This is a oneshot that I just had to write. I really should finish my other fics, but...yeah :D
Hope you have a fun read!
"Sirius!"
Sirius Black turns around to see his two best friends running towards him, ties flying and coats swagging behind them as the wind swept across them.
He grins despite his almost miserable mood.
"Where are you going?" James, the one with glasses, asks. "I mean, it's the end of term and you just walk straight out as soon as the headmaster ends his speech. What's up?"
"I need to go do something." Sirius states, hoping that James or Peter wouldn't ask any more.
"Something?" Peter asks, and Sirius knows that he just made them even more curious. "Something? What's that something?"
"Yeah, Sirius, what is that something?" James asks, grinning. "Got yourself a date?"
Sirius huffs.
"Date, my ass." he looks down onto the grassy ground. "How do you expect me to get a date when we're in bloody all boys boarding school?"
"Yeah, well." James shrugs. "I got myself a date."
"Who lives in your neighborhood." Sirius corrects. "Now, that's why it was possible for you. You've been bugging her to go out with you every holiday that is both existent and nonexistent on the calender. Terrorizing her with letters on your birthday, really."
James snorts.
"Anyway, that's not the point. That point is.."
"..where are you going?" Peter finishes and Sirius nearly shivers. Since when did they finish each others sentences?
"Since when did you guys start finishing off one another's sentences?" Sirius snaps, faking a pout. "I'm starting to regret getting myself into detention so much."
"Stop changing the subject." James snaps in return but grins as he does so. "Where are you going?"
"I..." Sirius starts, and then takes a deep breath. "I need to do some..community service. I haven't done enough until now."
"And where are you going?" James asks.
"God, you are one persistent bastard." Sirius sighs. "Somewhere in Maidenhead. I forget the exact address."
"Maidenhead? Whoa." James whistles.
"Yeah, well it's still closer than where I live." Sirius snorts. "I'd go to as far as Yorkshire if I could get away from my house."
"So, what kind of community service are you exactly doing there?" Peter pipes up.
"I dunno." Sirius shrugs. "I think I'm supposed to help out a disabled person for the summer."
"The entire summer?" James asks, eyes widening.
"No, for only about couple of weeks, I think." Sirius replies.
"And your parents said yes?" James asks disbelievingly. "What of the annual trip to the summer mansion?"
Sirius snorts again.
"Trust me. They're as eager to get rid of me just as I'm eager to get away from them."
"How do you go there?" Peter asks, almost as surprised as James.
"I've got a ride." Sirius shrugs pointing out the school gates.
"Your parents want you out of their way, yet they give you a ride." James sighs. "They are so bizarre."
"It's not like they're driving me." Sirius retorts, frowning. "And you already know they are mental. It's a universal and unchanging fact."
"Well, good luck then." James pats Sirius on the shoulder as if he were a warrior about to head to the Trojan War. "Have any idea who you're supposed to take care of?"
"Dunno. Reckon it's some elder." Sirius replies, before heading out towards the gates.
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Sirius watches, bored as the car slid a turn and stopped him in front of a small house.
"We're here, master Sirius."
"Thank you, Gordon." Sirius replies, as he gets off the car and peers into his wrist watch.
Five thirty eight.
Now that wasn't too bad, was it? Just made it on time to meet this person who was supposed to be 'inform' him of this person he was supposed to look after.
Gordon takes out Sirius' luggage from the trunk and places it right next to Sirius.
"You may go now, Gordon." Sirius signals with a dismissive hand gesture.
"Yes, sir."
"And give my best regards to dear mother and father." he adds with a disdainful look.
Gordon nods and the car is soon out of sight.
Sirius leans against a light pole and takes out his cigarettes.
He isn't allowed to smoke, he knows that, and he certainly knows that it was a highway ticket to hell, but he didn't care.
"Mr. Sirius Black?"
He abruptly drops the cigarette and stamps on it before rubbing his foot against the concrete floor, extinguishing the embers.
He turns around with a grin.
A woman in her late thirties or early forties is standing there with a bag and small stack of papers in her arms.
"Yes, and you must be Ms. Ellison?" he asks in return.
"Yes. Pleased to meet you." the woman smiles and extends a hand which Sirius takes. "I hope I haven't kept you waiting for too long."
"Oh, no." Sirius replies. "I've only just gotten here as well."
"Ah, that's a relief then." Ms. Ellison continues. "Before we go in, may I notice you of a couple of things? Just so the whole thing may be easier for you."
Sirius nods as Ms. Ellison fumbles through the papers in her arms.
"Just to make sure." she says before getting out a profile of Sirius. "You're currently a student, seventeen years old. Hmm...I wonder if you aren't too young for this."
"Pardon me?" Sirius frowns. Now they say he's too young?
"Oh, I mean, the person who needs your care is rather young as well, and I fear that there might be problems if two young people are the only ones there." Ms. Ellison explains. "But as you seem to be mature and intelligent enough..."
"Isn't there an adult in the house?" Sirius interrupts.
Ms. Ellison looks up with a slightly darkened expression.
"Actually..that was where I was going to get." she sighs before continuing. "You see, Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin, the resident of this house, is blind."
Sirius blinks. Well, it wasn't all unexpected since Sirius had been informed that whomever he was to take care of was disabled, but he couldn't help but be a bit surprised nonetheless.
"He lost his sight when he was a young boy from an accident." Ms. Ellison continues. "He lost both his parents from the accident, and he currently lives with his aunt and uncle, but they had to leave the country due to Mr. Lupins grandfathers surgery. They're in the United States at the moment, so Mr. Lupin has been alone for about a couple of days now."
"I see." Sirius nods, but didn't say any more because he could tell that Ms. Ellison wasn't finished yet.
"You must remember several things while attending him." she continues. "He isn't very healthy, and so you need to make sure he doesn't catch a cold or anything else. He gets very ill even by the smallest diseases."
Sirius nods and gestures for Ms. Ellison to continue.
"He can't resist people smoking. He may complain very much when someone smokes near him. Do you smoke, Mr. Black?"
"Umm..yes, sometimes." Sirius replies a bit uneasily. So much for smoking freely. Another summer privilege gone.
"Well, I understand it may be difficult, but please make sure you don't smoke too much. He is very sensitive to the smoke."
"I understand." Sirius wasn't all that addicted to smoking yet, so he knew that wouldn't be much of a problem.
"And he enjoys reading, so make sure you read to him often, and take him out of the house at least twice a day." Now, that made it sound like Sirius was about to take care of a neighbors pet. "Do you cook by any chance? It says you do."
"Yes, I do cook." Sirius replies. He was quite a good cook because he had to learn how to cook by himself at the middle of the night on evenings he was punished with no dinner.
"Very good. Well, he's allergic to cheese and grapes." Ms. Ellison explains. "So please do not give him any of that."
"If he's allergic to cheese, does that mean he's also allergic to other dairy products?" Sirius asks, a bit taken aback.
"Strangely enough, not really." Ms. Ellison replies. "He can have milk, ice cream and practically any other dairy other than cheese, but keep him away from them if possible."
"I see." Sirius nods. "Anything else?"
"He tires easily." Ms. Ellison continues. "He has a weak heart, although it's nothing fatal. Still, extreme physical exercise may bring difficulties in breathing and he may complain about an impending headache."
Sirius nods. So basically, he just had to take care of this guy as if he were a orchard. Okay, he could handle that. He's had worse.
"And, before we go in, I must tell you something very important." Ms. Ellison lowers her voice. "He was raped by a family member when he was younger, and he may show uncomfortableness or even anger if you get too close. He reacts in such attitudes when most unexpected, so please keep that in mind, and even if he does shout to you, please don't lose your temper and just take a step back. Leave him alone for a while until he calms."
So maybe this wouldn't be as simple as he thought.
