(A/N:

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST

This first part is full of triggers. Chock full. Super extra triggery triggers... especially concerning rape.

It could be very damaging to some people.

I have tried to make sure nothing extreme is visible in what you'll see just opening this, but I found the story idea compelling and knew some other folks would as well, but!...

Please, please, please, take care of your mental health!

All that said, I strongly recommend watching Soul Survivor(s10e3), stop when Cas catches Dean and tells him it's over, and then start the chapter.

Love you guys!

Thanks for reading.

FW)

Finding himself immobilized, Dean, confused, looked down to see two familiar arms across his chest, pinning his arms. He tried to struggle. Tried to fling Castiel off of him.

Sam was right there. Right there! He wasn't running, the game was over before he could even get started. Dean was infuriated.

He'd had plans. It had been years, he was getting rusty. He wanted to practice. He missed it. He missed Hell. He missed the rack.

"It's over!... Dean, it's over."

Dean roared his frustration as Castiel's arms, seemingly made of steel, dragged him, quite literally kicking and screaming back into the dungeon.

"This isn't over, Sammy! I got loose, I can do it again! Then I'm going to show you everything I learned from Alistair. Everything I learned in hell, and I'm going show you, you little shit! All of it! You know what I'm gonna do to you, you spineless cowar-!"

Castiel clamped his hand over Dean's mouth, kicking the door shut to remind Sam to stay out until he'd let him know it was safe.

Castiel tried to get Dean back into the chair, but he continued to struggle. "Dean, stop."

"Fuck you, Cas. I was gonna start with Sam, but you know what? You're closer." Dean attempted to twist in his grasp and failed. "How'd you like a second set of wings when I pull your lungs out between your ribs?"

"I'm not going to allow that."

"Why'd you keep me from telling Sam what I was going to do to him?" Dean asked in a growl. "I wanted to see his face."

"Because I know what you did to the souls you tortured in hell. I was there. And while Lucifer tortured Sam, some things even angels won't do."

A low, deep chuckling started in the back of Dean's throat and built into a disturbed laughter. "You didn't even want him to know? You think you can protect him?"

Castiel looked down, not that Dean could see it.

"Oh, shit. You're trying to protect me, too. The weak bullshit human version. The one you're trying to get back."

"This isn't you. And it wasn't you in hell, either." Castiel said firmly.

"Ohhh, it's me, Cas. All of me. Especially the parts of me I buried for too long. I'm not going down without a fight. And you're gonna need Sam back in here to finish this, aren't you? I can fill him in on the details then."

"I have no reservations about gagging you." Castiel deadpanned.

"He's going to find out, one way or the other." Dean chuckled.

Castiel gave pause. "How, if you don't tell him?"

"I'll get loose again. Then he can find out first-hand."

Castiel stiffened. "You... Dean, no."

"Oh, yes... And you got the wrong Dean."

"Dean, if you remember this later, I hope you'll also bear in mind," he said, attempting to get Dean in the chair again, "You, the real you, are a decent person."

Dean laughed harder. "You know, the first time, after Alistair fucked me, that wasn't the worst. Just when I thought it was over, and he had done his worst, and couldn't break me any further, that's when he leaned down and whispered in my ear. He made that offer, and I said no. And you know what he said then? ... He said someday I was gonna cave. Someday he was gonna watch while I did the same thing to some other poor bastard. That was the worst."

Castiel forced Dean into the chair, restraining him.

"You know, I thought I'd have to go out and pick someone up off the street and drag them back here. Had the whole thing planned out. I figured a gun to their head would get Sam to do to them whatever I'd done to him. Saves me some time. He'd cave pretty fast for you, so I'm almost glad you're here."

Castiel felt his vessel roiling with rage, pity for Sam, and disgust turning his stomach.

"Thirty years, Cas, and I always said no. I still remember that first bitch. Oh, god, she was a screamer. The tears, I tell you, I don't know what she did to get there, but she couldn't have deserved it."

"Stop." Castiel growled.

"You don't want to believe it, do you? Every day for ten years, Cas. How many is that? How many souls? 3,650?... Sometimes I was good for two or three rounds, too, so let's round that up to 4,000, minimum."

