A/N: This story, Of Darkness and Light, is the third (and mostly likely final) in a series of stories. The basic premise is: that Snape had a sister, who was sorted into Gryffindor and ended up marrying Sirius Black, estranging the two siblings. Many years later, Grace and Snape reconciled at at his sister's death, Snape took guardianship of his niece, Sarah, in her first year of Hogwarts. He ended up adopting the child and has been raising her, though only a few people know that he cares for her. The rest of the world thinks that he only did it because he made the unbreakable vow to his sister to raise and protect her. Voldemort's return has complicated things for our favorite spy, along with Draco's new mission for the Dark Lord. And of course there has to be a bit of teenage romance and angst as Sarah grows up. :) This story begins in the aftermath of Sirius's death. So, if you haven't read the other stories (And the Greatest of these is Love and Growing Up), you probably want to do so. And if you have been following this series, thanks for finding this story and I hope you enjoy the first chapter. Please let me know what you think.
Disclaimer: Rowling owns, not me...only written for enjoyment and to unwind after a long day at work. :)
Chapter 1: Of Darkness and Light
Sarah woke the next morning with the sun shining brightly through the lace curtains of her room-such a contrast to the dark stormy night of yesterday. Throwing back her covers, she sat up and pushed herself to the edge of her bed. Groaning, she leaned over to rest her elbows on her knees. As she rubbed her hands over her face, she contemplated the stiffness and soreness of her body. But that was nothing compared to the ache deep inside of her.
Her father was dead. Killed by Bellatrix Lestrange in the Department of Mysteries last night. A rush of memories flooded her brain, bits and pieces of the night's events.
Harry waking up, screaming Sirius's name… the prophecies lining the shelves… running from the Death Eaters…Sirius's face when he fell through the veil…Bellatrix's high pitched laugh…Voldemort coaxing her to get revenge, his breath on her neck…Harry convulsing helplessly on the floor as Voldemort possessed him….Draco shouting her name when she walked away from him…Wiping the rain off her mother's grave, tears streaming down her face…Fred finding and picking her up and carrying her through the storm to put her safely in the comfort Snape's arms…
Sarah couldn't stop the tears that started flowing. Not wanting her uncle to hear and come inquire, she went quickly to the lavatory and turned on the water. She sat on the edge of the tub and permitted herself to succumb fully to her tears. Realizing that she had been crying for quite a while, she gingerly got up and went over to wash and dry her face. Surveying herself in the mirror, she knew she looked pathetic. Maybe a shower would help. She stood in the shower, allowing the hot water to encompass her. Mind wandering to Sirius, she began to cry again. Merlin, she would have to stop this or Snape would be hovering over her nonstop. She turned the shower water off and used her wand to summon jeans and a short sleeve pink shirt. She dried her hair and she brushed it through, placing a barrette in it. Satisfied, she went back to her room and then out of it in search of Snape.
Snape was sitting in his study, drinking coffee and reading a newspaper. Sarah knocked and Severus allowed her entrance.
"I thought you would sleep much longer" he responded as he studied her carefully, as if to see if she was ready to break.
"The sun was so bright this morning" Sarah remarked, lightly. She went over to the end table and grabbed the newspaper that Snape had carefully folded up and placed on it when she entered the room.
He who Must Not be Named Returns
Hogwarts Students thwart Death Eaters
Lucius Malfoy arrested
Sirius Black, dead in battle
Sarah barely had time to read the various headings before Snape snatched the Daily Prophet paper from her grip.
"I don't want you reading that" Snape told her firmly.
"Why not?" Sarah shrugged. "I might as well see if they actually got it right for a change"
"And what purpose would that serve?" Severus raised an eyebrow. "You don't need to worry about how they viewed last night's events. You need to concern yourself about understanding how you view last night's events"
Sarah shrugged again and turned slightly so Severus couldn't see her quivering lip. When she composed herself again, she asked, "How is Harry?"
"Besides destroying Dumbledore's office, he was doing about the same as you are" Severus remarked.