"That's it." Ms. Ellison says, straightening up. "Oh, and if anything happens." she gives Sirius her business card.
"Thank you." Sirius takes it, trying to manage a grin, but failing at the thought of facing this...Mr. Lupin.
Ms. Ellison smiled before climbing up a few steps to stand in front of the front door.
"Ready?" she asks with a nervous smile herself.
Sirius nods and she presses the door bell.
Silence follows, and just as she raises her arm to try again, there were footsteps and the door opens after what sounds like a fumble of locks.
"Yes?" a voice asks from inside.
"Remus?" Ms. Ellison replies in a kind voice. "It's me, Karen. Mr. Black is here."
"Oh." and the door is fully open. "Come in."
Ms. Ellison follows Remus inside and motions Sirius to follow.
Remus is out of sight, but Ms. Ellison seems to know the way as she takes them to the lounge.
Sirius sees a boy around his age sitting on the sofa.
He had light brown hair that almost had a bit of a golden tinge, and was very thin. He was very pale as well, with thick, dark circles under his eyes that only emphasized his complexion even more. And Sirius can't help but cringe as a pair of large amber eyes stare at him.
It's only after a few seconds that he remembers that this boy was blind, so he couldn't possibly be staring at Sirius.
It's strange.
Sirius had always imagined the eyes of the blind to be a dull orb as his aging grandfather's had been. But these pair of eyes that are seemingly staring at him are shining just as, no, even more than Sirius' own eyes.
"Remus," Ms. Ellison's words brings Sirius back to reality. "This is Mr. Sirius Black. He'll be taking care of you."
"Hello." Sirius replies smiling, but his smile falters when he once again reminds himself that Remus can't see anyway.
"Hello." Remus returns, and offers no handshake.
It doesn't seem inappropriate anyway, and Sirius decides to silence.
"Mr. Black is around your age, Remus." Ms. Ellison starts in a friendly voice.
"Isn't he too young then?" Remus cuts in a bit coldly. "Are you sure he'll be able to take care of me instead of indulging in his typical teenage activities? I'd hate anyone to spoil the house."
Sirius frowns a bit from the sarcastic comment, but decides to settle on a simple retort.
"None of my friends live near here. I doubt any of them will come all the way to Maidenhead just so we could throw a party."
Remus gives a wry smile, but doesn't say anymore.
"I'm sure Mr. Black will be able to take good care of you, Remus." Ms. Ellison continues. "He may be young, but he is quite qualified."
Remus does not reply, but merely nods. For some reason, Sirius can tell that it was not a nod of either approval nor belief.
"Thank you, Ms. Ellison." Remus says. "I'm grateful."
Ms. Ellison smiles, extending a hand to touch Remus' own, but quickly retreats it before any physical contact is actually made.
"Well, I better be going now, then." she stands up. "I have another appointment. I'll make sure to visit the day after tomorrow, Remus." she turns to Sirius. "Mr. Black, I hope everything goes fine."
"Thank you." Sirius replies, watching Ms. Ellison leave the room and he soon hears the small sound of the front door shutting.
Remus gets up as well after a few moments later.
"Well, Mr. Black, if you're hungry, you are welcome to help yourself with anything in the kitchen. If you are bored, there is a television..." he taps around with his stick. "...here." he points to the old television. "Feel free to watch it when you feel like it, and you're room is the third room on the second floor. The first is mine, so make sure you don't get confused. They are each on either end, so please keep in mind that yours is the one on the left end when you reach the second floor." and he turns to leave.
Sirius shakes his head because of the surprise from the unexpected explanation and in disbelief of Remus' actions.
"Wait, aren't you going to have dinner?"
Remus is already walking away.
"I'm not very hungry, so please help yourself to the food we have."
"Where are you going?" Sirius asks, standing up. "You have to have dinner."
"I'm going to my room, if you don't mind." Remus replies. "And no, I don't need to have dinner."
"Wait!" Sirius calls.
Remus turns around with a slight frown.
"Please, no shouting." he says quietly.
"I'm sorry." Sirius replies hastily. "But you have to have dinner! You're.," he starts to comment about Remus' thinness, but stops himself abruptly.
Remus raises an eyebrow and Sirius gets a feeling that Remus is staring at him again.
"I'm what?"
"Nothing." Sirius replies. "But skipping dinner isn't good for your health. I'll make sure I don't give you any cheese or grapes, so please have dinner." or it'll be off with my neck, Sirius thinks absently.
Remus gives a wry smile.
"Don't trouble yourself with my wellbeing." he states, turning back out of the room, his stick outstretched. "I won't say that you haven't been feeding me. I'll say I haven't been eating on my own will." and he left, leaving a gaping Sirius behind.
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"I'm telling you, I think he's suicidal." Sirius mutters.
James laughs from the other end of the phone.
"Yeah, well, judging by what you've said, I think so, too." James sniggers.
"It's not funny." Sirius replies. "Oh, and do you have the time?"
"What, don't you have a clock in your room?" James asks, evidently shocked.
"Yeah, I do, but it's dead." Sirius replies.
"It's about nine." says James.
"Well, better check on him then." Sirius says, ready to hang up. "Bye. Say hello to Evans for me."
"Sure will." James replies brightly. "Oh, and don't forget that I won't be home for a few weeks. Lily invited me to camping."
"Does that mean my only company is Peter?" Sirius asks, sighing. "Well, have a good time. Call when you get back."
"Yeah, bye." James replies. "Good luck, mate."
"Sure. Thanks." and with that, Sirius hangs up and heads for Remus' room.
He knocks three times before he hears a wary 'come in.'
He opens the door to find a Remus with headphones on. He's listening to a cassette player.
"Umm, am I interrupting?" Sirius asks.
"No." Remus replies.
"I was just wondering if you needed anything." Sirius explains. "Getting ready for bed, or something."
"No thank you." says Remus, fumbling to press the play button with his fingers. "I can manage."
After watching Remus fumbling a bit more, and pressing the rewind button instead, Sirius presses the play button for him.
Remus frowns.
"Please, consider it as a practice of independence and leave simple things like this for myself to solve."
"You were having trouble." Sirius shrugs.
"I'll have trouble again next time." Remus snaps before sighing. "I'm just not used to this machine yet. It's not like I can't use it. My last one broke, and this is a new one, so it takes some time getting used to."
Sirius nods.
Remus sighs once more.
"Thank you, nonetheless."
Sirius nods again and takes this as an opportunity to try once more.
"Do you still don't need my help with preparing?"
"No thank you as I said before." Remus replies, but he wears a slight smile this time. "Good night."
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Sirius wakes up with a dull start as he hears a scream.
He knows where it's coming from, and hurries up, taking a small pocket knife of his with him.
The screams do not continue, but moans and sobs follow.
The sounds become louder as he approaches Remus' room, and he opens the door to find no one but Remus in the bed.
Sirius' first thought is that a robber had intruded and stabbed Remus before leaving, because there are dark damp spots on Remus bed, of which he couldn't quite make out the substance.
As he gets closer, he notices that it's sweat; a lot of sweat. If people sweated as much as Remus during their sleep, they would all be thin as him, Sirius thinks as he carefully places a hand on Remus' shaking body.
Remus snaps up, fear and anger and irritation and nausea all apparent on his tear stricken face.
Sirius waits for Remus to calm down, but when Remus stills like the dead, still shaking slightly nonetheless, he remembers that Remus does not know who it is that had just touched him.
Trying to make his original voice, but sound kinder at the same time, Sirius carefully calls Remus.
"It's okay, it's me. Sirius."
It's only then that Remus lets out a deep sigh and relaxes.
"I'm sorry." he mumbles, groping for a pillow. "Did I wake you?"
"It's okay." Sirius replies, sliding the pillow a bit closer towards Remus' wondering hand. He feels relieved when Remus doesn't notice and only clutches the pillow closer to himself. "Are you okay?"
