Your heart beats its own rhythm, makes its own song
Your mind races around wildly, making its own bomb.
That's the problem. Songs are predictable- you hear it once or twice and you know the words, just like your heart beat- thump thump, thump thump, thump thump.
A bomb though, you never know when its going to go off. Things are unpredictable. Just like the constant turmoil inside my head. You never know when shits about to go down.
I don't know, I used to be what you'd call normal. Maybe I had a smart mouth, but I could control it. It wasn't like my mouth would run off and my mind would be trying to reel it back in. I would do stupid things because I wanted to, not cause I couldn't stop myself. I could keep track of the time, the day, and stay there, not dazing out of it like some hippy who smoked too much pot.
But now my mind is a damn bomb and I can't control shit. Even if I keep trying and trying my mind wanders off and I go somewhere else, and there's no telling what will bring me back. Sometimes a word. Sometimes time. Sometimes a good slap will do it. But sometimes... Sometimes I feel like it takes a literal bomb.
Ponyboy put it pretty well the other day when he asked me, "Where do you keep going?"
I think he was asking about why I wouldn't come over for weeks at a time, then show up at his house days in a row.
But he hit it on the head.
My mind just kept running off, and I couldn't keep up. The bomb just kept on ticking.
I was going fucking insane.
I never even knew it was possible to live inside your body but outside your mind.
Its like living inside a bomb, just waiting for it to detonate. You know it's coming. You know it's going to happen, because that's what bombs do- they explode.
Tick tick tock.