Ok.. PLEASE don't expect any sanity in any of this; I'm in such a weirdly
demented mood that I can barely think straight enough to type. So I'm going
to skip an introduction, as the summary should have said enough.
BTW, I own nothing - but there are too many rightful owners to name. Sorry
to all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The camera sweeps over a beautiful scene of the English countryside and the pans in as we get closer to London, finally stopping as it reaches a film- recording studio (namely run by Warner Brothers.) Two boys are walking slowly through the almost deserted studios, every now and then glancing into randomly open doors. The scene magically skips ahead because the author has no idea what she's doing and all of a sudden we see that the two boys are in fact Daniel Radcliff and Tomas Felton. But for the purpose of this fic, they shall be known now only as Harry and Draco.
Draco: Hurry up, Harry! We're going to be late for the goddamn Quidditch scene. Not that I'm really in the mood to pretend to fly around a non- existent Quidditch stand while being chased by a non-existent rogue bludger.
We notice that tom sounds very much like Malfoy anyways and that maybe they both aren't so different from their characters after all.
Harry: Do you even know where we are?
Draco: Of course I do. Look, it's in here.
Tom pushes open a large door, distinctly ignoring the large notice reading:
"Do NOT enter. Vivid movie experience inside."
At this point the author is lost so she simply makes up some crap so that the boys get blasted into some universe were they will now get sucked in various roles of various movies with singing, snogging and white rabbits..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
There is a loud whooshing sound and the two boys land with a thud in a muddled pile on the grass. Where are we? Harry bursts out laughing as he sees Draco dressed as a gray kitten. Draco laughs even harder when he sees Harry dressed in a blue dress with a white apron. Harry looks up to see Hermione reading to him from a very large book - with NO pictures.
* * * Hermione: ...leaders, and had been of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria declared for him, and even Stigand... Harry!
Harry: Hmm...? Oh, I'm listening.
Hermione: And even Stigand, the archbishop of Canterbury, agreed to meet with William and offer him the crown.
Harry: He he he!
Hermione: William's conduct at first was mo....
Harry: He he he!
Hermione: Harry...! Will you kindly pay attention to your history lesson?
Harry: I'm sorry, but how can one possibly pay attention to a book with no pictures in it?
Hermione: My dear child, there are a great many good books in this world without pictures.
Harry: In this world perhaps. But in my world, the books would be nothing but pictures.
Hermione: Your world? Huh, what nonsense. Now...
Harry: Nonsense?
Hermione: Once more. From the beginning.
Harry: That's it, Draco! If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrariwise, what it is, it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?
Draco: Meow!
Harry: In my world, you wouldn't say 'meow'. You'd say 'Yes, Mr. Harry.
Draco: Meow!
Harry: Oh, but you would! You'd be just like people, Draco, and all the other animals too. Why, in my world...
Draco looks as horrified as he can with whiskers and a cute little pink nose as Harry bursts into song.
Harry: Cats and rabbits, would reside in fancy little houses, and be dressed in shoes and hats and trousers. In a world of my own. All the flowers would have very extra special powers, they would sit and talk to me for hours, when I'm lonely in a world of my own. There'd be new birds, lots of nice and friendly how-de-do birds, everyone would have a dozen bluebirds, within that world of my own. I could listen to a babbling brook and here a song, that I could understand. I keep wishing it could be that way, because my world would be a wonderland.
Draco: Meow! Meow! Meow!
Harry: Oh Draco! It's just a rabbit with a waistcoat... and a watch!
Ron the white Rabbit: Oh my fur and whiskers! I'm late, I'm late I'm late!
Harry: Now this is curious! What could a rabbit possibly be late for? Please, sir!
Ron: I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date! No time to say hello, goodbye! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!
Harry: It must be awfully important, like a party or something! Mister Rabbit! Wait!
Ron: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm overdue. I'm really in a stew. No time to say goodbye, hello! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!
