A/N: This is another set of one-shots. It's entirely different from CCS. Keyword is another set that focuses more on the darker, heartbreaking side of KaiHil. and the one-shots portray KaiHil as a twin to one of my all time favorite couple. Keyword is a song by THSK so it's not mine. / Rewritten
Also, I dared my muse to do the same.
Writing in present tense is a bitch. It's AU.
Keyword:
Rock Star
Prologue:
MeLON
Search results for: Kai Hiwatari
Oldest First: 1 2 3 4 5 6
NEWS
General
BLITZKR!EG rumored to be disbanding as contract expiration with HC nears
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HC Media
Published on Sep 10 2008
HC Media has confirmed back in July that Tala Valkov and Kai Hiwatari's contracts with the agency would be expiring at the end of February after their North American tour. The confirmation of a renewal has yet to be announced.
BLITZKR!EG originally debuted in 2004 as a five-member boy group (Tala, Kai, Bryan, Spencer and Ian) before going through their first lineup change in 2006. Member Ian left to pursue a solo career. As a quartet, they have found success. In 2007, the group caused controversy when lead singer Kai filed a suit against HC Media, requesting contract termination. Four months later, the agency resolved their issues. During the suit, numerous endorsements for BLITZKR!EG were dropped. After the resolution, the group minus Kai were re-signed as CF models and given variety show appearances.
[+560, -85] I think they do better as part of BLITZKR!EG. After they go solo, they will lack what the other members complemented with their vocals and we will actually notice. Well unless you were Tala, that guy can sing. He would do well as a soloist. He plays instruments. He writes music. They need to think of their fanbase.
[+344, -100] Kai hasn't changed all these years unlike Tala, Bryan and Spencer. He's still the prince of the group. He's too unreachable and I think his charm has worn off. He is obviously sick of being part of BLITZKR!EG. The fanbase is dismantling at this point with the younger boy groups coming out. Kai has had too many scandals that hurt the group during promotions. Bryan and Spencer do not deserve being ripped apart.
[+455, -200] BLITZKR!EG will disband at some point. Everyone will be fine. Kai will do well even if it's not in the entertainment industry. He has his inheritance and family businesses.
Relevant links:
BLITZKR!EG has released their new single "Right Here" in Japan, which was produced by their own: Kai Hiwatari. [CLICK HERE]
Older:
Kai Hiwatari spotted leaving acupuncture clinic while the rest of group film Nike Commercial. [CLICK HERE]
Source: kiwi89
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Musical Releases
BLITZKR!EG sings "Right Here" in their second single
Published on Sep 11 2008
Listen to it "Right Here" [CLICK HERE]
Tala teased us with a sound snippet on the HCM website of him singing in Japanese. We have received news that the lyrics were penned and the music was produced by the group's lead singer Kai Hiwatari. The boys have studied Japanese extensively before jumping into the J-POP genre. BLITZKR!EG has been compared to American band Green Day and AFI. Kai has previously expressed that he wanted to be more hands-on with their group work. We wish them good luck!
Source: HCM
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General
BLITZKR!EG's Right Here becomes #1 on ORICON daily charts
[x] image not found
HC Media
Published on Sep 12 2008
One day after releasing their first single, people have fallen for the Euro band fast and hard. Before leaving for their North American tour, BLITZKR!EG hit #1 on the ORICON daily chart with debut sales of 76,210 copies. Their single is a slow beach jam with a love letter found in the lyrics. Their new fans are curious as to who the producer may be reaching for. This is a new milestone for the band. Kai Hiwatari has an accomplishment (a debut single!) to add onto his growing career reputation.
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v.
Koko ni iru kara...
He whispers the line like a prayer, drumming his fingers to the beat on the concrete.
A fiery-haired male walks on by, examining the scene before him with heavy lidded eyes. His band-mate with mussed silver tresses settles against the wall, his eyes shut from the rest of the group. Tala notes the crumpled papers in his hand.
The band has gathered in the parking garage of Tala's apartment building, which has been recently purchased and consequently shut off from the public. Tala has considered the building to be the new office for a possible entertainment agency, which he has not mentioned to anyone since the rumors emerged online. Tonight is the the first of their last practices before their tour: fine-tuning their music and practicing their surprise performances. Kai, their front man (fans affectionately called their group's visual), has abandoned his Gibsons Wine Red electric guitar next to his leg.
