Once upon a time there was a completely kindhearted and thoroughly good-natured damsel named Cinderella whose physical appearance was so perfect that she had won seventy-two beauty pageant crowns, her most recent triumph coming when she was named Queen of the St. Lawrence County (New York) Cheddar Cheese Festival. Cinderella lived with her wicked stepmother and her two ugly stepsisters who treated her most shamefully, as the following episode of her home life will reveal:
"I finished preparing your dress for Wolfy's Ball, Cindy!" announced Elspeth, the older ugly stepsister, carefully handing Cinderella a gorgeous evening gown of pastel purple that matched perfectly with Cinderella's midnight-black hair and hazel eyes.
"Well, I think you did a completely terrible job with it!" screamed Cinderella, tossing it back into Elspeth's arms. "It's horribly wrinkled. Iron it again and this time, try to put a little effort into it!"
"But Cindy, I ironed it very carefully. I don't see any wrinkles, or at least I didn't until you mussed it up now!"
"Gawd, I'm not blind! I saw it was full of wrinkles. I know, you want me to look like an awful hag so Wolfy will dance with you, not with me! You hate me because I'm not your real sister so you think it's okay to mistreat me this way and I'm going to cry!"
"Okay, Cindy, I'm sorry. I really thought I had ironed it right, but I'll do it again."
"That's better!" announced Cinderella as Elspeth walked out and the younger ugly stepsister, Margaux, walked in. "What do you want? I'm busy try to get ready for Wolfy's ball, in case you haven't noticed!"
"We're all trying to get ready as well, but I still took the time to clean your patent-leather shoes, Cindy," Margaux told her, handing a pair of white high-heeled pumps that fairly sparkled.
"Well, you did a terrible job! They're positively filthy! Take them away and clean them properly this time!"
"Um, okay, I guess I can shine them a little more," said Margaux, hurrying out of Cinderella's bedroom.
"Gawd the abuse I have to put up with!" fumed Cinderella.
Knock, knock! "Cindy, honey, are you okay?" asked Desdemona Delaware, her wicked stepmother.
"No, mother, I'm not okay! Your daughters are being horrid to me, like always!"
"You know, Cindy, we all try to be a family, but it would help if you showed a little consideration to your sisters and stopped treating them like your servants."
"You would take their side, of course. You've always resented me! That's why you bought me that Gawd-awful gown to wear!"
"Cindy, that gown you're talking about cost a lot of money, more than I spent on either of your sisters!"
"I don't care how much it costs. I hate it! I refuse to look hideous at the ball wearing that old rag!"
"But Cindy…"
"Just go away and let me alone! Go to the ball with your daughters by yourselves. I won't go, not unless I get something to wear that suits me properly!"
Cinderella stayed at home while her wicked stepmother and two ugly stepsisters went to the ball. After a few minutes, she began to regret her earlier actions; however, what could she do? She simply could not show up in that particular outfit after the things she had said.
She traipsed into her walk-in closet, which contained, among other things, a great number of party dresses, all tailored to fit her perfectly. She sighed, thinking of the fun she was missing, and such were her feelings that for a moment she very nearly decided to take the drastic step of attending The Wolf's party wearing something that she had worn once before. However, her resolve returned and she moved back into her bedroom.
A movement nearby caught her eye. The dust on the floor swirled upwards. Cinderella frowned, thinking of the words she would have with Elspeth and Margaux about that matter. Apparently, occasionally running the vacuum cleaner across her carpet was too demanding a chore for them! But then she gave a gasp of surprise. That was not ordinary dust; it was fairy dust!
"Hello, my dear godchild," smiled the fairy who materialized in the center of her room, her name being Tanya Greenleaf. "Dear me, but you do look down. Whatever is the matter?"
"Oh, Nana, it's awful," sniffed Cinderella. She thought of her godmother as a grandmother, and thus called her that. "Mother and my sisters went off to Wolfy's ball but I can't go because I don't have a thing to wear!"
"The Wolf's throwing a party, eh?" mused Cinderella's Fairy Godmother. "I remember his grandfather, Thaddeus Wolf, used to throw some pretty wild dos back in the day. There was this one…"
"Why don't you tell me about it some other time?" hinted Cinderella impatiently. "Like, when there isn't a fancy dance you should be doing something to help me get ready for?"
"Of course, dear," the fairy answered. She held a long, thin alabaster wand, topped with a crescent moon, in one hand, which she tapped absently against her platinum hair, impossibly thin and delicate, like strands of spider silk in the summer starlight. "Let's see. Right, this should do!" With a wave, she transformed Cinderella's crimson bathrobe into a formal evening gown of ruby red.
"Why, Nana, it's beautiful!" exclaimed Cinderella in wonder, admiring herself in a mirror.
"I'm pleased you like it, dear." Another wave of the wand transformed pink bunny slippers into pair of transparent footwear, which shimmered in invitation by Cinderella's dainty feet.
Cinderella slipped them on eagerly. "They fit perfectly!" she announced in delight. "Only, they are a bit uncomfortable to walk in. Could you scare me up a ride so I don't have to walk there in these?"
