The New hero of Time episode 12… YAY! I remembered!
Navi: It's the thirteenth…
DAMNIT!!!!
Last time, Tucker had rescued Ivana from the inferno that was the fire temple and retreated for the time being. After being pursued by a group of monsters, Ivana was safe, but tucker had been supposedly mortally wounded by a dinofols. WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?! I CAN'T STAND THE TENSION!!!
Ivana: Tucker! No, please, wake up!
Link: What happened?
Ivana: He was bitten pretty badly on his chest by one of those dinosaur things!
Navi: He looks really bad…
Ivana: He can't die, what will we do without him?
Link: I'll take over as hero of time…
Ivana turned and glared at Link, who backed up slowly and looked away. Ivana tried to pick Tucker up, but he outweighed her by at least one hundred pounds, so she couldn't move him. Ivana tried and tried, but she wasn't strong enough to do anything.
Ivana: Help me, damnit! Come on! I can't move him, he'll die!
Link: Well if you can't move him, then I can't possibly move him either…
Ivana: There has to be something we can do…
Voice: Actually, no there isn't…
Ivana and Link looked up to see that one of the iron knuckles had found them. Ivana moved to lie over Tucker's body, trying to shield him from the iron knuckle, but the iron knuckle knocked her off of tucker with the staff of his axe, and he picked Tucker up and as Link snuck up behind it, the iron knuckle kicked Link in the chest and knocked him into a tree.
Ivana: NO! Put him down!
Iron knuckle: Make me, zora…
Ivana tried to tackle the iron knuckle but it shifted its weight and knocked her into the ground. Ivana got up and started to glow again.
Ivana: I… said… let… him… GO!!!!
Ivana exploded with light and transformed into her dragon form and flew at the Iron knuckle and smashed into it, knocking it onto its back, and making it drop Tucker. Ivana flew over and picked up Tucker with her tail and opened her mouth as the iron knuckle stood up and charged with its axe. Ivana fired an energy blast and incinerated the iron knuckle. Ivana landed and set Tucker on the ground, changed back and rushed to his side.
Ivana: Tucker, darling, please be okay!
Tucker: Oh, I'm fine, don't worry…
Link: What the hell? We thought you were dead!
Tucker: Dead? What have you been smokin?
Ivana: Yeah stupid, I just wanted him to wake up because we were gonna miss, two and a half men if he slept too long…
Tucker: HAHAHAHA!!!!
Ivana: HAHAHAHA!!!!
Tucker: Nobody really watches that show…
Ivana: Yeah, it's a piece of crap.
Link: That's it, I'm out…
Tucker: Aw, Link, buddy, come back…
Link: Screw you… I'm going home…
Tucker: Burned down…
Link: What?
Tucker: Yeah, I was gonna tell ya, but I've just been buried under all this paperwork, I really had no time to do it, totally slipped my mind, sorry dude…
Link: MY FREAKIN' HOUSE BURNED DOWN AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?
Tucker: I had a feeling that you'd react like this, so I baked you a fresh plate of cookies!
Ivana: Enjoy them; I put the sprinkles on them!
Navi: And I helped!
Link: What the H. P. Butterworth is going on here? Did we drop into Idiotworld?
Tucker: Where? Is that in this game? I thought this was The Legend of Zelda, not Superman64…
Link: What?
Tucker: Oh, never mind… Let's just go back and finish the fire temple before those monsters come back…
Ivana: Do I have to come this time? I got a little deep fried last time…
Tucker: Of course not… IF A CERTAIN SOMEONE DOESN'T SCREW UP THE PLANS THIS TIME!!!!!!
Link: Yeah, Navi…
Tucker: Quiet you! Pot shots at navi are my thing…
Navi: YEAH- Aw, damnit, come on!
Tucker: Can't hear ya, Navi, all I can hear now is the sweet melody of Conway Twitty…
Navi: Freakin' idiot…
Later, at the fire temple again, in the boss room, again, Tucker and Link prepared to fight the three-headed dragon boss, again… I'm saying again… again… HA!
Link: Okay, no here's the plan!
Tucker: Plan, schman! I never make any plans, I just barrel through and fight without thinking, like a complete moron! HAHAHAHA!!!
Ivana: Yeah! Plans are for suckers!
Link: What are you doing here? Aren't you too hot here?
Tucker: She's hot alright, what's that you've got on there baby?
Ivana: It's a fire tunic! Fits me really well, don't you think?
Tucker: Never looked so good… Ready to kick some ass, dragon vs dragon?
Ivana: YEAH! LET'S DO THIS!!!
Tucker: On to the dragon! HEY, DRAGON BOY!!!
Dragons: WHAT? I'M WATCHING TWO AND A HALF MEN!!!
Tucker: Are you serious? I guess someone does watch it…
Ivana: Shall I blast him, sweetie?
Tucker: Go for it, I'll attack from the front to draw its fire and you hit it from behind…
Ivana: O-KAY!!!
Tucker charged the dragons with his sword as Ivana began to glow again, the dragons flew up into the air above the lava pool it was sitting in and shot a barrage of fireballs at Tucker. Tucker rolled to the side and jumped behind a rock as the fireballs hit all around him. Tucker peeked out as the dragons flew closer. The dragons knocked the rock away as Tucker stood up and re-sheathed his sword.
Dragons: YOU GO BYE BYE!!!!
The dragons fired a giant fireball at Tucker; it was about to reach it when it exploded prematurely. The dragons gawked at the smoke cloud as Ivana's giant tail shot out of the cloud and smacked the dragons in the heads and knocked it into the lava pool, knocking over its television.
Dragons: AHHH!!! NO!!! OUR PRECIOUS TV!!! YOU WILL DIE FOR THAT!!!! ULTIMATE ATTACK!!!!
The dragons glowed bright red and it grew two more heads. The heads all combined together into a giant dragon and it opened its mouth and began to charge an immense dark fireball. Ivana landed next to Tucker and braced herself.
Ivana: What do we do, they look nasty right now!
Tucker: Just relax, Ivana, it's already under control…
Ivana: Really, how?
Tucker: Check it out!
Tucker pointed down at the lava pool as a strange reaction was taking place. The dragon stopped charging and looked down as the lava pool turned black and started to bubble uncontrollably.
Dragon: WHAT'S GOING ON? WHAT YOU DO?
Tucker: Rule one of the universe…
Ivana: Ooh, what's that?
Tucker: Anything that combines with two and a half men will chemically break down…
The dragon looked down at the lava again as it shot up and blew him out of the mountain, then resettled and changed back to normal…
Tucker: And destroys everything around it… Look at CSI Miami…
Ivana: HAHAHA!!!
Link: THAT WAS REDICULOUS!!!! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?
Tucker: I don't know, stuff just happens…
Ivana landed next to Tucker and changed back to normal.
Ivana: Sweetie, I have a question…
Tucker: Okay, shoot…
Ivana: Well, actually two, the first would be if you say you never make plans, then how did we beat the dragon?
Tucker: Ummm… I don't know… I guess I contradicted myself… What's question two?
Ivana: Well, it's been quite a while since we did the horizontal monster mash, could we maybe…?
Tucker: Baby, baby, baby! I can't believe it's been so long! Let's leave this stupid volcano and go somewhere more pleasant!
Ivana: Hee hee, okay! Let's go!
Link: HEY! Damnit! Don't leave me behind! Come back!
Tucker: Tough luck, sucker!
Tucker and Ivana ran off and left Link and Navi behind.
The end… for now…