk to Eddie about it before you packed him off around here? It might just have been a stupid mistake, you know he doesn't always say the right thing."
"It wasn't a mistake." Melissa ground out from between what Rachel suspected were tightly clenched teeth. "I've known for a while it's not me that he really cares about. We had a good time, and I enjoyed every second we had together, but I knew, I knew this would happen eventually."
"Knew what would happen? Mel, you're not making sense." She knew she was purposefully clouding the issue, not wanting to understand because while Eddie being with her sister had been hard enough, seeing him with someone else was just too difficult to bear. But it seemed her sister had finally lost patience with her.
"It's you, Rachel! He's in love with you!"
Her sister's words attacked Rachel's mind, stealing her sensibility and freezing her entire body. She couldn't process the idea for a minute, and when she finally allowed her sister's voice to echo in her mind, she wished she hadn't. The guilt swelled to practically poisonous levels, telling her what she'd always suspected, confirming all her darkest fears, but even that was not enough to blanket the faint spark of hope, the flicker of pleasure she knew she shouldn't feel at the knowledge Eddie's feelings for her had not been dissolved upon seeing her scar. "Rachel?" Melissa's voice over the phone intruded on her thoughts and she shook herself, trying to find an appropriate response, which her ragged and very audible breathing certainly wasn't.
"Mel, how on earth can you know that?" Rachel asked shakily, unable to find anything else to say.
"I told him. He didn't deny it." The older brunette felt her breath hitch at her sister's words but tried not to show how much the words meant, how much they shouldn't have meant.
"Mel, maybe he was just confused, I'm sure-"
"He wasn't confused Rach. I should have seen it really. Anyway, he's bound to be round there soon." Panicking, she remembered the man probably slumped on her spare bed upstairs; she understood now the undercurrent that had flowed from him in their previous conversation. He blamed her and he blamed himself for the dissolution of a relationship he had been happy in, yet she sensed part of him was relieved the deception with himself and the people around him was finally over. He was glad to be here, with her, though he wasn't about to voice the thought yet. Rachel shook her head, so confused she wasn't sure if she just wanted that to be true or if it actually was.
"Why the hell did you send him around here?" Even to her own ears, her voice was strained, and while she expected hostility from her sister at the tone, she was surprised after a few words.
"Well, where would you have him go? Anyway," Melissa's voice paused and Rachel heard her sigh over the phone, before continuing in a somewhat gentler tone, "I think you two need to talk, properly, not your usual 'Yeah, I'm fine' crap. He might be the one who can help you Rach, he'd be a good thing for you. And don't bother telling me he means nothing, I know you'd be lying." The insight her sister showed into her own heart let alone Eddie's was a surprise, an uncomfortable thought because naturally, Rachel did not like anyone getting that close but in another way, it was wonderful that even though she doubted Melissa, her sister did understand at least part of her.
"Mel, if there's any chance you two could sort this-"
"No, there isn't. I can't be with someone while he's in love with someone else; it's not fair on either of us. Just talk to him Rachel, it can't do any harm." Rach was about to point out it could do a lot of harm when she heard Eddie coming back down the stairs and she knew she had to get off the phone. She didn't want Melissa to know she'd been, not lying, but not telling the truth.
"I don't know about that. I've got to go, I'll call you later." Rachel hurriedly replied, trying to lower her voice without Mel realising she was doing so, turning even further away from the sounds Eddie made as he moved down her stairs, in the hopes she would be able to place the handset down out of sight before he came in. She had thought he'd stay in his room and fume for a little while before resurfacing; now she wasn't prepared. She waited for her little sister to say goodbye then hung up, slipping the phone onto the nearby chair just as she heard him reach the door.
"That Melissa?" A familiar voice asked, all traces of his temper from earlier evaporated and the soothing tone was more than enough to calm her as well. She felt her uneasiness fade as she whipped around, trying not to look too guilty. Unconsciously, she'd already made the decision not to tell him she knew what he'd said; she wasn't ready for the discussion that would follow and would not be able to stand the awkwardness inevitable afterwards. Especially not if he was going to be living here while they tried to deal with it.