Sarah's eyes grew wide. "He did?"
"Yes" Severus put aside his coffee and moved to take his niece's hand. "Come, let's sit down" He led her to the couch and sat down next to her. But he didn't let go of her hand. "We need to talk"
Sarah's shoulders slumped forward slightly. "You want to know everything that happened. For me to fill in the pieces that you have heard from the Headmaster"
"In due time" Snape replied, ominously. "You will tell me everything no matter how painful it is" He squeezed her hand. "But in the meantime, after we eat, we will be headed to Grimmauld Place. The others will join us. We are paying tribute to your father" He paused, surveying her steadily. "Do you think you can handle that?"
"Of course" Sarah rose abruptly, walking to look out the window. Turning back, she managed to say, "He is my father. And while we can't have a proper burial and service, he deserves to be honored." She swallowed hard. "Can I be excused, sir?"
"Sarah-" Severus started, but stopped himself. "Go ahead. I will send Wiggles in your room with some breakfast"
Sarah managed to make it to the shelter of her room, before she started crying again, wondering if she would ever be able to feel happy again.
"Sirius was a great friend- actually, one of the best a man could have" Remus Lupin said in his quiet, steady voice. "While his passion for his friends got him in trouble, he was who you wanted to have standing next to you when times got tough. He never judged me or thought less of me for my "little problem" as he liked to call it. I am thankful I had him. And I was thankful for the time we had these past two years" His voice broke and Tonks reached to thread her hand through his.
All were quiet and Snape cleared his throat. Glancing at the white face of his niece, who had sandwiched herself between Harry and Fred, he spoke up.
"While we all know how Sirius and I felt about each other" Snape said slowly. "He did love my sister and my niece. And he died protecting those he loved. I think to remember that is the greatest tribute to his life"
Sarah scrunched her face, trying desperately not to cry. Fred reached to rest his hand on her arm, his fingers applying gentle pressure as he tried to soothe her.
"Well said" Albus responded, patting Severus on the shoulder. "Anybody else?"
There was silence when Fred spoke up. "Sirius helped George and I with our joke products. I know it seems like a little thing, but it meant a lot to us that he would take the time to care about what we were doing. And he was someone that you could talk to. He listened and didn't judge"
Sarah tried to swallow down the lump in her throat. She looked down at her hands, knowing if she would look at anyone else in that room, she would break.
"Sirius was my godfather. The best one I could have" Harry lowered his head. "I know he wanted us all to be a family…he had such hopes…" he paused, shaking his head and unable to continue.
"Thank you, Harry" Dumbledore said gently. "We know Sirius meant a great deal to you" He paused. "Anybody else would like to speak?"
Sarah raised her head and instinctively reached for Fred's hand. Fred was somewhat surprised but he squeezed it in response, grateful that Sarah felt comfortable enough to lean on him for support. After all they had been close friends since Sarah's first year, the twins often dragging Sarah into their adventures, much to Snape's chagrin. Things had changed in their relationship last year with Sarah's involvement with Draco Malfoy, but Fred had never stopped caring. He only wished Sarah could see that.
"When I was little, I would always wonder about my father. I wanted to meet him so badly. These past two years, he hasn't disappointed. He was my father in every way. He took care of me. He supported me. He made me laugh- he was always good with that. When I first met Dad at the end of third year, he told me how much I looked like my mother-except that I had his eyes" Sarah bit her lip. "It was like in that moment, he was seeing my mother again. And I would like to believe…" She took a breath. "…that is I have to believe that he is seeing my mother again right now. And James and Lily. And that he has finally been able to say all those things he wished he could say to her before she died. I know he is putting things right and I want to believe that he is at peace and happy. I just wish I could…I could…" Sarah rose, dropping Fred's hand. "He never should have died this way" Her face crumpled and she rushed out of the room, flying up the stairs to take sanctuary in her father's room.
Severus and Lupin both quickly stood and took steps to follow, but Harry rose out of his seat. "No, I'll go. If anyone knows how she is feeling, it's me" He left in search for his friend.
