BAN: Hey people I hope you like this fic I've been working on it for a
while! O and the name won't mean anything till he gets back to Hogwarts... I
best leave before I tell you every thing I have planned! And if you would
please tell me what you want to happen later I do take requests! READ AND
REVIEW PLEASE!!!! O and a special thanx to Cho for pushing me to post! And
I need a betta if any one is intrested... cho that doesn't mean you!
I wonder Chapter 1 Do I deserve this?
The summer was going... well if you called it a summer, then it wasn't the best for the teenage wizard, Harry Potter, who was still lost in pain from loosing his godfather. That damn mutt he loved so much, Sirius... he didn't even know his middle name. He only knew him as Sirius Black the escapee from Azkaban wizard prison, Sirius Black his godfather and Padfoot... his friend.
"Harry take the prophecy, grab Neville and run!" Sirius yelled, dashing to meet Bellatrix, his god-awful cousin.
Harry watched as the only two were still battling out, Sirius and Bellatrix. Sirius ducked as Bellatrix's jet of red light whooshed over his head. He was laughing at her. "Come on you can do better than that!" he yelled, his voice echoing around the room.
A second jet of light hit him squarely on the chest.
The laughter had not quite died from his face, but his eyes widened in shock
Harry released Neville, though he wasn't aware that he had done so. He was jumping down the steps again, pulling out his wand as Dumbledore turned to the dais too.
It seemed to take Sirius an age to fall. His body curved in a graceful arc...
There was the look of mingled fear and surprise on his godfather's wasted, once handsome face as he fell through the ancient doorway and disappeared behind the veil, which fluttered for a moment as though a teased by a gust of wind and then fell back into place.
Harry heard Bellatrix Lestrange's triumphant scream, but knew it meant nothing- Sirius had only just fallen through the archway, he would reappear from the other side any second...
But he did not reappear.
"Sirius!" Harry yelled, "Sirius!"
He had reached the floor, his breath coming in searing gasps. Sirius must be just behind the curtain, he, Harry, would pull him back out again...
But as he reached the ground and sprinted toward the dais, Lupin grabbed Harry around the chest, holding him back.
"There's nothing you can do Harry-"
"Get him, save him, he's only just gone through!"
"It's too late, Harry-"
"We can still reach him-"
He struggled hard and viciously, but Lupin would not let go... "There's nothing you can do Harry... nothing.... He's gone."
"He hasn't gone!" Harry yelled
He did not believe it, he would not believe it. Still. He fought Lupin with every bit of strength he had: Lupin did not understand, people hid behind that curtain, he had heard them whispering the first time he had entered the room- Sirius was hiding, simply lurking out of sight- "Sirius!" He bellowed,
"SIRIUS!"
Harry sat up. A cold sweat soaked his pajamas, like almost every other night since he had returned to Number Four Privet Drive.
Taking deep breaths to calm his nerves, the black haired boy got up to go take a cold shower. He glanced at his alarm clock it was only four thirty. And he didn't really care if he woke the other occupants of the household up. As Harry grabbed for the doorknob to his room Hedwig hooted for his attention and looked towards the window.
"What is it Hedwig?" Harry asked following her gaze. On the foot of his bed, there sat a gray owl with a letter attached to its leg, which he had apparently not noticed moments before.
"How long has he been here?" He murmured as he walked over to the owl and sat down "How do I wake the owl with our scaring it?" Harry asked himself.
He gave the owl's head a gentle pat and, in doing so, woke her up.
"Hello there," He said softly to the owl. "Hope I didn't scare you too much."
The owl gave a quiet hoot of approval and stuck out its leg.
Harry carefully pulled the parchment off the animal's leg and gave a snort of amusement as the bird promptly went back to sleep. Harry shrugged and read the letter.
Dear Harry, The muggles had better not be giving you any trouble. We are coming to get you on July the First at nine pm. Be ready
-Moody
Harry just nodded his head. It didn't really mean anything to him. All feeling was stuck with in him. He could not feel any thing but the grief he was suffering from. He had not eaten since he came back to Number Four Privet Drive. He couldn't force himself to; it was just too hard to feel anything but pain. He knew he was being stupid not eating but he couldn't help it, it wasn't as if any of the Dursley's cared if he ate anything, maybe he'd die. Then their lives could go on perfect with out him. That though had crossed his mind many times. He could just kill himself. He couldn't love any one, scarred they would be taken away from him... like Sirius was, taken away.
"Is that all?" Harry asked his owl she didn't reply. He left his room to take a shower.
Harry walked into the kitchen after his rather cold shower and made breakfast. He ignored the pain in his stomach from the smell of the food he was making. He was hungry... he just wouldn't eat. He was as skinny as a rail. You could see his rib cage distinctly against his pale skin, and a bruises here and there from Dudley's gang and Uncle Vernon's wild strikes when he did something wrong.
His beefy Uncle walked into the kitchen straightening his ugly green and red-stripped tie. "You best not burn anything boy!" He puffed. Harry only nodded. He put the toast, eggs, bacon, sausage, rice, grapefruit, cereal, Orange Juice, milk, water, Coke, sprite, fresh coffee, and the salt and pepper shakers on to the kitchen table. Nothing was burnt the plates were shinning as well as the silverware and glasses. The napkins were perfectly made into triangles and were sitting precisely on the center of each of the three huge gleaming plates.