"Err yeah. She's not in a particularly talkative mood from what I can tell." Rachel replied, her eyes skipping past him as she pulled her robe slightly tighter around her body. She felt so exposed. Even though it was his mistake, his feelings that had been revealed, she still felt so unbearably vulnerable. Probably a consequence of Melissa's cutting comments early, though her robe, which was a far cry from her usual formal attire, wasn't helping. She could feel Eddie's eyes burning into her and she avoided returning the look, instead starting forward and moving around him to go upstairs and get changed.
"Did she tell you-" Eddie began, but Rachel knew him well enough to know exactly what he was about to ask and, like she'd already concluded, she wasn't ready.
"No." Her voice was low, but firm. Resolute. To tell him he was not to ask that again. "She was pretty upset. She didn't really want to talk to me." The hurt from not being to convince her sister to confide in her still stung, drawing honesty that she realised a second after speaking was a massive mistake. It would only make him try and explain, which was what she had determined he would not do, so she cut across him again.
"Well, that might be-"
"I'm going to do the food shopping after I change, is there anything you want?" It had been a flash of inspiration, getting away from Eddie under a suitable explanation that would hopefully allow her to be out for as long as she needed, and give her time to process and distance herself. But, if her perception wasn't altered by her own hopes, she could have sworn she saw a flash of disappointment on her Deputy's face as she spoke.
"No, that's alright. I'll get my stuff." No, she had been right, there was definitely an edge of dissatisfaction to his voice. Again, it tugged at her, drawing a spike of nicety from Rachel, even though she'd been trying to keep as icy as possible.
"If I'm going, Eddie…" The olive branch made him smile a little and she couldn't help but return the action.
"Alright. Beer?" That almost made her laugh.
"Anything specific?"
"No. Just alcohol." There was a lightness to his expression as he answered, a joke that always provoked the same feeling from her, despite trying for the opposite.
"You are not getting legless under my roof, Mr Lawson." Her voice was playfully stern, her eyes beginning to shine.
"Not even a little?" He whined, shoving his hands in his pockets and inclining his head, with all the attitude of a five year old.
"Most certainly not." She returned, folding her arms with a mock-stubborn tilt of her head, sending her slightly curling damp hair falling over her face.
"But Miss Mason!" Eddie protested childishly, and Rachel smiled amusedly in return, unable to keep hold on the urge to laugh. In the back of her mind, she acknowledged they should not be getting along this well, considering the various emotions as play here; where has all her awkwardness from earlier disappeared to? How did Eddie always manage to disable her defences so easily?
"That's my final word on the matter. Anything else apart from alcohol?" Rachel enquired, moving past him and pausing at the doorframe with a raised eyebrow.
"Well, if you get the stuff for a curry or a stir-fry, I could cook one night. To say thank you." He shrugged, eyes cautiously searching out hers and she had to concentrate again on suppressing the touched smile at his thoughtful words.
"You don't need to do that, Eddie. It's only for a few days." She reminded, determined to keep the boundaries for now.
"I want to, though." His voice was so wonderfully honest, so caring and she had to keep a seriously tight hold on her reaction before it could betray how much those words had meant. There was a flicker of thought in her mind that clarified, just in case it wasn't clear enough already, what a spectacularly bad idea it was to let Eddie stay, let him do anything for her, because she knew part of her welcomed the closer contact that had been missing virtually since the start of term. She could not bring herself to refuse the determined and gentle look in his eyes though, not when the thought was a kind one and for her benefit.
"Alright." She relented, before she felt a spark of mischief light her eyes and she continued with a slight smirk, "You can cook then? I'm not going to be on standby with a fire extinguisher, am I?" Rachel joked, leaning a hand against the wall beside her as she partially turned back to him.
"What exactly are you implying?" He returned, mock-outrage not quite swallowing the sparkle in his eyes and his smile, which was reflected in her own expression.
"Nothing at all. Just that I would like my kitchen still standing by the time you're done." Rachel shot back, her serious expression also belied by the happy light dancing in her caramel orbs.
"Ha! Funny. Not. Well, you'll be taking all this back when I do cook for you." Eddie prophesied with a proud smile. "I'm fully domesticated, you know." He added, pretending to huff and leaning against the chair back behind him.