Remus nods, burying his face into the pillow.
"I'm sorry for the commotion." he apologizes in a still slightly shaky voice. "I should have told you that you should wear ear plugs before you sleep. They're in the bathroom. Next to the stack of toothpaste. I know it's a bit late for that, but you should use them from tomorrow night."
"I'm fine."
"There's no need to be polite." Remus says dryly, all the shivers in his voice gone now. "No one can be fine after that."
"Can I get you anything?" Sirius asks carefully so that he doesn't sound too nagging. "Dry blankets or water?"
"No, thank you." Remus replies, face still in pillow. "But you can get yourself the earplugs now. I can't promise you a quiet night."
"I really don't mind." Sirius insists, which is true because his room mate last year always screamed during the night for no apparent reason. He's far too used to screams in the middle of the night.
Remus sighs.
"I'm sorry." he says again, and Sirius feels himself growing irritated. Why can't this guy just let it go when Sirius says it's okay? Of course, Sirius knows better than to lose his temper for such reasons. "Good night."
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Sirius does not get any sleep afterwards. By the time the sun is rising, he is tired as hell, but not angered as he had been last year when he was sleepless due to his room mate.
Of course, he thinks. The two are in different circumstances.
He gets up around six and heads down to the kitchen to prepare breakfast.
Half way through preparing cereal, he remembers that Remus should stay away from milk.
He decides to make scrambled eggs instead, but quickly remembers that he himself couldn't and wouldn't eat scrambled eggs without cheese.
He thinks of toast, but he doesn't know whether Remus would want toast as well.
So he waits a good hour before he hears unsteady footsteps from upstairs, the stairs, and then just outside the kitchen.
"Good morning." Remus says, walking into the kitchen with still slightly uneasy steps and a wavering stick.
"Good morning." Sirius returns, although he feels that is an inappropriate greeting for both. "I was wondering what you wanted for breakfast."
"I don't mind." Remus replies, carefully sitting down onto a chair. "Anything that doesn't have cheese will do."
Scrambled eggs are out.
"Would toast suit you?" Sirius asks.
Remus shrugs and Sirius takes that as a yes.
"Oh, but you can't make toast with the bread with raisins." Remus adds.
Only then does Sirius realize that there are two types of bread.
"Right." Sirius nods, stretching his hand out for the normal white bread. "Do you want jam with it, or butter, marmalade or what?"
"I don't have anything with my toast." Remus replies.
"Oh, okay."
Silence falls.
"So, I was thinking, do you want to go for a walk after breakfast?" Sirius starts. "Just for good exercise."
Remus nods mutely.
Sirius takes out a butter knife, two plates and two tea cups before Remus interrupts his preparation.
"I think I smell something burning." he says quietly.
"I'm not smoking." Sirius replies.
"No, not cigarettes." says Remus. "I think the bread's burning."
Sirius halts a moment as he smells the scent too.
There is the evident and undisguisable smell of burning bread. Almost like the smell of burning text books. but only without the smell of ink and with the tinge of toast itself instead.
Panicking, Sirius quickly gets the bread out of the toaster.
It's already half burned.
"Shit." he curses under his breath. Weren't toasters supposed to give a cheerful 'ting' when it was time to get the bread out?
"The alarm is broken." Remus explains as if he had just read Sirius' mind.
"Oh." That explained it. "The bread's a bit burned. Do you want me to make new toast?"
"No." Remus replies. "That'll be fine."
Feeling like an utter idiot and trying to persuade himself it wasn't his fault, Sirius carefully places the burnt toast on the plates, trying not to crumble the bread in the process.
Sirius puts the plate in front of Remus, carefully calculating the distance between his hand and the plate while doing so.
He makes sure that Remus is eating his toast before he starts on his.
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"So where do you normally go for a walk?" Sirius asks, as he helps Remus out of the house.
"By the river." Remus replies. "Or as they say by the river."
It doesn't take Sirius long to realize where it is Remus is talking about, because after a block, they are facing a river with bridges and sidewalks.
Remus stills for a moment, but soon continues as though he has just made sure he scented the moist scent of fish and other things that you know aren't really dirty, but just don't want to get too near.
"Get nearer to the river." Remus orders, although Sirius doesn't feel like it's an order. Perhaps a plea, but definitely not an order.
He quietly takes Remus nearer to the river, although he stands between Remus and the rushing water.
He doesn't have any idea why he's doing it, because even though it's his duty to keep Remus safe, he doesn't like standing by the river after James and Peter pushed him into one back when they were thirteen. It wasn't a problem because he knew how to swim perfectly well, but it still wasn't pleasant to have half the Thames in his stomach.
"How's the weather?" Remus suddenly asks. "I feel like it's a bit damp."
"It is." Sirius replies. "Looks like it's going to rain, actually."
Remus nods but doesn't say anything.
They walk in silence, and Sirius thinks the river must be a popular place among people because he hears loud chattering and footsteps behind him.
He thinks about warning the children to be careful, just when Remus hisses in pain.
There is a wild cackle of laughter, and Sirius turns around to see the children pointing at Remus.
One of them, not registering Sirius' presence, throws another pebble which narrowly misses Remus' head.
"What the.." Sirius is in lost for words for a moment, and isn't sure whether Remus is really being pelted with stones even when he sees it in front of his own eyes. "What the hell are you doing?" he shouts at the child who had last thrown the stone at Remus.
The children blink in surprise, but soon break into laughter, throwing several more stones and sticks at Remus and Sirius before running away.
Sirius is enraged, but Remus seems like he doesn't mind.
Sirius is halfway to following the little brats when Remus finally speaks.
"Don't."
"Excuse me?" Sirius asks, dumbstruck. "What do you mean, 'don't'?"
"I mean don't follow them and don't mind them." Remus replies, continuing to walk, although he seems to be limping a bit. "It's a waste of time and energy. Or did you get hit as well?"
It's true that Sirius has been hit, but he doesn't reply to Remus.
"You just got stoned!" he protests instead.
"Yes."
"And you just let them go?" Sirius asks, feeling his voice rising.
"Do you have any better ideas?" Remus asks in return, and Sirius immediately regrets whatever he had said.
"Sorry." he mumbles, before realizing that Remus has gotten a bit too close to the river without Sirius interfering. He hurriedly pushes Remus away slightly so that he can take the place once more.
Remus doesn't say anything to his gesture.
"Do they always do that?" Sirius finally asks, a bit too carefully for himself.
"Yes and no." Remus replies evenly. "They do it when I'm alone. I guess you didn't seem like much a threat to them as my uncle or aunt."
Sirius doesn't know what to say to that, because he can look very threatening when he wants to. Did this mean that he had to put his utmost threatening look whenever he walked with Remus from now on?
"Bastards." Sirius mutters beneath his breath. No one should treat the disabled like that.
"Pardon?" Remus asks, but his mild tone suggested that he heard what Sirius had said.
"Nothing." Sirius replies.
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After dinner, which Remus didn't seem eager to have, Sirius considers watching the news, but decides otherwise as he remembers his duties.
Strange thing it is, for he rarely reminds himself of his duties. It's partially because he always gets away with everything even after not having done anything.
"Do you want me to read to you?" he asks as Remus heads up the stairs, arm and stick outstretched.
"No thank you." Remus replies politely as he carefully takes the first step. "I can listen to my audio books."
Sirius frowns a bit. Was that what Remus had been listening the other night as well? He knew for a fact that most voice actors had dead boring voices. It was difficult to tell each character apart, and it certainly seemed no use than a lullaby.
"You can't have all the books in audio books." Sirius retorts, standing up to help Remus. "I'll read to you. Name the book." he carefully places an arm on Remus' in order to help him up the stairs.