"Certainly, dear." Tanya noticed a spider crawling on the floor, which she made disappear. "Take a look outside your window!"
Cinderella poked her head through the open window, and right there in the driveway stood a 2010 Audi R8 Spyder, black as night. "Wonderful!" she exclaimed as her Fairy Godmother handed her the car keys. "Now we're getting somewhere! Hmm, what else do I need? Oh, I know!" She typed in a web address on her computer. "Look at this gorgeous wrap, Nana! I'll take one just like it, please."
"Cindy, dear, my wand isn't quite exhausted yet, but it will be if I keep granting you wishes! I think you have quite enough to make a grand entrance."
"Oh, that's okay," said Cinderella, sighing loudly and rolling her eyes to show that it wasn't, not really, but that she was prepared to suffer. "Well, thanks for everything and don't wait up for me. I expect it'll be a long night!"
"Oh, about that, dear. There's one detail I forgot to tell you. You see, I enchanted your gown and car so that they would return to normal at midnight."
"What do you mean, midnight?!" screamed Cinderella in rage. "This isn't 1890, Nana, in case you haven't checked a calendar lately. No one leaves a party at midnight!"
"Well, call me old-fashioned if you like, but I feel you should get home at a sensible hour, and indeed, you're going to, unless you want everyone to see you wearing terry cloth."
"Change it this instant!" ordered Cinderella.
"I won't do it," said Tanya, looking very stubborn.
"Well, then, I'll do it," decided Cinderella, snatching the wand from her Fairy Godmother's hand.
"Cinderella, give that back! You don't know how to use it properly!"
"Oh, I rather think I do. And the first thing I'm going to do is take care of you so you can't interfere with my fun!" Cinderella waved the wand.
"Mpfff!" exclaimed Tanya angrily. She was bound with white ropes in a hog tie, lying on her stomach; a thick, blue strip of cloth cleave-gagged her! She beat her wings furiously, rising off the floor, but otherwise could not move.
"Well, this is going to come in very handy!" observed Cinderella, toying with the wand. "Thanks for everything, Nana. I'll untie you when the party's over – if you promise to behave from now on!"
"What's wrong with Wolfy?" fumed Cinderella, smoldering quietly on the dance floor. She had been certain that the instant she walked in wearing that The Wolf would immediately forget about the other damsels in attendance and give all his attention to her. Yet, instead of doing so, The Wolf had seemingly not even noticed Cinderella as he swirled Elspeth about.
"Can't he see how ugly she is?" continued Cinderella, although a tiny voice inside her suggested meekly that perhaps The Wolf was doing very well for himself and that, far from appearing ugly, her older stepsister looked gorgeous in her deep-blue evening gown and with her strawberry-blonde hair fixed in long braids. She squelched that thought, though, instead telling her self firmly, "He's probably dancing with her just to make me jealous. Ooh, and it's working, too!"
The music ended and The Wolf released his partner. Cinderella bolted forward and grabbed Elspeth by an arm. "Come on," she hissed loudly, "over here, behind these large potted plants where no one can see us."
"But I want another dance with Wolfy," objected Elspeth.
"It'll just take a minute and I need you help with something private," answered Cinderella, as Elspeth followed her very reluctantly until they were out of view.
"All right, Cindy, what was so important that you had to drag me away from Wolfy?" asked Elspeth.
"Just this." Cinderella tapped her stepsister with the magic wand, so that in a twinkling Elspeth was lying on the floor, hogtied with thin rope and gagged with a thick strip of cloth. "Just like that annoying godmother of mine!" announced Cinderella, feeling a little guilty about what she had done to her Nana, who doubtless was spending a rather lonely night trussed up after having arrived to make sure Cinderella spent an enjoyable one. However, Cinderella squelched that thought as well. She was good at doing that.
"And now Wolfy's free to dance with me!" she exclaimed, stepping around the large vases where, she noticed to her shock, The Wolf was dancing with Margaux! The tiny voice inside her head suggested that The Wolf was also doing very well with his new partner, for her younger stepsister looked stunning with her ruddy-gold hair falling loose down to her bare shoulder and wearing an emerald-green evening gown. "He's just dancing with her because he feels sorry for her, she's so ugly," she decided, traipsing across the floor so that The Wolf would be sure to see her. However, to her immeasurable surprise, he did not rush to her side to demand a dance, but rather continued with Margaux until, ages later (or so it seemed) the music once again ended.
"Oh, Cindy, I'm so glad you made it to the dance!" exclaimed Margaux as Cinderella rudely led her away. "I really like your dress. I had no idea you had that! Where did you get it?"
"It was a present from Nana," replied Cinderella shortly, not liking another reminder of her earlier actions. They wended their way around the vases and then, just as Margaux gave a gasp of alarm and Elspeth gave a mew of anger, Cinderella tapped Margaux with the wand and then there were two hogtied damsels struggling futilely on the floor.
"There! Now that both of you are out of the way Wolfy will finally dance with me!" she informed them cheerfully, hurrying out, for the music had started once again. She paused in bewilderment, though, before she went very far. There was The Wolf, happily dancing with her wicked stepmother, Desdemona!