"We'll see, won't we? I might pick up a fire blanket while I'm out, just in case." Rachel smirked fully then, and she caught the narrowing of Eddie's eyes at the joke but slid away and up her stairs before he could reply. Her heartbeat, she could tell, was slightly elevated and she could barely keep the smile she was dieing to wear down. Was it excitement? Happiness? Nerves? She couldn't identify exactly what she was feeling but she would have to put a sharp lid on it before she faced Eddie or Melissa again.
Slipping into her bedroom, Rachel leant against the door and closed it behind her, taking a deep breath. Eddie and Melissa were no longer together. Finally, the thought was allowed to register completely and although she knew it was wrong, she could not stop the flash of gladness that went through her at the realisation, making her slightly giddy and her knees feel a little weak. She would no longer have to avoid the Staffroom, or Eddie or Mel's classrooms, would not have to stand by and watch the chance she hadn't taken being thrown in her face at every seeming opportunity.
She wouldn't have to lie to Melissa about her love life anymore. She wouldn't have to hide her feelings behind quite so many layers of defences around Eddie now. She might even get her full-time Deputy back. Not that she resented the time he spent with Mel, but she couldn't deny she'd missed his company. There were so many opportunities they'd missed to spend time together this term, and although part of her fought how she was feeling, she knew she wanted to make up for lost time.
Shrugging off that uncomfortable thought with her robe, she averted her eyes purposefully from any of the mirrors before yanking a pair of jeans and a dark forest-green roll-neck from her wardrobe and getting dressed while looking at herself as little as possible. Brushing on a little, faintly-coloured lip balm, she grabbed her purse and mobile and slid them into her pockets. Finally glancing at herself in the mirror, she assured herself the scar was fully covered (though with a roll-neck, it could hardly be anything else) and she looked presentable once more, then briefly ran the hairdryer over her hair. At last, she was feeling confidant enough to face the world, and more importantly, Eddie.
Gliding down the stairs, she listened for any clue that would tell her where her new lodger was. Hearing the TV on and knowing she hadn't put it on, she summarised he was in her living room. She leant slightly into the doorway and confirmed the suspicion before grabbing her coat off the hook and pulling it on. The stirring of warmth that went through her at the sight of Eddie sprawled on her sofa, completely relaxed, scared her slightly and if she had not thought it would make her clinically insane, she would have told her body and emotions to behave because feelings like that were simply not appropriate.
"Alright Eddie, I'm going, see you in a while." She called, doing up a couple of buttons and yanking the tie close around her waist. She heard movement inside the room but didn't think anything of it until she picked up her keys from the table in the hall and turned to the door, only to find Eddie in front of her.
"D'you mind if I come with?" He asked gently, leaning on the doorframe as she had done. Rachel was tempted because she never enjoyed this necessary chore, and his company might make the trip pleasant, but if there was one thing she couldn't stand, it was being treated like a porcelain doll even all these weeks after what happened. She hated being pitied. If that was his reason for volunteering, then he would be better staying here. She'd only end up being angry with him, and he wouldn't understand why.
"I can manage Eddie." She replied, with a slight edge to her voice, adjusting the front of her coat and flicking him a look to assess his motives.
"I know. It just might take my mind off things." She could hardly refuse after he said that, so she nodded reluctantly and opened the door for them both, brushing off the twist of her stomach as worry rather than excitement. She heard him crunch over her gravel towards her car and tried not to smile at how natural this seemed.
She hadn't realised her hands were shaking slightly until she attempted locking her front door and had several goes before finally fitting the key into the lock, feeling more conscious of Eddie's eyes on her every second she delayed, which did not help her wavering fingers. Irritated with herself, she banished the flashes of pleasure and nerves with a concentrated thought before turning and going over to her car. Out of habit, she went to the driver's side door to find that was where Eddie was stood.
"Eddie, you need the other side." Rachel told him, pressing the relevant button on her control and hearing the answering click of the doors unlocking.
"Aw, come on Rachel, can't I drive?" Eddie moaned, standing so close to the car that Rach couldn't open the front car door without hitting him.
"Absolutely not. You're not insured to drive it, for one."
"And another?" Eddie enquired, still stood in front of the door and Rachel rolled her eyes, opening it anyway and bumping it into him gently.
"I always drive my own car." She replied simply, smiling and he shrugged in defeat, moving slightly away so she could open the car door further and step inside it, but not into the car itself. He didn't move any further away and as she stepped up to the side of her car, she realised it was only her door that put any space between them.