"What is the first rule of being a rock star going on tour?" Tala inquires off-handedly, even though it's rhetorical. As he sported the rugged heartthrob persona, Tala is the leader. Much to his chagrin, he is in charge of his mates. He throws his set of drumsticks on the concrete and waits for Kai to react. They bounce slightly but Kai does not flinch.
Why he asks, Kai doesn't know. It isn't as if Kai's hellbent to disobey the rules he takes pride in.
"Break up with your girlfriend." The band's front man says, over and over again that his ears ring. He hates redundancy but it seems to be a vicious cycle.
"Have you?" He's upset as if he has known the answer to this one too. He expects to be disappointed. Kai examines the battered wooden drumsticks rolling down on the floor next to his own slumped form. "Don't you remember the contract's no-dating clause? Another year."
"Always," he feels empty at this word but he drills into the icy eyes nonetheless. "I know."
"Just because your song hit number one an international chart," Tala starts, "You're not an exception."
Kai stiffens and glares at the "leader." He isn't sure if he sensed a pang of envy just now.
"Leave her for good," It sounds demanding and demeaning yet sensitive. Tala uses it to Kai but it implies that I am right and you are wrong.
Continue talking to me like a child, Kai retorts in his mind, because I've been told so many times, I will never stop and listen.
His brotherly concern is a ball of sweet words and Kai has swallowed every one.
"It's for your sake, not mine. Not the band's," Tala emphasizes harshness in his words and Kai does not care. "Each time you shut her out, it breaks you. Those lyrics, those songs and your mental state, she's got a huge impact on you. And she's probably tired of being hurt."
Kai doesn't need isolation from her or anyone. While they see an animal in need of dire control, someone jeopardizing the record deal, she does not. No. To her, he is an aspiring artist; a poet. He feels that every song he sings is a consolation prize. He can't depend on those words. He can depend on no one. He needs her. He's done on taking drugs, something he has— a disorder, everyone speculates— cannot be healed by any drug. To hell with the band, he wants to say.
"Kai?"
He's still breaking.
"She doesn't need you."
With a jolt, Kai pushes himself up, runs and grabs the redhead by the collar and holds a needle to his neck. Voices erupt and echo in the car park from the protests of the other band mates. Laugh at the panicked chorus, Kai notes to himself. Then he gazes evenly at his victim— breathing calm and the syringe held tight around his fingers— and Tala looks back, undeterred. Where the fuck does he get them? Kai notices it too; Tala's breathing patterns are slower than his. He's used to it, he'd tell Kai days later, when Kai becomes a little more sensible.
"She doesn't need you," Tala repeats, as if to provoke. "If I were you and I loved her, I'd do the right thing." The older boy pushes the attacker away like swatting a bothersome fly. The fly obliges but keeps the syringe in his hand. "If you love her, let her go."
Bryan and Spencer approach their leader.
"I don't love her." Kai states dismissively and the others leave. He scoffs.
He needs her.
He takes his phone out and dials a phone number.
iv.
Ai wo arigatou
Itsudemo egao ga suki sa
Wakare ja nai sayonara
Koko ni iru kara
The song lulls the couple as it plays softly from her newest cellphone.
She gingerly takes his head and places it against her stomach, her arms embracing his neck. She wakes up early but the sight of his peaceful face tempts her to join in his slumber. He feels her warmth and he starts to melt. She looks like a mother hugging her child who was lost in the supermarket. Kai grunts, she smiles and lets him go.
"Good morning, Kai. Tala told me you were sleeping in his new apartment building," she puts on a worried look that dies under his slightly brightened face. "That guy is serious about his investments."
"Hn," Kai rubs his eye off from any remnants of sleep. Sunlight flitted through the white fabric vertical blinds and softly lit the living room. Kai smells food and hears the low whir of the range hood in the kitchen. Hilary pulls him off the couch and leads him to the breakfast table.
He watches her as she sits down on the chair across from him. He copies her. He holds the scalding cup in front of him while she takes her chopsticks and dips them into her cup of green tea, an odd habit, but Kai doesn't interfere. He takes a cautious sip of his green tea— mauve eyes on her, even through the steam obstructs his vision.
This might be the last, because. She might be gone, because.