Remus tenses at the touch, a frown creasing the skin between his eyebrows, but doesn't react in any other way, taking Sirius' assistance instead.
"I don't know much about books." he says, only when they've reached the final step and he doesn't feel any remaining steps blocking his stick. "You can choose."
"Where do you keep your books?" Sirius asks, trying to rank his favorite books inside his head.
"The second room on this floor." Remus replies, vaguely pointing to where he believed was the second room.
Sirius nods and takes Remus to his room before heading to the second room.
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Sirius couldn't believe that there could be a bookshelf dustier than his own existent.
He didn't hate books. He only didn't find them amusing to pour his time into unless necessary.
He carefully went through the books, trying not to rouse dust while doing so.
He quickly learns that the supply of books are completely limited.
There are some copies of the Holy Bible, one copy of the Coran and several other religious books that he couldn't quick make up.
The rest are just as boring.
Most are history books, some of the books about essays, and only a few books are novels of which Sirius could only manage to recognize half of.
Sighing, he picks up 'To The Light House' which seems like the first edition itself.
Feeling annoyed from the dust and the fact that he had to spend far too much time just to pick a book which he recalls having not enjoyed very much, he walks out of the dust ridden room and heads back to Remus'.
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"Insoluble questions they were, it seemed to her, standing there, holding James by the hand. He had f..followed.." Sirius lets out a yawn. "Sorry." he apologizes as Remus seems slightly startled from the interruption.
"It's fine." Remus replies quietly. "You can stop reading if you're tired."
"Do you want me to stop reading?" Sirius asks, although he knows it is a pointless question seeing that Remus is thoroughly indulged in the book.
"I don't mind." Remus replies, although there is a sense of reluctance. "I'm getting tired anyway."
Sirius promises himself to go book shopping tomorrow.
"Do you think my reading is okay?" he asks, not really knowing what was the appropriate thing to say to start a conversation with a boy he could barely relate to.
"It's nice." Remus nods. "It think it's better than most voice actors. They are quite boring at times, you see."
So they did agree on something.
"Do you listen to audio books often?" Sirius asks, pushing the book away to the desk.
Remus shrugs.
"I used to read, but I'm too slow in that, so I started to listen instead. I haven't listened to them much until recently, because most of the times my aunt reads to me, but seeing as there isn't much to do nowadays.." he trails off and finishes with another shrug.
That seemed reasonable enough.
"Do you listen to the radio as well, or just music in general?" Sirius asks. It seems like a better way to spend time if one was bored. Dosing oneself with something that apparently had the affects of sleeping pills certainly didn't seem ideal.
"Not really." Remus frowns a bit. "I don't find them very entertaining."
Sirius' eyes widen ridiculously, and he is almost glad that Remus couldn't see him, which he regrets soon for even thinking of.
"Are you surprised?" Remus asks, sounding amused.
"What? Oh." Sirius blinks. "No, not at all."
Remus smiles slightly but doesn't say anything.
Maybe Sirius could watch a movie with Remus. Well, it wouldn't be 'watching' on Remus' part, but at least it would be fun to listen to as well, what with all the different voices and sounds.
"Well," Remus stands up. "I think I'll be going to bed. Good night."
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The next day, during their walk by the river, Sirius does his best to look frightening.
He dresses himself with black clothing from head to toe. He has a good idea that he looks very intimidating when he's in all black, and this seems like the best way to get rid of the brats who have no respect for Remus.
It seems to work at first, but then again, Sirius realizes he wouldn't know whether it was working or not because the rascals hadn't come by yet.
He knows it's working when rushed footsteps stop and there are timid whispers before silence falls completely.
"Ha!" he exclaims triumphantly, feeling oddly embarrassed less than a moment later. He turns to Remus, who is smiling slightly.
"They're gone, aren't they?" Remus asks still smiling.
"Yes." Sirius replies proudly as Remus continues to smile. "I knew they were just a bunch of idiots."
"How old do they look?" Remus asks.
"Oh." Sirius frowns a bit, trying to remember what the brats looked like. "I'm not sure. About seven?"
Remus gives a grimace, but doesn't say anymore.
Silence falls again before he finally speaks once more.
"Last time they were along my age. I guess they've changed." it's a quiet and almost too mild statement.
"Last time?" Sirius can't help himself. There were others as well?
"Yes." and that's all Remus says.
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"Do you have a favorite genre?" Sirius asks, leafing through the books.
"I don't mind the genre." Remus replies, resting a hand on the bookshelf. "Any genre would do if the book has decent quality."
Sirius isn't sure how Remus had actually developed an idea for a book having 'decent quality' because he's fairly sure Remus hasn't read much books, and Sirius, who has read quite a lot, still has a not very accurate idea of 'decent'.
He buys five; all of which were new to him, and books that may be like forgotten runes to Remus.
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Before they head home, they also drop by a video store.
Sirius fears that Remus would feel uncomfortable or insulted, but Remus finds it rather interesting.
"Movies?" he asks quite brightly. "I haven't seen them for quite some time. I guess it'll be as good as watching them."
Sirius isn't sure what to lend, but he settles on a couple that he's never heard of.
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Sirius asks if Remus minds skipping the reading session today, because they need to watch the movie quickly and return it if they don't want to pay extra fee. Remus agrees, and carefully takes a seat on the sofa.
Sirius decides to watch the newer movie because it's in high demand, and they've lent it for a shorter time.
It's a nice movie. Full of heroes jumping around and killing their enemies. Sirius finds it rather amusing that someone can stab another with a corn, but isn't bothered much. He's seen worst.
He hadn't expected there to be so much slaughter scenes though, and during a scene where someone burns to death, he suddenly hears a pained whimper.
"Remus?" he turns to see that Remus is paling noticeably, his eyes oddly very empty and frightened at the same time.
"Is someone burning to death?" Remus manages to ask in a voice that may even be too quiet to be a whisper.
Sirius doesn't know how to respond, and halfway through nodding says "Umm..yes..?"
"That's disgusting." And Remus promptly throws up on the floor.
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It's the first time Sirius has ever cleaned up someone's puke.
He has seen people vomit before, seen the remains of it, and has vomited himself, but he has never cleaned someone else's vomit.
He thinks it is quite disgusting, and has to restrain himself from combining his vomit with Remus', but he manages to clean it all up without having to empty his stomach
"I'm sorry about that." Remus says when Sirius finally gets up to wash his hands. "I didn't mean to."
"It's okay." Sirius replies, although he doesn't know why. He has never been so patient with anyone or anything before. If it had been Peter who had vomited and made him clean up, he could swear that he would have half murdered Peter if not entirely.
"It was a bit...too graphic." Remus comments, and he pales even more.
Sirius feels sorry to Remus for lending such a violent film and then making him vomit, because Sirius knows how disgusting it feels to vomit.
"Do you want to wash your teeth?" Sirius asks.
"Yes, I think I do." Remus gets up a bit precariously, and Sirius manages to hold him up by the arm. Remus shrugs Sirius' hand away.
"My hands are clean." Sirius insists like an idiot, and realizes that he really is an idiot to say that.
"That's not the point." Remus snaps a bit, and sighs. "This may sound ungrateful, and I'm sorry, but could you avoid touching me?"
Well, that was still better than "Don't fucking touch me!" like some lady had said to him when he was fourteen. He had only tried to help even then, but she seemed too drunk and took it as rape. Honestly, how could a fourteen year old rape a fully grown woman? Women these days.
"Okay." Sirius replies almost absent mindly. He had agreed not to touch Remus from the start, after all.
"Thank you." Remus sighs, and once again stretches out his stick, poking Sirius in the process.
"I'm sorry, did I just poke you?" Remus knew whatever he had just hit was far too soft to be a table's leg.
