Robin Hood and the Chicken
So last night I decided I should watch the Disney version of Robin Hood. I have never seen it before and was looking forward to it. However about 5minutes in I got bored and decided to write this little story whilst watching it. I mean no disrespect to the movie, it was a great kids movie, but I found it weird and boring but got great joy from writing this story! (Also, any spelling mistakes in Roland's speech are deliberate.)
Enjoy my dears :)
"What is that? A chicken? A chicken is narrating my story? You've got to be kidding me! Who narrates your story?" Robin exclaimed turning to Regina who just chuckled at him, opening her mouth to respond when Robin cut her off, "Little John and I most certainly do not skip down a path together!" Robin then laughed, "although that is an accurate portrayal" he mutters as little john tumbles into the water. Robin wrapped his arm loosely around Regina's shoulder, pulling her closer.
Roland, who was sitting on the floor in front of them in one of the kids fold out lounges, looked up at his father with a cheeky smile "r'member the time you fell into the river daddy?"
"Shh boy! Don't go telling everyone, I have a reputation to uphold."
Henry snorted for the other side of the room, draped over a single armchair "oh I like that! Sneaky buggers." He said watching Robin and Little John disappear into the trees.
"You couldn't lift Little John if you tried dear, although the cocky and smug behaviour of the fox definitely rings true." Regina said with a wink, causing Robins arm to tighten around her.
He's rebuff is lost however when his attention is drawn back to the tv, "Nobody ever calls me ROB! I would not allow it." He said firmly, grumbling as he settled down next to Regina.
"Borrow" Henry laughs from across the room, as Robin the fox declares they don't steal they borrow. "It's totally thieving even if you don't want to admit it."
"Hey I have admitted it's stealing, don't confuse me with that fox!"
"Why are the elephants wearing clothes Regina?" Roland cuts in,
"So they don't get cold dear."
"Oh okay." Roland said like it was so obvious and he couldn't believe he didn't realise that. After a moment he added "but why are they pink?"
"They must be girl elephants" Henry provides with a smile.
"Oh I love that. King John sucking his thumb, I can see that." Robin chuckled as Regina curled up beside him, her head coming to rest on his shoulder.
"The King's a lion and you're just a little fox. That must hurt dear." She teased as Robin's face contorted into a grimace.
"Daddy, Daddy look! You and Little John are dressing like girls" the little boy burst into laughter.
"We have never done that! Ever! This movie is ridiculous."
"Look at your skirt daddy! You're so funny" Robin just grumbles.
"Hey Roland, your daddy is wearing makeup too!" Henry says, riling Roland up.
"Really?!" the boy jumps up and looks at Robin as Regina laughed.
"On the tv dear." She provided
"Oh"
"King John was ridiculously stupid. At least they got that right." Robin groan in annoyance.
"Those guards are really stupid aren't they Regina." Roland said thoughtfully.
"Oh I know dear. My guards were never that stupid."
"They wouldn't dare" Robin whispered into her ear causing her to shiver.
"OUCH!" Roland squealed before laughing as the lion crashed the mirror over snake's head "He's sucking his thumb! He's a baby."
"The damn chicken is back." Robin exclaimed, his arm waving at the TV.
"I do believe it's a rooster dear."
"What ever it is its stupid." He grumbled, throwing a disgusted look at the TV "I can't believe a chicken is narrating my story!"
"It's Friar Tuck!" Roland shouted, giggling and sitting closer to the TV.
"My men aren't that stupid. Who hides gold in a cast?"
"Where did you hide your gold my dear?" Regina purred.
"Wouldn't you like to know."
"Oh I would." Regina winked, causing Robin to chuckle.
"Well they got the sheriff right." He muttered "They call me the bad guy because I robbed the rich and gave to the poor but that crook was hailed a hero after bleeding all the towns people dry."
"You were quite the nuisance to the rich though dear" Regina said before rolling her eyes at the movie scene, her voice dripping with sarcasm as she said "but at least you were nice to the little old ladies, although I'm not sure I agree with giving young boys bow and arrows."
"I never did that either."
"You gaved me a bow and arrow daddy!" Regina raised her eyebrow at that.
"Long story."
"Ew! It went down the chickens top!" Roland squealed.
"Is that Marian?" Robin asks
"Yes" Regina said with a slight smile
"Marian never wore pink" Robin said chuckling at the movie, "Look at those kids trying to play match maker."
"I'm their kid!" Roland pipes up from the floor whilst the young ones on in the movie ask Maid Marian if she plans to have kids with Robin Hood.
"That you are my boy." Robin said, his arms tightening around Regina.
"Was King John cranky?" Henry asked from the opposite couch.
"Very much so, but I think it had more to do with some alcohol issues"
"Kissing's okay!" Roland said to the tv when the young ones in the movie cringed at kissing. "I like getting kisses! And daddy and Regina kiss ALL the time."
"Ew" Henry muttered and rolled his eyes. Regina just chuckled, looking up and pressing her lips to Robins briefly.
"Daddy, did mama really live in a castle?"
"A long time ago she did. She was royalty." Robin said with a warm smile.
"A queen like Regina?" Robin felt Regina tense beside him.
"Not quite dear" she said with a smile, feeling Robin's lips against her temple. She turned to him and whispered. "I do believe you are a hero now Robin." Robin chuckled before she added "oh the things you do for a kiss my dear" she laughed, watching Robin the fox dance when he heard he could get a kiss from Maid Marian.
