Note: means dialogue on the computer, and ( ) is the translated version of the dialogue from Warcraftian to English. Oh, and if you detest the idea of Nunnally tumbling down the stairs at the speed of light, then I highly suggest that you turn back now and find a more cripple-friendly fanfic to read.
It was a beautiful sunny day in the region of Britannia. Charles was catching some rays in his white polka dot bikini, Guinevere was hanging Clovis from a tree by his ankles while Carine watched; Odysseus was making sure to stay within ten feet of the house because he was under house arrest again (accused of being a pedophile), Cornelia was sparring with Guilford, trying desperately to keep herself from molesting Euphemia, who was entertaining herself by reading a book, that just so happened to be upside down; and Schneizel was out in the imperial garden with Kanon doing things, that well, *cough*, just things. We'll leave it at that.
The birds were chirping cheerfully and everyone was outside enjoying the warmth of the sunshine. Well, almost everyone. Marianne was one, busying herself in her secluded office by doing the taxes and alphabetizing her collection of yet to be adopted children. It was a tough job, but someone had to do it.
And then there was Lelouch. Where to even begin with Lelouch? At the moment, Lelouch was quite preoccupied. He was currently busy leading his double life… Double life as a Night Elf Druid on World of Warcraft…
Britanyaasskikr: awww hellz yes! i just pwnd ur ass!
(Britannia Ass Kicker: Yes! I just totally killed you!)
DeathZealot: damn! im gonna kick ur ass nxt time bak!
(Death Zealot: Gosh darn it. I am going to defeat you next time that we duel, Britannia Ass Kicker!)
Click, click, click. He was typing at the speed of light, performing combos like a master. And that is exactly what he was, the master of the world…- of Warcraft.
He transformed into his boomkin form so that his spell casting stats would rise to make his star-fire even more powerful as he keyed the arrows and spun around, zapping the beasts that were circling him from all sides. However, lady luck was not on his side on this particular night of gaming. He died.
"Gah!" The lithe night elf that resided in his computer gasped as it fell dramatically to the ground in a heap.
"Shit!" Lelouch hissed under his breath, slamming his fist into the wooden desk that he was sitting at as the game prompted him to release his soul.
Britanyaasskikr: sonuva! Hey oio i need a rez…need it ASAP i g2g log in a cpl min. in a dungeon
(Britannia Ass Kicker: Hey Oio, I would appreciate it greatly if you would resurrect my dead carcass because I have to log off of Warcraft in a couple of minutes. I would appreciate it if you would please hurry for I am currently in a dungeon that I need to finish getting through.)
Oio: uh sure i can rez u. omw but i need a summon. Killin VC in Dm atm
(Oio: I would be honored to resurrect your carcass, however I am curious as to if you would be so kind to teleport my character to where you are at. I am currently in the midst of killing VanCleef (a dungeon boss) in the Deadmines (a dungeon) at this very moment.)
Britanyaasskikr: no cant summon cuz im dead stupid ass…plus in SV atm. need rez almost got SV beat
(Britannia Ass Kicker: No I cannot summon you because I am deceased, you silly goose, and I am also in the Steam Vaults (a dungeon) and I have almost completed it.)
Oio: wheres ur group? Nvm kk got VC. Omw but dont think I got fp 4 ZM…
(Oio: Where are the other members of your group at? (Usually a player has a group of anywhere between 2-5 in a dungeon with them). Never mind. Okay, I defeated VanCleef and am on my way towards your location. I do not believe that I have the flight path (main form of transportation) to Zangarmarsh (region), however…)
Britanyaasskikr: i is a supr ninja, don't need group. y u doing DM? soo low lvl! did u get BC?
(Britannia Ass Kicker: I am very powerful, that is why I am able to go through the dungeon without the assistance of a group. Why are you defeating the Deadmines when it is clearly too low level for your character? Did you get the expansion pack, the Burning Crusades, yet?)
Oio: yea! its sooo ba!