"Uncle Vernon..." Harry began his Uncle interrupted him.
"You did acceptable work. I would expect no better of you." His uncle grunted. "We are going to a banquette tonight. You will be here alone. You will be locked in your room. Understand?" He looked up at his nephew who nodded. "Get out. Go to your room!" he yelled as his son, Dudley waddled in and sat his fat bottom on two chairs and started to stuff his face.
Harry didn't need telling twice he walked up to his room to find a different owl sitting on his bed. He took the letter and read it.
Harry,
I hope your well. Remember nine pm sharp! Just a little note. I am here to talk to you when you want to or need to and if you will please bring the Mirror Padfoot gave you.
-Moony
"Well than," Harry's Aunt Petunia came bursting through his room with his usual list of chores. "I want these done by noon!" she snapped, gave the list to Harry and left the room closing the door. Harry picked up the list. 'Do the: dishes (all), weed the garden, paint the bench, wash the cars, and clean the bathrooms.' Harry smirked, 'This will be easy' he thought to himself. He put the list in his pocket and went out the back door to weed the garden first.
Hours later at five till twelve Harry put away the last glass as his As Aunt Petunia walked into the kitchen. "Good you're done." His Aunt growled at him walking to the table and sat down. He leaned against the counter. He was exhausted. He was surprised he had gotten through all those things because Dudley and his gang interfered. They threw mud over both the cars after he had finished. He had to re-do them and then bathroom where they shredded toilet paper everywhere, shoved his head in the water while he was doing the dishes, and gave Harry a few more bruises just for their personal fun. "Don't just stand there! Dudders is having his friends over start cooking!" Aunt Petunia snapped.
Harry did as he was told. He fished lunch an hour later. Luckily Dudley and his gang were late so they came in at just the right moment when Harry was putting the last dish of mashed potatoes on the extra table he had to set up for Dudley's gang. He washed the things he cooked with and left the kitchen and went up to his room hurriedly. He felt nauseous. He must have swallowed some of the soap when Dudley shoved his head in the soapy water in the sink.
He took off his shirt and laid down on his bed. He felt like he was going to be sick. He fell into a restless sleep.
'No Sirius! Please I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry. I thought it was true. Kreacher he... he... he told me you were there. I had to go. Please don't be mad at me I'm so sorry. Please you have to believe me!' Harry pleaded to Sirius who was mad at him for causing his death.
'I was just behind the veil! You didn't come. You should have come you could have reached me I was just there, if you really cared you could have.' Sirius ranted. He scowled at the boy standing in front of him. Tears coming down his face at every blow Sirius gave him. He was shaking. There were bruises over his body where he had struck him. Harry would not defend himself from Sirius, his godfather.
'I..I...' He swallowed blood that was in his mouth from his bit his tong. 'I tried. Remus,' at the name he was hit again upside his head making everything tilt at an odd angle. 'He held me back I tried. You have to believe me, I tried.' He fell to his knees.
Harry opened his eyes; he wasn't in his room on his bed. He was in his cupboard. He hurt all over and he had blood in his mouth. He reached for his glasses. They were next to him. He placed them on his face, and blinked. He sat up slowly. He opened the door and looked out. It was dark. What time is it I have to be packed! Harry thought. Moody would be mad if Harry wasn't packed by nine.
Harry stumbled to his feet and limped up to his room. The clock read eight fifty. He packed his trunk as fast as he could ignoring the pain he was feeling. He let Hedwig out of her cage and told her to find him later. She hooted pecked his ear affectionately and left. He dragged his trunk to the top of the stairs and pushed it down, went back up wrote a quick note saying that he left to go to Hogwarts early and to see them next year. He closed the door picked up Hedwig's cage, walked to the stairs. Everything again went at an alarming angle; he rolled down the stairs landing on his trunk at an odd angle. His last conscious thought was that the blood was rushing to his head.
Minutes later there was a knock on Number Four Privet Drive. No one answered the door. "Just brake in. They're muggles for Christ sake. And both the cars are gone. They aren't home. But Harry is." Moody growled pulling out his wand. "Alohamora." The front door swung open. Remus walked in first. Though he stopped when he spotted Harry laying half on his trunk half off. Tonks was the first to get her bearing.
"Harry!" She whispered and ran over to him pulling him fully off his trunk. "Harry... Come one open your eyes." She called. Harry's nose twitched but that was all. She tapped the side of his face. "Guys get over here check the house see if anyone else is here." She ordered. Remus and the others moved around again. Moody instead walked up stairs and came back, dragging a boy with brown hair. Remus hit the lights on.
Moody had stunned the boy. "Please no Sirius..." Harry murmured. He shifted in Tonks' arms, who looked up at Remus who had heard Sirius' name. "No!" Harry screamed. His eyes flying open. He took gasping breaths, and stared up at Tonks' worried eyes.
