A/N: Okay! First of all, I just want to say that this fic was supposed to be the sequel to my other FoR fic, 'Valentine' (yes, this is shameless plugging. ^_^). Unfortunately, the storyline went kind of astray that it's hard to connect both stories. So… I decided to just leave 'Valentine' the way it was. It was meant to be a one-shot fic anyway, as is this one. It's a bit weird, I'm telling you. And I'm not sure you'll like it. Heck, I even have a feeling that I'll be flamed for such a lousy storyline. But, as lousy as the ending may seem, I will not change it. Rant and flame as long as you want but I will stick to my choice of ending and I will not alter it.
To the reviewer for 'Valentine'(Forgive me, I have bad memory when it comes to names ^_^) who asked why Tokiya still gave Fuuko a Valentine's present, well, you kind of missed the point there. The red jacket was Tokiya's WEDDING present to Fuuko. Remember when she said she wanted something that's meant only for her and not for the both of them? The both of them refer to Fuuko and Raiha. She wanted a gift only for herself; you know that the usual wedding presents consist of stuff that is both for the bride and groom (i.e. household thingies for the newlyweds).
On a final note, I still accept criticisms quite well. I may not change the story the way you want it to be, but you can at least tell me your suggestions. I can even use your criticisms to guide me when I do another fic. So… read on and review good people!!! ^_^
Disclaimer: This website is called Fanfiction.net. I do think that the name itself is self-explanatory, don't you agree?
With her
I was going to be with her again.
A year after Raiha died, she's finally coming home. One year of grieving had been enough, so now she decided to move on.
As I sat in La Montmartre – the restaurant which we called 'ours' when we were still close years back- I couldn't help but feel nervous. Hah, I- Tokiya Mikagami- also known as Fridge-boy was having pre-meeting jitters. Who would've thought? I certainly didn't.
But that's just the effect that Fuuko Kirisawa has on me.
True, it's been 5 years since Raiha and Fuuko married and that by now, I should've forgotten about her. But I couldn't.
And I guess, I never wanted to in the first place.
So here I am, waiting eagerly (and fidgety, if I may add) for my purple-haired monkey. She'll be here any minute now. I involuntarily smiled at the thought.
I was going to be with her again.
"Mikagami-san?" Ah, she's here! But wait… Fuuko never calls me that.
It has always been 'Mi-chan'. I missed her saying that.
"Yes, Yanagi-san?" I calmly addressed the brown-haired girl who stood by the table while I tried to hide my bitter disappointment.
"A-ano…" she suddenly gazed down, but not before I caught sight of her eyes. They were red, I noted, as though she had been crying.
A bad feeling slowly crept into me.
"Fuuko's not coming." She whispered, looking down softly at me with her brown, bloodshot eyes.
It's funny how 3 small words can make a person feel a lot of emotions all at once. Anger. Pain. Loneliness. Anxiety. Longing.
Yet, even with those feelings crashing down upon me, my face showed nothing. I was, after all, trained to mask anything and everything. Instead, I gave Yanagi a questioning stare.
"I—she—Here, Mikagami-san." She held out a quite dirty notebook to me. I hesitantly accepted it and then slowly turned the pages until I got to the last few ones that had something written on them.
I gave Yanagi one last unsure glance before I started reading the pages full of scraggly handwriting.
'I'm going to be with him again.
It's been a year since Raiha died when the plane he last flew on exploded while airborne, and now I'm coming home to my Hokage family. One year of grieving had been enough; I'm finally moving on.
So here I am, writing my thoughts on this diary, impatiently sitting inside a bus that's about to take me home. Yes, I'm incredibly impatient. Hah, I- Fuuko Kirisawa- known for being too stubborn and too wild for a girl my age is actually anticipating to see a particular ice block of a man. Who would've thought? I certainly didn't.
But that's just what I happen to feel when it comes to matters concerning Tokiya Mikagami.
True, I married Raiha 5 years ago and I have no doubt that I loved him. Marrying him was one of the most wonderful decisions I made in my life; I finally got to say 'I do' with a man I truly cared about and I'm honestly grateful that Raiha came into my life.
