My name is Hazuki Nagisa, but you can call me Nagisa-chan. I'm always happy, smiling, and giggling. I'm just that happy!

But not all the time.

Why don't we re-introduce ourselves? My name is Nagisa, but you can call me a slut.

"Why does he get to be with Mako-chan? Why does he always have to annoy Rei-san? Poor Haru, having to put up with the little shit."

They're only words. Tiny, whispered, sounds said in the back of a classroom.

But they have power. And with the time of a year they have grown to become killer weeds, sucking out my confidence.

And hearing them makes me doubt myself.

Why do I hang around with the swim club?

Wouldn't they be happier without me?

I'm always smiling, being happy, but I'm also always getting myself into trouble.

But if it's an act... Am I really happy?I have always been told that you can "fake it till you make it," but that doesn't mean I believe it.

Even so, I've always acted happy. Smiles, giggles, pranks, smirks. Harmless, but I like how I am. It's who I am.

I've always wanted to be happy.

For now I go and gossip, and I annoy Rei slyly as the comments continue and circumnavigate the classroom.

I smile and act oblivious, and if I do it for long enough, I can convince myself I'm happy. In my own little world, a bubble filled with happiness and lies. It's so pretty.

I've realized I want out, but there is no out.

I try to ignore it as I go and act like I always have.

But one day I snap. I'm crying and making a mess on the floor, and I finally decide to do something about it.I'm in so much emotional pain I try not to collapse from the imaginary weight.

I leave text messages to everyone in the swim club even Rin, Gou, and Nitori.

I've already written my will months ago.

I don't know if any of them knew this, but like Rei I have my own obsession with beauty. I call it vanity though, because I hate having scars or physical deformations on body.

It's perhaps because of this I decide to take myself out of the picture tonight, and on my terms.

I take too many painkillers, and I wash them down with cough syrup that night.

I'm all alone in my bed wrapped up in my sheets.

I fall asleep, wracked with pain sometimes, sometimes not.

But when my sisters try to wake me up the next morning, they fail.

Then for the first time in their life, they start to cry. They tell mother to call 119.

Hey everyone! This is SobbingArirang, formerly known as SeaTheShadows.

This fic is of Nagisa, his suicide, and what happens afterwards. I'm guessing it will probably be about 10 chapters.

And please remember: don't commit suicide. This fic doesn't romanticize suicide. It does the opposite but will show that everyone is the victim in suicide.

If you are suicidal, please call a hotline. They are full of sweet people who will always love and care for you.

Thank you.

SobbingArirang