A/N: We felt the urge to write a semi-serious one. This is the prologue. Prepare yourself for anything...

"At the risk of sounding clichéd, You're not going to get away with this," I said, glaring in Black Dragon's general direction.

"Oh, I believe I am," Black Dragon smirked, "See, we've planned this one out, and I haven't told you what it is yet. So far, I'm ahead."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "Oh, come off it. You'll be wrapped up in your own monologue soon enough," I snapped. Turning, to Snake Eyes, who stood beside me with folded arms, I sighed. "Don't tell me you're against me too!"

I'm not, he replied, It's just that you insist on talking with people during battle. It's so… distracting.

"That's me," I said, shrugging. "The infamous distracter ninja. I distract you, so you don't even know what hit you!"

Snake Eyes just shook his head in reply.

"Oh, just swing at me already," Black dragon snapped. "I want some fun."

"Shall I tell you about my early childhood?" I suggested sarcastically. "I joined the Army when I was sixteen, you know."

Black Dragon raised an eyebrow. "If that's early childhood, you must be older than I thought."

"You joined the army when you were sixteen?" Duke piped up from behind me. "Isn't that, like, illegal?"

He was desperate for a green card, Snake Eyes said.

"Well, maybe that was part of it," I admitted. "But some of it was patriotism, I'm sure. I could probably dig it up from the depths of my soul if I tried."

"But aren't you a Japanese citizen?" Duke asked.

"Only until I get my citizenship!" I replied mock-cheerfully. "I've only been waiting for like ten years."

I think it was only eight, Snake Eyes said.

"Doesn't the Bible say to 'mind your own business'?" I demanded irritably.

Well, it does say to obey the laws of the land in which you live, Snake Eyes said, But not necessarily the exact wording of 'mind your own business'. I don't think they really had a phrase like that back then.

"Whatever. I don't read it anyway," I snorted, trying to look as disdainful as possible, so as to protect my pride. "I am Buddhist, after all."

I thought you were Shinto, Snake Eyes said. And then last week you said you were an Atheist.

"So I like to dabble," I snapped, waving a hand in his direction. "It isn't a crime! Besides, I was mad at God because I lost the lottery."

But the Bible says--

"I don't care what the Bible says!" I snapped. "For all you know, tomorrow I might be Muslim!"

Duke stared at me in wide-eyed shock. "Really?!" He demanded, hand edging towards his pistol.

"No, not really," I snapped. "Besides, not every Muslim is a terrorist."

"Yeah, but you were a terrorist," Duke pointed out.

"A fact I'd prefer to remain buried beneath the rest of my painful past," I replied.

"Can we please get back to our duel?!" Black Dragon demanded. "I have a schedule, and this wasn't on it!"

"What, goanna go blow up the US Embassy?" I taunted.

"Eventually," Black Dragon said, shrugging modestly. Then, glancing up, he pointed behind me. "Look! I think Scarlett needs saving!"

Duke and Snake Eyes disappeared like an ice cream cone on a sunny day.

I blinked several times. "That's one of the most pathetic and oldest tricks in the book."

"Hey, but it works," Black Dragon replied. "You might want to look around you now."

"Let me guess," I said slowly, "I'm surrounded, there's no escape and now you're going to monologue."

"Close," Black Dragon sympathized, "But not quite."

In the instant before I lost consciousness, I heard the crack of a firing pistol from somewhere behind me…