A/N: See notes at the end.
Strength
I.
i found myself at your door, just like all those times before
Her relationship with Draco was anything but conventional. After the War, they had formed a sort of friendship and really, Hermione would have laughed if you had told her this during her Hogwarts days. After all, it was an understatement to say he hated her entire existence. However, times had vastly changed since then and in the most twisted way, their loneliness had brought them closer together. This really was laughable, considering Hermione had everything she wanted; a war hero status, her friends and the man she had wanted for the realm of her entire existence. Yet she had never felt more lonely than she did now, there was a constant void in the very depths of her soul which appeared during the most inconvenient of moments, when she should have been laughing and enjoying herself with her friends and soon to be family at the Burrow or felt immensely proud of herself as she received a promotion at the Ministry. Quite oppositely, the void fed off her happiness making her feel even more miserable, the only one who could even come close to mending this blackhole of hell, even for a little while, seemed to be Draco.
"Wait...," Draco started, gritting his teeth, "so you're telling me Weasle-Bee was complaining that you have a fucking job?"
Hermione sipped her piping hot coffee, trying to appear nonchalant as she took in Draco's harsh tone. Usually she considered this the highlight of her week, meeting up with Draco in the local coffee shop in Muggle London but she hated it when he became furious over what she told him.
She sighed, "Draco, please. His name is Ron Weasley." She played with her hands in her lap uncomfortably, knowing that what she would say would only infuriate the blond haired man more. "I mean... I suppose he's right, I have been spending a lot of time at work. Maybe I should take off a few weeks to spend with him...," she pondered thoughtfully, her voice reduced to a whisper as she considered the idea.
"Merlin, Granger. You know that the Ministry is making cuts and you think it's a good idea to take a week off," he scoffed. "Remind me again why you're called the brightest witch of our age? You make this decision, and I assure you that your 'holiday' will be a permanent one."
"W-well maybe that wouldn't be so bad, maybe I can find a job somewhere el-"
"You have got to be kidding me, Granger! You've worked so hard throughout your entire school life just to give it up on Weasley?" Draco's voice was raised now, his grey eyes a raging storm, the epitome of disgust, lividness and a pinch of sympathy all rolled into one.
Her soft hazel eyes flickered downwards so Draco could only see her thick golden eyelashes which framed her eyes perfectly. It took a few moments for Draco to realise that she was using all her will power not to burst out into tears of anger and confusion. He was aware that she knew he was right, but still, he didn't need to have been that much of an arse to point it out so harshly.
Hermione felt soft fingertips trace up her hands, as if it were following all the intricate creases which were etched into her skin, before encompassing her entire hand in their own and giving it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. She met with the same pair of grey eyes which were softer somehow this time, like liquid steel, making her feel better immediately. A charming side smile, not dissimilar to the smirk he adopted through Hogwarts, was painted on Draco's face.
"C'mon Granger. I'll take you for that weird Muggle treat you like...," Draco bit his lip, concentrating hard, in a vain attempt to remember what on earth it was called. Hermione couldn't help but laugh at simply how strange the expression was, for a normally cool and composed Malfoy.
"Err... it's called...now I've nearly got it...Merlin." He scratched his head in a confused manner before cocking his hip outwards in a rather effeminate way.
A moment passed.
"Ice cream!" Draco practically screamed, ecstatic that he finally remembered, grinning like a five year old who had just got his favourite toy for Christmas.
With that expression, Hermione didn't have the heart to tell him that freezing cold ice cream and steaming coffee did not go well. However, as she took his arm, she realised this was not strictly true, after all they were the bloody epitome of fire and ice and yet she couldn't think of anyone that she got on better with.
ii.
And right before your eyes, i'm breaking
Laughing as she unlocked her front door, she could feel the void in her soul slowly fading which really made her want to cry with happiness. Today had been a simply marvellous day after her meeting with Draco, she actually found herself meeting with her co-workers for lunch and they had got on surprisingly well. The look of sheer surprise that they displayed when she had actually accepted their invitation for once was something which frankly she found hilarious. She'd even managed to surprise herself by joining in with their conversation and cracking jokes instead of feeling dejected and sulking in the corner as she usually did. Hermione was sure that nothing could bring her down now, this had definitely been one of her best days in a long while.
