Here is my first fiction, and in english (I m French). It s not much, but hopefully I will write another sometime soon. I d like to thank Blazeme1up for the beta.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

I wish I could die before I wake.

So here I am. Lying in the hospital wing, I guess. Do you know I have my own bed in here now? In St-Mungo too, by the way. A woman is holding me, it must Madam Pomfrey. She doesn't usually do that, so I must be in a pretty bad shape. But she is a good nurse, so I should survive: but do I want to?

Is it the end, the liberation every one waits for? No, I don't think so, not for me anyway. Sure, I killed him, but what now? Why should I go on from here, what do I live for? I have nothing to do. They all think we are free; we can enjoy our lives. Not me. I'm not free, I never will be. They wanted me to be strong for them, I was. They wanted me to be a symbol, a hero: I was. They wanted me to kill Voldemort, I have done it. I'm sure they will find another task for me. After all, I'm the most powerful wizard alive, maybe ever. I should be the next Dumbledore, maybe even the next Merlin. I should be Hogwarts headmaster, or write some law book which will guide the magical world for the next millennium and a half. But do they know what I want, what I NEED?

Hell no! I need peace, love and freedom. I need my family too. There is only one place where I m sure to find all those things. I just have to pray to be wounded enough to go there soon. I have killed him, and where is my reward?

I have a strange feeling of emptiness and loneliness; like I forget something, or someone.

There's no reasons for me to wake up, no family, maybe no friends anymore. For all I know, Ron and Hermione, and Ginny too, could be dead: I lost contact with them when my duel begun. And I'm a murderer now: why would they want to have a murderer for friend. I know it doesn't matter for the others: they love Dumbledore, and he killed Grindenwald. But we have never heard about the friends and family of Dumbledore. Maybe he lost them when he did his duty. Do you want to talk about my relatives? They would cut their hands, rather than acknowledge my existence. Mrs Weasley? She used to love me like her own sons. But she has lost two of them these past few years, because of me. I endangered all the Weasley family, just by being with them. I can't face her anymore.

I m still in the arms of the same person, and it have been for two hours now, at least. This feeling of loneliness is fading away, it's like I feel safe with her. What do I want? The arms that are around me now, or my mothers. I don t know anymore. I am sure of one thing though: my mother will never let me down.

"Harry, wake up now. You still have to marry me. You promised!"

I remember now: Tonks! I think mum and dad will understand. They'll have to wait for me a little longer. But I swear when they see me, it will be worth the waiting: I'll bring with me happy stories of my life, of my wife, and of my children too.

Ok, time to wake and live.

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