"That a control thing?" He queried with a light smirk and Rachel tipped her head a little to one side as she considered his words.
"Perhaps." She replied evasively, a smirk of her own lifting her mouth before she swung herself elegantly into her car and pulled the door shut behind her, though it didn't quite close in time to muffle the sound of his chuckle as he walked around and got into the passenger seat. She focussed on starting the car and pulling away from her drive while he clipped in his seat belt and checked his mobile. Who he was expecting to hear from, Rachel didn't know and didn't want to know.
"How's Michael?" She asked, to pre-empt any awkward silences falling again. As always, Eddie's face lit up at the question about his son and he began talking ten to the dozen.
"He's great, started nursery this year, going up to Year One next year, and he loves it. Keeps giving me drawings and paintings whenever I see him, I'm running out of space on my fridge." Rachel had a vision as he said it, of a child's collection of portraits stuck with colourful magnets at haphazard angles to a fridge, but what surprised her was not the paintings, but the fact she'd placed them on her own fridge. "I'm checking on his Maths and he's doing best in that of course, though I think Alison is sure I'm grilling him too much. He asks about you, he remembers you from that day Alison dumped him on me, and I, well, I talk about you quite a bit." Eddie admitted, flushing a little and ducking his head so he wouldn't have to meet the surprised flick of her eyes towards him from the road.
"Me? Why?" The question escaped her before her mind could contain it and she kept her eyes fixed ahead of her, hoping he would pass over the answer without any depth.
"Well, like I said, he asks about you and when he heard what happened last year, the fire and you being in hospital, he even wanted to go and visit you with me but I didn't know if you'd be up to it. Then, by the time I'd worked up the nerve to ask you, you discharged yourself." Eddie told her, a soft smile lifting his expression, which she took a moment to return. She knew he hadn't fully approved of her decision to leave the hospital a little earlier than the doctors had recommended but it had been the right thing for her.
"You should have brought him, you didn't have to ask, I would've loved to see him." Rachel replied, and she saw Eddie's expression light up even more, if it were possible, at her honesty. "I had far too little to do in that damn hospital without you turning away visitors." She joked, the memory of those weeks darkening the light in her eyes, though she managed to shoot her companion a smile to assure him she was kidding. The minute she found his eyes, she wished she hadn't looked, there was such a warmth and sympathy in his deep brown pools that she was hard pressed to drag her attention back to driving.
"I'm sorry Rachel. I would have come to visit you more but you didn't seem to enjoy me being there and I – I know it's awful but I hated seeing you like that. You were so unhappy." Eddie's voice had dropped considerably, as if she wasn't sure if he should be saying anything, but part of him Rachel suspected needed to say it and she was almost surprised he had not tried to have this conversation earlier. Maybe he would have done, if not for the ever-present question of Melissa.
"Yes, I was unhappy." She agreed, barely above a whisper, glad her hands were wrapped around the steering wheel as she felt shivers begin to pass through her again. "I hated how vulnerable I felt. But I was always, always, glad to see you Eddie." Her voice grew in strength as she gathered her courage and told him what he deserved to know. She didn't dare look over and he didn't say anything in return, and for a few seconds Rachel feared she'd been far too open, but then she felt a warm hand settle on her shoulder, a reassuring squeeze being given with it.
They drew up to a set of traffic lights and the brunette let one of her own hands raise a little shakily off the steering wheel to rest on his. The action both calmed and excited her, if that were possible, and she could feel his gaze laying heavily on her while she tried to find something to say. Then the lights began to change and she had to take her hand away. To her surprise, he left his on her shoulder until they were on a moving road. She was getting used to the comforting weight when he slowly lifted his fingers and brushed a few hairs behind her ear softly then retreated, probably unsure how she would react to such a personal and affectionate gesture.
Rachel could feel her heartbeat thumping in her chest and her head, felt a swell of emotion that was so much more than friendly gratitude, but for now, that was all she could show. She let her soft smile glide over her mouth in answer to his action and said quietly, with as much happiness as she dared feel.
"Thank you Eddie." She sensed rather than saw his returning smile but didn't give him chance to say anymore as they were pulling into the supermarket. After turning into a much-searched-for parking space at the supermarket, Rachel could feel the shivers receding, her control returning with it, and was thankful. Shooting her Deputy a quick smile, now she felt she could without giving too much away, she exited the car and grabbed her keys, slotting them into her back pocket after locking up.