That was until she was face to face with the bright red faced Ron who was clenching his fists in a bad attempt to disguise his anger.
"Are you okay R-," Hermione began, her eyebrows furrowed slightly, showing her deep concern.
"Does it look like I'm fucking okay?! Bloody hell, where the fuck have you been?" Ron growled.
"I had a meeting which over ran!" she cried. "Honestly, what's wrong?"
"I had to sort this out," Ron spoke, pointing downwards at his crotch area, "myself."
Hermione inhaled a deep breath, she couldn't quite believe it, he was furious at her because he had to wank himself off? A few moments passed as she tried to compose herself enough to form a suitable reply. It did not work.
"You're shouting at me because I wasn't here to fuck you?" Hermione spat. "I'm not your whore, Ronald! I'm not your bitch who is just ready to fuck at your command! I need to have a life too!"
"Right," Ron's mouth twisted into an unattractive smirk as he continued, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "because sitting at work every day is totally having a life."
Tears started to blur Hermione's eyes as she spoke, her voice choked as she tried to fight past the lump in her throat.
"I can't believe you, Ron! You know, how badly I wanted to get into the Ministry and now you're reprimanding me for it?"
"Reprimanding?" Ron looked slightly embarrassed.
"Criticising me. Scolding me. Telling me off. I don't care Ronald, take your pick."
And then it happened. The cause of the car crash, the turning point which turned their whole relationship even more sour.
"And plus, your mum is a housewife and she constantly works at home and you never criticise her for not having a li-" Hermione started, eager to make her point, eager to have their relationship return back to its former self.
She felt a sharp sting on her cheek as his palm connected with it.
Her words did not even die on her lips, it felt as if she had swallowed them whole as she tried to comprehend what had just happened.
As he slowly retracted his hand, her gentle fingertips grazed the skin which was soon to bruise up, before looking up at him, her supposed lover.
A look of shock was evident in his eyes as he realised what he had done but was replaced with a power crazy look in an instant, a look which would haunt Hermione for a long time after. He smirked; if he felt any remorse he hid it well.
"Don't you dare fucking talk about my mum like that again."
He strode away from her confidently. She heard the stairs creak as the weight of Ron was inflicted upon them and when she was sure he could not hear, she cried.
She cried her heart out, her breaths ragged and desperate as she attempted to inhale more breaths which only fuelled her sobs even further.
Her former lover, now her current captor, had just extinguished the fire in poor Hermione's heart.
iii.
i cut my mind on second best
This sick routine only escalated to worse extremes as the weeks went by, Hermione could feel herself weakening with every breath. She was paralysed with fear whenever Ron was around, simply feeling his presence there was haunting, even if he wasn't talking to her.
He always made sure to catch her eye or make a sarcastic comment though whilst she tried to avoid eye contact, as if to instil constant fear in her, keeping her under his control permanently.
She despised the man, the only time which she felt she could relax momentarily was when he was out. When he came back, however, the dread kicked in ten times worse for one knows that when something is taken away from you, one tends to become accustomed to life without it until its return.
Hermione could not understand how or why he was doing this. Why did he take pleasure in forcing her to stay at home, cutting off her social and work life? She saw the spark ignite in his eyes when he saw her so weak. How was it possible that one man could change this much? She wondered whether she could even call him a man because his actions were purely savage, so animalistic. This became a monotonous little game of theirs- Ron growing more powerful by the day, Hermione, the opposite.
This was until the day where everything changed.
Hermione had been forced to stay in his bedroom while he went to work, he had confiscated her wand and put a locking charm on the door, not allowing his prisoner to escape. She had nothing to do but to wait around idly (which Ron knew she hated being - if one was not being productive, they were wasting time, as far as she was concerned.) She had been looking around the room for any sign of a book to read when she spotted it. A black pair of lacy underwear.