(Oio: Yes I did purchase this expansion pack. It is so very cool.)
Britanyaasskikr: yea I got WLK wed
(Britannia Ass Kicker: I concur with you on that one, friend. I just recently purchased the other new expansion pack, the Wrath of the Lich King.)
Oio: ? blizz got nother expns pk? th-
(Oio: Blizzard (the company that created World of Warcraft) created yet another expansion pack? I have not acquired-)
_BEEP BEEP BEEP_
-NO SIGNAL-
"Damn computer!" Lelouch yelled loudly. He had had enough of the machine to last him a lifetime, what with it always crashing on him. He was not even really sure why he still had it.
CRRRAAAASSSSSSSHHHHHH! He threw the computer at the wall with as much force as he could possibly muster (which we all know was not much, for he could not even beat up a newborn kitten).
"This is so not worth my time."
He cast a last wayward glance at his barely scratched computer lying at the foot of his wall. Something small and rectangular-looking caught his eye. He walked over to the big hunk of plastic that was his computer and looked down, this time more observantly. A small corner of a manila folder was peeking through the case of his Dell.
Careful not to damage his computer any more than what was necessary, he pried open the plastic casing that housed his motherboard and peered into the maze of colorful wires. Nestled into a nest of wires were three, good-sized manila folders.
All of which had one name printed neatly and boldly in the right-hand corner: Suzaku Kurugi.
Lelouch was at a loss for words. But then they all came flooding back. "God damnit Suzaku! How many freakin' times do I have to tell you not to put your files in my computer! You imbecile!"
And with that, he stormed off to find his soon-to-be-dead idiot of a friend.
Of all places in the world, this was the last place he wanted to be. Stuck in the castle on a beautifully sunny day with Nunnally and Kallen. He had nothing against either of the girls, but they were both so boring at the moment. Nunnally was busy preparing for the speech that she would use to address the whole world in a matter of minutes; and Kallen was just staring at herself in a mirror that was mounted on the wall behind them, trying without much avail to adjust her outfit that she was wearing.
Below them, for they were on the second floor landing, hordes of people were gathering. However, they were not gathering to hear the speech of the crippled girl next to Suzaku. Who would want to listen to that bore fest? No, they were really gathered for the delicious baked goods that were being laid out at that moment on the long tables that bordered the grand hall beneath their feet.
'Mmmm baked goods…' Suzaku was drooling at the thought of it. Oh wait, he actually was drooling. Quickly, he used the sleeve of his scandalously skimpy, white uniform to wipe at his watering mouth. He was wearing skin-tight, booty shorts, an almost nonexistent white shirt that contoured every muscle of his abdomen and toned arms, thigh-high white boots (which he thought previously belonged to the castle witch, C.C.), and to complete the entire look, a small black bowtie around his neck.
Why he was wearing it, he himself did not know. It had been orders and he always followed orders.
Kallen's outfit, on the other hand, was even more scandalous, which, yes, is possible. She was dressed up in a snow-white, playboy bunny ensemble, complete with black fishnets and a fluffy, black tail that was stitched directly onto her pert ass. What was even better about her outfit was the fact that it was so tight that her chest was just about spilling out of it. Joy.
Kallen sauntered over to where he was standing and began to engage him in conversation, nudging him in the ribs to get his attention.
"So, how are things between you and Lelouch?"
"Fine. Just fine," he responded lifelessly, hoping that his lack of enthusiasm would send her away. It didn't.
"So," she paused thoughtfully as she pulled the front of her getup up once more, "what is this I hear of a frilly, pink, maids outfit?" she asked deviously.
Suzaku, who was still off in his own little world, did not even register the question as he answered, "Hmm? Oh that is just what Lelouch and I switch off wearing at night during the wee- HEY! Who told you about that?" Suzaku turned as red as the filling of the cherry pie he had been daydreaming about.