Castiel tried to keep his usual stoic expression. "None of this surprises me. I was well aware what began when you broke, if you remember, it was my mission to stop you."

Dean's eyes went black as Castiel watched, and he scoffed. "Still looking for that 'righteous man?'"

"He's in there, somewhere." Castiel replied.

"Nobody is getting out of this without a few scars. I can't stop you, but I'm going to fuck someone up in the process. So you want to protect Sam and his delicate sensibilities? Knock me out." Dean said arrogantly.

"You'll only come around again."

"Not if you do it right. Tiny little bit of your goody-two-shoes grace, and I'm down for the count." Dean said quietly, with a very unnerving tone.

Castiel gave him a long look. "Grace?"

"Paralyze the Knight of Hell with a grace suppository, yeah."

Castiel tilted his head. "I can't remove only a small amount of grace, and I don't have any to spare."

"You know how many times I read Genesis trying to get this mark off me?... Chapter 6, bitch. Giants, men of renown, heroes of old? That's not pure vessel DNA." Dean answered with a smirk.

"No."

"How about a deal?" Castiel glared at him. "I know it's killing you just to think about it, and that's fun for me, but if you'll actually do it, then if I manage to get out again, I'll only kill him. Minimal torture, and no rape."

"'Only kill him?' You won't be getting out again."

"I might. You don't know if this is going to work. You don't know if I'm going to turn back into a demon later." Dean shrugged. "Maybe years later. Take the deal."

Castiel shifted his weight, looking around awkwardly. When he looked back to Dean, he found a sadistic grin and shoulders shaking with silent laughter. "I told you I was going to fuck someone up. Looks like it's going to be you, give you a little Sophie's Choice. So, who's getting it up the ass, me or Sam?"

"How do I know you'll keep your word?" Castiel asked, approaching him.

"I'm a fucking demon. It's a contract. And it's leaving the table, last chance."

Castiel leaned in and kissed Dean firmly on the lips. Dean bit down on his lower lip with a growl just as Castiel began to pull away, leaving a trace of his blood running down from Dean's lips.

At his confused look, Dean chuckled again. "You didn't think I was going to make this easy?... Hell no. I plan to break you. I want bruises, blood, and when you get him back, well, I hope he hates you in the morning. That's what's going to make it all worth it."

Castiel steeled himself, wiping the blood from his mouth with the cuff of his sleeve. He quickly shrugged out of his coat and jacket, and unfastened the restraints taking Dean out of the chair.

"You know, I could make this take a long time, wait till you're close and then beg for mercy." Dean said, "You gonna go limp if I cry?"

Castiel growled, "Get on the floor."

"Make me."

Castiel grabbed Dean, carefully forcing him to the floor on his back. "Oh, this'll be good. I hope I remember the look on your face so it'll haunt my nightmares for a good, long time."

Castiel held onto Dean's leg tightly as he attempted to remove one of his boots. Out of nowhere, the other came toward his face as hard as possible, only to be knocked out of its path at the last minute by Castiel's arm.

"Oops." Dean said sarcastically. "Hey, how about I wait till you really get going, then start screaming for Sam to help me? Think he'll break down the door?"

Castiel shrugged, removing the boot and moving for the other, "I'm sure I'll find a way to quiet you."

Dean seemed to find this hilarious and sat up, grabbing Castiel's tie, yanking hard. "You better hope you do, for your sake."

Dean grabbed the knot with his fingers coming up between it and Castiel's neck, gripping it tightly and twisting his hand to choke him. Castiel grabbed his wrist and removed it, adjusting to pin him to the floor.

Dean's free hand reached between Castiel's legs and grabbed him roughly, making him jerk. Castiel dragged his hand away.

"C'mon, you're gonna fuck me, you could let me find out what you're packing."

Dean struggled as Castiel wrestled his jeans and boxers off. Then started to laugh again.

"What's so funny?"

"Well, I said I wanted blood, and I think I'm gonna get it." Dean answered with another struggle to get away.