Cinderella tapped her foot impatiently for an eternity until the music ended once again, and then, a moment later, three hogtied damsels lay hidden behind the potted plants.
"I'd better hurry to Wolfy faster this time, for there are plenty of other girls," decided Cinderella, sprinting around the edge of vases. It was well she did so, for she barely got to him ahead of Goldilocks and Red Riding Hood.
"Hey, baby," said The Wolf as the music started again.
"Hi, Wolfy."
They danced briefly, but Cinderella quickly became unhappy. "Wolfy, is something the matter? You don't seem to be paying me proper attention!"
"Hey, baby, excuse me a second, would you?" he answered. "I need to make a couple phone calls."
"No, Wolfy, you can talk to whoever it is later," decided Cinderella, tapping The Wolf's paw with her wand so that his cell phone turned into a slippery green frog who squirmed loose and hopped away.
"Sorry, baby, but it's really important," said The Wolf, reaching out with one arm. The frog hopped up into his paw and turned back into a cell phone. "Besides, the music's over," he explained, pressing a few buttons.
"It changed back already?" asked Cinderella, looking at the cell phone and then at her wand. "The charge must be running low," she mused. "Hey, where are you going, Wolfy?"
"I hear the other cell phones ringing over there," said The Wolf.
Cinderella couldn't hear anything, but wolves have sharper ears than people do. "No, Wolfy!" she called out in fright. He was heading straight toward the vases!
"Hey, you doing okay?" The Wolf asked, stepping around to discover the three bound beauties, all of their cell phones loudly ringing.
"Mpfff!" Elspeth, Margaux, and Desdemona called out together.
"Oh, Wolfy, don't worry about them. Listen, the music's starting again!" pleaded Cinderella.
The Wolf paid her no attention, though. His agile paws had the three damsels untied in only a few brief moments. "That's better!" he announced.
"Mmm, thank you for saving us, Wolfy," purred Elspeth.
"But we need to do something about YOU!" exclaimed Margaux, looking meaningfully at Cinderella. She held up a length of the rope that had been binding her and took a step forward.
"Yes, indeed," agreed their mother.
"Oh, no you don't," exclaimed Cinderella waving the wand. Her sisters and mother paused, alarm widening their eyes, but then seeing that nothing happened, edged closer.
"All out of juice, sister dear?" asked Elspeth. "Good! We'll tie you up and see if you enjoy spending the dance lying down back here."
"And it's three against one, so we don't need any magic!" announced Margaux.
"You mean it's four against one!" announced Tanya Greenleaf, flying over the vases to land beside her goddaughter.
"Nana! Where did you come from! How did you get loose?" Cinderella gasped in astonishment.
"I released her, dollface," announced Thaddeus Wolf, coming around to join the small group. "I was out for a stroll when I heard a loud mpfffing at your bedroom window. I looked up and there I saw this vision of loveliness!"
"You didn't think about my wings when you tied me up," added the fairy. "So I hovered up there by the window until this gentlewolf very gallantly climbed up the rainspout and untied me!"
"Aha, yes, how noble of you," Cinderella told the old wolf caustically.
"And I'll be taking this back now, if you don't mind," decided the fairy, retrieving her wand from Cinderella's grasp.
"And we'll be tying you up!" announced Desdemona.
"You can't tie me up; you're my mother!" protested Cinderella.
"Your wicked stepmother," Desdemona corrected her, and in just a few minutes, Cinderella found herself in a hogtie.
"Cindy has some great shoes for the dance," observed Elspeth when they had finished. "Since you won't be using them, you don't mind if I borrow them, do you?" She slipped off her own heels, but try as she might, the glass slipper would not ease onto her foot.
"It doesn't fit me either," announced Margaux sadly, holding the other glass slipper.
"Mpfff!" taunted Cinderella.
"We'll leave them here on top of a bench," decided the fairy, retrieving the shoes from the sisters. "In case a prince shows up. He'll know what to do with them."
"Is one likely to appear?" asked Desdemona, looking a bit startled.
"There is Prince Marcus from West Zhdalskt who transferred to Clarkson last semester," reflected Margaux. "He did it to be near his new girlfriend, Princess Nina, only then they broke up."
"Did you invite Marcus to the dance, Wolfy?" asked Elspeth.
"Who's that, baby?" asked The Wolf blandly. He hadn't been paying much attention to the conversation, and he generally only ever remembered women.
"Sounds like he's available, then," decided Tanya. "If he comes we'll send him around to you, okay dear?"
"Mpfff!" retorted Cinderella furiously. Prince Marcus was a vain, self-centered individual. Who wanted to have anything to do with someone like that?
"Hey, let's dance, dollface," Thaddeus invited Tanya.
"Yes, let's dance, Wolfy," announced Elspeth and Margaux simultaneously, each taking one arm. The two sisters glared at one another as they realized what had just happened.
"Hey, there's no need to fight," The Wolf replied genially, leading them back to the dance floor, one arm holding onto each sister. "There's plenty of Wolfy to go around!"