"So...How was the down-time with the guys last night? Are you ready for the tour? Did you finally get rid of that writer's block?" she asks rather casually like a wife asking her husband over dinner about his day. They are not married and they don't live together. She comes early in the morning when or before he wakes up and leaves his home late at night after he has fallen asleep. To many, their relationship must be non-existent but Hilary doesn't mind.
She pops the octopus-cut hot dog into her mouth like it's nothing, like it doesn't mean anything. But it should— he may be overreacting— but it should, it should mean something to Hilary. Kai seems to be the only one with a mental countdown.
"I don't get side-tracked." He is miffed. He hasn't touched the breakfast bento she prepared.
"Oh, I forgot! The almighty Kai never gets distracted! Why, I can pull out my bra in the middle of his sustained note on stage and he will not choke!" she giggles into hysterics. "I...crack myself up."
He settles on a wry smile after debating whether to laugh—quietly, because he is Kai Hiwatari—at her obvious rebellion or frown at her childish manner. He finds her attractive either way.
"Congratulations on your Oricon hit," the brunette mumbles in the silence. Kai looks away from her and looks at the miso soup. Memorizing every second, every speck of dust flying about, the tofu... "You've affected a lot of people with your music. I couldn't stop playing it on loop."
"You've bought it?" Kai drops a chopstick, subtly raising his eyebrow. "I thought that was the radio."
"Don't be silly! Of course, I'll give you guys my support!"Hilary gives him a thumbs-up.
Kai sighs in relief. You like it. Did it reach you? He wants to ask.
Hilary remarks off-handedly, picking at her food. "I love it when you smile." She raises her head shyly and gives him one of her own. He purses his lips and tells her to eat, hiding a smile. She doesn't need to see it right now. Right now, he needs to watch her. She takes the fermented natto and a small bottle of soy sauce.
She blushes at him, "Please eat."
iii.
Zutto kono mama
Anata no soba ni iru kara
Kitto shinjita omoi wa
Koko ni aru kara
Kai is pensive as their live radio performance replays through his earbuds. He should work on the volume of his adlibs after the final chorus.
"Have you rehearsed what you're going to say?" curious, Tala asks. "Our four-month tour in North America is three days away." He throws another rolled shirt into the large luggage, next to his bass guitar, which is all polished and ready to leave along with him. The piano stays because his ex-girlfriend wants to remember him and finds it the only item he can't bring. There is a luggage mass limit in the airplane, after all. This will be her apartment too.
Kai sits on the lounge chair next to Tala's bed, peeved as usual. "I've only done this to her nine times."
"It's different Kai," He looks above the blue hair on Kai's head and throws a pair of ripped jeans onto the floor. His walk-in closet is nearly emptied. "We're not coming back to Japan for another three years. Balkov has decided to promote us more in Korea and China alongside Ming-Ming after the tour."
"I thought," Kai tries to restrain the angry timbre in his voice, "that J-POP was our next project genre. We were meant to promote the rest of mini-album."
"Balkov thought the experiment with you went well," Tala picks up a black combat boot then throws it in box. "He isn't convinced that the group is liquid enough to put more money into the project. Prior to this, we were not doing well. We need Ming-Ming."
"FOUR SONGS, ONE MONTH. That's all," Kai's voice pleads. Tala is the leader; he has a say in this. "I can't just leave."
"Balkov says Ming-Ming is more profitable."
Is that all he considers in these days?
Three years without his heart.
"She can't come." Tala tells Kai in case it occurred in the first place.
I have not lost anything.
"...What."
You ask: what is my precious thing?
I broke it nine times.
Where the fuck is that syringe?
"Kai," Tala speaks again and Kai wants to strangle him. "It's the peak of our band career. When we turn twenty-five, it's over. Let's make the best of it." Without Hilary, Tala intends to say but holds back.
Kai is fine making the best of it, and risk becoming a twenty-five year-old has-been, in Japan, thank you.
"We'll work with the best songwriters. I bet Ming-Ming will collaborate too." Tala tries to sound happy. "We're going home, Kai."
Scratch that, Kai wants to slash every fucking vein Tala has.
"I know it hurts," the redhead declares rather sincere. Kai thinks Tala doesn't have to feel guilty. The Spanish acrobat left him because of his career. The obsessive girl had sick paranoia to the bone where every girl, who was within ten meters Tala's reach and breathing his air, is attracted and romantically involved with Tala. The apartment he will leave in a few days is a gift to that girl as some sort of promise to return, which Tala has no intention of doing. Hilary is nothing like her. Kai isn't like Tala.
