My Heart Is Still Yours ~Last Word~
I never thought when I said; no… we can't… that it would hurt you so. I never considered the repercussions such a simple word as 'no' would have. I tried to move on. I tried to get over it. I tried to love again. But it simply wasn't the same. The way you made me laugh, the way you were always there for me when I needed someone to comfort me. I miss your smile, your touch… the way you spoke to me that first day.
I'll never forget the first thing you said to me. The first words you spoke which captivated me so. The way such a simple phrase could lock my heart away forever. You were always the funny one, always the lover, never a fighter. Seeing you from a distance at first wasn't enough. I had to see you face to face, to see whether you were real, or a figment of my imagination. I touched you, and you were real. I touched you and you reacted. I touched you… and you touched back. From that moment, that simple, beautiful moment, you had me.
We were together for… god knows how long. We were inseparable, the two of us; Always walking forwards, our backs to the past; The maidens, walking into the fading sun, their shadows trailing yards behind them. I never thought that it would end so abruptly.
I know why I had to do it, dearest. I can't tell you why. It is best you do not know. Knowing that I never meant to harm you, dearest, but it was for the best. When I said those words to you, the words of a sinner, I shattered your heart. I shattered mine, too.
When we were separated on that place, the place that was not our own, my heart wept at the memory of what we once shared. I begged and pleaded to have you back, if only in spirit. And then, when we were united, I could find no words to say what my heart wanted to shout to all who would listen.
And so, I fell silent. I fell silent into a deaf nothingness. My heart, devoid of all love and kindness, the only thing keeping me going is the memory of what we once shared.
But all of that is gone, now. You have moved on, my existence degrading to that of a friend. You found another lover. Shared with them all you shared with me and more. I am happy for you. Do you even remember me? Do you even remember my name? Do you watch me walk by and feel a tear try to escape? Do you ever think that, maybe, we could re-kindle what was lost?
No; Of course not. You cannot plant a seed within my hallow and rocky soul. There, nothing grows. All life, joy, happiness and love is sucked away and destroyed, spread to the four winds; never to be remembered.
And so, blow out all memory of me. Extinguish what little candle exists of your feelings for me. All I can do is offer to you what I took. All I stole. You can take the kisses I stole from your lips, the kind words you offered me in the darkness. All the joy you placed in my heart. I do not want it, yet it is all that keeps me moving, keeps me breathing.
You meant the world to me. What a person like you saw in a woman like me, I'll never know. All I know is, something caught your eye. You felt it, caressed it. It is all I have left of your memory. I did not mean to hurt you as I have. Whatever sword I pierced your heart with, it was not your fault. I've been a fool to shun what you offered. I should never have accepted you into my life; For both our sakes.
Do not misunderstand me, dearest. I count my lucky stars nightly for what time we had. You deserve better. I leave and surrender all I have left, willingly. I should gladly lay down my life so you may continue yours. Just, do not forget my memory, Himeko. Do not forget to show all you know that I was not who I seem. Show them the kindness I held. Show them that it is I who did this to myself.
I shall never forget you, Himeko Kurusugawa. You are a woman of calibre and beauty, a Goddess of the sun and a beacon of hope in the night. I continue to fade into the bleak path, uncertain of where it may take me. I am lost without your light, your shining smile to light my path. But I understand that you must now light the paths of your family. You are a woman who has chosen her path in life, one I cannot walk; Light their way, Himeko, light the way of those who care about you. I shall forever be in the dark, with no hope of salvation.
I love you, Himeko; Now and forever. I may have ended it for you, but in my heart, I kill myself thousands of times over, enraged at my own foolish, idiotic decision.
Yours forever: Chikane.
There was a legend saying that, a hidden shrine lies on the moon.
Inside that shrine, sits a beautiful maiden, in a deep slumber.
That maiden committed a terrible blasphemous crime, so now she is punished by the gods.
Doomed to sleep for all eternity, dreaming the dream filled with happiness well decorated with lies and never wake up to see her truth.
The maiden never protested, and accepted her fate, since this was her best fitting punishment, for killing the one she loved so deeply.
The funny thing is, this sleeping maiden ended up becoming an everlasting testament to her love, outlasting the gods that condemned her, the planet the both of them saved and maybe even time.
That girl just slept in her shrine, locked away forever, and nothing else.
(the end)