"You got a pound for the trolley?" Eddie called over the car, as normal as ever, and she almost laughed in return.
"Nope. I've got a token." She replied, slipping the pound-shaped token off her key ring and holding it up for him as they reached each other's side. He glanced at it and grinned, taking it from her without a word and heading towards the line of linked trolleys waiting by the shop's entrance. Again, Rachel was swamped by an unavoidable feeling of familiarity, as if they had always been doing this. It was wonderfully comforting but dreadful as well, she shouldn't be letting him this close. Especially when Melissa was still connected to him, even if they weren't dating anymore, Rachel still shouldn't be feeling this way so soon.
But her and Eddie were good friends, or had been, and she realised she really wanted that back. She decided to try and keep this as normal as possible, and ignored the tingling in her fingertips from where his skin had touched hers in taking the token. She tugged at her coat to settle her mind and strode into the shop, with Eddie following just behind with a trolley. Knowing he would take her lead, she entered the first isle and began choosing apples.
"Braeburn?" Came Eddie's voice from behind her and she turned, a bag of apples hanging from one hand, an eyebrow arched in question.
"Yes, problem?" She queried, a light in her eyes that told him she was amused.
"I like 'Pink Ladies'." Eddie replied, pouting a little, pulling the trolley up next to her as he once more adopted a whine in his voice that would not have been out of place in a conversation with Michael. Rachel considered turning that remark back on him but decided it probably wasn't appropriate under the circumstances and settled for rolling her eyes, and adding three of his type of apples to the bag. The action was greeted by a grateful smile and she shook her head in mock-exasperation before placing the apples in the bottom of the trolley and moving on to clementines.
They continued in much the same way all around the shop, though it was surprising how similar their tastes were. For most of the meals, she was just adjusting to an extra portion, not changing anything. She also added the ingredients for his curry, after some prompting and a little actual prodding on his part. To her mind's dismay, but her heart's delight, she'd squirmed under his fingers and let out a laugh that sounded almost foreign because it had been so long since she'd least heard it. She was sure she looked surprised after she'd realised what she'd done. Eddie had looked pretty pleased with himself though.
All the while, that comforting familiarity she'd felt earlier lingered, the feeling that she could do this forever, that they had been doing this forever, warming her all the way though and easing away her defences. It was a difference that was unnoticeable to her, thankfully, as she would have done everything she could to reverse it, although Eddie couldn't help but see the change, and welcome it.
They'd reached the end of the supermarket and were heading towards a till when the sweets stand had caught Eddie's eye and he'd quite literally dragged Rachel over to have a look for something for Michael. It was a little bewildering, the range of different sugary stuff you could buy now. Rachel had never been particularly fond of sweets, but apparently Eddie had a sweet tooth, which was why there was a cheesecake nestled comfortably in the top of the trolley, for dessert when Eddie cooked, so he said, though Rachel had a sneaking suspicion that some would be missing by the end of tonight.
"Oh Rachel, what about a gobstopper?" Eddie asked, waving his hand vaguely at one shelf and Rachel was dragged out of her thoughts. She was a little off-kilter from the whole experience so her next words were not thought about before being spoken; if she hadn't been so relaxed, she would have realised how telling her words were.
"What's a gobstopper?"
"What?" Eddie spun to face her from the shelves he'd been admiring, clearly a little shocked and maybe a tiny bit amused. "Miss Mason, who is so in touch with the kids, doesn't know what a gobstopper is?" He teased, nudging her lightly with his arm before reaching past her and holding one up. Rachel quickly suppressed the flutter of excitement at his proximity.
"Well, I never did like – whoa. That's massive!" Rachel exclaimed, staring at the oversized sweet in Eddie's hand. She heard him chuckle again and she raised her eyes to his, amusement twisting both their expressions.
"That's the point. Gobstopper." He repeated, holding it out to her. She gingerly took hold of one edge of the packaging and held it out in front of her.
"I can think of a few people who could do with one of these." Rachel laughed, before dropping the confection in their trolley.