Castiel realized he had no lubricant with him, and he couldn't let go of Dean long enough to find some.

"Just get your dick inside me already, if you think you're man enough, Holy Diver." Dean said.

Castiel reached for his entrance, trying to will the muscles and tissues to relax.

"I can take it, you know. Picked up twins at a bar with Crowley, had a little race. First one to get their girl off would get to fuck the other in the ass dry. He cheated."

Castiel looked down at him in horror, which quickly turned to disgust. Gathering himself again, he probed Dean's entrance. Dean raised his hips slowly as Castiel tried to work his finger inside gently, then without warning shoved himself down with a small shake and a groan, taking it in.

"Dean, please! I'm trying not to hurt you!" Castiel said before he could stop himself.

Dean laughed, "Like you could, I've taken twice your size, quit stalling."

Castiel kept him pinned to the floor and unfastened his pants, shifting them low, and lining up as best he could. Dean struggled until he felt Castiel's tip, and froze. "Do it."

Castiel pressed inside as gently as he could.

"More!" Dean ground out, his voice strained, "C'mon, shove it in me!"

Castiel stopped as Dean suddenly grabbed at him, clenching his teeth.

"AUUGHHH! Fuck! That burns!"

"What's happening?"

"I told you I wanted blood." Castiel started to pull away, "Don't! ... We had a deal."

Castiel didn't move. "Nothing in our deal said I couldn't heal you."

Dean shrugged, then thrust his hips, hissing at the pain as he did. Quickly, Castiel pinned him and healed him.

Dean looked frustrated by the sudden lack of pain.

Castiel carefully began to move, still harboring feelings of disbelief. Bracing himself for what he might encounter, he looked at Dean's face again. It was tensed, eyes closed, head rocked back by each slow movement. Then his eyes came open, inky black, and horrible. "How's it feel, knowing I'm going to hate you forever?"

Castiel flinched as though Dean had struck him. Knowing the sooner this ended, the sooner he'd be able to pick up the pieces, he covered Dean's mouth and took hold of his erection. Dean moaned in the back of his throat and panted through his nose.

Castiel worked his hand gently, spreading the few drops he found at the tip, feeling Dean shiver and buck. He sped up, trying not to think about the leftover blood easing his path as he thrusted. Dean shifted below him, wrapping his legs around Castiel's ribs, rolling his hips up to give him better access, and trying to lift against him.

Knowing he was taking a chance, Castiel removed his hand from Dean's mouth. Dean swallowed a moan, "Cas..."

Castiel looked up, meeting those black eyes again.

"Harder... harder, I need it." Dean moaned.

Castiel adjusted his thrusts as Dean's pleasured reactions seemed to be picking up, hoping to keep him distracted enough to finish quickly, trying to block out everything he'd said.

Dean gasped hard, throwing his head back, which certainly caught Castiel's attention. Raising his head again, his eyes still black. "This is getting good. How about another kiss?"

Castiel kept his pace but complied, wondering if Dean was going to bite him again.

Dean seemed to enjoy it, nipping more gently this time. Dean squirmed as Castiel tightened his hand on Dean's erection, moving in time with his thrusts.

"C'mon, you can go harder... fuck me like Crowley does it." Dean moaned, laughing as Castiel faltered. "Don't like that, do you?"

Castiel shook his head to clear it and kept going. "It's doesn't matter."

"Yeah?... I could use one of your brother's names... or my brother's name... Anything to throw you off..."

Castiel tightened his grip further. "It won't work now that I know what you're doing."

Dean gave a lustful, breathy moan, "Okay, fine, just don't stop..."

Castiel tried desperately to lose himself in the feeling of Dean's warm, wet body, and the sounds he was making. "Cas!... Ohhhhh, fuck me... I'm close... Tell me when... oh, shit, right there..."

Castiel thrust harder, giving a whimpering gasp involuntarily, but it was the only hint Dean needed.

Dean's eyes went normal as Castiel climaxed, his body a squirming wreck as suddenly Dean, the vision of Castiel's friend, was screaming. "STOP! CAS! STOP IT YOU'RE HURTING ME!"

