Each chapter is modeled after/inspired by a song.
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Ichigo wasn't an outgoing teen, usually sitting in the back of the room and watching others have fun. He didn't have friends. People had tried, but none of them understood that he could never be happy and feel joy the same way they could, and eventually gave up, thinking he was uninterested. He wanted to talk to people, to laugh and smile with them all, but he just could never bring himself to do it. He hated the way he was, always wanting. Wanting to be friends with the people around him, wanting to joke with them, and go to their parties, and be loved the way they were, however he could never bring himself to do it. He always felt as if there was a weight on his body, holding him down and keeping him from people, from the rest of the world, and he just couldn't seem to lift it. Some days the weight felt so heavy he couldn't even get out of his bed, simply laying under his covers, wishing he could lift this constant weight. When he was young he was a happy, energetic child, but that changed after the death of his mother. Of course his family, his father and twin sisters, had grieved, but as his father and sisters grew to accept and live with it he progressively got worse. His father tried to get his help, therapist after therapist with no results, his sister Yuzu trying to help him find hobbies for him to enjoy, his other sister Karin simply trying to beat the happiness into him, in a loving way, but nothing worked. He was simply stuck in a constant state of feeling as though he was being weighed down, as though he was unneeded in this world.
He didn't gain his first real friend until his junior year of high school. He could still remember it clearly, the first day they met. It had been awkward and uncomfortable but that damn piano toothed bastard wasnt going to give up, and Ichigo didn't mind in the least.
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*flashback*
Ichigo sat in the corner of the banquet hall at his junior prom. He didn't really want to go, well he had, but knowing it would end with nothing good he'd decided he'd stay home. That was until Yuzu, his father, and his cousin Orihime had all but forced him to go, even though he didn't have a date or even a real tux.
He sat on the polished hardwood floor in ripped skinny jeans, worn out converse, and a black button up shirt, watching the other people in his class laugh and dance around the center of the room. He had his head tucked between his knees, his eyes closed with no intention of opening until the end of the night until the lighting he could see behind his eyelids changed. He opened his eyes and lifted his head slightly to see someone's shadow covering him, he lifted his head more to see a man with a blond bowl cut and striaght across bangs starring down at him. He wore a not so sweet smile on his face, it was more like a tight, forced smirk, and he held his hand out to Ichigo, as if expecting a hand shake.
"Shinji Hirako, that's what they call man, and you kid, look like you're having about as much fun as I am."
Ichigo nodded and reached his hand out and shook the others slender hand. The teen was built similarly to Ichigo, not tall but not short, lean but muscular.
"I'm guessing you're not much of a talker, huh?"
Ichigo shook his head as Shinji sat down next to him.
"Do I at least get the pleasure of knowing your name?"
Ichigo cleared his throat before responding.
"Ichigo, Ichigo Kurosaki."
"Don't that mean like...strawberry?"
Ichigo scowled down at his knees. He'd always hated the second meaning of his name.
"No, it means he who protects."
Shinji didn't respond for a moment.
"So...maybe you could compromise, ya know? You could be the protector of strawberries. I'm sure the strawberries on this earth would appreciate a cutey like you protecting them?"
"You sure you don't want to be the strawberry, Hirako?"
Shinji laughed and smiled a piano toothed grin towards Ichigo.
"Not a man of many words, but a man of sarcastic words. I like it."
Ichigo nodded. A small smile had appeared on his lips but as usual, it quickly faded to the nuetral scowl that usually led to people thinking he was uninterested. He slowly felt the weight that he had temporarily forgotten sinking down on him again.
"So did you come alone?"
Ichigo nodded.
"Me too. Not many good gays around here is there?"
Ichigo shrugged, secretly a little shocked that the other was so open with a stranger about his sexuality.
"You wouldn't happen to swing for my team, would ya?"
Ichigo yet again shrugged, one reason being he wasn't completely sure of his sexuality yet and the other being that his invisible weight had started weighing down even his lips, making it difficult to find the motivation to open his mouth to speak.
The other man was silent for a moment, Ichigo thinking he would get up and leave like everyone else did. The blond surprised him however by beginning to tell Ichigo everything he looked for in a man, and then about some of his past relationships.
*end*
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Ichigo's lips tilted upward at the memory. The rest of the night had continued on like that, Shinji ranting on about whatever he pleased, occasionally stopping to ask a question he didn't expect an answer to.
Shinji had helped Ichigo considering over the following years. They were now sophomores in university and Ichigo no longer sat alone in a corner at parties, though following Shinji around like a puppy didn't seem like much improvement, it was still improvement. Shinji had also taken some of the weight from Ichigo. It was easier for him to talk to others, though he usually only some to Shinji and his family. Ichigo could finally fund small moments of happiness in his life, finally smile and laugh with people he cared for. It could only get better from here, or so he hoped.
Ruth B