1795, Screw Up

Jean Valjean hated when he felt useless. He hated the feeling of helplessness that always accompanied the feeling of uselessness.

"I'm full, uncle, really."

Watching his malnourished nephew blatantly lie and refuse the tiny scrap of bread he offered stirred familiar feelings of helpless anger. Anger that he couldn't help. Anger that his family couldn't rely on him. Anger that his sweet nephew couldn't selfishly demand things of him.

And so while Jean Valjean prided himself on being a man with strong morals, he valued his family above everything else. That night after his sister's children were all asleep, he took his thickest coat and walked down to the baker's shop.

It wasn't a very long walk to the baker's but it felt like an hour, every step he took burdened with the weight of his thoughts, his coat offering little respite from the cold. He thought about Mme. Maubert Isabeau, how she always snuck a tiny loaf of bread and gave it to the children. The bakers weren't as hard off as the Valjean family. Everyone needed bread, and unlike tree pruners who were dime a dozen in their small town, there was only one baker. Still, times were hard and he knew it couldn't be easy to offer food when everyone had so little.

'And so you'd repay them by thieving from them.'

Unhelpful. Jean Valjean forced himself to think about his nephews and nieces, innocent children who, if the lack of income continued would starve to death. Surely, surely, stealing a loaf of bread wasn't as great a crime as murder. And that's what it was. He might not kill his sister's children but starving them to death was about as good as killing them himself. Worse in fact, more agonizing.

Jean Valjean, so caught up in his thoughts, barely realised he had reached Maubert Isabeau's bakery. "No turning back now." He thought to himself, picking up a decently sized stone and break the window of the tidy shop. The glass shattered and the sound pierced his heart because he knew regardless of whether he got caught or not, the guilt of his crime would stay with him forever. With a heavy heart, he picked a couple loaves of bread and headed home, living in fear for the next year, 'til it was almost a relief when they finally arrested him.

1823, Clean Up

As Monsieur Madeleine, Jean Valjean liked to think of himself as one of those helpful, selfless benefactors. His time in prison made him realise how much he valued his morals. And his meeting with Bishop Monsieur Myriel inspired him to reform.

When Jean Valjean went back to his hometown after being released, he found that he had lost his family to starvation. For the first time since his birth, he experienced the pain of loneliness but his inspiration fueled by anguish drove him to work every day, harder and harder, 'til despite his initial reluctance, found himself the mayor of Montreuil-sur-Mer. Being mayor certainly had its perks. For one, and perhaps the only important one, he was able to repay the citizens much better. So that no one would ever experience what he did, that no one would have to commit a crime as he did.

Coming from as small a town as he did, he hated when people of power started ventures and then forgot about them, so he made it a point to follow up diligently on all his ventures. Which is why when he realised he inadvertently caused the problems that ruined Fantine's life, he resolved to clean up his mess.

1833, Cheer Up

Jean Valjean resolved early in life that he would never get married. The helplessness he left being unable to provide for his family, the pain he felt when he lost them, he knew he'd never recover from another experience like that. As mayor, he occasionally thought about getting married. He had the means and the ability to protect a family but he didn't know if he could ever trust someone with his past, much less take advantage of his position to support his family. In another time, not torn apart by fighting, he wished for love.

Cosette was the closest thing he had to a family in his later years. Caring for the girl eased the guilt he felt when he thought about her mother. The girl was sweet and though they seldom spoke, he liked to think that their lapses of silence were familiar and not awkward. He liked to think that if Fantine was alive, she would've raised her exactly as he did. Without the paranoia of running away. Because while Jean Valjean had very limited experience dealing with little girls (mostly from observing his sister), what he lacked for in experience, he tried to make up with hard work. And Cosette never complained.

So when Cosette confessed her love for Marius, Jean Valjean was overwhelmed with emotion. For one, he knew he would have to confess his past to Marius, to ensure there would be no secrets between the betrothed couple. He felt glad that his daughter was able, despite all her hardships, to find love and yet, he also felt a twinge of sorrow that she would leave him. Like all his family did.

So he told her a story, in those final moments with her. "Cheer up, Cosette, to love another person is to see the face of God."

Dear Rebecca, Happy Valentine's Day. I'm so sorry for writing a super angst-y exchange fic and I wasn't whether you were familiar with the book-verse or movie-musical or musical verse of Les Mis so this became kind of messy. I tried to stick as close as possible to one timeline and do a sort of character analysis using your prompts. I hope this was similar to what you like to read and I absolutely loved writing for you. c3