I actually wrote this a long time ago, and just left it there. It's really sad, please read and review.
To Be With You
My eyes opened in alert. Looking at my alarm clock, it was 9:00. I had fallen asleep.
I looked up at the empty window seat. That Jesse had once occupied. Now it is empty.
A soft breeze blew through the window, ruffling my hair. It suddenly turned cold.
I walked over the window to shut the windows.
It was misty and gloomy outside. The air was humid, enabling me to breathe. Everything breath that I took was slow and faint.
I sat down on the window seat. It was cold, and ruff. Looking down at my wooden table, with a bright glowing lamp. Picking up the book that Jesse had read, looking over me while I was sleeping.
The pages was old and some were ripped. Most were weathered and wrinckled. I turned to where Jesse had last left off at:
It would take some mediators 5 to 6 years to fully develop their mediating skills . . .
I ran my hand down the dusty page, skimming though.
. . . One skill that even the greatest mediator had not been able to master was the ability to turn ghosts into human. Though many mediator tried, they were unable to do so. Especially if the ghost has been dead for a long time. Such thing is undoable . . .
The wiped my sleeves against the page, over my teardrops. Burying my head in my arms, to hide my tears. There's nobody to hide it from.
Just one more paragraph. One more. That was all Jesse needed to read.
Jesse was all that I wanted. All that I needed. All that my heart asked for.
His warm smile that was reassuring and so comforting. His rock-hard abs. That way he would wrap his arms around me, I felt safe, and right. But right isn't all that I felt. My heart fell for him. Hard. We belonged together.
That last kiss that we shared. It was soft and sweet. I felt safe in his arms.
"Jesse, this could be it for us," I smiled reassuringly. "Please, just give it a chance. For me."
Jesse ran a had through his hair. His scar glowed brightly against the dark night sky. You could tell that he was considering it. He finally opened his mouth to say something. "No. I can't," he breathed slowly, shaking his head. "I don't trust Slater. He could not do something good like this."
But he did. He took Paul up on his offer. I made the biggest mistake of my life to trust Paul to do something like that. Paul would never help Jesse. Never. I don't know why I trusted him. I wanted to be with Jesse so much that I didn't consider the possibilities.
Paul just told me that I needed to wait for Jesse to wake up. And then he'll be living, like human. But he never woke up.
I was so stupid. I thought that if I listened to my heart, for Jesse to live, to trust Paul, Jesse and I will end up together.
I just want to be in Jesse's arms again. For him to hold me tight, and tell me that he loved me. To feel safe when he hold me.
But I will never experience anything like that again. Because . . .
. . . He's gone. And he's never coming back . . .
Because of me. Because of me.