"It's fine." and Sirius once again wonders if something is wrong with him. He punched someone fully in the face for poking him once. It was a simple poke, but he was irritated at how his skin was pushed by someone's finger. Now, when a stick had just practically whipped him, he still wasn't saying anything other than he was fine. He didn't feel much as well.
Tolerance to the disabled. It must be that.
"Here." Sirius extends his arm. "Take my arm."
Remus stills a moment, as though considering, and then reaches out a hand to grope for Sirius' arm. Sirius moves closer so that Remus can lay his hand on Sirius' arm.
Sirius can feel that the hand is light on his arm, and doubts that the hand itself is light, even though it is very thin and delicate. He knows that Remus isn't letting his arm nor any other part of his body relax.
Sirius guesses that it's Remus being heedful, and leads him up to the room, careful not to make the hand drop from his arm.
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Sirius has learned to make about ten different voices, including high-pitched female ones.
Remus didn't laugh during his first attempt of a damsel in distress, but merely smiled, though his eyes didn't catch onto the smile, just sparkling a bit, but remaining unfocused.
Sirius wished he could make those eyes focus on him, and not at some unknown space for a difference.
He wasn't able to think how, so he indulged himself in the story telling Remus seemed to be enjoying. At least Remus was paying attention even if it missed an important element.
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"Have you ever swam?" Remus asks suddenly, as he takes the crumples Sirius offers and sprays on the ground, which mostly lands on the water or inside their shoes instead.
"Me?" Sirius says, absently spraying the bread crumples around him so that the pigeons can eat. "A bit. I'm not really good though. My friend James is the athlete. I'm not as good."
Remus nods, and Sirius thinks that his eyes are almost focusing on the river for a moment.
Remus opens his mouth as though he wants to ask something, but closes it without a moments hesitation.
Wondering whether he should ask Remus what he was thinking about or not, Sirius vaguely hears loud footsteps that remind him of the sound of the echoing footsteps in school hallways.
There are snickers, and Sirius whips around to find some boys around his age. There's also a girl, and she looks nasty with blue hair and pierces practically all over her face except for maybe the eyeballs.
Sirius notices Remus' hand in the bag of crumples halt, and his hands tense against the remains of bread and cookies.
The teens approach them with sneers, and one of them shouts "Hey, Lupin!"
Sirius can see Remus' eyes shake or shiver or both if they're the same thing.
About five boys and the hideous girl are surrounding them a moment later, and Sirius is momentarily startled. He is taller than most of these kids, and is certainly well built, but these kids seem bulky and huge nonetheless.
"What you doing Lupin?" another leers, waving a hand in front of Remus' eyes. "Enjoying the view, are we?"
Sirius hopes that Remus won't close his eyes.
He doesn't, and somehow his eyes seem to tense as well.
"Got yourself a boyfriend, aye?" another one says. "Enjoying your little date?" he snatches the bag of crumples from Sirius' grasp, scratching Remus' hand in the process. Sirius can see the scratch swollen up red, and knows that it will be bleeding soon.
"What do you want?" Remus asks calmly. "Because I don't have any money to give out as charity."
They leer.
"Ooh," the girl who looks even more like a monster when up close says. "brave, are we?"
"Must be his little boyfriend." another says, and snatches Remus' chin between large, ugly finger that reminds Sirius of sausages. "Thinks he's so great because he has a fucking queer friend." he grasps tighter onto Remus' face, and Sirius hears Remus wince and hiss at the same time.
"Do you mind?" Sirius starts, swearing not to lose his temper because of scums like these.
They look at him for a moment, and Remus tenses noticeably.
"Oh, want to play the hero, now do you?" the girl asks with a sneer that only emphasizes the metals etched to her face that resembles both a baboon and a sea serpent at the same time. She sprays the crumples onto Remus' head and gives Sirius a challenging look.
Sirius stares furiously back a moment, not knowing what is holding him back, but when one of them strikes Remus across the face, making him loose balance and fall down onto the hard ground, he stands up and starts to fight back.
He has had loads of fights at school, but he does find it a bit annoying that it's one against six. Still, he's relieved to quickly learn that they are all fat and no fight, and they certainly don't have the proper brain that can calculate how to make the enemy fall.
He's able to take down three within a few minutes, but realizes that the rest are gone along with...
He hears a muffled cry and shout and a splash, and sniggers.
Sirius has learned that he should look around for help as a first priority when someone is drowning, but he doesn't think about it and the next moment, he hears himself swearing and jumping into the water.
He tries to open his eyes inside the water, but the water makes his eyes sting. Even when he does succeed, he learns that the water isn't like the water he drinks or those in swimming pools; it has mud and sand and bits of unknown substances that could be either human or fish flesh for all Sirius knows.
And then he spots something that seems like Remus. A bit too fresh and still a bit too lively to be a corpse.
He dives in with all the speed he can manage, but feels like he's being held back by both lack of energy and his clothes.
He finally manages to grab onto Remus' hand, but he can't check the warmth because the water is far too warm and slippery for that.
Sirius later reckons that he may be Hulk himself, because he is able to grab Remus securely, and manages to get them both to the surface without much delay.
He sighs in relief to find that they are on the other side of the river from where they started, but he wonders just how much they had swam or rather floated in that case.
Remus makes choking, spluttering sounds before spitting up water; of which Sirius is sure is half the water that has already been in his stomach.
"Remus!" he calls. That's the only way he can think of to make Remus notice that he's still alive, because Remus will only be able to see darkness anyway. "Remus, are you alright?" he has to stop himself from touching Remus, just to even shake him.
Remus blinks, eyes wide with shock that Sirius knows not where it initiates from. He assumes it's from the fact that Remus is surprised to find himself alive, but he gets a strange idea that it may be that Remus has just remembered that he can't see because he wears a look of realization the next moment.
Remus stretches out, as if to grasp at Sirius, and Sirius offers an arm.
Remus gropes at it, first putting his hand on the wet skin, but steadily making his way up.
He halts when he feels the arm end and the shoulders start, and then the neck follow.
Sirius is shocked when Remus suddenly flings his arm around Sirius' neck and then does the same with his other arm.
Sirius hears Remus let out a muffled sob, but that's the end until Remus stays like that for what feels like both centuries and seconds, before asking.
"Am I alive?"
"Yes." Sirius can't help but want to reassure Remus that he is alive. That it isn't only Remus who can feel Sirius, but also the other way around. He carefully wraps an arm around Remus, and is almost glad that Remus doesn't flinch away or says 'don't touch me', but relaxes visibly. "Yes, you are." Sirius repeats as he feels the weight on him become slightly heavier even when he knows that it shouldn't since their clothes are drying out.
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Remus didn't question why Sirius hadn't left, or anything else of the incident.
His face often showed that he is wondering and even wants to ask, but soon is reserved and calm as if pacifying himself that he shouldn't let himself be impulsive.
He seems far more comfortable with Sirius now.
He didn't say anything when Sirius had accidentally grabbed his arm the day after, and when their fingers brushed as Sirius placed dinner in front of him the day after that day.
He allows Sirius to assist him while preparing for bed, and he sits down closer to Sirius when he reads to him, not saying a word when Sirius etches a bit closer as well and accidentally bumps into him.
Sirius feels relieved if not glad at the change, and finds out things about Remus that he hadn't noticed before, such as the fact that Remus' eyes are more golden than simply amber, and that while his fingers are white and delicate, his fingernails are a bit uneven as if he had been biting on them. He notices that Remus' lips twitch slightly every time Sirius changes his voice while reading, and he realizes that Remus has a deep, quiet, yet joyful laugh and that his eyes seem like they are staring into Sirius' and smiling at his own reflection. His own beautiful reflection.
Sirius has to force himself to stop thinking because him thinking of someone like this is so unfamiliar that it frightens him. And if he is frightened by the thoughts that initiated within him, Sirius knows that it is time to stop thinking and go to sleep.
