Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, George Lucas does.
A.N: I am so sorry. It just came to me and it wouldn't get its evil clutches off of me before it was down on paper and out on the net. Don't hate me.
Anakin was hoisted onto her hip; his tiny hand clutching the fabric of her black silk dress. He was almost sleeping, his tear drenched face rubbing against her shoulder. Jaina stood on her left, holding onto her hand. Hard. Desperate. Leia couldn't bear to look down at her; knowing she was crying. She could feel Jacen's presence to her right; his fear, his sorrow, his hurt so incredibly clear to her that she barely could take it. She envied them, they could let it all out in the same way she couldn't. She knew that they would feel her despair if she let it past her carefully erected walls, and she knew it would scare them. They were scared enough as it was; she needed to be strong for them. She snuck a glance at Jaina, her dark brown hair pulled into a fancy braid. The little girl, just turned four, stood frozen by her side, her eyes fixed on the scene in front of her. Leia looked to Jacen, her brave little boy. He looked so beautiful in his suit; so sad, and so serious. He looked up to meet her gaze, fully aware that she was looking. Behind the hurt she saw a worry; a worry for her own well being. She was amazed at his abilities; his compassion. Then, with a pang of hurt, she realized that he was only four. Too young to worry about his mother; too young to be burdened with death and sorrow. He turned his head away from her again, focusing on his uncle holding a speech. Anakin fidgeted in her arms, and she rocked him slightly in her arms. She met her brother's gaze, her eyes filling with tears, unable to listen to what he was saying. Unable to accept the truth. The thought he sent her was warm and fuzzy, his undying love; but she found that it wasn't enough. She felt Jaina let go of her hand, saw her take her brother's and walk over to their uncle. Jacen's free hand grazed the coffin as he passed, almost seeming to want to stop. To stay. To make it all go away. Jaina tugged him with her, and they came to stand in front of their uncle. All she could see was the top of their heads, two identical browns, only one cut short, and the other braided. Luke hoisted them onto his hips suddenly, steadying them with the force. They each held a rose in their hands, Jaina twiddling hers slowly between her fingers. Jacen put his one down first, his hand resting on the coffin again.
"Goodbye daddy." He said, causing her throat to ache and her heart to shatter. He blew a kiss, staring intently at the black steel box in front of him, as if waiting for it to open. Jaina reached over to place her rose next to her brother's. A few of her tears dripped onto the shiny surface and she reached to wipe them off but stopped, unable to touch the cold steel.
"I miss you daddy." She said, quietly before burying her head in her uncle's shoulder. Leia watched, her heart aching, as Luke put them down on the ground again, silently ushering them into the waiting arms of Winter. He made his way past the coffin to the other side, coming to stand beside her. He moved to take Anakin, but she held him tight. He helped her move forwards, his arm around her waist. He handed her two roses, brightly red, the thorns taken off. Her hand shook as she lifted it towards his coffin. As if struck by lightning she saw it all clearly. He was gone. She clenched her teeth to regain some sort of focus, and lovingly placed the roses next to Jacen and Jaina's.
"I love you so much." She whispered; hugging Anakin so tight she wasn't entirely sure he could still breathe. "I don't know how to do it without you." Luke's arm tightened around her, holding her up with the Force. He moved her slightly to the side, letting Chewbacca forward. She didn't watch the others say their goodbye's, she just held Anakin tight in her arms until Luke motioned that it was time to let Han go. Blurry eyed she turned to look at the coffin again. She still refused to believe that the man who had cuddled next to her in bed two weeks earlier was gone. She slowly took a few more steps forwards, reaching out to place her palm against the metal. Anakin, stirring on her arm, copied her move, slapping his chubby baby hand down next to hers. She gave his messy dark hair, Han's hair, a kiss. He looked up at her with his icy blue eyes, and her heart ached as she thought of how her little boy, so much like Han, could be so different.
"I promise they won't forget you Han. I won't either." She tried in vain to dry her tears as Luke, Chewie, Wedge and a few others came up to her to carry the coffin onto the Falcon. "I'm going to miss you." She whispered; backing away with Anakin clutched tight. The boy reached out for the coffin, or for his uncles, she wasn't sure.
"Da-da-da-da." He called out, heart-breakingly. She hushed him, rocking him in her arms as she watched the coffin being carried aboard the Falcon. It only took a couple of minutes before the ship accelerated out into space, piloted from the hangar by Luke, and the Force. She watched as Luke nodded to Wedge, and she saw the other man swallow hard, looking at her intently. She nodded as well, knowing he wanted her permission. Coming to stand at attention, she watched as all the other military officers did the same. Out of the corner if her eye she saw her twins break free from Winter's arms, imitating the soldiers the best they could. Four red beams of laser shot from the ship's canon, and she watched the small dot she knew was the Millennium Falcon. Jaina cried out in pain as her father's ship exploded into a brilliant flash of light, her brother holding her tight. Leia felt her insides die a little, finally accepting the truth.
Han Solo was dead.