"Oh, so you are not going to deny that you and Lelouch are, mmmm…" she trailed off, leaving the rest of that statement up to the imagination. The smile that was already plastered onto her face only grew larger at Suzaku's admittance to the rumor. Soon her smile would be unable to fit on her face, like her boobs in the bunny outfit.
"What are you talking about? There is absolutely nothing between Lelouch and I!"
"Oh, really? Maybe I should just ask Lelouch about that then, hmm?"
"Y-you can't!" He was really beginning to get flustered now.
"Oh, and why is that?"
"Uh… Because he is dead! I killed him!"
"Really? Maybe I shoul-"
"It is time to start the speech! Please wheel princess Nunnally to the top of the staircase!" someone yelled from beyond his or her line of sight.
"That is our cue!" Suzaku said hurriedly, running over to where Nunnally was sitting so that he could roll her towards the staircase. Kallen followed suit directly behind Suzaku. He may have thought that she would just drop the subject from there, but their conversation was far from over, she thought.
Suzaku wheeled Nunnally to the top of the staircase and then pushed the brake lever down to secure the princess' chair in place; or at least that is what he would claim after the fact.
"Dear people of the world, I would like to-"
"Hey Suzaku! You stupid ass! You know, you are some kind of stupid!" Lelouch yelled angrily over Nunnally's speech as he made his way towards Suzaku, swinging the manila folders that he had found in his computer. Lelouch was red in the face and seething, trying his best to not just kill the brunette where he stood.
Lelouch's sudden outburst, however, did not only frighten the intended target, but scared Kallen as well. "What's going on?" she shrieked, her hands immediately traveling to her waist where her gun normally would have been holstered, but was not on this particular day thanks to the costume she was wearing.
The pink haired woman immediately swung around to see what was disturbing the princess's speech, her eyes wide as she tried to spot what she thought to be the oncoming attacker. Kallen's boobs, being as large as they were, followed just a little bit slower than the rest of her body. Swinging full force, they hit the back of Nunnally's wheel chair with a CRASH!
"Ohmygawd!" Kallen grasped at her chest, her eyes watering in pain. "Christ! What the hell did I just hit? Sssss," she hissed, "that hurt!" She turned to see what her chest had hit with such force, but when she turned there was nothing there, just an empty space.
THUD! THUD! THUD! THUD! "Ahhhhhhh!"
That was when she finally realized just what it was that she had hit. It was Nunnally. Well, actually Nunnally's wheel chair to be precise, but at this point, same difference.
The blind and crippled girl's wheel chair was rolling down the stairs at a speed that even Suzaku would not be able to catch up with, which was pretty fast if you asked anyone who was there or that knew how fast Suzaku could run. THUD! And now she was tumbling down the stairs, still at a speed that would rival a rocket's. BUH-BUH-BUH-BUH! CRASH! She landed at the bottom of the stairs in a heap, wheel chair soaring over her body and crash landing some ten feet away.
"Khehehehe." Charles, the emperor and her father, tried unsuccessfully to hold in his laughter as he watched the entire affair.
On shaking arms, Nunnally finally pushed herself up into a sitting position and turned her head dazedly in every which way, gathering her bearings after the fall. She rubbed her eyes for a moment and then opened them, looking down at her legs, which she could not see anyways.
"Oh my god," she mumbled, obviously attempting to stand up. "OH MY GOD! I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS! WHY CAN'T I FEEL THEM? Oh my god, am I paralyzed?" she cried hysterically, trying desperately to stand up.
Marianne, her mother, came over and sat next to her side, brushing her disheveled, dark blonde hair out of her face. "Honey," she said in a soothing tone, "You have never been able to walk. You have been paralyzed your entire life."
"Oh, yeah."
Suzaku still sat at the top of the stairs. He yelled down, "Well, it could be worse Nunnally! You could be blind too! Oh, wait…my bad…"
"I swear. You really are some kind of stupid, Suzaku," Lelouch said as he hit him upside the head with the rolled up manila folders.
A/N: Reviews equal Love for me!