Harry: My, what a peculiar place to have a party.
Draco: Meow!
Harry: You know, Draco, we really shouldn't...uhh...uhh...be doing this... After all, we haven't been invited! And curiosity often leads to troubl - l - l - e - e - e!
At this, Harry promptly starts falling down a very long shaft with no idea where he is heading, he waves up at the little cat as he falls.
Harry: Goodbye, Draco! Goodbye! ... Oh! Well, after this I shall think nothing of fa-... of falling downstairs! ... Oh! Ahhh... Oh, Goodness! What if I should fall right through the center of the earth... oh, and come out the other side, where people walk upside down. Oh, but that's silly. Nobody... oh! Oh, ha ha. Oh, mister Rabbit! Wait! Please! ... Curiouser and curiouser!
Harry's skirt puffs up serving as a parachute and he lands on the ground upside down I believe. Next to a little door with a doorknob that has very large ears and eyes.
Dobby the doorknob: Ohhhhh!!
Harry: OH! Oh, I beg your pardon.
Dobby: Oh, oh, it's quite all right. But you did give me quite a turn!
Harry: You see, I was following...
Dobby: Rather good, what? Doorknob, turn?
Harry: Please, sir.
Dobby: Well, one good turn deserves another! What can I do for you?
Harry: Well, I'm looking for a white rabbit. So, um, if you don't mind...
Dobby: Uh? Oh!
Harry looks through the keyhole serving as Dobby's mouth.
Harry: There he is! I simply must get through!
Dobby: Sorry, you're much too big. Simply impassible.
Harry: You mean impossible?
Dobby: No, impassible. Nothing's impossible! Why don't you try the bottle on the table?
Harry: Table? Oh!
Harry turns to see a table appear out of nowhere, followed promptly by a small bottle with a large label.
Dobby: Read the directions, and directly you'll be directed in the right direction. He he he!
Harry: 'Drink me'. Hmmm, better look first. For if one drinks much from a bottle marked 'poison', it's almost certain to disagree with one, sooner or later.
Dobby: Beg your pardon!
Harry: I was just giving myself some good advice. But... hmm, tastes like oh... cherry tart... custard... pineapple... roast turkey... goodness! What did I do?
Dobby: Ho ho ho ho! You almost went out like a candle!
Harry: But look! I'm just the right size!
Dobby: Oh, no use! Ha ha ha ha. I forgot to tell you, ho ho ho ho! I'm locked!
Harry: Oh no!
Dobby: Ha ha ha, but of course, uh, you've got the key, so...
Harry: What key?
Dobby: Now, don't tell me you've left it up there!
Dobby indicates to the now huge table, a key abbrubptly appears on it.
Harry: Oh, dear! What ever will I do?
Dobby: Try the box, naturally.
A small box appears before Harry. He takes the label and reads it.
Harry: Oh! 'Eat me'. All right. But goodness knows what this will do... wow, wow, wow, wow, wow!
Harry grows back to some huge giant and his foot c\slams into Dobby's face.
Dobby: whtwhsthswwdthdwd!
Harry: What did you say?
Dobby: I said: 'a little of that went a long way'! Ha ha ha ha!
Harry: Well, I don't think it's so funny! Now- now I do never get ou-out!
Harry starts bawling his eyes out.
Dobby: Oh, come on now. Crying won't help.
Harry: I know, but I- I- I just can't stop!
Dobby: Hey, hey you! Bwbwlwbbwlwbl! Say, this won't do at all! You, you up there, stop!
Stop, I say! Oh look! The bottle, the bottle...
Harry has indeed cried an ocean and the bottle floats past.
Harry: Oh dear, I do wish I hadn't cried so much.
Dobby: glpglpglp...
Professor Lockhart the dodo: Oh, the sailor's life is the life for me, how I love to sail on the bounding sea, and I never never ever do a thing about the weather for the weather never ever does a thing for me. Oh, a sailor's life is a life for me, tiddle um dum pom pom dum de dee! And I never ne... ahoy! And other nautical expressions! Land ho, by Jove!