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Ms. Ellison stops by a few days later, when Sirius is reading to Remus again.
She seems pleasantly shocked when she sees Remus smiling when Sirius reads to him, and stayed there watching for several minutes, not interrupting until Sirius finished the entire chapter.
Sirius wondered how in the name of god Ms. Ellison came in, and she explains that she had the keys to the house, which rather startles him even though it made perfect sense.
She says that she is very pleased of Sirius' work, and that she would make sure he got as much credit as possible.
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That night, Remus allows Sirius to touch his shoulder.
It was a mere accident, Sirius trying to get a new towel for Remus from the shelves and accidentally brushing Remus' shoulder while lowering his arm back. Remus didn't say anything, and Sirius is surprised at how anyone's shoulder could be so angular and so soft at the same time.
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Sirius was having a dream, and he reckons that he had woken up from the startling theme of his dream he only realizes once awake, but learns that it is not his dream that has waken him.
Remus is screaming again, and that had not happened since the first few nights after Sirius had came here.
He never had worn the ear plugs as Remus had suggested, so it was obvious to him when Remus was having nightmares again.
By the time Sirius gets there, Remus is mumbling and sobbing at the same time, and Sirius can't understand a single thing Remus was saying.
The blankets and linens are as damp as ever, although not damp enough to be a four year olds.
"Remus." he tries, but Remus is obviously not able to hear him, because he twists a bit and continues to whimper.
"Remus." Sirius tries louder, and Remus halts. "Remus, wake up." he stretches out a hand and touches Remus lightly on the shoulder, only to realize what a mistake that had been.
"Don't touch me." Remus hisses, voice furious. "Don't you dare touch me."
Sirius is confused, even though he is sure he is the one who had made the mistake. He isn't confused about why Remus is acting like this, but whether Remus knows it is Sirius or not.
He wants to say something, at least make Remus know that it's him who's here, but he knows that he'll get nothing more than a 'Shut up' or 'get out' because in the moonlight, he can see Remus' eyes glint in a feral style, and he's pretty sure it's not just the trick of the light.
"Go away." He hears Remus' muffled voice, and shrugs because he got those words anyway.
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The next day is awkward and quiet just as the first day, and Sirius has no idea what to do, because Remus isn't those people who are openly upset, but one of those exquisite people who smile, but have sad eyes whether they have sight or not.
"I'm not upset with you."
Sirius nearly lets the knife drive through his index finger at that.
"Sorry?" he asks.
"I said I'm not upset with you." Remus repeats, and his voice is tired. "You should know that."
Sirius wonders how Remus knew Sirius was upset, but then again, one would have to be as daft as himself to not think the other would be upset after being shooed out.
"I'm not upset." Sirius lies, picking the knife up once more, and cutting the onions.
"You're lying." Remus states sternly yet mildly at the same time. "Your voice is tense or terse or both." he shrugs.
Sirius guesses that he should be glad that Remus pays that much attention, and tries to consider whether he really was upset or not.
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When Remus catches a cold, Sirius is momentarily frightened that it's because of the polluted river they had plunged into a few days earlier.
Then again, it's been too long and it's strange for anyone to react only after several days, and the reaction to be a cold.
"I'm going to go buy some medicine." Sirius announces when he finds that there isn't any medicine at home; or at least he can't fine them.
"I don't think that's necessary." Remus coughs.
"Don't be stupid." Sirius retorts, searching for the keys. "I'll be right back."
"Are you sure there aren't any in the house?" Remus asks, and Sirius can imagine Remus thumping his hand down on nearby drawers and wincing when he hits a hard edge.
"No." Sirius finally finds the keys and leave.
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Even when Sirius finally has about five different kinds of medicine, both syrup and pills for colds, he isn't as happy as he thought he would be because it's taken him more time than he expected or hoped.
He couldn't believe there wasn't a pharmacy near the house. What kind of a neighborhood was that? He's heard from James that there are three different pharmacies in his neighborhood, so why is it that Sirius has to actually walk for a good forty five minutes to find one?
He runs back to the house, and it takes him about twenty minutes. He regrets not running to the pharmacy at first, although later he has a good idea that it would have taken almost about the same time even if he ran because he probably would have missed the pharmacy and gotten lost.
Sirius is slightly irritated to find that Remus is out of bed and sitting on one of the chairs in the kitchen.
"I've got the medicine." he says, shaking the plastic bag a bit so that Remus can hear. Remus smiles meekly and nods.
"So, you have to first take the liquid medicine and then have two pills." Sirius searches for the pills that Remus needs to take, but it's quite a pain because he can't find it among with other pills inside the bag where light and sight is limited.
"Do you need a spoon?" Remus asks, getting up with slightly shaking legs, and heading to the cupboards.
"Yeah, I think." Sirius nods. One can drink the medicine out of the cap of the bottle, but he doesn't think that'll be a very good idea.
He hears the clink of metals just as he grows so frustrated that he just spills out all the medicine onto the table, and then he hears a hiss.
Sirius is startled, because Remus is rubbing his index finger with his hand while still searching for the spoon, and Sirius can see that he's bleeding.
It doesn't take him long to realize that a knife is protruding among the group of spoons and forks.
"Did you get cut?" Sirius asks, finally managing to find the pill and turning to Remus.
"I'm not sure." Remus comments, stroking his finger. "Is it bleeding? It feels like it is."
It is bleeding even after Remus has been rubbing it, and seeing by how much it is bleeding, it seems like it was cut rather badly.
"Where's the bandages?" Sirius asks, already getting ready to rush to get them when Remus gives him the directions.
"The drawer next to the sofa in the living room, I think."
"And the ointment?"
Remus takes more time to reply to this.
"I'm not sure," he starts off with uncertainty despite spending much time considering. "But I think it's in the living room as well."
Sirius doesn't need telling twice, and hurries to get the bandages.
When he gets back, he sees droplets of blood on the floor, and a even bloodier finger before.
"Remus," he stretches out his hand. "give me your hand."
When Remus reaches out his hand which is trickling with blood, Sirius takes it and leads him to the sink, turning the tab and letting water flow and combine with red.
The water that has met Remus' hand is first red, but the more it flows, the brighter it becomes, and Sirius is relieved to be able to see clear water soon and the scar through the transparent water.
It's not as bad as Sirius imagined, or rather feared it to be, and Sirius decides ointment and bandages would do.
He hesitates before placing the bandage, because he remembers that the bandage actually interferes with quick healing of the injury. Still, he decides it's better than letting an ointment covered finger exposed, so he wraps the bandage around the finger. He frowns when the ointment oozes out a bit, but wipes it away with a napkin.
"Done." he says, as he gives Remus' hand a reassuring pat.
Remus nods, and touches his bandage clad finger timidly.
"Are bandages effective?" he finally asks, and Sirius is a bit surprised for no particular reason.
"I think so." Sirius replies, although he doesn't believe so as well. "Why?"
Remus shrugs.
"My aunt said that it keeps the oxygen out and then delays the healing of the wound."
Sirius thinks inwardly that Remus' aunt is a damn smart woman, and that maybe he shouldn't have bandaged Remus' finger, because he already has two votes now, but he daren't show any regret. After all, he made the decision, and one must be sure of their own decision.
"I think that the bandage would stop the infection." he supplies, trying to actually place an experiment on the matter inside his head. "Yeah, definitely."
"I suppose."
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It happens again that night.
Remus is screaming, and crying by the time Sirius actually manages to get there without tripping by the way.
"Remus." he calls immediately, because now he knows better than to touch Remus or wait for him to realize it's Sirius.
"I'm sorry." Remus mumbles an apology, and he falls silent.
Sirius nods, and he gets an odd feeling that he's waiting for something to happen because he can't help but linger.
