Enough of them fucking hitting me all the time. Enough of their fucking shit, basically.
I figured on running away. I could hear them screaming after me, "Johnny, you little shit, get back here!" Heard how loud my footsteps were after all that noise, loud in the sudden quiet.
It was like almost get tin' dark, just that weird dark gray sky. I squinted at the bit of setting sun I could still see over by the factory, the smoke stacks. I notice this shit cause of Pony, he points it out and sooner or later you just start to notice it, ya know?
What I usually do is take off when my old man hits me. I'll go to the lot or Pony's house but I'll always go back home. That's cause I'm fucking stupid. Stayed back in school and everything.
But this day, this one day, I'd had enough.
…………….x……………………x……………………..x
I didn't have money or shit, I never did. This is cause I'm a greaser and we're fucking poorer than dirt, white trash. My parents ain't got shit cause they drink it all away. A lot of my friends steal shit and sometimes I do, too. Not often. Not really anymore. I used to when I was a kid and didn't know better. Now I try not to fucking steal cause it ain't right, you know? Just cigarettes if I fucking need 'em, dig it? You got to have that shit.
Speakin' of it I only had a few left. I'd gotten a few blocks away and stopped, leaned against a streetlight and lit up a cigarette. I noticed I got fucking blood on the end of it. Lip was still fucking bleeding. Christ! And you know what? I almost started bawling right then, just like a fucking little baby.
It reminded me of that time Pony was over and my old man whips me with a two by four. They'd seen me get hit before, all of them have, but with a fucking two by four? And that fucking hurt so bad, but Pony was there, so I said to myself I wouldn't cry or make a sound.
Sometimes though I wouldn't cry at all, or do anything at all. No matter what they'd say or do. It's kinda like I can't really feel it, like it isn't me, in some kind of way. Sometimes. This is fucked up. If I don't watch it I'll be like Dally. I mean, I admire him and all, he's cool and all, and in a way I'd like to be like him. But it sorta scares me, too.
"Hey, Johnny," I looked up. It was Pony. It was dark now and he didn't notice my busted lip and whatever else.
"Hey, Pony, what's up?" He got closer and I saw him wince a little cause I was all beat up.
"Aw, shit, Johnny. What happened?"
He was real serious. Quiet like me but serious and so smart. We were in the same fucking grade despite the fact I'm two years older.
"My old man. You know,"
He nodded like he knew. He didn't. He knew my old man beat the shit out of me, that ain't what I meant. I meant he had good parents, really like they knew the score, you know? But they died in a car wreck awhile ago. He lived with his older brothers and his brothers fucking loved that kid. It was still a good family. So that's how he didn't know.
He put his hand on my shoulder and I flinched a little but then I relaxed. It was only Ponyboy, man. It wasn't like it was my old man. But every time someone touches me I get kinda scared. I told you I was fucked up.