He found Sarah in Sirius's room, sitting on his bed and looking at the pictures he kept on the nightstand next to his bed. Tears streaked Sarah's face and the bed squeaked as Harry sat next to her.
"I know Sirius was only my godfather" Harry said quietly, "but he was more than that to me"
Sarah sniffled and used the back of her hand to wipe some tears away. "I know. Do you think it will ever stop hurting?"
Harry shook his head. "I think it will become less intense, but I don't want to forget about him or what he did for me"
"Do you feel guilty?" Sarah asked, brokenly and Harry responded, "terribly so" Sarah scooted over until she was close to him. He put his arm around her shoulders and she dropped her head to rest on him. They sat there, silent in Sirius's room until Snape came to take her home.
They spent the afternoon in the study. Snape, graded essays and Sarah pretended to read a book. Severus would, on several occasions, glance up from his work to check on his niece, whose face was white and strained. The first nine times of him doing this Sarah ignored, when finally she had enough. He was acting so unSnapelike. Snape doesn't ignore, Snape confronts. And Snape certainly doesn't coddle her, but here he was being extremely cautious around her as if he was afraid that she would break. It was frustrating. Sarah just wished he would say what he wanted and get it over with. And she was determined that he would do just that.
"Do you have something you would like to say to me, sir?" she asked in a tone that she knew would push the limits of his patience.
Severus dropped his quill and inclined his head towards her. "Excuse me?" he asked, aghast.
Sarah rose and threw her book down on the coach. "Stop treating me like I could break at any moment. I'm not going to start crying hysterically if that is what you are afraid of"
"I am not afraid of that" Severus responded. "But I have not ignored the fact that already three times today you have broken down into tears and done a shabby job of covering it up"
"Well, the Snape I know would come and confront me about it, making me deal with my emotions, not allowing me to cover them" Sarah fisted her hands by her side in frustration. "I can't stand this anymore!"
"OK" Severus rose to his feet, casting his pile of parchments to sit neatly on top of his desk. He towered over her, exerting his presence. At any other time, Sarah would know that she was pushing the line, but she was too emotional to realize it. "We'll deal with them now. Is that what you want?"
"I don't want to be treated differently because you feel sorry for me that my father is dead" Sarah looked rebelliously at him. "I know my dad is dead. And I know it is my fault. Isn't that what you think? Isn't that what everybody thinks? I know you think so. Just say it!" She challenged him, but Snape wouldn't take it.
"Do not put words in my mouth, Sarah Grace" Snape growled. "It is not your fault that your father died. Or did I hear it wrong and you were the one to cast the killing curse, not Bellatrix Lestrange?"
"B…but it is…is my fault" Sarah sputtered, taking a step back. "Everyone thinks so"
"Everyone as in whom?" Severus inquired evenly. "I don't recall anyone accusing you"
"Well" Sarah continued, stomping around to fling herself back on the couch, throwing the books out of her way. "I know it was my fault. Sirius is dead. And it's all my fault. I hate myself! And you! You are always thinking you know everything. Well, guess what? You don't!"
Severus blinked, before responding firmly. "Get back over here" Snape's voice was low. "If you want to sit on the couch, that's acceptable, but you will not stomp away like you are five and throw a tantrum. I'm not playing around, Sarah Grace"
"Make me" Sarah shot back at him and Snape stalked back to her and grabbed her by the wrist, pulled her up and dragged her back to where she was standing.
"I just did" he asserted evenly. "Is this making you feel better acting like a child? You are almost sixteen years old, Sarah" He grabbed her chin and pushed it up to where she was forced to look at him. "Listen to me. If it helps to make me the enemy, push me and I can become the enemy. But you know very well that you do not want me for your enemy" He growled at her, before his voice became softer. "Or you can talk to me as your guardian- as a person who loves and cares for you and I can try to help you through this"
Sarah remained stormy, but under Snape's stern demeanor she soon broke and threw herself at him, contrite. "I'm sorry. I don't hate you" Snape wrapped his arms around her tightly as she continued, "But you don't understand. I should have never gone there in the first place. I knew something was wrong with the situation. Draco told me it was a fool's errand and I knew it was. You always tell me to think first and act later. The problem was I did think first and I had to go. And look at what that got us."
