Meredith couldn't pinpoint when her world stopped turning. Was it when the police started to knock at the front door? Was it when she finally stood up to answer it? Or, was it when she was told that there had been an accident, and she was told 'Mrs. Shepherd, you need to come with us?' Or really, was it when she had arrived at the dingy, old hospital that seemed to be falling apart more that it was being held together? She turned up her nose at the puke green walls, the outdated ER, the doctors that rushed around that seemed like they had no life to them or any idea what they were doing.
'There was an accident', she had been told.
'He's alive but it's touch and go', they had said to her.
She didn't want to hear those things. She just wanted to see him, to see what needed to be done. She also just wanted him out of this horrible place. Where even was she? This wasn't the Seattle she knew and loved. This was a shithole.
The officers who had come to the house had been extremely understanding as she quietly broke down in front of them, trying not to upset Bailey and Zola. They had come inside and led her to the couch, bringing her water and trying to calm her down enough so she could drive to the hospital. They quietly told her what had happened: he saved the lives of four people, before getting into his car. From what they knew, he had been hit by a semi, and brought to the ER in critical but somewhat stable condition. How they knew these details, Meredith didn't know, but it was enough to cause her to hyperventilate.
Eventually she composed herself enough so that she could go upstairs and called Zola and Bailey. Zola was first. She opened up her bedroom door to find her daughter paging through a book, and she swallowed.
"Zola, we're going for a ride in the car, okay?" she said, bending down and putting a pair of sneakers on her feet with her pajamas. Zola followed her to Bailey's room, where Meredith changed his diaper and came downstairs with both children. The officers had gone by now, so Meredith grabbed their bags and headed out to her car, trying not to cry the entire time. She felt like she was in a haze as she programmed the GPS, not even knowing where she was going but following the voice guiding her.
The ride to Dillard was pure hell for Meredith. She seemed to hit every red light, peering through the rain-streaked windows as she drove to the edge of the city. Once they were there, she rushed inside with Zola and Bailey, thankful Bailey had fallen asleep quickly in his stroller. Once she had said who she was, a social worker quickly took the kids from her and a resident met her, leading her back to Derek's trauma room.
"His condition is critical; he's had several surgeries already. He hasn't woken up yet but he has pupillary response which is –"
"I'm a surgeon," Meredith snapped at the red-head, stepping into the room. Drawing the shades and shutting the door, she took a seat next to her battered husband, tears filling her eyes. Just this morning he had been in their bed with her, the pair of them having sex as they agreed to have another baby. Her head couldn't wrap around this fact as she took his bruised hand, giving it a tight squeeze. Nothing could have prepared her for watching her husband in a coma, unable to move or breathe on his own, and she felt the tears automatically springing to her eyes, unashamed. Tubes and wires came from almost every part of his body; machines breathed for him, measuring input and output, his blood pressure, heart rate, an arm and a leg were in casts, his head had a bandage wrapped around it that was already leaking blood. His body had more sutures than she could remember seeing on anyone, and more tears leaked from her eyes.
"Oh Derek," she whispered, her heart aching in her chest for him, for them, for their children. She knew it would be difficult for anyone to see their spouse in such a state, but she was a doctor. She knew his odds.
After awhile of being with Derek, there was a small knock on the door.
"Come in," she called softly, her head resting on the bed. The red-haired resident came in from earlier to check up on Derek, and Meredith sighed with discontent.
"I'm Dr. Blake, I was in surgery with your husband, ."
"It'S Dr. Grey," Meredith said with a steely glare, forever correcting people on her name.
"Oh, um, I'm sorry Dr Grey," she told her, biting her lip hard.
"Well I'm sure you know, he has brain activity which is great, we just have to wait for him to wake up," she told her, and Meredith glared at her again. What was this second or third year thinking? Was she stupid?
"I'm aware of these things, I'm an attending," Meredith said flatly, before turning back to Derek, annoyed now. She felt Blake leave the room and Meredith started crying all over again.
She fell asleep at his bedside, and soon enough the attending on the case was waking her up.
"Dr Grey," he said, and suddenly she was wide awake.
"We need to know what you'd like to do. We can take out the breathing tube and see if he breathes on his own, or we can keep him on life support and see if he wakes up." Meredith merely blinked, the choice obvious.
"You're all damn idiots here. He's being transferred to Grey-Sloan memorial," she informed him.
"Get me the transfer papers, now," she barked at him, her green eyes steady and angry. When she was upset she meant business. The doctor, to his credit, seemed to shrink within himself.