Sitting up Harry shifted away from the people who surrounded him. It was the people as last summer. "Sorry to make you wait." Harry murmured, again swallowing the blood in his mouth. Tonks smiled at him.
"These old bags could have waited anyway. Besides we have to wait a half an hour any way." Tonks explained, even though it wasn't true. They really had to go but Harry was in no state to travel by any means.
"Come on Harry. Lets go sit in the living room." Remus suggested Helping Harry to his feet, who walked away from him with a limp. He didn't want his help, Harry was still mad at him for not letting him go after Sirius.
Harry sat down on the couch. The other members sat down around the room. Tonks next to Harry, who noticed that her hair was crew cut and was bright pink and blue, Remus sat across the room, he didn't want to crowd Harry. Harry stood up when he could tell everyone else was comfortable. "Would any of you like to have something to drink?" He asked no one answered; a few people glanced at Moody whose face was still passive as usual.
Harry left the room to the kitchen and poured ten cups for the Order who were in the living room. He put them on a tray and passed them out to each of the members, took his and sat back down next to Tonks. It was only then he noticed Piers was lying on the floor at Moody's feet.
"Professor Moody? Why do you have Piers?" Harry asked staring at his cup of half drunken water. Moody snorted.
"Found him upstairs in one of the rooms. His hands are bloody." Moody said looking at Harry, who shifted under his intense gaze. What is he looking at? Harry looked at the T.V. for his reflection and blinked. His face was spotted with bruises. The dream Harry thought. He looked back at Moody who was still looking at him.
"Oh..." Harry thought quickly. "He must be waiting for Dudley to get back..." He glanced at Lupin who was looking at the floor.
"Well lets ask him why shall we?" He raised his wand and whispered the counter curse and Piers sat up and looked at Harry first and grinned. Then he noticed the other people in the room and got up pulling out a silver knife. "Boy why are your hands bloody?" Moody questioned. Piers looked at Harry again and smiled.
"I just finished up some stuff for Big-D. What is it to you?" Piers snapped and moved toward Harry, who shifted slightly. He felt Tonks taking hold of her wand.
"What kind of finishing stuff for 'Big-D'" Remus asked. His eyes looked like the wolf was coming out in him.
"Look at 'Arry. 'E's the job. I think I did a pretty good job on 'im. I've done better." He moved towards the back door a little more. No one said anything. Taking his chance. He ran for it out the back door. Harry looked at Lupin who was again looking at the floor.
There was silence. Nobody in the room said anything. Lupin broke the silence. "I'll put Harry on my broom..." Remus started but looked at Harry.
"How do you feel Harry?" Tonks questioned cutting Remus off. Harry shrugged.
"I feel grate. I'll go with the rest of you..." Tonks gave him a suspicious glance. "Really I feel fine." He stood up and went down the hall got his cape out pinned it around his shoulders and walked back in. The rest of the order was also getting ready. "So Tonks where are we going?" Harry asked. Tonks smiled.
"Headquarters. Do you have your broom back?" Harry Nodded his head left the room grabbing the side table for balance but returned with his broom. "Okay then Remus I understand what you meant but there's no reason for that. Lets go," She looked at the rest of the Order. "Get his trunk and cage." She steered Harry out of the room to the front door and out onto the porch the rest of the Order followed. They got into formation and were off to Headquarters.
I can't go back there... I'll kill Kreacher. And I'll rip everything off the walls. What if they get mad at me? Will they understand what I'm going threw? Harry wondered as they made their journey to Headquarters. This time Harry knew where he was going. So it didn't seem so long. And he got to look around more. Mostly at Remus though, who was in front of him. Why did he hold me back? He never gave me a reason. I could have saved him! I know I could have. He was right there he was waiting for me. I was so close I just had to reach in and I'd have found him smiling at me, because I found him. We would have been able to get out of there but no! He had to hold me back. He ruined everything. And I won't forgive him this quick! Harry said to himself.
They were half way there when Harry gave a steep dive as everything went blurry. He snapped out of it when he felt some one glide him down to the ground. He shook his head to rid himself of the dizzy feeling.
"Harry... How many fingers am I holding?" Remus asked. Harry tried to focus on the fingers in front of him. There were so many to many to count.
Harry shook his head he didn't want to be by Remus. "Lots... too many?" he questioned himself. His head dropped. He got a glance at Sirius. He was mad.
'Harry!' Sirius yelled. Harry tried to move away from him. But he grabbed him by his wrists, and hit him across the face. 'Why didn't you come? You should have!' He threw Harry to the ground, laughing at him.
'Sirius! Please I'm begging you please, please, I really did try. You have to believe me! I'm so sorry.' Harry looked up at Sirius. His eyes were black.
'I can't believe you! I can't trust you. You... how could I have every cared for you. A worthless baby? Who can't get to his godfather?' Sirius kicked Harry in the stomach, winding the boy on the floor.
'Please... please stop! I tried... I really did. I would have taken your place. I didn't want you to fall. No I do love you please don't." Harry sucked in a gasp of breath. Remus held him close in his arms rocking him back and forth.
"Harry... Harry It's a dream. Come on Harry... Open your eyes." Remus smoothed the boy's hair down affectionately.