"I like the pain." Kai replies and fishes a folded piece of paper from his pocket.
Tala zips his bag close. "Don't make Hilary addicted to it too."
Kai unfolds the paper and grabs a ballpoint pen from Tala's nightstand. He scribbles a few words, reads it over and folds it back into a square. He gets up, leaves quietly through the threshold and Tala calls after him, "What is that?"
He mutters, but the damn hallway echoes, "Another break-up song."
He feels his heart's crevasse deepen.
The beat goes on.
ii.
He watches her crouch slowly to sit on the same chair across from him. She picks up a silver fork with three tines. She counts them and digs it into her omelet. It is an off ritual since she hardly parts from her white ivory chopsticks and green tea. Kai ponders whether to point out that she is using a salad fork since Kai takes pride in rules, etiquette and similar decorum. He imagines her as the future Hiwatari matriarch but he chokes because while he enjoys the dream, it may never come true.
She skewers the piece of egg with the fork and pops it into her mouth like it's nothing. But it should mean something, damn it.
She notes him staring at his food and quietly says, "The veggies I used are from our garden."
She says our garden like our home where she can't stay for twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week and fifty-two weeks a year. He eyes her for a moment, clicks his chopsticks and stabs to pick a piece. Hilary bought his chopsticks after he had learned how to use them. Their home is about to close for three years, granted he would be allowed to return during his short breaks. By the way things have been planned, Balkov intends to keep the group working until the end of next year.
Then she sets her fork aside and chews in their gradual seconds. She pulls a Manila envelope from the chair next to her and placed it between them. "It's for you." She doesn't peruse the details on the envelope.
His eyes widened and grunted in thanks.
It's ten in the morning and she says, "Kai, when are you going to leave?" lightly because he was always leaving; like he was running away and he was, really. She's got into the habit of him leaving her, after the fourth break-up, for three to five weeks or so and they would be back together as soon as he steps into Japanese soil. It's hardly a hassle to her these days.
"The radio interview isn't for another hour."
"Tala called me a few days back. I was waiting for you to break it to me." She bows her head in embarrassment but Kai knows he should be the one who should be ashamed. "I got impatient."
Do a favor (today, tomorrow, next day, next week, next month, next year, next decade, next century, next millennia, next eternity...forever) for me, heart.
Honestly, it's not easy to tell Hilary, 'I'm only gone for three years so clean the house, feed the cats and tend the gardens while I'm out, okay?'
Fear pales her entire face, "Kai?"
So Kai lifts his calloused hands across the table and gently cups her face in them perhaps because gentleness was the only thing he could give to her after all this love, this kindness and this smothered but warm care. It hurts; it hurts so much that his heart might burst. I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry and Idon'tdeservethisIdon'tdeservethis are the only thoughts running through his head not Iloveyou, not I'llbebacksoon, not I'llmissyou.
She looks stricken— he gets up— as if he's the one thing keeping her alive like she's drowning, dying even. He's the only one who can pull her out of that opened grave but then he always doesn't because of the band— that goddamned band— taught him tough love for himself and others. They say it's her fault that she sticks around when she had memorized the rules herself.
That everything will be okay.
Kai opens his mouth to speak but his heart pounds, Ican'tIcan't comes first. Ican'tdothisIcan'tdothis is what comes next and always I'msorryI'msorryI'msorry and Ineedtoletyougo and Idon'tdeserveyouIdon'tdeserveyou—why can't he say something else? With a rueful look that lasted a second too long, he turns around, his back facing her and musters a quiet, "I'm...—"
-okay now. Let me out.
He doesn't finish it— he leaves after that, opens and shuts the door. He walks around the neighborhood, eventually towards the band's van when they have come to collect him, praying that the crying he heard when the door closed wasn't real.
Furimuku kokoro aruku senaka maiochiru kisetsu no iro
Kasaneta inori setsunai uso atsumete koboreta namida.
There was a change of heart, and I watched your retreating back as you walked away.
The colors of the season faded as you did.
The many times I prayed; that painful lie; the tears that fell, I collected them all.