"Right away, of course," he said, as Meredith pulled out of phone to call Amelia. She knew that Amelia needed to know. She picked up on the first ring, knowing that Meredith wouldn't call at this hour if it wasn't important.
"Mer what's wrong?" she asked sleepily – Meredith had a feeling she was at the trailer with Owen.
"I need you to sit down, Amy," she said, standing up and pacing around the room.
"Okay….I am," she said, swallowing slightly.
"Derek was in a severe car accident. He's alive, but barely. There's brain activity but he's in a coma. He's hanging on by a thread but I think he'll be okay, eventually," Meredith told her. She could hear the other woman on the other end, slowly drawing in a breath and trying not to cry.
"Thank you," she eventually said, before hanging up wordlessly. She knew Amelia dealt with pain in an entirely different way than she or anyone else was used to; she only hoped that Amelia wouldn't turn to drugs or alcohol. Sending a text to Owen, she told him to make sure that Amelia was okay, and to stay with her until Meredith could get to her herseslf.
By now, the transport to GSM was ready, and Meredith gathered the kids up so that they'd be ready. He was being transported by helicopter, and Meredith followed his gurney to the landing pad, her stomach queasy. Watching the helicopter take off, she leaned over and threw up, holding her hair out of her face. One of the doctors asked if she was okay and she brushed them off.
"I'm fine," she said, walking inside to get the kids without another word.
Back at GSM, she dropped them both off at daycare, thanking god it was 24 hours. Derek was quickly set up in the ICU, and Meredith settled herself into an uncomfortable chair as doctors rushed around him. They weren't anyone she knew though – everyone she knew wasn't allowed to take care of him, since they were all considered family. Richard came in to make sure she was okay, and eventually Amelia came, wearing mismatched shoes and looking like a mess. Her face was streaked with tears as she took a seat opposite Meredith, the two women sitting vigil by his bedside. There had been no changes in the past few hours, but his stats were still holding steady, fortunately.
"Should we call your mom?" Meredith finally ventured, knowing that their mother would want to know her only son was hanging between life and death. Amelia merely shrugged; she still didn't have the best relationship with the Shepherd matriarch. Meredith bit her lip; instead of calling she sent her a text message. She knew it was impersonal, but she also knew that if this were her son, she would want to know any way possible. Carolyn quickly responded, and as anticipated, she was distraught. The two texted for awhile, and eventually it was settled – she was getting on the next flight out to Seattle, which made Meredith nervous. She was already a wreck, and having his mother there would make it worse, but she knew they all needed someone else right now.
For hours, Meredith and Amelia sat by his bed; the sun had come up and was shining high in the sky. Cruel irony, she thought, that it would be another beautifully sunny day when Meredith's world as she knew it was crumbling around her. She couldn't take this, she wanted to do something else, but she had to sit in this chair next to Derek, should he wake up or even move the tiniest amount. But alas, there was no change. She let herself slump in a sitting position, her eyes half closed as she kept an eye on the monitors, but before she knew it she was drifting off to sleep, her head resting against one of the bed rails, a hand held in his, hoping he could feel it and would give it a squeeze, but to no avail. She knew she shouldn't give up hope, but it was hard – she knew the odds of him waking up, even if he had brain activity.
Carolyn rushed in no less than ten hours later, as the sun was setting and casting shadows in the room. She found her daughter and daughter in law both asleep with her son between them, and she gasped at the sight of Derek. Meredith stirred, looking up at Carolyn as she began to cry again.
"I feel so lost," she said quietly. She was trying to be strong for everyone, like she always was, but this was pushing her limit at this point. Swallowing her pride, she let the tears fall as Carolyn wrapped her daughter in law in her arms. To her credit, Amelia didn't wake up, sleeping through Meredith's breakdown.
"Shhhh, I know it's bad now but you have to hold onto hope," she told her daughter in law. Meredith struggled with this; she had been brought up with medicine – everything she knew was surgery. Surgery fixed things, but she knew she had to trust something else this time. She didn't expect it however when all the alarms started blaring in the room.
Derek was coding.
So…complete rewrite of Dreams on Fire has commenced! Let me know what you guys think, please? I'm excited about it. My writing has gotten better in the two years since I wrote the story, and we know so much more about Meredith and the Shepherd family since I wrote it, which is why I wanted to rewrite it in the first place. I think I can make the story even better than you guys already think it is, and make you guys love it even more! Please read and review!