Snape the parrot: Where away, Dodo?
Harry: Dodo?
Lockhart: Three points to starboard. Follow me, me hearties! Have you at port no time at all now, haha! Oh...
Harry: Mister Dodo!
Lockhart: Johoho, and a bottle of sea, we love each time...
Harry: Please! Please help me! ... Um, pardon me, but uh, would you mind helping me? Please? Yoo Ho! Yoo Ho! Help me! Please! Help me!
Lockhart: Forward, backward, inward, outward, come and join the chase! Nothing could be drier than a jolly caucus-race. Backward, forward, outward, inward, bottom to the top, never a beginning there can never be a stop to skipping, hopping, tripping, fancy free and gay, I started it tomorrow and will finish yesterday. Round and round and round we go, and dance for evermore, once we were behind but now we find we are be-forward, backward, inward, outward, come and join the chase! Nothing could be drier than a jolly caucus-race. For backward... I say! You'll never get dry that way!
Harry: Get dry?
Lockhart grabs Harrys arm and pulls him into the circle of completely bizarre creature running in a dizzily stupid circle to get dry.
Lockhart: Have to run with the others! First rule of a caucus-race, you know!
Harry: But how can I...
Lockhart: That's better! Have you dry in no time now!
Harry: No-one can ever get dry this way!
Lockhart: Nonsense! I am as dry as a bone already.
Harry: Yes, but...
Lockhart: All right, chaps! Let's head now! Look lively!
Harry: The white rabbit! Mister Rabbit! Mi- mister Rabbit!
Ron: Oh, my goodness! I'm late! I'm late!
Harry: Oh, don't go away! I'll be right back!
Ron: I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!
Lockhart: Don't step on the fish! Eric, there, won't you there stop kicking that mackerel! William...
Harry: Mister Rabbit! Oh, mister Rabbit! Oh dear, I'm sure he came this way. Do you suppose he could be hiding? Hmmm... not here. I wonder... No, I suppose he must have... Oh! Why, what peculiar little figures!
Harry bends down reads the labels on the figures allowed to himself.
Harry: Tweedle Dee... and Tweedle Dum!
Fred Dee: If you think we're wax-works, you ought to pay, you know!
George Dum: Contrariwise, if you think we're alive you ought to speak to us!
Fred & George: That's logic!
Harry: Well, it's been nice meeting you. Goodbye!
Fred: You're beginning backwards!
George: Aye, the first thing in a visit is to say: How do you do and shake hands, shake hands, shake hands. How do you do and shake hands and state your name and business.
Fred & George: That's manners!
Harry: Really? Well, my name is Harry and I'm following a white rabbit. So...
Fred: You can't go yet!
George: No, the visit has just started!
Harry: I'm very sorry...
George: Do you like to play hide-and-seek?
Fred: Or button-button, who's got the button?
Harry: No, thank you.
Fred: If you stay long enough we might have a battle!
Harry: That's very kind of you, but I must be going.
Fred & George: Why?
Harry: Because I am following a white rabbit!
Fred & George: Why?
Harry: Well, I- I'm curious to know where he is going!
George: Ohhhh, she's curious! Tsk! tsk! tsk! ts!...
Fred: The oysters were curious too, weren't they?
Geroge: Aye, and you remember what happened to them...
Fred & George: Poor things!
Harry: Why? What did happen to the oysters?
Fred: Oh, you wouldn't be interested.
Harry: But I am!
George: Oh, no. You're in much too much of a hurry!
Harry: Well, perhaps I could spare a little time...
Fred & George: You could? Well...
Fred: 'The Walrus and the Carpenter'!
George: Or: 'The story of the curious Oysters'! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
There is great flash of light, and before Harry can comprehend what's going on, he feels himself dragged out of the forest clearing, leaving Fred Dee and George Dum behind. After a moment he is joined by Draco the gray kitten and they are splatted down in yet another bizarre scene....