When Remus stills, he finally turns to leave, and before he can stop himself, he brushes his fingers on Remus' moonlight pale skin and then his lips on the fair curve of the forehead.
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Sirius half expects Remus to hate him the next morning, but Remus evidently doesn't because he smiles whenever Sirius does or say something. Sirius can't help but feel giddy, even though he knows it's strange to feel happy and lopsided when it's a boy who's smiling at him even when he can't see what exactly Sirius has done, but merely guesses and only feels.
But then again it's Remus, so Sirius decides it may be okay to feel like this, and he nearly burns the toast again while watching Remus tap his fingers against the table, warm from the sunlight of summer morning, and cool of the breeze of dawn.
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Sirius suspects he'd go to hell after he kisses Remus when they've just returned from their walk. Not because Remus is a boy, but because this must be taking advantage of Remus in one way or another.
The boy can't see, so he wouldn't know what Sirius was like, only imagining of what Sirius might be, and that's rather unfair because no one should not know that the other person even looks like when they've kissed you.
He's even more certain that he'd go to jail before hell, because this may be sexual harrassment, and he really shouldn't harrass Remus even when he didn't mean it in that way at all.
Sirius mumbles an apology, and quickly tries to move away, but Remus catches his arm with more firmness than ever, and Sirius kisses Remus again, allowing the other to fumble to find his face first.
He's slightly disturbed to find two golden orbs staring at him, and wonders why Remus won't close his eyes until he realizes that there wouldn't be any point in closing or opening eyes for Remus.
Still, they flutter close after a while, and Remus has his fingers tangled in Sirius' hair.
Sirius can't help but worry that Remus might push him away any moment, because he knows this is really quite intimate, and may grow even more intimate if he can't get a hold of himself soon. But he can't seem to make himself worry enough as he loses himself in Remus' soft lips and delicate skin and shaking fingers that have gotten themselves far too tangled in Sirius' hair.
He realizes that Remus' eyes are a bit dazed afterwards, and he's slightly surprised.
Remus timidly touches Sirius' face afterwards, and his touches somehow tell Sirius that it's not because he's trying to check whether Sirius is a hideous monster or not.
Sirius is glad to find that Remus is smiling even later, and that smile remains on his face and lingers in front of Sirius' eyes even right before Sirius turns out the lights for Remus.
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Sirius knows that he should be taking Remus out for a walk instead of snogging him like mad on Remus' bed, but Remus doesn't seem to mind, and Sirius certainly doesn't want to take Remus to walk where there are bullies who bother Remus so much that Sirius wonders just how many people he has to kill.
When Remus' breathing becomes uneven, he remembers that he should be more careful, and curses himself for remembering such things at such moments.
He never knew a blind persons eyes could be so expressive because he sees Remus' eyes deem with regretfulness and gratefulness at the same time.
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Sirius regrets that there is less than five days left before he leaves. He hadn't expected for two weeks to pass by so soon.
Remus either seems to not notice, or has forgotten, because he seems surprised when Sirius mentions it. And it's only then that his face is full of remembrance.
"Ah." he says, allowing Sirius to brush his fingers in his hair. "Yes, I remember now. My aunt and uncle return within less than a week."
And then he touches Sirius' face again, and it's mere strokes. Simple and light and passing. Sirius feels like Remus' fingers are the wind, although he doubts it's like the wind that is outside the house. It doesn't remind him of warm, dry wind like the wind of summer days like now, but it reminds him of cool. old wind like the wind of autumn nights, blowing wildly and taking down leaves when no one is paying attention.
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Three days before he leaves, Remus doesn't make him go away after turning out the lights.
Right before Sirius turns out the lights, he pats the space next to him, silently asking Sirius to sleep next to him. Of course, Sirius doesn't disagree.
He dreams of Remus being able to see once more, and starts to wonder why Remus won't get cured, because he knows that these days doctors can cure the blind and make them see again, even if they need to wear glasses.
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The next morning, while Sirius is lying awake, and Remus is still sleeping peacefully as if he never had a nightmare in his entire life, he hears the phone ring and sees Remus wake up before he leaves to get it.
It's Ms. Ellison.
"Mr. Black?" she calls. "I'm sorry if it's a bit too early."
"No, not at all." Sirius doesn't like morning calls because his voice is cracked from sleep, but today it isn't because sleep has long left him. Still, he must admit he doesn't like morning calls because they do wake the ones asleep.
"How is Remus?" she asks.
"He's fine." and Sirius wonders why Ms. Ellison asks of such foolish things when she's visited them only a couple of days before.
"Excellent." Ms. Ellison replies brightly. "I just remembered that Remus needs to go to the doctor for his monthly check up. I'm sorry I hadn't told you earlier, I'd forgotten back then."
"No, it's okay." because strangely enough, Sirius has been expecting such a thing. "Where do I need to go?"
"There's a hospital near the river. You just need to cross the river and then take the bus. You'd know when to get off because it's somewhat like a landmark in the area."
"Right." Sirius nods, hating the idea of having to go by the river. "Thanks."
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Sirius suspects that Remus didn't tell Sirius on purpose that he had a check up, because he can see Remus' eyes tense a bit when he mentions it. Obviously, he had intended to skip the check up since his aunt or uncle weren't here.
Sirius takes a reluctant Remus to the hospital, but he doesn't cross the bridge and then take a bus. He takes a cab instead, and passes by the river, looking carefully for the bullies he hadn't seen since last time. It's not a surprise because they haven't been going to the river afterwards, but Sirius is still relieved.
Sirius is sure that the bus would have cost a lot less, but he doesn't mind and leaves the change to the driver because he wants to get this over with so that they can return to the house soon.
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The hospital has that stale smell of all hospitals, probably the smell of alcohol, sterilizer, illness and just hospital in general.
The doctor or rather Dr. Solten seems like a kind man, and Sirius feels safe to leave Remus with him even though he stays next to Remus during the whole check up.
It's just like the normal visits Sirius sometimes pays the nurse in his school when he has a flue. Nothing special except for the part that Remus gets his eyes checked up as well. So Sirius takes the chance to talk to Dr. Solten when Remus is behind the doors, running a test for allergies.
"Isn't there a way to make Remus see again?" Sirius asks, and he can't help but think that his question does seem a bit out of the blues, but he can't mind less.
"Well," Dr. Solten doesn't seem startled in the very least. "there are cures, but the possibilities are low and the cost high. Even if the surgery is successful, not everyone can maintain their sight, and it often disappears again."
Sirius frowns deeply at that. He thinks he can know what it must feel like to gain and lose sight again. It would be like getting a nice gift that turns out to be not for you, but someone else who has the same name as yourself. Bitter, annoying and just sad.
"Plus, Remus doesn't seem too eager either." Dr. Solten continues. "I've suggested it to him once, and his aunt and uncle had agreed, but he said no."
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Sirius keeps looking, no, staring at Remus while they walk out of the hospital.
When they reach the warmer air of outdoors, Remus finally speaks.
"Sirius, stop staring at me."
"I'm not." Sirius shrugs and only then tries but does nothing more to drag his eyes away from Remus.
"I can feel it." Remus replies, and Sirius knows that Remus isn't saying that just to sound like he knows everything or to get rid of Sirius' gaze, but because even Sirius himself gets a prickly sense when people stare at him long enough, and he's fairly immuned to stares of all sorts.
Sirius still continues to look at Remus if not stare, and Remus sighs but doesn't say anything.
Silence falls, and Sirius considers on whether to talk Remus into taking the surgery or not.
"Let's walk back home."
Sirius' eyes tense and his gaze turns into a stare once more.
"It's been a while since we visited the river." Remus reasons. "It would be good to stop by and have a walk for a while."
Sirius says no, but Remus doesn't give in, and after a while, they are walking side by side, Remus with a slight smile on his face and Sirius with a slight frown.