Castiel froze in terror, his body shaking, ejaculating deep inside of Dean.

It took him a moment to realize Dean was laughing as he succumbed to the drugging effect he'd predicted. Laughing uncontrollably at his cruel, sick joke.

"You should see your face," he slurred, "mn... worth it.."

Within seconds Dean was unconscious. Castiel was still shaking when he unwrapped his hand from Dean, finding it sticky as Dean had clearly found his release at some point despite his misdirection.

As gently as he could, he unwound Dean's legs, still shaking, and pulled free from his body. Sitting up into a kneeling position he felt nauseous and shaken.

Through his stolen grace he soon had them both clean and redressed, and carefully put Dean back into the chair, restraining him tightly.

Sam gave Dean the final injection and set the needle down on the table, moving back to stand next to Castiel.

Castiel looked around, feelings of shame eating away inside him, looking anywhere but at Dean.

"What the hell are we doing to him, Cas?..." Sam's voice was little more than a sad whisper, looking at his brother's limp form tied in the chair. "I mean, even after I gave him all that blood, he still said he didn't want to be cured... and that he didn't want to be human."

Castiel forced himself to look at Dean, in a sort of self punishment, regretting the entire day. He considered how deeply his emotions cut him when he was human, and the relief he'd felt becoming an angel again, and how likely Dean's feelings would overwhelm him, having his humanity restored. He would never be able to make this right.

"Well, I can see his point... you know only humans can feel real joy," he tried not to choke on his words, thinking of what was coming, "but also such profound pain... This is easier."

Sam glanced at Castiel, but a small grunt from Dean took his attention. As the man in the chair began to show signs of coming around, Sam quickly opened the bottle of holy water, as Castiel raised his blade, unsure of what they'd encounter and not wanting to take any risks.

Dean slowly raised his head, eyes open and frighteningly black, until suddenly the blackness dissipated, leaving only clear green behind. He blinked and shook his head a couple of times, looking around as if trying to remember how he'd gotten there. Looking up again as Sam took a more defensive stance, Dean spoke, with what seemed almost an attempt at a smile, "You look worried, fellas."

Castiel eyed him suspiciously, desperately hoping Dean wouldn't address Sam with the threats he had planned to use.

Sam and Castiel shared a concerned look, which ended with Sam sending a splash of holy water over Dean, being sure some landed on his face.

Dean's face carried a look of surprise as the expected pain and sizzling failed to occur.

"Welcome back, Dean." Sam said, his voice laced with relief.

Dean looked between the two of them, and then his eyes settled on Castiel. Immediately he dropped his gaze, and after a few breaths, looked up again with a look of regret toward his brother.

"Sam..." Dean said quietly, his voice rough, "Can you give us a minute?"

Sam shot a look of concern and confusion at Castiel before turning back to Dean. "Yeah, sure, you want out of the chair first?"

"I'll take care of it." Cas answered him.

"Okay, I'll be close by." Sam said, leaving and pulling the door closed behind him.

Castiel slowly approached the chair, untying Dean with shaking hands. He wanted to apologize, to beg his forgiveness, and ask what he could do to make it right, but the words wouldn't come.

"Cas," Dean said softly as the ropes fell away, "Sam... I was going to... I..."

"You didn't."

"I feel sick."

Castiel nodded.

Dean looked up, finding Castiel's eyes and taking in his broken expression. "Cas, I am so sorry."

"Dean, that wasn't you. And for my part in this, I'm sorry."

An uncomfortable silence followed, broken when Dean finally rose from the chair onto shaky legs. "I can't believe I put you through that."

"Dean, I-"

"You saved Sam from me." Dean spoke slowly, his words filled with intent, "Maybe we can decide it never happened, but I can't do that without telling you first, that that is everything to me. I owe you for that, so much more than for pulling me out of Hell in the first place. Thank you."

Castiel swallowed hard, nodding. "Never happened."

Dean nodded as well. "I gotta get out of here. And I still need to apologize to Sam for trying to kill him."

Castiel didn't turn to watch him leave, and didn't move until Dean's footsteps faded.