A/N: This is stupid, crazy, disturbing, and banana-centric. I wonder if anyone but myself has ever read or seen all of these stories/shows? Anyways, please don't take this seriously.
Contains characters from:
Doctor Who
Firefly - Whedon
Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Whedon
Wheel of Time – Robert Jordan
Protector of the Small (Tortall) – Tamora Pierce
Oath of Swords – David Weber
Bananas Are Good
"Where are we now, Doctor?" Rose asked as she stepped out of the TARDIS.
"Not sure, Rose. Some sort of... house." The Doctor, an incredibly sexy man with short brown hair, beautiful eyes, and a wonderfully long coat, looked around in confusion. "We seem to have been pulled off course... Like we were called here... Would you like a banana?" He pulled a banana out of his pocket and offered it to Rose.
"Who are you? What is that thing?" called a voice out of the shadows. Out stepped a tall man with bleach blonde hair and the most beautiful cheekbones ever.
"My name's The Doctor," The Doctor said, "And this is Rose, and the TARDIS. Who are you, and where are we?"
"I'm Spike. You're in a house. There's more people, over in that other room." Spike pointed to a door off to the left, and The Doctor and Rose walked through as Spike mysteriously vanished into the shadows again.
A young, gorgeous girl with long dark hair and stunning bare feet sat on the couch; a man who wore a broad brimmed black hat, a scarf around his neck, and an odd fox medallion stood to one side, idly spinning an odd spear-sword thing in his hands; and a very tall woman armed to the teeth with medieval looking weapons stared at the Doctor and Rose warily.
"Who are you all?" The Doctor asked. They gave their names, respectively, as River Tam, Mat Cauthon, and Lady Knight Keladry of Mindelan. "Right, then," said The Doctor, looking around brightly. "Anyone else around?"
"Yes," Keladry said. "My ex-love interest, Cleon, is exploring this house. Don't let him kill you!" She called as The Doctor and Rose hurried away.
Cleon was busy examining a very modern bathroom, complete with toilet, large bathtub, shower, and sink. They walked in just as he turned the shower knob and drenched himself. With a yell, he leapt away from the water like a startled cat. At the sight of The Doctor, Cleon drew a very big sword.
"Right then," The Doctor told him. He grabbed Rose and returned to the TARDIS. "Time to go."
"Why, Doctor? What is it?" Rose asked prettily in a dumb blonde sort of way.
"Well, it seems to be a magno-electronic-modern-banana-sonic-game-house." The Doctor tried to open the TARDIS.
"What does that mean, Doctor?" she asked.
"No idea!" He replied, struggling to open his TARDIS. "My key is stuck! FanTAStic!"
"Someone's locked out of his TAR-DIS..." said Spike from the shadows in a sing-song voice.
Cleon stalked over to them crossly. With no further ado, he pulled out his gigantic sword and swung it at The Doctor, who leapt out of the way just in time.
"You poured water on me," Cleon said like a sulky child.
"Cleon, stop it," ordered Keladry in a firm voice. "You are a stone. You are a lake on a clear day. This Doctor is just a cloud, casting a shadow on your surface..." She drew Cleon back into the other room.
"Doctor, what are we supposed to do now?" Rose asked.
"Not sure," he replied absently, taking out his sonic screwdriver and pointing it at various household objects.
"Doctor, that's a hat rack," Rose informed the beautiful man gently.
"So it seems," he said mysteriously. "But actually, it is..." he pointed the little blue light of the sonic screwdriver at the hat rack some more. "A banana." The hat rack turned into a banana, and as it did, so did the rest of the house. It turned into bananas.
Shrieks were heard from the next room. Cleon came running out with Keladry at his heels, screaming, "Run for your lives!" Keladry was shouting something about mountains and freezing rain and Yamanis, whatever they were. Mat began attempting to slice the bananas with his sword-spear, shouting gibberish like, "Carai an caldazar! Al ellisande!" and an assortment of other things. River walked out on her phenomenal bare feet, staring in insane wonder at the house that was now bananas. "They didn't lie down," she whispered. "They never lie down. Wait, I mean, bananas are good." She looked unnervingly at The Doctor when she said that, then followed Keladry and Cleon.
Outside the house was a field. An empty field full of grass and flowers. There was no sun out because it was nighttime. Spike stood at his ease, watching with mild interest as Keladry and Mat began to compare the size of their spears.
"Right," said The Doctor with a huge grin on his face, showing his pretty little teeth. "This is great. Just look at all these bananas! Come on, Rose, let's invent the banana daiquiri!" He looked around to see Rose staring dumbly at Cleon sulking like a child as River talked at him in an odd yet sexy accent that obviously wasn't hers.
Just then, more people appeared out of nowhere, seeming to materialize out of the field itself.
"Who are you people?" asked one, pointing a five foot long sword at the clearing in general. His hands were bloody and he was actually not a man because he stood almost eight feet tall and had pointy ears.
They all gave their names, and he said, "I'm Bahzell Bahnakson. This is Brandark Brandarkson." Brandark began singing a song about "Bahzell Bloody Hand".
"Right..." The Doctor actually seemed slightly unnerved by this. He walked back over to his TARDIS, taking care not to step on any of the bananas, and began trying to wrench the door open.
"Hey, The Doctor!" called Keladry. "Stop doing that and come be a stone with me!"
"I say," Rose said, "That we all eat bananas until we throw up, and then get drunk off these banana daiquiris I made." The Doctor smiled at Rose. She knew what always cheered him up.
So all the people ate bananas and got drunk. A few hours later, the TARDIS opened up by itself, and The Doctor and Rose got back on, waving goodbye to the assortment of characters that sat in the field.
"Well, Doctor," said Rose. "Where to now?"
He looked at her and grinned. "Barcelona."
A/N: Always bring a banana to the party, Rose. Bananas are good.