To Be Continued.......
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The camera sweeps over a beautiful scene of the English countryside and the pans in as we get closer to London, finally stopping as it reaches a film- recording studio (namely run by Warner Brothers.) Two boys are walking slowly through the almost deserted studios, every now and then glancing into randomly open doors. The scene magically skips ahead because the author has no idea what she's doing and all of a sudden we see that the two boys are in fact Daniel Radcliff and Tomas Felton. But for the purpose of this fic, they shall be known now only as Harry and Draco.
Draco: Hurry up, Harry! We're going to be late for the goddamn Quidditch scene. Not that I'm really in the mood to pretend to fly around a non- existent Quidditch stand while being chased by a non-existent rogue bludger.
We notice that tom sounds very much like Malfoy anyways and that maybe they both aren't so different from their characters after all.
Harry: Do you even know where we are?
Draco: Of course I do. Look, it's in here.
Tom pushes open a large door, distinctly ignoring the large notice reading:
"Do NOT enter. Vivid movie experience inside."
At this point the author is lost so she simply makes up some crap so that the boys get blasted into some universe were they will now get sucked in various roles of various movies with singing, snogging and white rabbits..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
There is a loud whooshing sound and the two boys land with a thud in a muddled pile on the grass. Where are we? Harry bursts out laughing as he sees Draco dressed as a gray kitten. Draco laughs even harder when he sees Harry dressed in a blue dress with a white apron. Harry looks up to see Hermione reading to him from a very large book - with NO pictures.
* * * Hermione: ...leaders, and had been of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria declared for him, and even Stigand... Harry!
Harry: Hmm...? Oh, I'm listening.
Hermione: And even Stigand, the archbishop of Canterbury, agreed to meet with William and offer him the crown.
Harry: He he he!
Hermione: William's conduct at first was mo....
Harry: He he he!
Hermione: Harry...! Will you kindly pay attention to your history lesson?
Harry: I'm sorry, but how can one possibly pay attention to a book with no pictures in it?
Hermione: My dear child, there are a great many good books in this world without pictures.
Harry: In this world perhaps. But in my world, the books would be nothing but pictures.
Hermione: Your world? Huh, what nonsense. Now...
Harry: Nonsense?
Hermione: Once more. From the beginning.
Harry: That's it, Draco! If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrariwise, what it is, it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?
Draco: Meow!
Harry: In my world, you wouldn't say 'meow'. You'd say 'Yes, Mr. Harry.
Draco: Meow!
Harry: Oh, but you would! You'd be just like people, Draco, and all the other animals too. Why, in my world...
Draco looks as horrified as he can with whiskers and a cute little pink nose as Harry bursts into song.
Harry: Cats and rabbits, would reside in fancy little houses, and be dressed in shoes and hats and trousers. In a world of my own. All the flowers would have very extra special powers, they would sit and talk to me for hours, when I'm lonely in a world of my own. There'd be new birds, lots of nice and friendly how-de-do birds, everyone would have a dozen bluebirds, within that world of my own. I could listen to a babbling brook and here a song, that I could understand. I keep wishing it could be that way, because my world would be a wonderland.
Draco: Meow! Meow! Meow!
Harry: Oh Draco! It's just a rabbit with a waistcoat... and a watch!
Ron the white Rabbit: Oh my fur and whiskers! I'm late, I'm late I'm late!
Harry: Now this is curious! What could a rabbit possibly be late for? Please, sir!
Ron: I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date! No time to say hello, goodbye! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!
Harry: It must be awfully important, like a party or something! Mister Rabbit! Wait!
Ron: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm overdue. I'm really in a stew. No time to say goodbye, hello! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!
Harry: My, what a peculiar place to have a party.
Draco: Meow!
