A/N: Okay so I've been reading these fics for quite a while and thought i'd try my hand. I just want to give a massive shoutout to LuvActually whose stories are publishable masterpieces and really inspired me to give it a go. Same goes for Circle 142, foolishgames, postwar, TheCon12, emotional champ and Miss Pegg.

So this is kind of AU, but pretty much follows the story up until Naomi and Emily's fight in S3 Ep 9. The rest you'll pick up in this chapter. It will alternate POV from Emily and Naomi and I've tried to keep them somewhat in character emotionally but still made them my own a little. I'm also not British and not bothered with getting hung up on British slang. Sorry to all you hardcore peeps!

Anyway here's what i got so far. Please don't be too harsh. There is a vague plan but nothing as intricately plotted as some of you superstar fic writers!

"I can't wait for you anymore Naomi."

Emily was glad they were sitting side by side on the bench so she could keep her eyes focused straight ahead. She knew she couldn't look at Naomi. She knew that her resolve would crumble and she'd never get the words out if she did. And she needed to get the words out. The words were killing her.

They'd had this conversation before. It seemed they were always having this conversation, even when the words went unspoken. The first time had been in Naomi's room. Naomi had dragged Emily back there to make love in a feverish blur of hands and lips after announcing that she was going to Cyprus for the summer. After Emily's outburst Naomi had decided to stay in Bristol and Emily had taken it as a sign that Naomi was going to try harder. But not much had changed. They'd spent the summer sneaking kisses and touches in crowded clubs and movie theatres or under tables. Emily having to tell countless lies to her family so she could spend the night in Naomi's bed. She was comforted by the fact that she would wake up in Naomi's arms, the blonde no longer running every morning. But it wasn't enough. It would never be enough. And now college was starting again in a few days and Emily wasn't as hopeful as she was this time last year. She knew she couldn't go another year living half her life.

"It hurts...too much Naoms...and I can't keep chasing after you. I'm tired."

She was tired of trying. Tired of their little dance, the routine they had become trapped in. Emily would push Naomi to give in to her feelings, Naomi would freak out, soon after and then Emily would have to hold herself back once again. She was tired of holding herself back.

And she was tired of lying. Lying to Katie and her family about where she was. Lying to the world about who she was. It was exhausting.

She wiped a tear from the corner of her eye as it threatened to fall. She didn't want to cry in front of her. Naomi had everything else, Emily didn't want Naomi to take that from her too.

"So I'm going to go home now. ..and..."

She swallowed, struggling with the thought. Struggling to keep the sadness and fear out of her voice.

"...and tomorrow everything can go back to normal for you."

The last whispered words were what hurt Emily the most. Because Emily's normal was the smile that spread across her face whenever she thought of the blonde. Her normal was her heart pounding against her ribs whenever she saw Naomi. Her normal was the shiver that sparked across her skin and settled between her legs whenever Naomi touched her. Emily's normal was loving Naomi.

And Emily knew that wasn't Naomi's normal. Not yet anyway. Not after all this time. And she couldn't hope and wait any longer. Hope can be just as debilitating as despair.

She could feel the blonde sitting stiffly next to her. Emily had felt the tension between them shift as soon as she had started speaking. But she wouldn't look at her. She couldn't.

For the first time in her young life Emily ignored the part of her heart that was screaming for her to take it all back. To tell Naomi that she would love her forever. That she would wait forever.

But she knew what that meant. She knew it mean she couldn't hold Naomi's hand walking down the street. That she couldn't kiss her in the college hallways. That she would have to watch boys flirting with Naomi and could do nothing about it. She knew it meant she might never have Naomi. Not how she wanted her.

So she stood without another word, without breaking her forward gaze, and she walked away from the girl she'd loved for years.

Despite the crushing pain in her chest, Emily knew she'd done the right thing. And she felt oddly powerful, like she had reclaimed a piece of her soul. She had put her own needs before anyone else's for the first time in a while. She felt good about herself again. It was the first time in a long time that she felt like she was worth something. She was Emily Fucking Fitch, and she deserved to be happy.

Naomi sat on the bench for another hour. The wind picked up and the rain started to fall but she just sat there, running through everything in her head. Running through the tangled messy ball of emotion that had been the last year. They'd had this fight before. In one way or another they were always struggling with it. Emily didn't understand. Emily didn't understand that Naomi wasn't sure. That she was terrified. That the way Emily made her feel scared the shit out of her and that she knew that if she ever gave in to those feelings they would consume her entirely, and then her life would be in Emily's hands, and she couldn't live like that. So she'd stayed silent. But as Emily spoke Naomi realised there was something so final about what she was saying and how she was saying it. She had gotten so used to Emily always being there, always coming back after she pushed her away, always waiting for her to catch up. And Naomi had tried to catch up. She had gotten used to waking up with Emily in her arms after making love all night, even missing it those nights Emily couldn't stay over. She didn't flinch away when Emily came too close in public anymore. She was hoping she could change. She just needed more time. So Naomi struggled to breathe once she realised that Emily really wasn't going to chase her anymore. That she wouldn't be coming back. And Naomi knew it was true, because she'd always known that Emily was the strong one. The brave one. And she knew she could never be as brave as Emily wanted and needed her to be. So she'd sat silently and let Emily walk away from her, knowing that Emily was better off without her.