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He can almost smell that the water is warm today.
Remus seems like he can smell it too, although he doesn't remark that he does.
Sirius is relieved to find that there aren't those bullies from last time, and takes his time in walking around the river with Remus, sometimes walking right by the river, and sometimes climbing up stairs and getting closer to the road.
Sirius switches positions everytime. When near the road, he walks closer to the road, getting the most heat from the black asphalt road that is both hot from the merciless sun and from the friction of car wheels. When they are walking near the river he stands next to the river as always, placing a good distance between Remus and the waters, and takes in the fishy air that makes him resist breathing as long as he can manage.
After a while of walking, Remus decides he's tired and agrees to go back.
vuvuvuv
Sirius knows that time is running out.
"Remus." he starts one day, after a nice long reading.
"Hmm?" Remus asks, content and peaceful.
"Why won't you get a surgery?" Sirius asks, and he knows it's a bit too direct, but he never was good at beating around the bush.
Remus stares into the emptiness. He stares past the television, frames and walls that are covered with floral printings.
Sirius might regret asking Remus of such, but he decides not to say anything and wait. He won't take his question back, because it's worth waiting to get an answer for.
"I heard that most of the time, the effects aren't permanent." Remus replies after a while, and his eyes are still pinned to something behind the walls.
"That's no reason to not try."
"I don't want a simple taste of it and then lose it again." Remus says.
Sirius doesn't know what to say, but he says it something anyway.
"You've already had a taste. What's the difference of having it then and having one more now?" he's certain it's a thoughtless statement, that it's childish and insensitive to say, but he can't but help it because he wants Remus to see.
"There is a difference." Remus retorts lightly. "Because now I know that I may actually be tasting it, not keeping it."
"You never know."
Remus chuckles at that, although it's a chuckle that Sirius can tell is a substitute to a sob.
vuvuvuv
Sirius really doesn't know how this is going to end, because Remus seems to have come to take up too much in his life in to short a time.
It's like those books where you just can't see how the story will have a proper ending. Only, it's even more frustrating because you know there isn't an author who will end it for you.
vuvuvuv
Sirius is determined to finish the book for Remus.
"Sirius." Remus finally says while Sirius is reading and trying not to drool at the same time. "Please, slow down. I'm missing half the dialogue."
But Sirius doesn't slow down, and he feels his pronunciation becoming sloppy and his own London accent mixing up with Irish, Scottish and American. And soon he can't even control his pitch by will, but finds it becoming higher as he feels oxygen escaping his lungs and lower and deeper when he's just breathed in and in full load of breath.
vuvuvuv
Sirius lingers.
He knows he should be buying books that Remus can read. The ones with the bumpy surfaces for letters. However, not only can he not find those in this small bookstore, but he doesn't want Remus to read those books when he could choose to read books that Sirius has read him.
So he buys stacks of classics like Woolf, Dickens, Bronte, Austen, Goethe and Shakespeare. He even buys a couple of books that he hasn't read but had received recommendations for.
When he hands Remus the books once he gets back, Remus doesn't open them to touch the pages, and he just holds them as if he already knows what Sirius has bought him.
vuvuvuv
The night before Sirius leaves, he pushes a pen into Remus' hand and puts a paper in front of him.
"Sirius." Remus starts quietly. "I don't know how to write."
But Sirius doesn't respond to that, because he knows that Remus doesn't know how to write, and that's half the reason why he's doing this.
He holds Remus' hand in his and starts to write on the piece of paper.
He writes his name(and even the middle name), phone number, birthday, address and description of facial appearances.
Remus hand is unsteady and the pen keeps sliding between his fingers, but Sirius keeps holding tighter and Remus continues to write what Sirius is making him write.
"..dark hair and grey eyes..?" Remus mumbles as Sirius continues to describe. "..ask someone on the street and they will say he is breathtakingly good looking.." he laughs, and Sirius smiles as well. He's surprised that Remus can read what Sirius is writing with him, but doesn't ask how Remus does it.
After finishing the description of himself, Sirius pushes on and makes Remus write his own name, phone number, birthday, address and description.
He's upset to have learned that Remus' birthday has already past. It's May 24th, and it's long before Sirius even knew the existence of Remus Lupin. Sirius feels slightly relieved because at least it wasn't a week before Sirius came. That would have been not only too cliche for his taste, but very frustrating in a strange way as well.
When they are about to write Remus' facial description, Remus states quite flatly that he doesn't want to, but Sirius feels like he needs to describe more thoroughly because it's describing Remus' face for him. Remus has every right to know what he looks like, how beautiful he is, and so Sirius continues to write and makes Remus continue as well.
He feels sweat forming on his palm. Not just the hand that's holding Remus', but both palms, and he can't but feel embarrassed because sweaty palms are never liked by anyone.
Remus lets out a small snort when Sirius describes Remus as 'beautiful in a strange way', but it's not derisive, so Sirius doesn't pay much attention.
"You just described me like I'm some sort of animal in the tropics." Remus finally says after Sirius wrote 'golden eyes that shine ever so lively'.
"I did not." Sirius snorts in response, and writes 'He does not like poetry that Sirius Black writes. He thinks it's ever so crappy.'
"I do not!" Remus objects, but Sirius can see Remus smiling, and he knows that he doesn't need to say anything.
vuvuvuv
Their goodbyes are subtle, and Sirius wonders if he really is that sort of person to do so.
He always imagined himself to be less kind, naive and decent, but obviously he isn't.
Ms. Ellison stops by to say goodbye to Sirius as well, and thanks him. She's thanking Sirius as if she would burst into grateful tears, and Sirius doesn't really know what to do and automatically turns to Remus for eye contact, only to remind himself what an idiot he is.
When Ms. Ellison is gone, Sirius kisses Remus lightly on the cheek. He'd do more, but it doesn't seem appropriate. Far too dramatic for Sirius' liking.
"I'm going to write to you, you know?" he says as Remus' hand crepts up to touch his face again. It's more careful than the previous brisk strokes, but Sirius doesn't mind even when Remus' forefinger catches slightly between his eyes, just on the curve of the bridge of his nose.
"Are you, now?" Remus replies mildly.
"Yes, and you have to read it yourself." Sirius continues. "I'm going to write them in the messiest handwriting existent just so no one could be bothered to read them for you."
Remus laughs softly.
"And how do you expect me to read it then?"
Sirius flinches slightly, not because of worry or realization that Remus' couldn't read it as well, but because he finds something beneath the statement. It's subtle, almost too subtle because it's hidden behind light laughter, but he can swear that it's there nonetheless.
"You'll..be able to." he says slowly, and Remus smiles.
"No voice mail, then?"
"Never!" Sirius almost shouts. "No, no voice mail ever! You're just going to get my mail the old fashioned way with ink stains and drool on the letter and wax all over the envelope."
Remus laughs again, and Sirius is reassured.
"Very well."
"And once you do read my letter," Sirius continues with joy. Joy that makes his heart clutch oddly in more ways and feelings than joy itself should have. "You'll write back to me and then call me to tell me that you have."
Remus snorts, and Sirius thinks he sees Remus rolling his eyes.
"Let me guess. And then you tell me where to find you, and I set out on a grand journey to find a young man who has dark hair with gray eyes, who goes by the name of Sirius Orion Black?"
"Precisely." Sirius grins. He's sure Remus knows he's grinning, because he can tell Remus is smiling even when he can't see him doing so.
Remus nods, smiling.
"Well then," he starts, letting out a hand. "I hope to hear from you soon, Sirius Orion Black of London."
Sirius beams, taking the hand.
"It's see you soon, Remus." he shakes the hand slightly, before leaning in for a chaste kiss.
"Yes," Remus replies. "see you soon, Sirius."
The End
And the end...
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