"Interesting lyrics," Tala sounds impressed with a green towel wrapped around his red tresses and a bottled water on his hand. Their manager had walked out of the green room while the boys rested from their performance. Blue eyes skim the blotted kanji lyrics at an alarming rate the second time. "You've definitely mastered Japanese. Producers can include this in our next Japanese single, if we have one." He smirks and mentally divides the verses between him and the other band mates. Kai should sing the chorus since he wrote the song's lyrics and he is the lead vocalist.
Tala searches Kai for some sort of reply, but nothing comes. Kai listlessly stares at the lull above Tala's shoulder and Tala's mood instantly dies down— fucking idiot.
"You haven't."
"No." Kai confirms.
"WHY?"
His heart speaks, "It's for her," and is the only explanation Kai offers. Tala glances at the sheet of paper and grimaces.
Then he takes a deep breath; closing his eyes, "Two days, Kai. You have to let her know. You can't just leave without—"
"I WILL, TALA. SHUT UP FOR ONCE." Kai yells— sitting down— with a perturbed moan as the producers turn to look at his direction. His insides writhe and it's not nausea. Knuckles white, his fingers tangle into blue locks in frustration—he'd always be the one to deny things that most would embrace. Her love is one of them. When he comes home at his lowest, his pride beaten and bruised, she will bring him out of it again. She pulls him out of his most painful yet familiar emotion; his eternal struggle: loneliness.
Just let me dream of you, my dear.
She's waiting for him forever. It just hurts that he has to break her heart over and over again. From far, far away he hears himself speaking; he can't lie anymore, not to her.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." he says repeatedly like a prayer, rocking himself back and forth. He kneaded his temples in quick, circular motions to clear his thoughts. "I'm sorry..."
A voice barely above a whisper, Tala demands, "Stop it Kai."
Kai can't stand this and she can't either.
"In a matter of time, fans will know about your relationship. If you still love her, let her go."
Kai can't.
"No, I don't love her,"and Tala recognizes the somewhat old-Kai.
But he has to leave.
i.
She spots him packing his things at two in the morning with a nightmare playing in loop before her eyes. For the first time, Kai catches her asleep on his bed—probably from waiting.
Most mornings, he usually wakes up around three, covered in cold sweat and gasping for air. Hilary would be there, a glass of water in one hand and a towel in the other— dabbing the moist on his cheeks away.
"I can't stop loving you," she would say, "I'm pathetic." She's crying but there's still a gentle smile on her face.
Simple as that, Kai dominates her without lifting a finger.
"Can I help you pack?" She's now in the doorway, poised on the threshold. Fingers fragile and knuckles white, they grip door frame tight to keep her from collapsing to the floor in heavy sobs, hold him, and beg him to stay. She wants to be brave, Kai assumes, for both of them.
He sits in what used to be their bedroom. His clothes are separated from hers, folded, and placed in his duffel bags. In a sultry tenor, he keeps his pride, "Tch, I'm fine."
Her scarlet eyes are brimming with tears for she is struggling to uphold the expectations she's disregarded several times.
Don't expect it to last long. Don't expect it to be remembered. Don't expect mutual feelings, Kai doesn't do that. Once you're gone, you'll be erased forever.
"You're not coming back," she says this as a statement and he nods in agreement, no matter how hurtful it is. She knows him too well. He can't lie. "I'll miss you."
"Hm."
"It's your big break, Kai. I won't take that away from you." He sold his blood to maintain finances to pay for his training sessions, to spite his family. Kai held three part-time jobs before he was discovered. He was discovered in the park while he was playing with a stray cat. Hilary can't come into his life and have Kai throw away HCM to be with her. She feels that he worked too hard to get where he's at compared to Tala, Bryan, Spencer and Ian put together. "I hope you do really well on the tour."
"We can keep in touch. Send me post cards from all the places you visit okay?" Hilary feels herself losing breath. "You can call me! My number will always be the same! Take lots of photos! I'll watch you on TV when I can..."
Every syllable she says, as his song plays in his mind, is resolutely otiose.
He doesn't want to leave her, the idiot.
She shouldn't have to drop everything and follow him like other groupies. He wants her to be happy.
Her gaze hardens; she steels herself to be unfaltering in demeanor or maybe to remain standing. She hates it, although this has happened several times only he is not coming back...
Without waiting for a reaction and draining the last of her courage, she walks at a calm pace to him, kneels and wraps her arms around his shoulders into a long embrace.
She breathes finally, "I love you, Kai."