"I bet they're not all students either." Eddie muttered, moving next to her so he could speak into her ear and they both moved out of the isle into the clear space before they reached the tills. Rachel glanced up at the comment, ignoring the flutter of pleasure at his breath brushing her neck and face, and they both shared a laugh, knowing exactly who the other was thinking of.
"You read my mind Eddie." Rachel answered, a musical lilt from the laughter in her voice that she not only enjoyed but was sure Eddie was pleased with as well. Luckily, they found an empty till and began to unpack the heaped food onto the conveyer belt. Together, their efforts were flawless and halved the time it would have taken.
"Ah ha! Curry. Can't forget that." Eddie tapped the jar of sauce in a satisfied way and placed it ready on the till while Rachel could not resist having one more dig.
"You still have time to back out, Eddie. For the sake of the kitchen." She tried to apply a light pleading tone but could barely keep her face straight as he levelled his gaze with a challenged look in his eyes.
"I am cooking, end of." He mock-glowered and went back to unpacking while Rachel gave in to her smile and went past the checkout girl to begin packing up the food, sharing a look of exasperation with the young woman that was all sisterly camaraderie.
"It's always a blessing and a curse when they cook, isn't it? My husband always manages to burn something when he's in the kitchen but the rest tastes great." The woman commented idly, passing food across the barcode reader automatically, without thought. The implication of the words didn't hit Rachel until a couple of seconds later, after she'd already smile in agreement. When she did realise, she froze, completely unsure what to do. Before she could say anything, Eddie had interjecting, naturally enough,
"We're not married." Why was she suddenly flooded with disappointment?
"Well, you should be. Smashing couple like you, what have you got to loose? Sooner the better, I say; after all, life is only so short." The woman replied with barely a flicker of her expression, clearly not bothered by her mistake and Rachel tried to assume the same attitude, hoping Eddie had not seen her conflicting emotions just then. However, she could not keep back the flush at such an obvious leading remark and by the way Eddie was now focussed on the food still in the trolley, she would guess he felt the same way. The rest of the unloading and packing was done in silence, both Eddie and Rachel contemplating why this woman, who didn't know them, thought they would make a good couple. Neither willing to admit just yet they agreed with her.
"Right, that's £76.85 please." The silence was broken and both the other two went for their wallet and purse as they moved towards the card machine, nearly bumping into each other in the process, sending Rachel's pulse skyrocketing again.
"Rach, I can get this, most of that food is for me anyway." Eddie waved at the bagged-up groceries and slid out a card but Rachel shook her head and knocked him lightly out of the way with a teasing smile.
"Don't kid yourself. My appetite is just as good as yours. I'll get it." She gave him a stern look and slipped her card into the machine, turning her back on him with a satisfied nod. She caught the cashier sharing a look with Eddie as she entered her pin and turned her head in time to raise an eyebrow at him. He grinned and moved past her, skimming her back slightly because of the lack of space and sending shivers running all over her. She had to bite her lip a minute to hide the hitch in her breath.
"Any cash-back?" The young woman asked and Rachel shook her head, only just regaining enough breath to speak. The girl grinned knowingly at her as she tapped a few keys and then turned to grab the rapidly printing receipt, which she handed to Rachel once she'd torn it off and Rachel put it, along with her card, back in her purse. "Have a nice evening." The woman offered as Eddie began to push the trolley away and Rachel took a place at his side. The older woman knew there was a definitely intended double-entendre in those words but didn't bother to react, in the hopes Eddie hadn't noticed and the cashier would assume Rachel hadn't either.
Flashing a smile at the younger woman, they walked away and out into the car park. Together, as naturally as if they'd done it a thousand times before, they unloaded into the car and Eddie wheeled he trolley back while Rachel got in and got the engine going with barely a word spoken, but far too many easy smiles exchanged. Just as she was wondering whether to put the radio on, Eddie opened his door and got in, handing her the token at the same time. She smiled her thanks and reattached the token to her keys before pulling out and heading back to her house. With a quick glance at the car's clock, she realised that trip had taken twice as long as it usually did, but she found to her great surprise, she didn't care. She'd enjoyed it.
"So, what are we eating when we get home?" Eddie asked cheerfully, and Rachel smiled again, knowing the poor man had probably gotten his appetite back being around all that food and was now quite hungry. She also ignored his use of the word 'home' knowing she'd read too far into the implications.