Severus sighed heavily. "Come, let's sit over here" He led her to the coach and sat down next to her.
"I have a question for you" he said, his voice gentle. "What would have happened if you had stayed?"
Sarah swallowed. "Harry would have still gone…without me"
"Uh huh" Severus replied. "And do you think you helped Potter last night?"
She shrugged and looked at her hands, but remained silent.
"The Headmaster thinks so" Snape asserted. "He said that when the Dark Lord was possessing Potter, you were the one that helped him fight it." Severus reached for her hand. "I don't want you to misunderstand me. I'm very disappointed that you chose to put your life at risk…yet again. And if you and Potter had not had gone, Sirius wouldn't have gone after you and would still be alive. Our choices have consequences and this is one that you will have to live with" He squeezed her hand. " Did you kill your father? No. Is it your fault that he is dead? No. Do you carry some responsibility for the situation that led to his death? Yes"
"I don't know how to…" Sarah's lip trembled, trying to compose herself enough to verbalize her thoughts. "The guilt is too much to bear at times. Will it get better?"
Severus sighed. "The pain will dull and you will grow accustomed to it. Will there be times that it rises up and you feel it afresh once again? Absolutely"
Sarah turned her head to look at him. "Like you feel about Lily?"
Severus flinched as if he had been struck. "What do you mean?" His face grew white and Sarah quickly responded, "you know how you loved her and called her a mudblood and then joined the Death Eaters?" she paused before asking, "What did you think I meant?"
Severus struggled for a moment and then schooled his features. "Nothing…it does not matter. Only this, Sarah" He forced her chin to look at him. "I know how it feels to live with such guilt that it makes you feel that you have to gasp to take a breath. Do not allow it to consume you" He let go of her chin.
Sarah rose and walked towards the window as was becoming her habit when she felt her emotions overrunning her. Pushing away the curtains, she stared out at the dismal day. It had started out so beautifully, but the rain had come again. Turning back she said, "Voldemort offered me his protection. He said he would take care of Bellatrix for me. That he would order you to love me. He said I had potential" She looked out the window again.
Severus rose and swept over to her. Grasping her shoulders, he turned her around to face him. His hand squeezed her shoulders as he studied her for what seemed like hours. When he finally spoke, his voice was gentle- tender almost, more than it had ever been before. "You were tempted, were you not?"
Sarah cast her eyes down, thoroughly ashamed, but Severus quickly continued. "Don't, Sarah. It is natural to be tempted. The Dark Lord has lured many people to his side with his promises." He drew her closer to him, putting his arms around her and Sarah leaned into his embrace. "What matters most is the choice you made in the end" he reminded her soothingly. "The choices you will continue to make…"
"Is that how you became a Death Eater?" Sarah asked, quietly. "Voldemort's promises?"
Severus stilled and then drew back away from her. "No child. Not exactly. I was always enthralled by the dark arts at school, so when I graduated, it just seemed inevitable."
"But the dark arts are bad" Sarah replied fiercely. "But you aren't, not deep down"
"It is more complicated than that" Severus shook his head. "And I think you, like your mother, brings out the best of me"
Sarah didn't respond, confused by his cryptic response- but much later, she would understand what he meant by those words.
A few weeks passed. Severus and Sarah went about their summer routine. Sarah's essays were done. He drilled her on her summer reading. She helped him quite proficiently in his potions lab. But it was as if she was going through the motions. And that made Severus worried.
He had sent Sarah on an errand to the village to get groceries, and he was planning to see write to the Headmaster to arrange an appointment. Maybe Dumbeldore could give him advice on how to help Sarah heal. The Headmaster was always so good with feelings and all that nonsense. And while after 5 years as Sarah's guardian, he still felt hopeless when it came to dealing with her teenage emotions.