It wasn't until she felt her phone vibrate that she was pulled from her daze, realising that her clothes were soaked through and that she was shivering. She slipped her phone out of her pocket and checked the message. It was Cook telling her about a party. Her first thought was if Emily would be there but she quickly pushed that aside. She couldn't worry about Emily. Emily wasn't hers anymore. She deleted Cook's message determined to ignore it just as her phone buzzed with another message. This one from her mum, asking where she was. Naomi suddenly remembered they were supposed to be on a train to London soon. She messaged back, shielding her phone from the light rain with her other hand. She told her mum that something had come up and she was okay but she couldn't go to London. A moment later her phone rang loudly. She knew who it was before she checked the screen for the caller ID.

"Hi Mum," she said with forced cheer.

"Naomi love what's going on?" Her mum didn't sound worried so much as slightly suspicious. "What's this business that's suddenly come up?"

"Nothing just some school stuff I need to deal with," Naomi replied, trying to be as vague as possible.

Her mum was silent for a moment. "Has this got something to do with Emily?"

Naomi sighed. They'd always danced around the nature of her relationship with Emily. Emily had been over almost every day and night over summer. Naomi knew that sometimes she and Emily had been a little too...vocal some of those nights and was aware that her mum knew what was going on, but she'd never said anything and she was thankful that her mum never pressed her about it.

"No mum I just can't go." she snapped.

"Alright alright fine. I'll see you when I get back tomorrow night. Love you."

"Yeah," Naomi replied simply before hanging up.

She dragged herself back to her house, finally feeling the wind and rain, almost hypothermic by the time she walked through her front door.

She made her way into the bathroom, stripping off her clothes and stepping into a scalding hot shower. And that's when she let herself cry. Because even though the house was empty she needed the sound of the shower to drown out her sobs. Because she couldn't bear to hear herself cry.

Emily walked home, rehearsing the next speech she was about to give in her head, trying not to think about the blonde she'd left sitting on the bench. The heavy grey clouds that had been threatening rain all afternoon finally delivered and the cool wind chilled Emily's skin but she barely felt it. She walked up the path to her front door hoping that Katie was home. Their parents were gone for the weekend and James was staying at a mates.

"Katie?" she called as she walked through the door.

There was no response but Emily heard the sounds of the shower running and made her way up to their room. She brushed some clothes off her bed and fell onto it. Closing her eyes for a brief moment, summoning her courage.

"Hey loser," Katie greeted her as she waltzed into their room. "Did you get Cook's message about the party?"

She looked to Emily for a response. Emily sat up and took a deep breath. Her heart was thumping but instead of feeling terror she felt energised. She felt confident.

"Katie I'm gay."

Her twin froze in front of the mirror, hand halfway to her face holding mascara. Emily could see Katie's eyes widen with shock and then narrow as she composed herself before turning around.

"Is this Campbell putting fucking ideas in your head again? Because you're not gay Em. You're not-"

"Katie," Emily cut her off, keeping her voice tight, feeling stronger than she could ever remember feeling. "This isn't about Naomi or anyone else. This is about me. And I'm telling you that I'm gay."

Katie regarded her for a moment before straightening her shoulders and standing firm, her lips curling in amusement.

"No."

Emily's face clouded with confusion but she didn't falter. "What do you mean no?"

"I mean I'm telling you you're not a fucking lezzer. We've been through this before."

Katie turned back to the mirror, effectively dismissing Emily.

They had argued about this before, Katie continually unwilling to accept what Emily was telling her. To accept who Emily was. It wasn't always said explicitly and sometimes there were no words at all but, much like with Naomi, they had struggled over it all summer.

Emily sighed and stood behind her sister, no longer willing to back down.

"Katie I'm gay. I'm telling you because you're my sister and I love you. But I don't need your permission."

She could see Katie's face reflected in the mirror. Emily watched her smile falter, her eyes soften.

"I'm still Emily. I'm still your sister. I'll always be your sister."

They stood in silence for a few moments, Katie still standing with her back to Emily.

"Is this because of Campbell? Because-" Katie reached desperately for something to blame.

"This is because I was born this way," Emily interrupted. "This is who I am."

They glared at each others reflections for a moment, before Katie lowered her eyes and turned to face Emily.