"Please... please I'm begging you Padfoot." Harry murmured leaning against Remus.
"Please!" Harry pulled out of Remus' grasp coughing up blood. His body shook uncontrollably, as dry heaves started. Harry fell against the pavement, shaking. Remus supported him so he wouldn't hurt himself.
"It's okay." He soothed rubbing Harry's back. "It's okay." He repeated. Harry shook his head. Tonks waved the seven other people so they wouldn't watch Harry in the state he was in.
The heaves stopped Harry laid still. Remus could still feel him breathing. He started coughing again, unable to stop. "I'm sorry." He gasped in- between coughs.
Remus nodded. "It's all right Harry."
"No..." Harry stopped coughing he looked at his hand. It was shaking on its own accord. "I'm sorry! Please forgive me. I wasn't strong enough. I could have saved you Sirius. I'm sorry..." He stopped talking he hit his head against the pavement. Remus was fast to act. Padded the spot where the head was supposed to hit, it hit his hand instead. Lights flickered on around them. The rest of the order cast charms so they wouldn't see them.
"Harry..." Remus whispered. Harry pulled out of Remus' grasp again. He looked at Remus. There were tears streaming down his face.
"I..." He struggled with the words. "I'm sorry. I know you were just trying to protect me... but he was just standing there... waiting for me. All I had to do was reach threw the veil. I heard them whispering when I came in. They were talking!" Harry cried. "He was just right there why wouldn't you let me get him! He was waiting for me to get him. Now he's mad at me because I couldn't get to him!"
Remus shook his head. His voice was thick. "That veil... It holds sprits. Or at least that's what I've read. It was made to catch those people who did not deserve to die... but to live on there. In the most horrible way of living and death. You are not made a ghost but you are not able to pass over. I had to hold you back, I if I didn't you would have been sucked into it also. You would not have seen Sirius again there. You would have seen horrible things that no man should ever see." Harry shook his head.
"You couldn't let me but you could let Sirius! He didn't deserve it. I do. I killed my parents. I killed Cedric. I almost killed Neville, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, and Luna. I deserved it more than he did!" Harry went on Remus was shocked that he blamed himself for all those deaths.
"No you didn't kill them! If you fell threw that veil how you think that was repaying their deaths. Avenge them don't throw them away. Sirius, if he was here, would have wanted it better this way. He was a grown man. Even if his name was cleared do you really think that he couldn't have been happy? People would still have been scarred of him." Remus shook his head he got up and offered his hand to Harry to get up, who took it and got pulled to his feet. He didn't last long on them but swayed. Remus steadied him.
Harry pulled away from Remus. "I'm fine. Come on. We have to get to headquarters." He got onto his broom and hovered waiting for the rest of the order to get up.
They were off again. This time Harry had some different thoughts about Remus. He knew him longer. I only knew him for a few years? He was like a dad in a way. I could trust him with anything. I loved him. Harry didn't think any more. He knew he'd get sick again if he kept thinking about it.
They were at Headquarters in minutes. They had picked up their pace. They were already late. Every one there would be worried. Moody ushered him in as quickly as he could. He wouldn't have Harry have any second thoughts if he did. As Harry walked in Kreacher greeted him. Who was still alive. No one knew here what he had done. Harry ignored him. He would have his revenge...
"Harry dear!" Harry was engulfed in a hug from Mrs. Weasley. "Oh Harry we've all missed you so much. How are you? You must be starved?" Mrs. Black started screeching from her usual spot. Harry also ignored her. She would have what came to her once he got his bearings straight again. Relentlessly he followed Mrs. Weasley into the kitchen. She sat him down at the table and loaded his plate with food. Harry could only look at it. He didn't want to eat it. He never wanted to eat again. "Aren't you going to eat?" She demanded. Harry feeling daring, shook his head. "Why on earth not. All you are is skin and bones!"
Harry shook his head again. "I... I can't." he looked down at his feet. He could feel Mrs. Weasley's intense gaze on him.
"And why can't you!" She demanded. Not many people said not to her food. Though many people weren't Harry Potter.
"I just can't... I haven't since I got to the Dursley's" He closed his eyes.
"WHAT!" Mrs. Weasley screamed. Rivaling Mrs. Black's. "How could you not have eaten since then? Heavens sake Harry! You're lucky to be alive! You have to eat now. If you don't I'll force feed you!" Lupin, and Tonks warded people out of the kitchens.
"I. Can't." Harry said again slowly making sure he said every word carefully making sure she heard them. He didn't dare glance at Mrs. Weasley. This had to be the stupidest thing he had ever done.
"Why can't you!" Molly screeched.
"Because I blame myself for his death! I can't bare myself living while he's stuck in there. If I'm close enough to death than the veil will take me and I can get him out!" Harry yelled. His voice feeling like it was going to rip. I can't be doing this! Harry thought to himself.
"You have to."
"No!"
"Harry please," Tonks tried.
"No!"