He'll never know what makes him say, "Thank you," so softly in her ear.
Tears gather in her eyes and clear beads roll down. He lowers his lashes. "Don't cry." He says in a lowered voice. He sees how the corners of her lips did not quite lift. He presses his forehead against hers and she whimpers. Leaning in with his arms to embrace, she backs away and shakes her head.
She leaves, opens and shuts the door. He waits until he hears the front door open and close then the gates click; waits until he can't follow her without getting seen. Then he buries his face in his sheets but no tears come; she'd wiped all of them away. He rolls the papers. He needs them.
I will always be by your side.
I'm certain the feelings that we once believed in will always remain.
The subtitles flashed in white below the television screen as Kai Hiwatari sang the last few lines during the top 20 hits program. The four guys sat on the high stools, each one with an individual mic stand. The live band played behind them and three female background singers. It was fairly dark. The performance was the most laid-back yet.
Kai sneaks a look at the group before him in the restaurant while finishing the last drops of beer.
"Sayonara, Japan! Kanpai!" The other band mates celebrate, raising their beer bottles to toast for four successful years as BLITZKR!EG. It's time to come home.
Jaded, Kai flicks the medium-rare steak with his chopsticks. He's been eerily silent for the entire day, outside of their interviews and stage performance. It annoys Tala, who sat across from his seat. Kai frowns, "It's rude to stare."
"You worry me more than usual."
"Fuck your concern." He pours himself some sake.
"The flight is tomorrow, I can't have you fucked up in the plane." Tala retorts. "If you need to go crazy, by all means, do so now."
Kai responds with silence and a quiet swallow of alcohol warming his rigid veins. He abhors being acquiescent. Therein lies all the guilt, he lifts his empty beer bottle near the light, and compliancy—this band. He throws the bottle, barely missing Tala's cheek. It shatters against the table behind them and pieces of rust-colored glass fall under it, as if to escape the madness. "Here's your craziness," Kai remarks quietly.
Every time he accepted her grace.
"I hate following along someone else's whims, did I ever tell you that?" he asks Tala who offers nothing in return. Kai takes the silence as a no.
And every time he refused to thank her.
"Well I do." He continues and the band mates look on, slipping him panicked yet piteous glances.
And every time he said he didn't love her.
"I hate contracts, so here." He fishes out folded pieces of paper and smacks them on the table. They were white, 8 x 11" document-sized. Tala dares not to read it. "It's better to invest in something valuable—something meaningful." Turning on his heel and crushing some glass, he abruptly leaves the restaurant.
He still needs her.
x
I can't make it today, Kai reads the note.
I'm sorry.
He drops the strawberry-scented stationery paper on his bed as his muscles stiffen in the pitch darkness. Fatigue is the last of his worries as his eyelids lowered over dark eyes. He can make out his packed belongings in his room for tomorrow but not a sign of Hilary.
Carefully, he removes his blue gloves, switches the lamp light on and steals a glance at their picture above his lamp—the one where she first linked arms with his when they were still friends. He takes in her radiant smile... the twinkle of her eyes. He shuts his eyes for a while before staring down at his azure sheets. They used to move in constant motion like centrifugal ocean waves—with her legs tangled in them, they used to, whenever she seasoned herself with late night shows with raw cauliflower and blue-cheese dip and a tub of Neapolitan ice cream.
She always waited.
He flaps the quilt and lifts it over his head to climb in. Just as he rests his head on the pillow, he pulls out, from underneath, a bunny-shaped eraser. He takes it into his palm and finds it the only memory she can leave behind and bring with him.
0.
Thank you for your love.
I've always loved your smile.
This goodbye is not the end,
for I'm right here.
I thought I would translate it. I think I got your message. I'll wait for you because we don't say goodbyes.
- Hilary
She writes on the pink stationery paper.
x
With a jolt in his chest, he gapes at the ceiling, pushes off the duvet, ignoring the gripe of his aching muscles and he immediately regrets it. It hurts; he's sore and he's still in his bed at their house. He's breathing in the scent of green tea, lemons, tomatoes and chocolate— and he knows it's her. She also smells of chocolate and airy cauliflowers and salt like her abundant tears. He feels light, breathy, his head is pounding, and it hurts, it hurts. And she's not there.
Not there. Not there. How it reverberates with the sound of heavy raindrops.
