This is how it began once, with a trail of feather light kisses and a palm pressed into the back. Floating, they called it; you were floating. There have been movies and television shows about out of body experiences but you're floating now and you think the screen has had it all wrong. You think they've never experienced such an action because if they did, they would know there wouldn't be enough time to fill the airtime.
Your room was pink, as expected, because you've always loved the idea of living in a bubble and there would be nothing better than living in a room of cotton candy. You would prefer a room covered in Coke instead but you have a feeling that the soda would be gone quickly, given how frequently you ingest it, even if it does ruin teeth. You make the mistake of blinking once and replacing one face with another's but then you shake your head, silently apologizing for the singular mistake you've made.
He kisses you once and you forget that there was anyone else.
It's always been about other boys that you've wanted, rather his best friend that you've always wanted and it's always about the other girls he was involved with but one day you stick out your hand, and you're surprised who you find grabbing on. He grabs on and fingers interlace, and you blink the tears making a home on your eyelashes because somebody wants you and somebody loves you; even when you're a mess of phobias and sadness and you have an abrasive personality. You have gold stars and gold stars are a metaphor and when the relationship begins you tack one onto his name and you smile; there it's perfect.
So he sticks out his hand and you find yourself content to tag along, to stand back from the spotlight and from the people who've always wanted a piece of your time. You're content to stay quiet and forget your words; you've used them often enough that they've become unnecessary. He'd prefer if you took up the attention but you smile and nod and hover in the background anyway, you've done this all before and it's just motions now; it's something that you've always wanted for him and you'd rather stand there and watch it come true.
He says those three words first and you feel something taking root inside your heart, a small feeling nestling beside it whispering i was here, i loved you. Three words and it was as though it transformed into a bandage big enough to fit across the organ. You hear three words and it's almost as if you can feel yourself healing easily, as if these past few years haven't happened and you haven't wasted a good fraction of your life crying, crying a river wide enough to drown; the pool of loneliness always beckoning at your feet.
You don't say it back and he kisses your forehead because he knows you mean it anyway; feelings just have always been difficult for you, what with everyone dying or leaving, or no one around. You have your books and you have your solitude but even you are aware of how ridiculous life has become.
There's something to be said for happiness but you've never known it first hand; it's elusive and despite your best intentions, it's always managed to evade your grasp. You've had contentment and sadness, and an anger mixed with sorrow and regret but you've never had happiness in its purest form.
are you sure, he asked.
i've never been more sure, you replied.
And it's true, you're surprised at how easily sure becomes true.
His hands massage your rib cage like fingers across a keyboard, soft and steady and if you closed your ears, you could hear the notes playing back to you, a melody of love you've had memorized all your life. You've heard the songs and you've read the books, you've seen it in the movies and you wish on 11:11 and you don't step on cracks in the sidewalk, and once in a while, in the middle of an ordinary life; actually, scratch that, in the middle of a chaotic life where everything is messy and most of the pieces have turned jagged enough to cut, life gives you a fairy tale.
you fall in love once and it lasts forever.
AN: Happy Valentine's Day! I tried to write this with Puck and Rachel in mind, I'm not sure if I did a good enough job but I hope you guys enjoy it anyway :)