"Eat Harry!" Something inside Harry clicked all his hunger came full force at him. He grabbed the nearest piece of food and ate... and ate... and ate. Mrs. Weasley was pleased. Tonks and Remus were relieved. Something in the way that Remus had ordered Harry to eat sounded like Sirius, that is why he started eating he had thought that he herd his beloved godfather once again.
I wonder Chapter 1 Do I deserve this?
The summer was going... well if you called it a summer, then it wasn't the best for the teenage wizard, Harry Potter, who was still lost in pain from loosing his godfather. That damn mutt he loved so much, Sirius... he didn't even know his middle name. He only knew him as Sirius Black the escapee from Azkaban wizard prison, Sirius Black his godfather and Padfoot... his friend.
"Harry take the prophecy, grab Neville and run!" Sirius yelled, dashing to meet Bellatrix, his god-awful cousin.
Harry watched as the only two were still battling out, Sirius and Bellatrix. Sirius ducked as Bellatrix's jet of red light whooshed over his head. He was laughing at her. "Come on you can do better than that!" he yelled, his voice echoing around the room.
A second jet of light hit him squarely on the chest.
The laughter had not quite died from his face, but his eyes widened in shock
Harry released Neville, though he wasn't aware that he had done so. He was jumping down the steps again, pulling out his wand as Dumbledore turned to the dais too.
It seemed to take Sirius an age to fall. His body curved in a graceful arc...
There was the look of mingled fear and surprise on his godfather's wasted, once handsome face as he fell through the ancient doorway and disappeared behind the veil, which fluttered for a moment as though a teased by a gust of wind and then fell back into place.
Harry heard Bellatrix Lestrange's triumphant scream, but knew it meant nothing- Sirius had only just fallen through the archway, he would reappear from the other side any second...
But he did not reappear.
"Sirius!" Harry yelled, "Sirius!"
He had reached the floor, his breath coming in searing gasps. Sirius must be just behind the curtain, he, Harry, would pull him back out again...
But as he reached the ground and sprinted toward the dais, Lupin grabbed Harry around the chest, holding him back.
"There's nothing you can do Harry-"
"Get him, save him, he's only just gone through!"
"It's too late, Harry-"
"We can still reach him-"
He struggled hard and viciously, but Lupin would not let go... "There's nothing you can do Harry... nothing.... He's gone."
"He hasn't gone!" Harry yelled
He did not believe it, he would not believe it. Still. He fought Lupin with every bit of strength he had: Lupin did not understand, people hid behind that curtain, he had heard them whispering the first time he had entered the room- Sirius was hiding, simply lurking out of sight- "Sirius!" He bellowed,
"SIRIUS!"
Harry sat up. A cold sweat soaked his pajamas, like almost every other night since he had returned to Number Four Privet Drive.
Taking deep breaths to calm his nerves, the black haired boy got up to go take a cold shower. He glanced at his alarm clock it was only four thirty. And he didn't really care if he woke the other occupants of the household up. As Harry grabbed for the doorknob to his room Hedwig hooted for his attention and looked towards the window.
"What is it Hedwig?" Harry asked following her gaze. On the foot of his bed, there sat a gray owl with a letter attached to its leg, which he had apparently not noticed moments before.
"How long has he been here?" He murmured as he walked over to the owl and sat down "How do I wake the owl with our scaring it?" Harry asked himself.
He gave the owl's head a gentle pat and, in doing so, woke her up.
"Hello there," He said softly to the owl. "Hope I didn't scare you too much."
The owl gave a quiet hoot of approval and stuck out its leg.
Harry carefully pulled the parchment off the animal's leg and gave a snort of amusement as the bird promptly went back to sleep. Harry shrugged and read the letter.
Dear Harry, The muggles had better not be giving you any trouble. We are coming to get you on July the First at nine pm. Be ready
-Moody
Harry just nodded his head. It didn't really mean anything to him. All feeling was stuck with in him. He could not feel any thing but the grief he was suffering from. He had not eaten since he came back to Number Four Privet Drive. He couldn't force himself to; it was just too hard to feel anything but pain. He knew he was being stupid not eating but he couldn't help it, it wasn't as if any of the Dursley's cared if he ate anything, maybe he'd die. Then their lives could go on perfect with out him. That though had crossed his mind many times. He could just kill himself. He couldn't love any one, scarred they would be taken away from him... like Sirius was, taken away.
"Is that all?" Harry asked his owl she didn't reply. He left his room to take a shower.
Harry walked into the kitchen after his rather cold shower and made breakfast. He ignored the pain in his stomach from the smell of the food he was making. He was hungry... he just wouldn't eat. He was as skinny as a rail. You could see his rib cage distinctly against his pale skin, and a bruises here and there from Dudley's gang and Uncle Vernon's wild strikes when he did something wrong.
His beefy Uncle walked into the kitchen straightening his ugly green and red-stripped tie. "You best not burn anything boy!" He puffed. Harry only nodded. He put the toast, eggs, bacon, sausage, rice, grapefruit, cereal, Orange Juice, milk, water, Coke, sprite, fresh coffee, and the salt and pepper shakers on to the kitchen table. Nothing was burnt the plates were shinning as well as the silverware and glasses. The napkins were perfectly made into triangles and were sitting precisely on the center of each of the three huge gleaming plates.