"I know."

The words fell from Katie's lips so softly that Emily barely heard them. But she did hear them, and her heart swelled with hope.

Katie lifted her eyes to meet Emily's and that's when Emily knew they would be okay.

Emily stepped forward and pulled Katie into a hug. They didn't need any more words. The hug saying more than words could have.

Katie convinced Emily to go to the party. They hadn't touched on their conversation again that afternoon but Emily could feel that something in their relationship had shifted. That she and Katie were finally being honest with each other.

But all afternoon Emily couldn't stop her thoughts from straying to the blonde girl she still ached for. She wondered what Naomi was doing and how she was feeling. She wondered if the blonde had anything to say to her. But then Emily reminded herself that if Naomi really wanted to say something to her she would have. That Naomi had all summer to do something. And that as hard as it would be she would have to try and ignore her feelings and hope that soon it wouldn't hurt so much.

So she agreed to go to the party. She wanted to get fucked up and stop her mind running for one night. She was emotionally drained from the day and needed to laugh and dance and play and forget her life for a few hours. And she knew Naomi would be in London with her mum for a protest tomorrow.

So Emily got dressed up and jumped into a taxi with Katie, as they made their way to the address Cook had sent them. The house was already vibrating with music and people when they arrived. Katie grabbed Emily's hand as they made their way down the path to the front door.

"Let's go find some fit boys..."

Katie trailed off as she realised what she'd just said, tripping over her words as she tried to recover.

"I, I mean girls...no, not girls...I mean a girl for you and a boy for me."

Emily laughed and shook her head, squeezing Katie's hand and pulling her along behind her into the house.

A couple of hours later Emily was still enjoying the buzz of the pills Effy had given her and the half bottle of vodka she'd downed. It was stuffy in the house and she needed some air, stepping out into the yard and lighting a cigarette. It was oddly quiet out there considering how loud it was inside the house. Besides a boy passed out on the side of the yard she was alone. It was peaceful. She sat on the back step, stretching her legs out and letting her head fall back, her thoughts drifting to Naomi now there were no distractions.

"Can I bum one of those?"

Emily lifted her head and looked towards the voice. It was a girl she had seen in the party. She'd made eye contact and smiled a couple of times but didn't think much more about it. The girl was very pretty, slim and tall with straightened shoulder length blonde hair, green eyes and an adorably crooked smile. Emily briefly found herself questioning if she had a thing for blondes. She had never considered what her 'type' was before. She'd always just thought it was Naomi.

"S-sure," she said stuttering slightly, pulling the packet from the pocket of her skirt and offering it.

"Thanks..."

The girl raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Emily," she replied.

She watched the girl light her cigarette, concentrating on the way her pink lips curled around it, and blinked hard.

"Thanks Emily. I'm Anna." She flashed a brilliantly bright smile and Emily felt her stomach flip. Anna lowered herself to sit on the step next to her. Emily released a breath she didn't know she'd been holding.

"It's a bit mental in there..." Anna added, waving her hand back to the house.

Emily nodded.

"...not exactly my scene."

The admission made Emily smile. "Yeah, me neither."

"So," Anna began as she exhaled a cloud of smoke, "you have a twin sister."

Emily nodded again, unable to trust her voice at the moment.

"She seems like a handful. I've already seen her making out with three different guys tonight."

"Yeah well we're pretty much opposites," Emily added hastily, only realising the truth of her words in that context after they'd left her tongue.

Anna studied her for a beat. "Cool."

Emily caught the flirtacious grin Anne was throwing her way. A tense silence stretched between them as Emily's heart beat frantically in her chest, her breathing shallow. For the second time that day she sat next to a beautiful blonde she had trouble looking in the eye.

"So do you live around here?"

She didn't want to ask such a lame question but she couldn't stand the silence.

"Yup, you could say that," Anna nodded, "I actually live here."

Emily's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "So this is your party?"

Anna shook her head. "Not really. This is my cousin's house, I've only just moved in. He's the party monster."

Emily nodded in understanding. Her mind flooded with questions for the pretty girl. She wanted to ask Anna her why she was living with her cousin. She wanted to ask which school she would be going to. She wanted to ask what her favourite colour was. What music she listened to. She felt like she wanted to know everything about her.

"So do you go to Bristol college?" Anna asked, pulling Emily out of her thoughts.

"Yeah."

"I'm starting there next week. It'll be nice to know at least one person." Anna smiled warmly.

Emily felt her stomach flutter again. Anna was cute and Emily wanted to kiss her, but for a brief moment her stomach dropped as another blonde girl flashed through her mind. She felt like she was cheating on Naomi...only she wasn't. Naomi wasn't her girlfriend and had never been her girlfriend and Emily needed to get on with her life.

"Well then we should get to know each other then."