He hears the voice message box beeping. He mindlessly plays the message. "Kai, this is Balkov. The stunt you've pulled last night cannot be serious. Perhaps we can negotiate by increasing your promotional profit percentage-" He rips the plug off the socket with enough force to knock the machine off the table and walks on.
"Hilary?" Kai calls softly but it echoes. The house is empty and he is scared for her. He doesn't know where she is; he panics like she is air and perhaps she has left him for someone else, someone who is sane and shower her with love. He hates this feeling— loneliness— he hates it so much; he aches and she knows it. Hilary? Croakily he yells in his mind, walking down corridor to corridor and soon searching around in circles.
"Please...Hilary?" he adds emphasis to her name then hunches down, wincing in pain. Tremors of pain shoot through his body at his every step— it feels worse than the time when he lost too much blood or got too drunk and bile was the only thing coming out of his lips— that Hilary had to drag his sorry self home.
Barely whispering, "Hilary... Hilary..." he hears something outside— that sound.
The sound of a gate opening...she is...
He lunges forward and for once, his youth grants him speed.
He opens the door wide, runs to her blindly, surprising her. He embraces her like a man possessed. She drops the grocery bags with the tomatoes rolling on the front-walk concrete. She is soaked by the rain and his warmth but she gingerly hugs Kai back, feeling baffled. A little confused but loved.
"Hilary," is the only thing that escapes from his lips; he hates it, he loves it... he doesn't know anymore.
He holds her tighter and her breath hitches, anxious.
I'msorry.I'msorry.
He wants to tell her that she was just twenty years old. He wants to tell her that love was not waiting for him or knowing all there was about table manners or the rules on dating a celebrity. He wants to tell her that she has a pretty face and that her body is still as soft and her eyes can still brighten again. He wants to tell her that somebody would mirror all the love she has to give, if not today, then someday. He wants to be that somebody but he knows he can't.
"I'm sorry I was late," She lets the rain drown her voice. Her slight frame is paralyzed in his arms. "I wanted everything to be special."
It's her tenderness that kills him. The gentleness is what makes him want to shove her against the gate and yell at her, because he hates her, he hates her... No, it's not true though. He wants to tell the world that she is his muse.
Nothing happens. There's nothing he can say to her. She's twenty and she's sick of shedding his tears. She once said a song is a medium of emotion that you've never felt before and he hears the new song humming in his ears. It's his song and he hears his own voice while moisture blurs his sight. His lyrics weigh down in his tongue along with many unspoken truths all once told in ink and lined paper. They used to sit on his night stand— marked unread and forgotten. They all come back now... filling his chest and spilling into his veins, and she feels it too.
A distant plane flies over, the jet engines roaring over the rain.
"It's ten o'clock," Hilary whispers to him and he won't ever let go.
"...I'm right here."
I love you.
NEWS
General
[BREAKING] Kai Hiwatari leaves BLITZKR!EG
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HC Media
Published on Sep 17 2008
BLITZKR!EG is on another whirlwind situation.
Hiro Granger, an entertainment lawyer, has released a statement on behalf of his client this morning via the artist's Japanese fan cafe, which was subsequently translated into English and posted on other international fan sites:
"Kai Hiwatari has successfully nullified his contract with HC Media as an entertainment artist. He has charged the entertainment company for racial discrimination and unfair working conditions. He thanks every person who has bought BLITZKR!EG's Japanese single from the bottom of his heart. He apologizes to have broken your hearts so soon. He plans to continue producing music behind the scenes and other work at his pace. He has grown to love Japan and hopes that you will forgive him. Please continue to support the remaining band members as they go on tour in North America as Kai Hiwatari will not be there."
Mr. Granger also confirmed that while Kai is on a hiatus, his next agency of choice will be accepting him.
HC Media has removed Kai Hiwatari from their artist roster on the company website and remains silent on the topic.
Relevant links:
HC Media announces BLITZKR!EG's Tala's solo album [CLICK HERE]
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A/N: There you have it: Keyword's first one-shot. Long-distance relationships are hard. I thought I'd come back after I've experienced it. I've edited and rewritten a lot of this many times so I am crossing my fingers that this is an acceptable, BETTER evolution of this story. If you were here nine years ago and saw this live, and you've reread it again then shoot me a review! Please tell me what you've got/experienced from this one-shot! Constructive criticism is welcome!