"Uncle Vernon..." Harry began his Uncle interrupted him.
"You did acceptable work. I would expect no better of you." His uncle grunted. "We are going to a banquette tonight. You will be here alone. You will be locked in your room. Understand?" He looked up at his nephew who nodded. "Get out. Go to your room!" he yelled as his son, Dudley waddled in and sat his fat bottom on two chairs and started to stuff his face.
Harry didn't need telling twice he walked up to his room to find a different owl sitting on his bed. He took the letter and read it.
Harry,
I hope your well. Remember nine pm sharp! Just a little note. I am here to talk to you when you want to or need to and if you will please bring the Mirror Padfoot gave you.
-Moony
"Well than," Harry's Aunt Petunia came bursting through his room with his usual list of chores. "I want these done by noon!" she snapped, gave the list to Harry and left the room closing the door. Harry picked up the list. 'Do the: dishes (all), weed the garden, paint the bench, wash the cars, and clean the bathrooms.' Harry smirked, 'This will be easy' he thought to himself. He put the list in his pocket and went out the back door to weed the garden first.
Hours later at five till twelve Harry put away the last glass as his As Aunt Petunia walked into the kitchen. "Good you're done." His Aunt growled at him walking to the table and sat down. He leaned against the counter. He was exhausted. He was surprised he had gotten through all those things because Dudley and his gang interfered. They threw mud over both the cars after he had finished. He had to re-do them and then bathroom where they shredded toilet paper everywhere, shoved his head in the water while he was doing the dishes, and gave Harry a few more bruises just for their personal fun. "Don't just stand there! Dudders is having his friends over start cooking!" Aunt Petunia snapped.
Harry did as he was told. He fished lunch an hour later. Luckily Dudley and his gang were late so they came in at just the right moment when Harry was putting the last dish of mashed potatoes on the extra table he had to set up for Dudley's gang. He washed the things he cooked with and left the kitchen and went up to his room hurriedly. He felt nauseous. He must have swallowed some of the soap when Dudley shoved his head in the soapy water in the sink.
He took off his shirt and laid down on his bed. He felt like he was going to be sick. He fell into a restless sleep.
'No Sirius! Please I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry. I thought it was true. Kreacher he... he... he told me you were there. I had to go. Please don't be mad at me I'm so sorry. Please you have to believe me!' Harry pleaded to Sirius who was mad at him for causing his death.
'I was just behind the veil! You didn't come. You should have come you could have reached me I was just there, if you really cared you could have.' Sirius ranted. He scowled at the boy standing in front of him. Tears coming down his face at every blow Sirius gave him. He was shaking. There were bruises over his body where he had struck him. Harry would not defend himself from Sirius, his godfather.
'I..I...' He swallowed blood that was in his mouth from his bit his tong. 'I tried. Remus,' at the name he was hit again upside his head making everything tilt at an odd angle. 'He held me back I tried. You have to believe me, I tried.' He fell to his knees.
Harry opened his eyes; he wasn't in his room on his bed. He was in his cupboard. He hurt all over and he had blood in his mouth. He reached for his glasses. They were next to him. He placed them on his face, and blinked. He sat up slowly. He opened the door and looked out. It was dark. What time is it I have to be packed! Harry thought. Moody would be mad if Harry wasn't packed by nine.
Harry stumbled to his feet and limped up to his room. The clock read eight fifty. He packed his trunk as fast as he could ignoring the pain he was feeling. He let Hedwig out of her cage and told her to find him later. She hooted pecked his ear affectionately and left. He dragged his trunk to the top of the stairs and pushed it down, went back up wrote a quick note saying that he left to go to Hogwarts early and to see them next year. He closed the door picked up Hedwig's cage, walked to the stairs. Everything again went at an alarming angle; he rolled down the stairs landing on his trunk at an odd angle. His last conscious thought was that the blood was rushing to his head.
Minutes later there was a knock on Number Four Privet Drive. No one answered the door. "Just brake in. They're muggles for Christ sake. And both the cars are gone. They aren't home. But Harry is." Moody growled pulling out his wand. "Alohamora." The front door swung open. Remus walked in first. Though he stopped when he spotted Harry laying half on his trunk half off. Tonks was the first to get her bearing.
"Harry!" She whispered and ran over to him pulling him fully off his trunk. "Harry... Come one open your eyes." She called. Harry's nose twitched but that was all. She tapped the side of his face. "Guys get over here check the house see if anyone else is here." She ordered. Remus and the others moved around again. Moody instead walked up stairs and came back, dragging a boy with brown hair. Remus hit the lights on.
Moody had stunned the boy. "Please no Sirius..." Harry murmured. He shifted in Tonks' arms, who looked up at Remus who had heard Sirius' name. "No!" Harry screamed. His eyes flying open. He took gasping breaths, and stared up at Tonks' worried eyes.
Sitting up Harry shifted away from the people who surrounded him. It was the people as last summer. "Sorry to make you wait." Harry murmured, again swallowing the blood in his mouth. Tonks smiled at him.