Harry: You know, Draco, we really shouldn't...uhh...uhh...be doing this... After all, we haven't been invited! And curiosity often leads to troubl - l - l - e - e - e!
At this, Harry promptly starts falling down a very long shaft with no idea where he is heading, he waves up at the little cat as he falls.
Harry: Goodbye, Draco! Goodbye! ... Oh! Well, after this I shall think nothing of fa-... of falling downstairs! ... Oh! Ahhh... Oh, Goodness! What if I should fall right through the center of the earth... oh, and come out the other side, where people walk upside down. Oh, but that's silly. Nobody... oh! Oh, ha ha. Oh, mister Rabbit! Wait! Please! ... Curiouser and curiouser!
Harry's skirt puffs up serving as a parachute and he lands on the ground upside down I believe. Next to a little door with a doorknob that has very large ears and eyes.
Dobby the doorknob: Ohhhhh!!
Harry: OH! Oh, I beg your pardon.
Dobby: Oh, oh, it's quite all right. But you did give me quite a turn!
Harry: You see, I was following...
Dobby: Rather good, what? Doorknob, turn?
Harry: Please, sir.
Dobby: Well, one good turn deserves another! What can I do for you?
Harry: Well, I'm looking for a white rabbit. So, um, if you don't mind...
Dobby: Uh? Oh!
Harry looks through the keyhole serving as Dobby's mouth.
Harry: There he is! I simply must get through!
Dobby: Sorry, you're much too big. Simply impassible.
Harry: You mean impossible?
Dobby: No, impassible. Nothing's impossible! Why don't you try the bottle on the table?
Harry: Table? Oh!
Harry turns to see a table appear out of nowhere, followed promptly by a small bottle with a large label.
Dobby: Read the directions, and directly you'll be directed in the right direction. He he he!
Harry: 'Drink me'. Hmmm, better look first. For if one drinks much from a bottle marked 'poison', it's almost certain to disagree with one, sooner or later.
Dobby: Beg your pardon!
Harry: I was just giving myself some good advice. But... hmm, tastes like oh... cherry tart... custard... pineapple... roast turkey... goodness! What did I do?
Dobby: Ho ho ho ho! You almost went out like a candle!
Harry: But look! I'm just the right size!
Dobby: Oh, no use! Ha ha ha ha. I forgot to tell you, ho ho ho ho! I'm locked!
Harry: Oh no!
Dobby: Ha ha ha, but of course, uh, you've got the key, so...
Harry: What key?
Dobby: Now, don't tell me you've left it up there!
Dobby indicates to the now huge table, a key abbrubptly appears on it.
Harry: Oh, dear! What ever will I do?
Dobby: Try the box, naturally.
A small box appears before Harry. He takes the label and reads it.
Harry: Oh! 'Eat me'. All right. But goodness knows what this will do... wow, wow, wow, wow, wow!
Harry grows back to some huge giant and his foot c\slams into Dobby's face.
Dobby: whtwhsthswwdthdwd!
Harry: What did you say?
Dobby: I said: 'a little of that went a long way'! Ha ha ha ha!
Harry: Well, I don't think it's so funny! Now- now I do never get ou-out!
Harry starts bawling his eyes out.
Dobby: Oh, come on now. Crying won't help.
Harry: I know, but I- I- I just can't stop!
Dobby: Hey, hey you! Bwbwlwbbwlwbl! Say, this won't do at all! You, you up there, stop!
Stop, I say! Oh look! The bottle, the bottle...
Harry has indeed cried an ocean and the bottle floats past.
Harry: Oh dear, I do wish I hadn't cried so much.
Dobby: glpglpglp...
Professor Lockhart the dodo: Oh, the sailor's life is the life for me, how I love to sail on the bounding sea, and I never never ever do a thing about the weather for the weather never ever does a thing for me. Oh, a sailor's life is a life for me, tiddle um dum pom pom dum de dee! And I never ne... ahoy! And other nautical expressions! Land ho, by Jove!
