Why do I smile as if nothing is wrong? More over, why now do I laugh quietly to myself, when every breath is less certain than the last? And why do I bleed, yet feel no pain? Questions I have asked myself numerous times before, yet the answers always eluded me. I think it's because it never really mattered so much in past instances. Something always came up to properly align my position, and so I could simply stop wondering. However, now it would seem that such re-enforcements will not be around for me to fall back on. Or, if they do come, it will be too late for me, the once great Hunter. For, you see, I do believe I am dying.

Such is a thought I've had maybe three times before. I would lay and stare at the ceiling or the sky (all depending upon where the initial confrontation took place) and simply say to myself "This is the end. I hope they have Cinemax in Hell." But, as I've said before, something always intervened to curb me away from death, at least for a while longer. Not this time. This time I messed up, and that mistake has cost me my life.

Still, I laugh.

And I find myself thinking back to the early days. I was a Hunter then. A very good one, I might add. But I do remember reading somewhere once.. or perhaps it was something I heard.. I really don't know, as my memories have long since flown together, making one hard to distinquish from another. Anyway, this I do remember. Someone stating that I was overly violent. I feel myself give another chuckle at this particular memory. Should I not have been violent? More passive, like X used to be? X.. I remember X. He used to be kind. He used to be beautiful. He used to be.. my friend. And it's because of me that he no longer any of those things, although I've tried to tell myself, late at night when no one else was around, that it was not entirely my fault. Sigma had his place in all of it.

No.. I can't deny it..

Nor can I pass it off to somebody else. It was my own hatred that did this. Blind anger fueled by a sense of betrayal. They locked me away and I hated them for it. I heard what they said. That I had lost my mind. Gone insane. But I was never insane. Just angry.

Slowly I remove my helmet, watching as it rolls a few feet away. Zero is still standing over me. Let me say one thing.. he does not look happy. He says something, but I cannot hear his words. From our past encounters, I'm almost positive he's cursing me. Praying that this will be the day I finally die for good. Secretly, I hope so, too.

Still, I smile.

My smiling appears to only make him all the more angry. He lifts up his sabre. He's going to destroy me now. At least.. I thought he was. X has come back. He speaks to Zero. And they leave. I suppose X is still beautiful on the inside. Enough to allow me the gift of life long enough to figure myself out. And now.. I think I have. Just as easily as that, my mind is clear and I see the truth of myself. I was scared. Scared of myself and scared of my enemies. I was afraid of dying. Fear turned to anger. Anger to regret. Regret into the last sorrow before the cycle begins again and I am embraced with fright. Yes, I am dying, and I am afraid.

I chuckle once more.

After all that, this is how it ends? It seems surreal, but who am I to judge? And now I am feeling a bit tired, so it is here I will stop contemplating and stop wondering. I lived my life to find the answers to myself, and now that I have them I can die with ease. My one final thought before I drifted into an eternally dreamless sleep..

I hope they have Cinemax in Hell.