"These old bags could have waited anyway. Besides we have to wait a half an hour any way." Tonks explained, even though it wasn't true. They really had to go but Harry was in no state to travel by any means.
"Come on Harry. Lets go sit in the living room." Remus suggested Helping Harry to his feet, who walked away from him with a limp. He didn't want his help, Harry was still mad at him for not letting him go after Sirius.
Harry sat down on the couch. The other members sat down around the room. Tonks next to Harry, who noticed that her hair was crew cut and was bright pink and blue, Remus sat across the room, he didn't want to crowd Harry. Harry stood up when he could tell everyone else was comfortable. "Would any of you like to have something to drink?" He asked no one answered; a few people glanced at Moody whose face was still passive as usual.
Harry left the room to the kitchen and poured ten cups for the Order who were in the living room. He put them on a tray and passed them out to each of the members, took his and sat back down next to Tonks. It was only then he noticed Piers was lying on the floor at Moody's feet.
"Professor Moody? Why do you have Piers?" Harry asked staring at his cup of half drunken water. Moody snorted.
"Found him upstairs in one of the rooms. His hands are bloody." Moody said looking at Harry, who shifted under his intense gaze. What is he looking at? Harry looked at the T.V. for his reflection and blinked. His face was spotted with bruises. The dream Harry thought. He looked back at Moody who was still looking at him.
"Oh..." Harry thought quickly. "He must be waiting for Dudley to get back..." He glanced at Lupin who was looking at the floor.
"Well lets ask him why shall we?" He raised his wand and whispered the counter curse and Piers sat up and looked at Harry first and grinned. Then he noticed the other people in the room and got up pulling out a silver knife. "Boy why are your hands bloody?" Moody questioned. Piers looked at Harry again and smiled.
"I just finished up some stuff for Big-D. What is it to you?" Piers snapped and moved toward Harry, who shifted slightly. He felt Tonks taking hold of her wand.
"What kind of finishing stuff for 'Big-D'" Remus asked. His eyes looked like the wolf was coming out in him.
"Look at 'Arry. 'E's the job. I think I did a pretty good job on 'im. I've done better." He moved towards the back door a little more. No one said anything. Taking his chance. He ran for it out the back door. Harry looked at Lupin who was again looking at the floor.
There was silence. Nobody in the room said anything. Lupin broke the silence. "I'll put Harry on my broom..." Remus started but looked at Harry.
"How do you feel Harry?" Tonks questioned cutting Remus off. Harry shrugged.
"I feel grate. I'll go with the rest of you..." Tonks gave him a suspicious glance. "Really I feel fine." He stood up and went down the hall got his cape out pinned it around his shoulders and walked back in. The rest of the order was also getting ready. "So Tonks where are we going?" Harry asked. Tonks smiled.
"Headquarters. Do you have your broom back?" Harry Nodded his head left the room grabbing the side table for balance but returned with his broom. "Okay then Remus I understand what you meant but there's no reason for that. Lets go," She looked at the rest of the Order. "Get his trunk and cage." She steered Harry out of the room to the front door and out onto the porch the rest of the Order followed. They got into formation and were off to Headquarters.
I can't go back there... I'll kill Kreacher. And I'll rip everything off the walls. What if they get mad at me? Will they understand what I'm going threw? Harry wondered as they made their journey to Headquarters. This time Harry knew where he was going. So it didn't seem so long. And he got to look around more. Mostly at Remus though, who was in front of him. Why did he hold me back? He never gave me a reason. I could have saved him! I know I could have. He was right there he was waiting for me. I was so close I just had to reach in and I'd have found him smiling at me, because I found him. We would have been able to get out of there but no! He had to hold me back. He ruined everything. And I won't forgive him this quick! Harry said to himself.
They were half way there when Harry gave a steep dive as everything went blurry. He snapped out of it when he felt some one glide him down to the ground. He shook his head to rid himself of the dizzy feeling.
"Harry... How many fingers am I holding?" Remus asked. Harry tried to focus on the fingers in front of him. There were so many to many to count.
Harry shook his head he didn't want to be by Remus. "Lots... too many?" he questioned himself. His head dropped. He got a glance at Sirius. He was mad.
'Harry!' Sirius yelled. Harry tried to move away from him. But he grabbed him by his wrists, and hit him across the face. 'Why didn't you come? You should have!' He threw Harry to the ground, laughing at him.
'Sirius! Please I'm begging you please, please, I really did try. You have to believe me! I'm so sorry.' Harry looked up at Sirius. His eyes were black.
'I can't believe you! I can't trust you. You... how could I have every cared for you. A worthless baby? Who can't get to his godfather?' Sirius kicked Harry in the stomach, winding the boy on the floor.
'Please... please stop! I tried... I really did. I would have taken your place. I didn't want you to fall. No I do love you please don't." Harry sucked in a gasp of breath. Remus held him close in his arms rocking him back and forth.
"Harry... Harry It's a dream. Come on Harry... Open your eyes." Remus smoothed the boy's hair down affectionately.
"Please... please I'm begging you Padfoot." Harry murmured leaning against Remus.