But though I was happy, I have to admit that I still felt some sort of emptiness. You see, before I learned to love Raiha, before I even met the god of thunder, there was our resident fridge-boy.
I was, and still am, in love with my Mi-chan. Surprising? Not really.
Let's just say that during the course of our friendship, I was intrigued by the cold barrier he put up. When he finally opened up to me and I got to see the real Tokiya, intrigue soon led to crushing on him. It then turned into infatuation and then, well, I guess you entirely get the picture.
But don't get me wrong. I loved Raiha. I would have never married him if I didn't. It's just that deep inside, I still loved Mi-chan. The feelings were buried, yet it never faded away.
Confusing? Yes, perhaps. I can almost hear voices asking questions like, how is it ever possible to love two men at the same time?
I'm a really strange person, that we already know of. Even I can't understand myself sometimes. Indeed, I loved the both of them at the same time. The thing is, I didn't love them equally. And after all the things I've written, it won't take a genius to figure out who I loved more.
I can almost see him smirking at me, calling me monkey. I remember the first time he lowered down his cold barrier and let me through. Most of all, I'll never forget my wedding day; it was then he gave me the red jacket (which is carefully tucked inside my bag, by the way). Sure, it may seem insignificant but the fact that he remembered and he cared enough to give me something that I really wanted made it a very big deal to me.
Without a doubt, Mi-chan holds the most special place in my heart.
Of course, what about Raiha? I'm sure you know that he isn't that stupid not to realize my feelings for Tokiya. Yet, he still loved me. He continued to do so even though he knew that he would have to share. His love for me was the main reason why I fell for him. And because I didn't want to hurt Raiha, I was the one who proposed that we move far away from my Hokage family. I'm sure he knew the real reason but didn't question me about it. That's just the Raiha I loved; he would never ask anything from me.
On a lighter note, I heard from Yanagi that Mi-chan is now a painter back home. Hmm…never knew he had that in him. Geez, it's just like Mi-chan to keep secrets like that from me. And speaking of Mi-chan, I got to talk to him for a while last night on the phone. Nothing serious, just the usual ramblings. And while I talked to him, the more I realized how much I've missed him.
I've finally made up my mind, by the way. When I get home, this time, I'm going to tell him how I feel. I'm going to tell Tokiya Mikagami how much I love him.
Okay, I think it's time to stop writing and put this away now. And just in time too, for there goes the voice from the bus speaker, announcing that in less than 20 minutes, I'll be finally home.
I'm going to be with him again.'
As I finished reading what turned out to be a diary, I was speechless. And based from the now-familiar handwriting, it was unmistakably Fuuko's. What struck me was that she loved me. Fuuko Kirisawa loved me. All those years wasted because of my cowardice! I knew I should've told her. But then, a thought hit me, troubling me even more.
I looked at the top left portion of the first page of the last entry and saw that it was written that same day. So, why was the diary with Yanagi?
The bad feeling grew stronger. Somehow, I knew. Something bad has happened to my Fuuko.
Suddenly, Yanagi broke down on the floor under my gaze. The people at the restaurant looked at her as if she was mad. But I didn't have the chance to mind them as she spoke then.
"Fuuko…." She gasped out between sobs. "The bus she took swerved off the road as it tried not to collide with another vehicle. Only a few survived and even those people had major injuries. Fuuko's not—" She didn't get to continue because she was quite hysterical already. But then again, she really didn't have to.
Fuuko's not one of those who survived, I finished for her in the back of my mind.
Recca came in now, unmindful of the stares that we were receiving, to console the sobbing brown-haired girl. He was probably outside the whole time to make sure I don't lash out on his princess. Figures.
As for me, you're probably wondering what's going through my head. Indeed, I wanted to scream in anger, in frustration. I wanted to let loose all my pent up rage. I wanted to…but I didn't.
And why should I? Would that get me anywhere? Would that bring back Fuuko?
Of course not. So why bother?
I won't do any screaming today, but that doesn't mean I'm not suffering tremendously. I am. It's just that there's nothing that my tears can do about it. Nothing will bring back Fuuko now.
