Disclaimer: JAG characters belong to DB and CBS and anyone else there. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs belong to Disney and probably the original author of the book, not that they care right now J . I do not own any remote part of them, nor am I making any kind of financial gain – if anything I'm slowly losing my sanity as a result of them!
Rating: G- what the heck.
Category: Spoof – Humor – H/M romance (sorta)
Spoilers: Um, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs if you've never seen or read it.
Author's note: I'm still trying to recover from Wilderness of Mirrors so I don't think I need to explain my sinking sanity. This is also for Tracy as per her request for a happy shipper story J . And no, I am not on medication anymore and I still came up with this…I think it's time to check myself into an asylum and I don't mean the JAG asylum J .
Feedback: traci_ann@yahoo.com - if you feel like it J
Sarah and the Vertically Challenged Friends
It had only been a small bite… barely even considered a bite… but the damage had been done. The poison had been ingested. Soon, Sarah would fall into a never-ending sleep. Jordan grinned the most evil of grins as she watched Sarah collapse on the couch. Soon those annoying, vertically challenged friends of hers would return from work and find her but it would be too late.
Jordan took the remains of the apple from Sarah's hand and placed it back in the basket. "Goodnight, Sarah. Prince Harm will be mine now and forever!" She turned on her pointed heels and left – cackling all the way.
"Hidey ho, hidey hum, our work is never done…" The seven vertically challenged men sang as they approached the large dwelling they co-habitated in. Suddenly one of them sneezed, disturbing the tranquil wildlife that surrounded them.
"If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times – take your allergy medicine!" the happiness challenged one yelled.
Sniff. "I'm sorry, I forgot today." He sniffled quietly as the intelligently challenged opened the door for his friends.
"It is such a glorious day!" the sadness challenged one proclaimed as he dangerously bounded in.
"What are you so happy about? It's chilly and looks like rain," proclaimed the happiness challenged man.
"Um, guys, we have a problem."
Everyone stopped and looked at the assumed leader of the group. "What might that be, oh great wise one?"
"Sarah is sleeping and I am unable to awaken her."
The all gathered around and stared at her, mesmerized. Some tried poking at her shoulder, some tried shaking her. She would not wake.
"Must have been exhausted." The sleep challenged man yawned. "I know how she feels."
The socially challenged man blushed. "Uh, um, does anyone think Prince Harm could help? Maybe? I mean, it's just a suggestion."
Achoo! Sniff. "Possibly. He is not as financially challenged as we are and might be able to bring her help."
They all nodded in agreement. The sadness challenged one ran off the find the clue challenged Prince.
"I cannot believe they are seriously thinking he will help!" Jordan exclaimed to her flying broom. "Do they really think he will care? He has me, what more could he want?" She shoved her matted dirty blonde hair behind her ears. "I have much more to offer than that experience challenged girl."
The broom stopped sweeping, thought a moment, and continued about it's duties. You could lose a few pounds if you wish, this is one broom that can only handle so much weight, and you're hair has taken most of that! it thought as it started on the cobwebs in the far corner of the room.
"I am here, oh vertically challenged friends," Prince Harm proclaimed as he entered their size challenged dwelling, ducking so as not to lose his handsome features on the way in. "What is the dilemma?" He stopped when he saw the conscious challenged co-habitator lying on the sofa. He knelt beside her. "What has happened?"
When he received no answer he turned to study his friends. They all shrugged. Turning back to Sarah, he touched her cheek lightly. "Oh, my love challenged one, I will save you from this fate."
With scissors in hand, Jordan watched on in the mirror, ready to chop the numerous knots from her smoothness challenged hair. "No!" she vocalized to the animated challenged object on her wall. "You will not save her!" She began chopping away at the knots. "You are mine, Prince Harm. You are all mine."
Prince Harm glanced at the vertically challenged men and they immediately vacated the room. He turned back to the conscious challenged woman. "May my kiss awaken you." Prince Harm leaned over Sarah and gently brushed his royal lips along her heat challenged ones. A strange thing happened to Prince Harm. For the first time in his princely life, the woman he was kissing was responsively challenged to his impassioned plea. He looked upon her – curious as to why she was had not returned his gesture. "What a curiosity." He paused. "I shall try again," the clue challenged Prince announced to the personality challenged air. He leaned over Sarah again and repeated the kiss.
"No!" Jordan shook the broom at the mirror. "No, no, nooooooooo!"
Sarah began to stir from her conscious challenged state. Feeling violated by the warm lips pressing hers, she invoked some of those self-defense skills she had learned for survival in the population challenged forest of her dwelling.
"Yes!" Jordan screamed as she watched Prince Harm fall backwards.
"Is this the thanks I get for saving a fair damsel in distress?" he inquired from the comfort challenged floor.
Sarah stood over him – her mouth gaping. "Oh, Prince Harm, I am sorry." She stood before him, hands on hips and continued. "What do you think you were doing here, violating my personal space?" Verbally challenged she was not at this moment.
Prince Harm scrambled off the floor. "I, um, well, our sadness challenged friend came to get me after the vertically challenged group was unable to awaken you. I thought a princely kiss might…"
Steam poured out from Jordan's ears as she bit into a new, shine challenged apple.
Sarah smiled. "I was not conscious challenged, Prince Harm. Some nice old woman came by and offered me an apple. I took a few small bites and felt the effects of being sleep challenged. I was merely resting."
Jordan stopped chewing. She looked at the fruit she held and released a muffled verbal sound from her throat.
"Oh, I do so apologize for violating your personal space then. I shall go jump on my white horse and ride off into the sunset." Prince Harm gathered his warmth challenged cloak in his arm and turned to vacate.
Sarah held his arm. "Wait, why must you ride off into the sunset so soon?"
He looked into her big, blue challenged eyes. "Because that is what we Princes' do. I do not know why. And I must go now since I would otherwise have to wait until the morrow's sunset to go riding again.'
"Would it be so bad to have to wait until the morrow? I'm sure out vertically challenged friends have other things to occupy their time to remove them from this size challenged room."
Prince Harm blushed. "Uh, er, Sarah, how would you like to view the sunset with me tonight?"
Jordan collapsed to the comfort challenged carpet of her light challenged room. The poison induced apple rolled from her hand. The human challenged broom laughed as it swept it away.
Sarah slid her arms around Prince Harm's neck and pulled him down to her. "I would like to view it like this." She covered his lips with her own and enjoyed the invasion of each of their personal spaces.
The End.