"Please!" Harry pulled out of Remus' grasp coughing up blood. His body shook uncontrollably, as dry heaves started. Harry fell against the pavement, shaking. Remus supported him so he wouldn't hurt himself.
"It's okay." He soothed rubbing Harry's back. "It's okay." He repeated. Harry shook his head. Tonks waved the seven other people so they wouldn't watch Harry in the state he was in.
The heaves stopped Harry laid still. Remus could still feel him breathing. He started coughing again, unable to stop. "I'm sorry." He gasped in- between coughs.
Remus nodded. "It's all right Harry."
"No..." Harry stopped coughing he looked at his hand. It was shaking on its own accord. "I'm sorry! Please forgive me. I wasn't strong enough. I could have saved you Sirius. I'm sorry..." He stopped talking he hit his head against the pavement. Remus was fast to act. Padded the spot where the head was supposed to hit, it hit his hand instead. Lights flickered on around them. The rest of the order cast charms so they wouldn't see them.
"Harry..." Remus whispered. Harry pulled out of Remus' grasp again. He looked at Remus. There were tears streaming down his face.
"I..." He struggled with the words. "I'm sorry. I know you were just trying to protect me... but he was just standing there... waiting for me. All I had to do was reach threw the veil. I heard them whispering when I came in. They were talking!" Harry cried. "He was just right there why wouldn't you let me get him! He was waiting for me to get him. Now he's mad at me because I couldn't get to him!"
Remus shook his head. His voice was thick. "That veil... It holds sprits. Or at least that's what I've read. It was made to catch those people who did not deserve to die... but to live on there. In the most horrible way of living and death. You are not made a ghost but you are not able to pass over. I had to hold you back, I if I didn't you would have been sucked into it also. You would not have seen Sirius again there. You would have seen horrible things that no man should ever see." Harry shook his head.
"You couldn't let me but you could let Sirius! He didn't deserve it. I do. I killed my parents. I killed Cedric. I almost killed Neville, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, and Luna. I deserved it more than he did!" Harry went on Remus was shocked that he blamed himself for all those deaths.
"No you didn't kill them! If you fell threw that veil how you think that was repaying their deaths. Avenge them don't throw them away. Sirius, if he was here, would have wanted it better this way. He was a grown man. Even if his name was cleared do you really think that he couldn't have been happy? People would still have been scarred of him." Remus shook his head he got up and offered his hand to Harry to get up, who took it and got pulled to his feet. He didn't last long on them but swayed. Remus steadied him.
Harry pulled away from Remus. "I'm fine. Come on. We have to get to headquarters." He got onto his broom and hovered waiting for the rest of the order to get up.
They were off again. This time Harry had some different thoughts about Remus. He knew him longer. I only knew him for a few years? He was like a dad in a way. I could trust him with anything. I loved him. Harry didn't think any more. He knew he'd get sick again if he kept thinking about it.
They were at Headquarters in minutes. They had picked up their pace. They were already late. Every one there would be worried. Moody ushered him in as quickly as he could. He wouldn't have Harry have any second thoughts if he did. As Harry walked in Kreacher greeted him. Who was still alive. No one knew here what he had done. Harry ignored him. He would have his revenge...
"Harry dear!" Harry was engulfed in a hug from Mrs. Weasley. "Oh Harry we've all missed you so much. How are you? You must be starved?" Mrs. Black started screeching from her usual spot. Harry also ignored her. She would have what came to her once he got his bearings straight again. Relentlessly he followed Mrs. Weasley into the kitchen. She sat him down at the table and loaded his plate with food. Harry could only look at it. He didn't want to eat it. He never wanted to eat again. "Aren't you going to eat?" She demanded. Harry feeling daring, shook his head. "Why on earth not. All you are is skin and bones!"
Harry shook his head again. "I... I can't." he looked down at his feet. He could feel Mrs. Weasley's intense gaze on him.
"And why can't you!" She demanded. Not many people said not to her food. Though many people weren't Harry Potter.
"I just can't... I haven't since I got to the Dursley's" He closed his eyes.
"WHAT!" Mrs. Weasley screamed. Rivaling Mrs. Black's. "How could you not have eaten since then? Heavens sake Harry! You're lucky to be alive! You have to eat now. If you don't I'll force feed you!" Lupin, and Tonks warded people out of the kitchens.
"I. Can't." Harry said again slowly making sure he said every word carefully making sure she heard them. He didn't dare glance at Mrs. Weasley. This had to be the stupidest thing he had ever done.
"Why can't you!" Molly screeched.
"Because I blame myself for his death! I can't bare myself living while he's stuck in there. If I'm close enough to death than the veil will take me and I can get him out!" Harry yelled. His voice feeling like it was going to rip. I can't be doing this! Harry thought to himself.
"You have to."
"No!"
"Harry please," Tonks tried.
"No!"
"Eat Harry!" Something inside Harry clicked all his hunger came full force at him. He grabbed the nearest piece of food and ate... and ate... and ate. Mrs. Weasley was pleased. Tonks and Remus were relieved. Something in the way that Remus had ordered Harry to eat sounded like Sirius, that is why he started eating he had thought that he herd his beloved godfather once again.