Nothing matters anymore.
*******
Epilogue:
Yanagi phoned in earlier, asking me where I've been these past few weeks. I said I've been busy, if you call lying on the bed all day and staring at the ceiling busy, that is. I've locked myself in my apartment all along, but Yanagi doesn't need to know that.
Hmm…has it just been weeks? It felt like years to me. I've been constantly losing track of what day of the week it is that I've finally stopped caring. So…I'm sure you'll want to know what I've been doing with my wretched life. If you will still be able to call it a 'life'. It's more like just breathing, actually.
When Fuuko died, my sole reason for living died with her. I don't have anyone to revenge upon and now, even the only person I've ever loved aside from my sister is also gone. With no more purpose in life, how am I supposed to go on living?
A few months ago, you wouldn't catch me anywhere without smelling fresh. Now, I just smell. And not just smell; I stink. I probably smell as bad as the pests that started to breed in my apartment due to lack of cleaning. And hey, with this thick stubble of hair on my face and a build so thin because I often forget to eat, I won't be surprised if I actually start looking like a pest. Oh well, that's the price of not taking a bath in weeks. But then, who the hell cares?
That's right. No one does. Yanagi has been the only one who bothered to check up on me, as others have been busy with either school or work. She's such a sweet girl that I really hope that she doesn't meet the same fate as mine but she doesn't understand that I simply refuse to be bothered. And so, I let her delude herself into thinking that everything's okay with me.
Okay my ass. Nothing's been okay ever since Fuuko died.
Yes, people. I, Tokiya Mikagami- proud wielder of the Ensui- has been reduced to nothing more than an ordinary, ranting guy. But hey, I still have my talents, you know.
At times that I don't feel like lying and staring all day, I paint. I sketch anything that catches my fancy in my dratted apartment. From rats to wilted flowers. Lately, what seemed to be insignificant to me before became my source of amusement now. It's funny how one incident manages to change everything you see about life.
Even my dreams have been changed. No longer do I dream about blood and about that horrible night when Mifuyu died. Instead, strangely enough, every dream had been quite pleasant. Sometimes there were trees and flowers. Others had a beach setting. It had never been exactly the same. However, there's one thing that remained constant through all those dreams: The light was very bright, and Fuuko was there, smiling beautifully at me.
I don't know what those dreams meant; I'm not even sure if there's a meaning behind them. But what I do know is that every time I wake up after I dream, I feel happy and light-hearted. It's what I usually felt whenever Fuuko was beside me. Sometimes, I even wonder whether she's not really gone, and instead had been by my side all the while. Sure, I could be hallucinating. But with this load of crap I'm living in, I welcome all those delusions about Fuuko.
Today, I just finished another painting. But instead of using rubbish as models, I did a portrait of Fuuko and me. You see, while I was rummaging for socks in my closet a few days back, I stumbled upon a photo album. It turned out to be Hokage's. I'm not sure how it got there but I have a hunch that Yanagi was the one who placed them there when she last came over to clean. Anyway, I flipped through the pages and stopped, stared and smiled at a photo of me and Fuuko.
It was of us together one day in the park, having a picnic along with the whole Hokage team. It was taken 7 years ago, I think, before she got married. Instead of her usual grin, she was smiling softly like a dream. In addition to that, even I looked actually happy. I smiled faintly at that memory and resolved to capture that wonderful moment in oil.
So here I am, staring at my personal masterpiece. And I must say, I did quite well. I looked around my crappy apartment, suddenly noticing its loneliness and I wonder briefly if by next week, lots of people would fill this place.
I'm really tired now, that I had to lie down. Never had I felt so exhausted in all my life. I don't know why but suddenly, I felt that same light-hearted feeling that I get whenever I dream about her. And in the back of my mind, I knew.
I knew that the next time I see Fuuko, it won't be in a dream. And I knew that this time, she would indeed be real.
My eyes are getting heavy. Excuse me if have to cut this short because I think- no, because I feel that the time has come.
I'm going to be with my Fuuko once more.
And this time, it will be forever.