He had opened the door to his study, when a noise startled him. Whipping his wand out, he slowly stepped in. "Draco!"
If he had thought about it, it would have made sense that it was Draco as the wards would not have been breached for his godson. Yet, Draco should be home at Malfoy Manor.
Crossing his arms, he started to glower at him, but stopped as he took a good look at the child, who was shaking uncontrollably in front of him. Uncrossing his arms, he stepped forward to hold him steady. "What is it?"
"He's is going to kill them" Draco sobbed, ducking his head. "He said that he will murder them in front of me unless…unless" He shuddered, unable to continue.
Severus fought down the panic that threatened to seize him. He shook him, roughly. "Talk to me" he commanded sternly. "Unless what?"
"Unless I kill Dumbledore" Draco responded and collapsed against his godfather. Severus stiffened, but then relaxed as he allowed Draco to lean against him as he sobbed.
He led him to sit on the couch. "Tell me what happened. Everything. Leave nothing out" Snape said.
"He wants me to take the mark. I…I can't do this! Dumbledore is Dumbledore. Whatever father says, he is a great wizard. How can I kill him?" Draco buried his head in his hands. "The Dark Lord is setting me up to fail. What can I do? It is hopeless" He moaned.
Severus squeezed his arm, tightly. "Pull yourself together, Draco. Now" His tone was authoritative and Draco looked up in surprise, his godfather's harshness serving its purpose to jolt him out of his despair. Severus conjured a box of tissues and dropped it in Draco's lap. Draco pulled them out and wiped his eyes, embarrassed that his godfather had seen him so weak.
"Clear your mind" Severus commanded, sharply. "Do so immediately" Draco obeyed and he was calmer.
"Better" Snape said, satisfied, his hand on Draco's knee. "Now then, I want you to listen to me."
Draco nodded and he continued, "You will go to the Dark Lord and accept his offer. He will give you the Dark Mark and you will become a Death Eater. It is the only way. You will do this for your parents"
Draco inhaled. "B…b..but…" he sputtered. "I'm not prepared…that is, I don't have the training…and I don't want to do what they do" and Severus held up his hand.
"I will prepare you" Severus told him, before adding in a more gentle tone, "As for the other…taking the mark, it will not make you one of them" he said, "The Dark Lord does not make empty threats. He will kill them like he said. Your reasons are just."
Draco rose and went to look out the window, fiddling with the curtains. When he turned back around, he looked older than his years. In that moment, Draco Malfoy had grown up. "And Dumbledore?"
Severus put his hand on the coach and pushed himself up. "We will figure that out later" he assured him.
Draco moved to stand back before his godfather. He folded his arms. "Before I am to do this" he said adamantly, "I have to see Sarah. I need to see Sarah"
Severus shook his head swiftly, immediately dismissing the idea. "What purpose would that serve? It would only distract your from what you have to do"
"You don't understand" Draco responded. "She is my best friend. And from now on, she can't be my best friend. I have to end it with her…for good"
Severus raised an eyebrow. "I thought you two had ended it?"
"Not exactly" Draco replied, vaguely. "It doesn't matter, now does it? You know Sarah. She will push and push, especially if she senses I am in trouble"
Snape sighed. "She's fragile right now, Draco. Her father's death has changed her."
Draco nodded. "I understand. But I can't take the dark mark without seeing her. Please, Uncle Sev…"
"Fine" Snape responded. "I will allow it, but only because I know the enormity of what you have to do. But be gentle with her, Draco. No matter what happened between the two of you at the end of last year, she loves you"
"I love her too" Draco whispered. "But sometimes that isn't enough, is it?"
"No, son" Severus stepped forward to squeeze his shoulder gently. "Unfortunately, it is not"
They both sat back down, waiting in silence for Sarah to return.
A/N: first chapter up! YAY! Let me know what you think. Hope you enjoyed! Up next, Draco and Sarah and Draco joins the Death Eaters…