"It's ravioli with the pasta sauce you chose tonight." Rachel answered, peering in both directions at a junction before moving smoothly onto the right road.
"Good, I really feel like pasta tonight." Eddie agreed contentedly, leaning back in his seat, tiredness overcoming him for a minute and Rachel could not shut off the guilt rising within her anymore, despite the warnings in her mind.
"Eddie, look, you can stay as long as you need to, alright? I don't mind." Rachel told him quietly, her eyes ahead of her though once again she could feel his on her.
"Thanks Rachel." Eddie replied, his words touchingly heart-felt and she knew she'd done the right thing. It wasn't right to let her insecurities go before doing the best thing for him. Rachel nodded, in reply to him and in confirmation of her thoughts, then let a comfortable silence fall for a little while, though she knew there were many things both of them wanted to say to fill it. Then Eddie began to speak again, "I'm sorry, I don't want to be in the way, but-"
"It's alright Eddie. Really." Rachel added, throwing him a smile as she drove on and he seemed satisfied with that. Her mind in a whirl of unanswered questions, she was pulling into her own drive far sooner than she expected. Trying to ignore the urge to reassure him further than was needed, she got out and went to unlock the front door before retrieving some groceries from the back of her car, brushing Eddie's shoulder as she did so. Now, even the flash of emotion from the touch was beginning to seem familiar.
They unloaded and Rachel packed it all away while Eddie watched, trying to memorise where everything went and which cupboards he would need tonight rather than the shape of Rachel's mouth, the shade of her eyes, the line of her jaw, the fall of her hair, as if he didn't already have most of that committed to memory already. Then she shooed him into the living room, telling him to lay the table while she started cooking, although she added he shouldn't get used to it. The remark made him grin in return, she noticed, before he left her along with a pan of hot water and their dinner ready to be cooked.
Finally, she had a moment to appreciate her situation. Though she felt incredibly guilty for admitting it, Mel had in fact done her a huge favour in sending Eddie around to her. They hadn't gotten along this well personally in weeks, possibly months, and it had done more for her healing process than she'd thought anything could. She'd actually been out and not worried about her scar or her surroundings at all the whole time. For the first time, she'd completely let go of her defences, her worries, all of it, she'd been practically back to normal. And she would not stop herself being glad over that. She would also not try and pretend it had less to do with her, and everything to do with Eddie. However, that was where her concern rose from.
Up until this morning, this man had been living with her sister, had been in what Rachel had considered to be a successful relationship with Mel, and yet both he and Melissa now believed he had been in love with Rachel the entire time. How could that be right? How could it be true? Moreover, was it right that he should be here, with her, helping her, and she enjoying the company, when by association, she had done a terrible thing to her sister? Sighing, she realised she had little choice in the matter.
She'd already told Eddie he could stay as long as he needed, and as long as he was here and acting as natural as this afternoon had been, Rachel knew she had no control over how she felt; she could regulate her reactions but not the underlying emotions. So despite her own guilt, there was nothing she could do. She would not shove Eddie away again, not now they'd reconnected, because she wouldn't be able to tell him why and he didn't deserve that; she would just have to be careful how close she let him get.
Rachel shook herself from her thoughts and started preparing their meal, conscious of the water now boiling. She'd been thinking for just a little too long. Quickly, she added the ravioli to the bubbling pan and then started heating the sauce, putting the slight tremble of her hands down to her being slightly cold, despite the kitchen being quite warm, refusing to acknowledge she was happy or excited. She could now hear Eddie open a drawer in the living room, looking for the cutlery and mats for the table no doubt and Rachel smiled lightly before calling through,
"They're in the tall cabinet drawer, on the left, tablecloth's underneath my briefcase on one of the chairs by the table." She heard a muffled 'thank you' through the wall and laughed a little, checking on the food and fetching plates, generally concentrating on details to keep her mind on more neutrals trains of thought. Only another minute or so, and the pasta would be done, so Rachel retrieved the salt and pepper from one of her cupboards, along with parmesan cheese in case Eddie fancied some.
She knew somehow he'd been there in a minute to get them and sure enough, the moment Rachel had turned back to stir the pasta and sauce, she heard him enter the kitchen though her back was to the door, and without a word, she pointed at the table, not turning around until she'd finished with the ravioli. Despite her delay, when she had expected him to react and move, he had remained by the doorway, an amused look on his face that did not quite cover the tender edge in his eyes.