Snape the parrot: Where away, Dodo?
Harry: Dodo?
Lockhart: Three points to starboard. Follow me, me hearties! Have you at port no time at all now, haha! Oh...
Harry: Mister Dodo!
Lockhart: Johoho, and a bottle of sea, we love each time...
Harry: Please! Please help me! ... Um, pardon me, but uh, would you mind helping me? Please? Yoo Ho! Yoo Ho! Help me! Please! Help me!
Lockhart: Forward, backward, inward, outward, come and join the chase! Nothing could be drier than a jolly caucus-race. Backward, forward, outward, inward, bottom to the top, never a beginning there can never be a stop to skipping, hopping, tripping, fancy free and gay, I started it tomorrow and will finish yesterday. Round and round and round we go, and dance for evermore, once we were behind but now we find we are be-forward, backward, inward, outward, come and join the chase! Nothing could be drier than a jolly caucus-race. For backward... I say! You'll never get dry that way!
Harry: Get dry?
Lockhart grabs Harrys arm and pulls him into the circle of completely bizarre creature running in a dizzily stupid circle to get dry.
Lockhart: Have to run with the others! First rule of a caucus-race, you know!
Harry: But how can I...
Lockhart: That's better! Have you dry in no time now!
Harry: No-one can ever get dry this way!
Lockhart: Nonsense! I am as dry as a bone already.
Harry: Yes, but...
Lockhart: All right, chaps! Let's head now! Look lively!
Harry: The white rabbit! Mister Rabbit! Mi- mister Rabbit!
Ron: Oh, my goodness! I'm late! I'm late!
Harry: Oh, don't go away! I'll be right back!
Ron: I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!
Lockhart: Don't step on the fish! Eric, there, won't you there stop kicking that mackerel! William...
Harry: Mister Rabbit! Oh, mister Rabbit! Oh dear, I'm sure he came this way. Do you suppose he could be hiding? Hmmm... not here. I wonder... No, I suppose he must have... Oh! Why, what peculiar little figures!
Harry bends down reads the labels on the figures allowed to himself.
Harry: Tweedle Dee... and Tweedle Dum!
Fred Dee: If you think we're wax-works, you ought to pay, you know!
George Dum: Contrariwise, if you think we're alive you ought to speak to us!
Fred & George: That's logic!
Harry: Well, it's been nice meeting you. Goodbye!
Fred: You're beginning backwards!
George: Aye, the first thing in a visit is to say: How do you do and shake hands, shake hands, shake hands. How do you do and shake hands and state your name and business.
Fred & George: That's manners!
Harry: Really? Well, my name is Harry and I'm following a white rabbit. So...
Fred: You can't go yet!
George: No, the visit has just started!
Harry: I'm very sorry...
George: Do you like to play hide-and-seek?
Fred: Or button-button, who's got the button?
Harry: No, thank you.
Fred: If you stay long enough we might have a battle!
Harry: That's very kind of you, but I must be going.
Fred & George: Why?
Harry: Because I am following a white rabbit!
Fred & George: Why?
Harry: Well, I- I'm curious to know where he is going!
George: Ohhhh, she's curious! Tsk! tsk! tsk! ts!...
Fred: The oysters were curious too, weren't they?
Geroge: Aye, and you remember what happened to them...
Fred & George: Poor things!
Harry: Why? What did happen to the oysters?
Fred: Oh, you wouldn't be interested.
Harry: But I am!
George: Oh, no. You're in much too much of a hurry!
Harry: Well, perhaps I could spare a little time...
Fred & George: You could? Well...
Fred: 'The Walrus and the Carpenter'!
George: Or: 'The story of the curious Oysters'! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
There is great flash of light, and before Harry can comprehend what's going on, he feels himself dragged out of the forest clearing, leaving Fred Dee and George Dum behind. After a moment he is joined by Draco the gray kitten and they are splatted down in yet another bizarre scene....
To Be Continued.......