"Daddy you're dressed like a duck now!" Roland laughed, "How come you never dress up like that?"
"Hhmmm I don't know my boy. Perhaps I should try, seems to work for them." Roland nodded eagerly.
"This movie is weird" Henry mumbled
"That it is dear" Regina agreed, stretching out on the lounge and into Robin "very weird."
"Mom's movie is better."
"Hey now just a minute!" robin protested defensively "It's not that bad"
"There's a snake whose head is stuck in a balloon, elephants in purple dresses and you like to dress up. How is that not weird?" Henry said, turning his head to look at Robin with a raised eyebrow.
"Well when you put it like that" Robin complained before adding "At least they portray me as a perfect archer."
"But you're shooting with twigs dear" Regina teased when she saw what he was using as arrows. Robin just groaned.
"Hey the sheriff cheated daddy! Oh but you won anyway."
Robin smiled. "I won dressed like a duck, great." He whispered into Regina's neck, "how humiliating. Oh and he got sprung. I would never have been so foolish to have been caught like that."
"And yet I believe you have been caught numerous times." Regina said amused, her face daring him to take the bait. He opened his mouth to respond when Henry spoke up.
"How can you love someone you have never kissed?" Regina and Robin looked at the tv and saw the scene where maid Marian and Robin confessed their love to each other. Robin shrugged
"It's Disney dear." Regina said like that was explanation enough.
"Yes but is that how it really happened?" Henry asked sitting up and looking at Robin.
"No." Robin said honestly. "My wife and I shared a kiss before I ever confessed my love for her."
"Hm" Henry grunted before swinging his legs over the arm of the chair and lying back down.
Robin laughed a hearty laugh as King John chucked a tantrum like a 5 year old, the smile only widening when he saw Little John threatening the king. "Now this is interesting" he muttered.
"I find your accent interesting" Regina countered dryly.
"Oh no! Run daddy run!" Roland screamed at the TV as Robin began to have a sword fight with the guards, causing everyone to laugh.
"Oh good god I don't know how much more of this I can watch" Robin groaned. "Is this really how I was portrayed in your world! Oh a dozen children. I can safely say Marian never wanted a dozen children."
Regina laughed, her eyes drifting shut. She'd seen this movie before, a long time ago when Henry was a child and as she had her very own Robin Hood next to her she had no interest in the movie. The room went silent as they watched Robin and Marian walking through the forest, the music playing in the background causing Robin to cringe
"Daddy, did you really give mama a ring made out of a flower?" Roland asked curiously, coming over to him and managing to climb into Regina's arms, despite the fact she was already half asleep.
"No I gave your mama an actually ring, a gold one. It took a long time to get, I didn't even steal it." Robin said ruffling the boys' hair, seeing that he was also about to fall asleep.
"Your chickens back Robin." Henry said with a chuckle that caused Robin to laugh.
"Perhaps we should try and get Little John to sing for us. And there is the alcohol for King John."
"Was he an alcoholic?" Henry asked, turning his head to look at robin, who nodded.
"It was different in the enchanted forest Henry, all royalty drank. It was just expected of you."
"Yeah mum mentioned that once." Henry said turning back to the tv. Robin looked down at the woman in his arms. Sometimes it was so easy to forget that this beautiful, sweet woman who was curled up in his embrace with his son in her lap sleeping, was the evil queen. Henrys voice pulled robin out of his thoughts.
"God I didn't think this movie could get any more boring. No offense Robin but Disney ripped you off. I mean even the singing is boring. All singing is boring actually but yours is depressing and boring" Robin just laughs.
"Well it's a good thing my actually story is completely different then isn't it."
"You can say that again." Henry mumbled.
They fell into silence the rest of the movie and Robin was most displeased to note that joining Regina and Roland in sleep was Henry. Not one of them could stay awake to watch the movie that was supposably about him. Perhaps they should have watched the one Henry wanted to watch, it sounded more exciting but Regina had said it was too much fighting and gore for Roland. Robin rubbed his face and forced himself to stay awake for the rest of the movie. When it ended he turned the tv off and gently but unsuccessfully tried to remove himself from the couch without waking Regina.
"Is it over?" she muttered still half asleep.
"Yes. You all fell asleep." Robin replied with mock hurt to which Regina just laughed, adjusting her hold on Roland and looking over at Henry. Robin managed to pick Roland up and take him to bed whilst Regina woke Henry and walked him upstairs, her arm slung around him as he basically sleep walked the whole way.
Walking into the bedroom Regina climbed into bed, instantly moving into Robin's arms.
"So what do you think of your Disney self dear?"
Robin just moaned, "It was interesting."
"Well that's one way to put it." Regina teased pressing her lips to his. "I'm sure you will like the Russell Crowe one better." She muttered, sleep threatening to overcome her again.
"That's the one Henry wanted to watch?"
"Mmm, at the very least you are a person, not a fox."
"Ah but does King John suck his thumb?" Regina laughed and shook her head. "Well obviously tonight's movie wins. Despite that damn rooster." That earns another smile from Regina. "Next time we are watching your movie Regina."
"It's actually snow whites movie. I don't get my own. I don't even get to win in it either" she states bitterly.
"Well then, it's like I said to Henry, it's lucky our actually stories are nothing like the ones on the tv because you my dear have most definitely won." Regina laughed as he kissed her.
"That's so corny" she muttered, rolling her eyes but she kissed him back nonetheless.