Ron, The Tiny Alien

"I'm a little alien," sang Ron one windy autumn morning. Hermione, sitting next to him in the Great Hall, gave him a perplexed look.

"I'm a little alien," he sang again. Hermione tapped him on the shoulder.

"Ron. Ron. RON!" she shouted, trying to get his attention. "What. The. Bloody hell. Are. You. On about!" Getting no answer, she got exasperated, sighed, and turned her full attention towards her breakfast.

Harry joined them a few minutes later, looking confused when Hermione suddenly shoved Ron over and gave a frustrated "Hrrrrrrrhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnn!"

"What's got into Hermione?" Harry asked Ron.

"I'm a little alien," Ron sang shrilly. "A little green alien!"

Harry raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm an alien," Ron explained, turning to Harry, face twisted around like some grotesque clown trying to make a crying kid smile.

"No, you're not, Ron," said Harry. "You're a skinny redheaded bloke with no sense of direction who thinks he's a little alien. Bloody hell, Ron, what are you smoking?"

"I'm. A. Little. Alien," Ron insisted. "AY-LEE-EHN!"

"All right, all right, I've got it already!" Harry exclaimed.

"I'm a little alien," Ron sang. "An alien, an alien, a tiny little alien."

"Ron. You've said that ten times already," Harry said, trying to talk some sense into him.

"H'im H'ay T'hiny L'hittle H'alien," Ron pronounced. "HALIEN."

"Oh, God," Harry groaned. "He's been snorting something. He's on speed."

Ron suddenly started growling at his breakfast goblet, snorting the word "alien" in between growls. He turned over the goblet and his orange juice spilled everywhere.

"Ron, you tiny alien bastard, would you relax!" Harry demanded.

"Alien. Tiny. Little alien. Me. Alien. Green. Alien. Little tiny green slimy beady eyed gravy boat salamander every flavor bean O.J. alien. ALIEN," Ron trilled happily.

"Okay, so you're an alien, Ron, what then, what happens now you're an alien?" Harry rolled his eyes, expecting another train of nonsense to dribble out of Ron's mouth.

"Alien. Eating slime repellent jigsaw puzzle out of the ocean and into the blue wafer raving devil's snare ALIEN tiny green yellow blue beady eyed lizard scaly skin gibbering goblin slitherbelly wheat juice excellent little tiny green beady eyed aaaaaalien!" Ron was completely out of his head. Harry finally stood up and went over to Professor Dumbledore. Everyone watched him go, but he didn't care. This was serious.

"Uh, Professor? My friend Ron is acting strange. He's saying a lot of gibberish," Harry explained. "Something about being a tiny little alien. I think he's stoned."

Dumbledore raised his eyebrow. "We shall see," he said quietly, winking at Harry.

Harry went slowly back over to Ron. Sitting down, Ron gave him a crazed look.

"Gibbingcreepycrawlymangersitbravisitalien," he babbled.

"Ah, erm, yes," said Harry.

"Gibletsmidgetcakesbonanzabargainbridgingalien," said Ron.

"Of course. You know, the usual," said Harry, trying to make it seem like a real conversation since everyone around him was giving them puzzled looks.

"SLUGS IN A MANGER!" Ron yelled suddenly. "I! AM! A! TINY! LITTLE! ALIEN! WITH! LARGE! BOOTS! ON!" Everyone looked at him.

Harry froze, livid. When he regained movement, he turned mechanically, patted his friend on the shoulder and said, "Yeah, that's it, Ron. Let out all the anger."

"Alien," insisted Ron.

"Indeed you are," said Harry.

"Alien?" asked Ron hopefully.

"Why, yes, yes indeed," Harry assured him.

"Alien!" Ron said happily. "Alien yes yes me yes."

"This is going to be a long day," Harry muttered.

A/N: That made no sense.