"Now you're reading my mind." Eddie commented and for some reason, Rachel felt a flush begin creeping across her cheeks. It might have been down to the seeming hidden meaning in his words and she was glad he could not see her thoughts as her imagination ran a little into dangerous territory. Flicking her eyes away from him, and hopefully away from the images her mind had supplied of them in far too close quarters, Rachel hurriedly moved away to drain the pasta. "Can I help with anything?" Eddie's gentle voice slightly surprised her, he was closer than she had expected and she didn't think she'd imagined the brush of his breath again her hair and neck.
"Could you check the sauce is hot enough and if it is, take it off the hob." Rachel was pleased how normal her voice sounded, only the barest detectable trace of breathiness. With a confusing mix of relief and disappointment, she felt Eddie move away to do as she asked, though it was as if the prickling hairs on the back of her neck were telling her his gaze was very much resting on her. She tried to ignore that, lifting the colander out of her sink and tipping a portion onto each plate, another menial task saving her from dwelling too much on what was happening between them.
She was about to turn and ask for the sauce when the pan appeared next to her and she couldn't move for a minute as he leant across her and poured half on one pile of ravioli and half on the other. Smiling to cover her fluttering excitement, she took hold of both plates and picked them up, ready to carry them into the other room when his voice again made her pause.
"You want anything to drink?" Biting her lip briefly, Rachel considered and then nodded towards the fridge.
"There's a bottle of wine in there. Unless you're having beer?" Rachel smiled, as Eddie moved towards where she had indicated. He shook his head and opened the fridge, taking the bottle from the inside shelf and letting the door swing closed behind him and looking around for glasses. Shaking her head, Rachel moved out of the room and into her living room, setting down the warm plates on the mats before moving towards the cabinet he'd gotten the cutlery from earlier, which also happened to be where she kept her wine glasses.
Thankfully, Eddie had followed her and set down the bottle in the middle of the table before taking his own seat. Rachel grabbed two glasses and nudged the cupboard closed with her arm as she turned back and set one down in front of Eddie. He took the initiative and poured them both a good glass of the red liquid while Rachel, out of habit, leant back to other chair where her briefcase was usually left after she'd finished working, probably at some ungodly hour on a Saturday night. But it wasn't there.
"Wasn't my briefcase here?" She asked, eyes already darting around the room in search of her missing paperwork.
"Yeah, I put it by the sofa. What do you want it for?" Eddie asked, setting down Rachel's glass (now filled) and frowning a little up at the woman whose gaze was on her couch.
"Well, I thought we might as well get some work done-" She began, starting to move towards her briefcase before he abruptly cut her off.
"I am not doing paperwork now. I want to eat, I'm hungry!" His voice had sounded serious but the tone had lightened to a joking whine towards the end and Rachel relented, going back to the table and taking her seat.
"Sorry, I forgot men can't multitask." She grinning at Eddie as she slid her chair underneath her and his eyebrows shot up indignantly.
"And I forgot my boss was such a slave-driver." He shot back with a smug smirk and Rachel rolled her eyes.
"Slave driver indeed. It's only by chance you get your work done at all these days." Rachel returned, laughing as she picked up her fork. Eddie huffed and did the same.
"Well, as long as I do get it done, we don't need to work while we're eating, do we?" He pointed out, spearing a piece of ravioli and drawing it up to his mouth as he raised a pointed eyebrow at his friend.
"Fair enough." Rachel conceded, taking a sip of her win to hide her smile at his exasperation. "I don't usually have anyone to talk to at dinner, so I work, it's a habit." She explained, beginning to dig into her own food with an appetite that she hadn't realised she possessed until just now. At any other time, she probably have been embarrassed telling anyone that, thinking it was a self-pitying reflection on her sad and lonely life but right now, she felt comfortable sharing that with him and trusting him to see it in the right way. And, of course, he did.
"Well, take advantage of the company while you can then, eh?" Eddie smiled and Rachel almost rolled her eyes again. She was about to make a light par back about the company not being much improved but the phone rang and she didn't get the chance. She groaned a little and set down her fork, pushing back her chair and leaving the room to grab the main line handset of the stand in the hall.