She was absolutely livid, seeing flashes of red as she tried to stop herself from lashing out at the objects near her. They were definitely not hers, she and Ron had not had sex for months, and besides, she would never wear anything as provocative as that.
As soon as she heard the loud clump of boots, indicating that Ron was home, she began to pound her fists against the door until he was forced to take notice and open it. As soon as he did so, he yanked a clump of her normally sleek hair, pulling her outside of the bedroom, forcing Hermione to stop the action immediately.
"What the fuck is your problem?!" Ron roared, not used to such retaliation.
"What. are. they?" Hermione choked through gritted teeth, pointing accusingly at the underwear.
A malicious sneer worked itself onto Ron's face as he replied nonchalantly, "Underwear. Certainly not yours, prude."
"Then who's?"
"I believe you remember Lavender Brown. She was a good lay then, and an even better one now. Much better than you'll ever be."
At hearing this, Hermione simply could not keep her composure anymore. With furious tears pouring down her face, her fist jabbed forward, aiming at Ron's nose. However, he intercepted the block so fast that before Hermione' s brain had time to register, he had her wrist in her hand, quickly grabbing the other one too, so she could not move. Hermione tried her best to overcome this but he was simply too strong. Forcing her to the floor, the last thing she saw was that crazy power hungry look as he began to kick her violently in the head, again and again, her shrieks eventually drowning to nothingness as the darkness pulled her in, enticing her into the land of the unconscious.
iv.
Tell me where we go from here
When Hermione awoke, she immediately noticed two things, the most noticeable one being that there was an incessant pounding in her head, making it impossible to move without crying out with agony and that second the threat of her abuser's constant presence was gone. The eerie silences that Ron brought with him were no longer there, replaced by small whispers from downstairs.
Hermione turned to move but the fluffy pillows placed behind her head made it too hard to do so without using masses of energy that she frankly didn't have. In fact, she really could not muster any energy to do anything except sleep so she allowed herself to surrender to sleep pulling at her heavy eyelids. However, as she settled down to do so, she felt a warm hand gently stroke her hair, and she curled into it naturally, a small smile playing at her lips as she relished the affection.
Looking back at it, Hermione had no idea exactly who she had been expecting to treat her in such a manner but it had certainly not been the man she was actually faced with. She met those warm grey eyes which enveloped her, making her feel beautiful, if only for a split second.
Coming back to her senses, she quickly raised her fingertips self-consciously to the areas where she assumed Ron's violence had affected her most profoundly before Draco's hand removed hers, taking it in his own, before placing it on the side of the bed. He looked at her for a while, searching her face before in an extremely pained voice he said, "Please don't."
A moment of comfortable silence passed as Draco rubbed the back of his neck, as if in search of something to say. Unsurprisingly, it was Hermione who broke the silence.
"W-what are you doing here?"
Draco averted his eyes onto the floor, avoiding her gaze. "Well I- I realised you'd stopped going to work and then I knew something was wrong. I can't believe I didn't realise sooner. I just...well, I guess I just thought you'd stopped showing up to our coffee mornings because you... you realised what I truly am. A Malfoy."
"Draco, that's- that's ridiculous! You know I'd never judge you by your backgrou-"
"But what about all those times I called you mudblood?" Draco blatantly cringed as he used a word which he hadn't since long before the war.
"Draco," Hermione said with a small smile, on her face, bringing her hand up to gently cup his cheek without even realising she was doing it, "I forgave you a long, long time again. You've changed Draco, you've become my... my best friend."
"You're really something Granger, you know that?" the blonde haired wizard said with a lopsided grin which made his eyes sparkle in a way which Hermione really thought should be illegal if girls were able to breathe normally around him.
Bitterness hit her like a tonne of bricks as she muttered, "Clearly not good enough for Ron."
And before she knew it, she was sobbing, perhaps more violently than the night that Ron had first hit her as all these unresolved emotions came to surface. Unlike the first time though, Draco placed a comforting hand on her back, soothing her as she wept in his arms.
