General I.M. Nuttering walked into his lavishly decorated office only to cry out in alarm."Great scot," were his words of choice, followed by, "what are you doing here, soldier #3672?"
The mud-splattered young man replied with, "First off, sir, my name is not soldier #3672, it's Jak. Second off, I'm in here because I've been waiting for an audience with you for two days straight, sir."
"Oh, so you've come in to have your death papers made out!? Lucky you are, m'boy, as I have impeccable handwriting!" General I.M. Nuttering started scrawling on some paper as he continued speaking, "said your name was Jack, did you? J-A-C-K-"
"Pardon me, General Nuttering sir, but my name is spelled J-A-K and-"
"Now, Now, my dear boy, what's a vowel between friends-"
"Consonant, sir."
"-Consonant, vowel, J-A-C-K, J-A-K, what does it matter, especially when my writing is impeccable!"
"It would matter to my family if I was to die, sir," Jak started reading over General Nuttering's shoulder, and muttered under his breath, "and you certainly have the second half of the definition 'impeccable' down." He then started speaking in a normal tone, "and my purpose here is not for death papers, though they're...handy-my purpose is to inform you that I am the last surviving member of the 'Suicide Squad', as it has been dubbed."
At this point one Arthur L. Darling burst into the room. "General Nuttering, sir, the newest batch of drafted recruits has arrived!"
"Ah, Darling, that reminds me-make sure the rifles we use for executions are loaded and primed!" Nuttering exclaimed.
"Yessir, at once sir."
"Now, boy, you were saying?" Nuttering asked Jak.
"I was saying that if you want the 'Suicide Squad' to continue to exist, we need more men."
"You can have the new volunteers!"
"Ah, sir, I believe you said the new boys had been drafted...?"
"Yes they had been!"
"Well then sir, they wouldn't be volunteers, would they?"
"Of course not! Really, John, I don't know WHERE you get these crazy ideas!"
"It's Jak, sir and it was you-"
"Nonsense, my dear boy, nonsense! Now, why were you here again?"
Jak sighed and intoned, "I am the only surviving soldier of battalion #35, dubbed the 'Suicide Squad' by every soldier on the field, and after all the men but me were killed after an 'evening constitutional' in no-man's-land, I came to the main office, and after being shuffled from department to department for five days, I was sent here and have been waiting for two more days for your decision on what to do next. Sir."
"Ah!" General Nuttering proclaimed, "I remember now! Take the newest recruits, train them, and be ready for an attack on those blasted Germans tonight!"
"Sir, training takes more than an afternoon."
"I hope that you are not thinking of disobeying orders-we need all our ammo for taking care of the deserters! There is always a multitude after we get new recruits..."
Jak sighed and left General Nuttering to his muttering.