Disclaimer – I own nothing
Dragging myself out of bed this morning was not one of the most pleasurable moments in my life. A new term, a new start to all the bullying and teasing I have been able to avoid all summer. Sighing I walked into the bathroom to get ready for my first day in hell. My name is Sara, I'm 17 year old and I guess you could call me ugly, fat, a geek, which is just some of the names used to describe me in school.
I stand at 5 foot 5 and I'm a little over 180llbs, I have black hair and green eyes, but they have lost the sparkle they once had for life. I used to be a bubbly active child but when my mother died of breast cancer when I was 10 years old I guess I turned to food for comfort and that has been my demise. Even my father uses the nickname porky for me, when he is sober enough to recognize who I am. I really hate to complain about my life, I know that I'm blessed to have a roof over my head and the ability to get a good education, but sometimes I just want to curl up into a ball and close my eyes to never reopen them again.
Being an only child in a single parent family and having no one to call a friend my life gets pretty lonely, school is my outlet, If I concentrate hard enough and get good grades maybe I can get the escape I have always wanted, maybe one day I will be making a new start at university where I wont be judged on my looks or weight but on my mind, and personality instead, but right now that is just a dream and will probably stay that way.
Lightly I tip toe down the stairs hoping that my father isn't awake, I really don't want to get into an argument before my first day back at school. As I get to the bottom of the stairs I let out a sigh of relief to see him passed out on the sofa surrounded by empty beer cans from the night before. I grab a packet of strawberry pop tarts from the cupboard and let myself out of the house as quietly as I can. I hate living in Forks. Especially when I have to walk to school and back, I think that 99% of the time its raining and I haven't made it to school dry once in at least a year.
Pulling my hood up and making sure my bag was comfortable I start the mile long walk and day dream about this year being different. Maybe someone will deem me acceptable and I will make that friend I have always dreamed of, someone to share my hopes and fears with, which will laugh and cry with me. Someone that will look at me and say yes, you may not be the most beautiful person in the world, but guess what I don't care.
Reaching the school I notice that the cliques have already started, standing in front of the building under the shelter were the popular kids, the ones that never had to try, and they were just accepted and liked because of their looks or money. Sometimes life is not fair and you just have to accept it and suck it up or it will kill you slowly inside. I saw the pack, as they were called, Jacob, Paul, Embry, and Quil. The four guys every girl wanted and every guy wanted to be, along with the queen bee of the school Carrie and her entourage.
Peeking from under my hood I stared at Jacob, he had gotten about a foot taller over the summer and had muscles that could have been seen on a TV commercial, god he was so good looking and made my tummy flutter every time I saw him, but I'm not delusional, the only time he actually ever noticed me was when he was making a joke on my behalf. Knowing I had to get it over with eventually I slowly made my way past them to the front doors.
'Watch out wide load coming through' a female voice called out and I cringed knowing that it was directed at me. Snickers followed and I could pick out the noises of all the guys laughing.
Just 10 more steps and you're in the door Sara, don't let them see that it affects you or they will be twice as bad I kept telling myself over and over again.
'Hey Jacob, I bet you $20 that she has never been kissed, and I'll give you $50 if you are her first' called one of the other guys follow by more snickers and the sound of a punch.
Tears built in my eyes but I refused to let them fall, thinking of the book I was reading last night I tried to send my mind to a place where I was happy, living a life that was so different from this one. It was a bad choice as at the moment I tripped over the step but I caught myself before I hit the floor. I shove the door open and walk quickly down the corridor to my locker. Just 8 more hours to go then I can go home and hide in my room and let my feelings out there, I can do it.
First and second period went by without much drama; I tried to rebuild that wall around my heart so that anything directed at me wouldn't hurt. Heading into my next lesson I realized I was a little late and the only seat open was the one next to Jacob Black. I wish the ground would open up and swallow me right now. Looking at the floor I slowly made my way to the seat, sitting down and trying to stay as far away from him as possible I pulled out my folder and pen, hoping the lesson would be over with as fast as possible. I refused to look at him, as I knew that I wore my heart on my sleeve and he would see the thoughts running through my head. My heart was pounding at sitting so close to the guy I have dreamt about for as long as I could remember, and my hands were shaking so much from nervousness, thank good the teacher walked in and started to call attendance.
'Hey, do you have a pen I could borrow?' a voice asked from beside me.
I turned my head and looked into the deep chocolate pools he had for eyes and his expression became painful then almost euphoric? Although I thought he was amazing this was starting to freak me out, I leaned down looking away and got the extra pen out of my bag and handed it to him, but he just kept staring at me. My face must of turned into a tomato and the teacher coughed.
'Jacob Black I see that you have taken a liking to Sara but please keep your eyes on the board, this is a classroom not the cafeteria.' Everyone in the classroom then turned to stare at us. Great just what I needed, he had taken up the bet from earlier and was starting to act on it, well if he thought he was going to make money out of my humiliation he thought wrong.
The bell finally went and I gathered my books as quick as humanly possible and ran for the door, turning I saw Jacob still staring after me in a very freaky way. Lunch, the most torturous hour of the day. I'm hungry yet I don't want to eat because everyone is staring at me thinking that I should be starving myself to conform to what they thought was a perfect body. My choices were skip lunch and feel hungry for the rest of the day or endure the horrible stares and whispering that goes on behind my back. My tummy rumbled and made the decision for me.
Entering the lunch line and grabbing a slice of pizza and a bottle of water I kept my eyes towards the ground, I could hear the whispering starting, people were wondering why Jacob had paid so much attention to me earlier, but word got around about the bet fairly quickly so the whispers turned into laughter until I wished that I hadn't chosen to eat today. Finding an empty table in the corner I got my copy of Romeo and Juliet out of my backpack and settled in to read about the tragic romance. I would happily give up my life for someone I loved like that; the problem was finding someone that could love someone like me. If there was even anyone out there that was able to do that.
The bell rang and I realized I had gotten lost in my fantasy world, looking around the cafeteria I realized that the pack wasn't there. That was odd, they are usually right in the middle of all the laughter and shouting at this hour. Grabbing my stuff I headed to my next class.
Finally the last bell of the day ended and I started the walk home, wondering what I could make for dinner, hoping that my father hadn't started drinking already. Reaching the house I noticed his truck wasn't in the driveway so headed into the kitchen to get started, hoping that he didn't come in as drunk as a skunk as usual.
After preparing dinner I sat at the kitchen table and started my homework, about halfway through I heard my father's key in the door and hurried to set the table.
'When I walk in this house I expect my dinner on the table waiting for me, do you understand?' my father screamed as I was hurriedly tried to get his meal for him.
Flinching as I knew what came next, he grabbed my hair and yanked me back against his chest; I could smell the fumes of whatever cheap alcohol he had been consuming earlier. I squeaked as I felt his elbow slam into my ribs, closing my eyes I started breathing deeply, trying not to cry and hoping that he was satisfied with that.
'Do you understand?' he shouted as he threw me into the cabinet and stalked to the table.
'Yes Sir, I'm sorry' I replied placing his dinner in front of him and scrambling out of the room heading upstairs. I had to eat before he came home, another rule of the house was that I didn't need to eat, I had to loose weight but at least it was my chore to do the shopping so he didn't realize that I was eating, just when he wasn't there.
Closing my door quietly I laid on my bed and looked at the ceiling trying to get comfortable, knowing the pain would go soon and I would be left in peace for the rest of the night, I started to daydream and eventually falling into a deep sleep hoping tomorrow would be better.