"I just... I just wanted a nice life, Draco. I just wanted a nice life with him. I r-really loved him, I spent so long trying to capture his heart ever since Hogwarts and then s-she shows up and steals him away from me, again. She doesn't even care about him. I w-wanted him, so badly, we were going to get married, I just wanted a future with him... That's all I wanted Draco."
"Hermione, I know... I can understand how upset you are right now. I really hate Weasle-Bee, more than you'll ever comprehend but Brown. Lavender?"
Hermione nodded, confirming his uncertainty.
"She didn't know. He told her he wasn't seeing anyone."
"Oh."
Another silence.
"Draco, I don't know if I'll ever be okay again. The void is there again... just when I thought I was getting over it. It's eating away at me, and I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm slowly disintegrating into nothing. I keep on running and running but it's always there, ready to meet me at every corner just when I think it all might be okay again. Merlin, do I even deserve happiness?" She laughed heartlessly, the bitter smile on her face fading to nothingness as she realised just how broken she was.
"Granger, do you remember the first day we meet on the Hogwarts Express? I didn't know you were a muggleborn so naturally I decided to be the charming young man I was," Draco said, flashing a cheesy smile which made Hermione giggle, "and decided to strike up a conversation. At first we just sat there. Then you started talking, and Merlin I always hated people who just talked and talked. So mundane. But... but you were different. Your eyes sparkled when you talked about your aspirations and dreams, your parents and your friends back home. You told me you wanted to help people, make a difference in the world. But, you wanted to be happy too. You'd seen too much sadness, even at that age, enough to know you want to make a difference but not enough for it to become overpowering, for it to distort your positive outlook on life. Granger, you can still be what you want to, what you said you were when I first met you. "
"Tell me what I need to do, Draco. Please, I just need... I need answers."
He smiled, searching her face for any hint of happiness, any hint of his Granger beneath all the sorrow, "Pick yourself up and start over again. Keep your gorgeous smile on your face and fight, Granger. Fight for your fucking life. You'll be okay." He exhaled, satisfied as she lay her head on his chest, before smirking, "It's not like all that crappy Gryffindor bravery could have seeped out of you anyway. You're much too stubborn."
She hit him playfully on the arm as she snuggled up, safe in his arms, closing her eyes.
"So what happens with us?"
Draco's eyes opened with a start before he managed to choke, "Us?"
"Malfoy, you're not stupid. You must know that... I did love Ron-"
"Trust me, I know."
"But he hasn't had my heart for quite a long time now. I was in love with him Draco, but that was a lifetime ago. In fact, there has been a certain blonde haired wizard who I... I am in love with. I think that maybe, when I pictured being married and having a family, it wasn't with Ron at all..."
His voice weakened, " I really hope you're talking about me, Granger."
She giggled, "Of course I am. How could I not be talking about you?" She looked abashed as she admitted it.
"Merlin, you look gorgeous when you smile like that." And for the first time he really saw her, his Granger, the woman who saw the beauty in everyone and everything, who he had not really seen in a very long time.
Before she could reply, he finally closed the gap between them, his soft lips making contact with hers, pressing down on hers in a chaste kiss. Unsatisfied, Hermione tangled her fingers in his hair before deepening the kiss, all her previous pain, physically and mentally, pushed aside for the moment. They continued like this for a while, before they gently broke apart, Hermione once again settling her head on his chest as he wound an arm around her waist.
"Just for the record Granger, I love you too."
And for the first time in a long time, with new found strength, Hermione actually believed that it was going to be okay.
A/N: Hope you like this, I honestly haven't written in quite a long time (on here, it's been about 5 years) but nevertheless I was rather pleased with how this turned out. Please review etc. The song lyrics used at the beginning of each subsection are from Taylor Swift, Ben Howard & Daughter (some of Daughter's lyrics I have actually integrated into Draco's speech at the end - so not mine.) The song that inspired this story was Your Kisses by Daughter, which is a song I highly recommend you check out.
Obviously I don't own Harry Potter, otherwise I'd probably be married to Scorpius Malfoy right now (haha).
Thank you again for reading! Be sure to let me know what you think!